Tired, mentally drained and looking for suggestions...

[armslee]

Hi all.
It is almost 2 am and I am sitting at my computer for one of the first times in weeks. As some of you may know, my mom had a massive stroke 3 weeks ago. I have been staying with her during the days and taking her to therapy. During the weekends, I go to my parent's home and help my father keep house.
Between all of these new responsibilities i have taken on, I am still getting PT once a week and getting to my dr. appts.
Unfortunately the mental and physical stress of my life right now seems to be getting worse and really taking a toll on me. I had trigger point injections last Monday to help my pain and am taking muscle relaxers and pain meds to the max dosage every day. Sleeping is difficult. Between my IC flaring, pain level worsening and major mental anxiety, I am not responding well to my current treatments.

Anyone have any suggestions? By the way, I am using my heating pad as much as humanly possible, trying to meditate when I can and sometimes get to enjoy a soak in the tub.
I need MAJOR life altering suggestions.

Thanks.

[stac7_8]

Hey there, well my thoughts are with you in your time of need right now. I can truly understand the stress that you have. I do not have the same things going on but the mental stress I do understand. I honestly don't have the "miracle" that you need. But the only other thing that I could possible tell you to try is a hobby.

Some people like to scrapbook, take pictures, make things. I don't know if that would work for you but it might. Some people say that just reading helps them relax.

I know it was not much but I do hope that you find something to help you out. I also hope that your mom gets better soon.

Take care and best wishes

[kadi]

Hi Wendi,
Sounds like you've got a LOT going on.

My first thought is that you cannot do this alone. No one could. Are you a member of a church? Pastoral counseling might help. Or a Stephen Minister (trained lay person who comes once a week to talk & pray with you & can help you make connections for more support from your church community)?
If you don't do church, maybe a medical social worker might be able to help you get some extra care for your mom & a little counseling for you while in this crisis.

Do the best you can to take care of yourself as well. With all this going on, have you been able to do any exercise? Even if it's just 10 minutes of yoga a day or home physical therapy exercises, that might reduce the flare a bit...

Beyond that, be kind & gentle to yourself. It sounds like you are doing your best in a really hard situation. Don't forget to be gentle with yourself, okay?

Hang in there, my prayers are with you-
Kadi :cat:

[ICNDonna]

:grouphug:

Donna

[sandramac]

:grouphug: :grouphug: :grouphug:

[Bessie]

Your plate is really full right now. I can only imagine how you must feel. Is there anyone who can help out? You need to take some time off for yourself to get some rest or your bladder is going to let you know about it. I am sorry you are going through so much. I was wondering do you use the therma care pads? Sometimes just a little warmth will help. I will keep you and your family in my prayers :pray: :pray: :pray:

[SharonA]

Maybe you could get someone to come in to relieve you every now and then. At least long enough for you to have rest period. I think they call it respite care? It is for caregivers. I know that Hospice has that, but I also think that there are other agencies that have it. Maybe a romp through the yellow pages might come up with something like this.

You could also bring in someone to help your dad with household chores instead of you having to do it during your down time. If not family or friends, then look in the want ads for someone who is looking to do this. It can be expensive, but it doesn't have to be a weekly thing. Maybe just once every two weeks or so. Even once a month for deep cleaning would relieve some of if from both of you.

Is your dad eating well? Remember that there is Meals On Wheels available to people who can not do their own cooking.

(((Hugs)))

[Kara29]

Wendi,

As far as the pain goes......just keep on doing what you are doing and work with your Doctors each step of the way. If you feel something isn't working for you, don't be afraid to call them and ask for something different. Can you take anything for sleep like Ambien or any of the other sleeping pills?

Do you gave neighbors or other relatives that could offer to take some of the burden off of you for a little while?

Mental time out for yourself is really important while spreading yourself so thing. Could you work with a counselor once week? They may have some good tools for you to utilize during this very rough time in your life.

Can you find a new place to take a walk alone with no cell phone, or any other form of noise? Did you know that there are 86,400 in each day? I hope that you can take a few of those seconds to take for yourself. Each time you take a moment for yourself you could place a sticky star on a calendar or to do list.

It would be awesome if you could take at least one hour alone to take care of yourself. A park, under a tree, rock, a brook with water, the ocean, a lake, library, bathroom, car, garden, a zoo, museum, or a room of your own in your home. Maybe even going to a friend's home and finding a place to spend some alone time.

When you find a place and time for yourself what do you hear? smell? see, feel, and taste? Bring a journal along with you so you can write down single words, thoughts, memories or questions. If you are having trouble concentrating on a certain thought...cancel that one and move to something such as an object around you and describe that.

Ask yourself...What am I yearning for? What am I seeking? What must I eliminate from my everyday life to make things easier on myself? What do I need more of?

Is there anyway you can lighten your load at all? Do you have baggage in your life that you can get rid of such as a toxic friendship or activity? Are there any "should activities" or pressures that you can dump? Maybe you can make a list of these things, build a fire and then toss the list in or tear it up into shreds and flush it down the toilet.....

Surround yourself with as many positive people that you can to help you get through this.


I am thinking of you and hoping you find some peace during this time, Wendi!

Gentle Hugs,

Kara:angel:

P.S. My personal favorites to get my mind away for awhile: My Camera, A Candle, a Cup of hot tea, coffee, or soup, My Car with my favortie music, A Warm Bath, A book that has nothing to do with what I am going through, a noise machine with waves, water, and other nature sounds, My Pets.....

[amaranthe]

You didnt mention if you have siblings or if they live nearby. (If you do, but they work, I promise, they are NOT working harder than YOU are right now! So call them and get them on board to at least take an hour or two here and there or to come on one of their days off to give you the break you desparately need!) If you dont have siblings, or they dont live near you, then I agree with calling your church and/or your parents church, (if you or either of them attend one and are known there.)

Next, I believe Sharon was thinking of Home Health Care for your Mom. I dont know if this is universal or not, but in my state, they can come for up to 5 hours a day, 7 days a week (as long as her Dr. writes the note for this). Here,, they will bathe her, drive her to appts (therapy), take her to the pharmacy too! They also do light housekeeping, (which they said means: running the vaccum and dishwasher, washing dishes, throwing clothes in the washer and dryer, making the patients bed and changes the patients sheets.) They will also cook light meals (Which means bacon and eggs, oatmeal, breakfast sort of items, grilled cheese, tv dinners, sandwiches, i.e easy stuff or throw stuff that you've set in a bowl in the crock pot for her and turn it on! :))

By getting home health to come 5 hours a day, and if your mother has enough money to hire someone to come for a few weeks (at $7 -$12 per hour) depending on what is required (that's in my area), then you could hire someone for 8 hours a day. Then, if you moved in there, (temporarily to see if she is going to get over this, which might take a month or two), then, you could take the night shift, when she sleeps...which wouldnt kill you, like you are doing now. Then, 5hours of home health + 8 hours paid help =13 hours a day. Let's assume she will sleep at least 8 hours, and that just leaves you taking care of her 3 hours during the day! (Do things look a bit better now?)

I know that it would be rough to move in there, and it might work out better for you to move her in with you for the time being (until she recovers or until you see if she is going to recover and to what extent.) But, this will buy you some time and will keep your strength up in the meantime.

JMHO, but if you could persuade her, then I really, really think it would be best for you (especially considering you are disabled yourself, have a family to care for, and your father to care for too!), to move your mother in with you. I belive this would be best because you would be with YOUR family and they could assist in watching her when you are having a bad day. (But, I am not sure if Home Health Care will come if the patient is not living in their own home. I dont know about that part, since it didnt apply for my Grandma, which is who I had to check for this past week.) But, they might, and calling and asking sure wouldnt hurt!

As for your Dad, if at all possible use your siblings and friends (or church people) or ANYBODY that asks "How are you holding up? Is there anything I/we can do?" (Even if they are just being nice!!!) USE THEM! If they are TRUE friends, they wont mind and will sincerely WANT to help! IF they arent TRUE FRIENDS, They shouldnt be calling bugging you asking you stupid questions when you are so busy!!! (ANd that'll teach'em not to bug ya again! :) LOL!

So, there's your help girl! I dont know if it'll be life changing or not! (I guess it depends on how desparate you are!) But, once you get it, perhaps you can take some time for you and use some of Kara's wonderful suggestions and try to take a deep breath and work on getting yourself out of this stress and pain! And please, please!! Come back to us! You need support around you desparately right now! (I know you are so busy right now you can hardly wipe your butt! BUt, you have got to take time to come here to get the help you need! We all care about you! (Even if you dont know who we are! We know who you are, b/c we are you! :)

Blessings and kind regards,
Amaranthe