ICKate
10-15-2007, 12:34 PM
I'm new to the forums. I've been a lurker for awhile, but I'm at a point in my life where I could really use a little encouragement from other people dealing with the chronic pain and restrictions from living with IC because right now, I'm miserably depressed.
A little history
I was diagnosed with Interstitial Cystitis in November 07. I've been exercising regularly and following an IC-friendly diet for the past year to avoid taking any IC meds. (I try not to take pills when there's a holistic way to take care of the problem.) So while I do take anti-depressants (Cymbalta 60MG daily), I don't take anything for IC.
A big problem
It's been almost a year since I was diagnosed and changed the way I live my life. And up until the past month or so, I've been totally on top of my diet and have stayed away from bladder-flaring ingredients. But my depression has kicked in so hardcore that I've been cheating on my diet to try and make myself feel better. We all know how quickly that can turn into a nightmare.
But I come from a Mexican family where spicy, flavor-filled food is the reward for everything. Good grades? Let's make tamales together! Just got a promotion at work? Let's celebrate with a few Coronas and grandma's famous sausage cheese dip! Now that I can't have any of those "reward foods" I feel empty. I had to go to a family function over the weekend, and I couldn't eat anything there. Food is a huge part of bonding for my family and nothing really fills that void for me. So I get more depressed.
Bring out the straight jacket
I'm an alcoholic. I'd been sober for almost a year and a half before I was diagnosed with IC. I remained sober until my boyfriend's birthday - 4 months after my diagnosis. Then I decided it'd be fine to have "just a glass of wine" to make up for not being able to eat any of the food he had for the party guests. Some people can limit their alcohol just fine. Alcoholics cannot. Now I'm drinking all the time. I know I need to stop, but my boyfriend is a drinker, too. So it's not easy. I stick to light beers because they don't seem to affect my bladder as much, but I doubt that really makes a difference when you're having 7-9 beers per sitting at least twice a week.
I'm a smoker. Again, this is something I'd quit months before diagnosis. But once I started hitting the bars again, I went right back to smoking 5-7 cigs a day.
I have shingles. When I don't take care of myself, my upper lip occasionally breaks out into some of the most painful blisters you can ever imagine. Think about what it feels like to get a fever blister. Now think about getting 5 paper cuts on that fever blister and sitting under a fan with menthol rubbed into it. That's what these shingles feel like. Not to mention, I look like a monster and everyone assumes I have some kind of disgusting STD.
So now what?
I'm getting so depressed that my body is shutting down. I have no energy anymore. My entire body aches all the time. Even taking anti-depressants, it's hard for me to get out of bed every morning and keep myself from falling asleep as soon as I get home. I'm at this "What's the point?" point in my life with the diet and exercising because even when I do it, I'm still dealing with pain. Sadly, my tolerance for pain meds is ridiculously high because I used to abuse them (if only I'd known in high school how much that would backfire on me in my adulthood ... actually, I probably still would've taken them. I was a little buggar), so the amount I'd have to take to feel an effect would probably put me into a coma.
CLEARLY I've got to stop drinking. I need to quit smoking (I actually tried Chantix but had to get off of it b/c it caused seizures and nightmares for me). I need to exercise and eat right. And I probably should talk to a therapist about everything before I do something stupid.
I know these things. But I'm so depressed, I don't want to do any of them. I need the support from other people going through this same thing. Am I crazy? How do you find happiness in your lives?
A little history
I was diagnosed with Interstitial Cystitis in November 07. I've been exercising regularly and following an IC-friendly diet for the past year to avoid taking any IC meds. (I try not to take pills when there's a holistic way to take care of the problem.) So while I do take anti-depressants (Cymbalta 60MG daily), I don't take anything for IC.
A big problem
It's been almost a year since I was diagnosed and changed the way I live my life. And up until the past month or so, I've been totally on top of my diet and have stayed away from bladder-flaring ingredients. But my depression has kicked in so hardcore that I've been cheating on my diet to try and make myself feel better. We all know how quickly that can turn into a nightmare.
But I come from a Mexican family where spicy, flavor-filled food is the reward for everything. Good grades? Let's make tamales together! Just got a promotion at work? Let's celebrate with a few Coronas and grandma's famous sausage cheese dip! Now that I can't have any of those "reward foods" I feel empty. I had to go to a family function over the weekend, and I couldn't eat anything there. Food is a huge part of bonding for my family and nothing really fills that void for me. So I get more depressed.
Bring out the straight jacket
I'm an alcoholic. I'd been sober for almost a year and a half before I was diagnosed with IC. I remained sober until my boyfriend's birthday - 4 months after my diagnosis. Then I decided it'd be fine to have "just a glass of wine" to make up for not being able to eat any of the food he had for the party guests. Some people can limit their alcohol just fine. Alcoholics cannot. Now I'm drinking all the time. I know I need to stop, but my boyfriend is a drinker, too. So it's not easy. I stick to light beers because they don't seem to affect my bladder as much, but I doubt that really makes a difference when you're having 7-9 beers per sitting at least twice a week.
I'm a smoker. Again, this is something I'd quit months before diagnosis. But once I started hitting the bars again, I went right back to smoking 5-7 cigs a day.
I have shingles. When I don't take care of myself, my upper lip occasionally breaks out into some of the most painful blisters you can ever imagine. Think about what it feels like to get a fever blister. Now think about getting 5 paper cuts on that fever blister and sitting under a fan with menthol rubbed into it. That's what these shingles feel like. Not to mention, I look like a monster and everyone assumes I have some kind of disgusting STD.
So now what?
I'm getting so depressed that my body is shutting down. I have no energy anymore. My entire body aches all the time. Even taking anti-depressants, it's hard for me to get out of bed every morning and keep myself from falling asleep as soon as I get home. I'm at this "What's the point?" point in my life with the diet and exercising because even when I do it, I'm still dealing with pain. Sadly, my tolerance for pain meds is ridiculously high because I used to abuse them (if only I'd known in high school how much that would backfire on me in my adulthood ... actually, I probably still would've taken them. I was a little buggar), so the amount I'd have to take to feel an effect would probably put me into a coma.
CLEARLY I've got to stop drinking. I need to quit smoking (I actually tried Chantix but had to get off of it b/c it caused seizures and nightmares for me). I need to exercise and eat right. And I probably should talk to a therapist about everything before I do something stupid.
I know these things. But I'm so depressed, I don't want to do any of them. I need the support from other people going through this same thing. Am I crazy? How do you find happiness in your lives?