RunningAmok
09-24-2007, 02:31 PM
I don't know, couldn't think of a more creative subject title :)
Between bouts of unrelenting pain, having to pee like a racehorse, and just plain being depressed, I have to deal with making sure my medical records get to the disability people to ensure that I will still have my job when I'm able to go back. Which with all the things I have heard about, I still wonder if that will be happening, at least in the same capacity as it was before. Which makes me even more depressed.
I cried today like I haven't cried in a very long time. I can't take anti-depressants because they made me manic. Those are long gone thank goodness. ;)
I have a friend that hasn't wanted to talk to me much because, admittedly, I sound depressed in my emails (that's how we mostly talk) and THAT depressed me even more. Of course, when he was here (he's in MN, I'm in IL), and I asked him to PLEASE leave the toilet lid up (this was back in May before I went to the doctor for any of this), he said he was taught to put the lid down. Regardless of me trying to explain, and him even making a comment that I'd "whizzed five times in the last hour already", he refused to leave it up (you know, those few seconds it takes to lift the lid up can make all the difference between peeing in your pants or not!). Finally talked with him yesterday, and told him what I had, though I still don't think he gets it fully. But he said yeah, now he'll leave the lid up next time we see each other since there's a reason :cussing: Like me almost wetting my pants and peeing every ten minutes wasn't enough of one?? Grrr... I kinda feel like that upset me even more, like I had to justify my reasoning before he'd agree to not put the lid down!
I feel guilty because my mom is no spring chicken, and she's pretty much been taking care of me. She's 70 herself, with a laundry list of her own problems. But she still drives me wherever I need to go (since I can't drive). I'm pretty much the money-earner, but I'm not getting nearly as much on short-term disability as I was when working regularly. Some days I don't even want to get up and eat (bad enough I have to get up to pee, lol). Also, I have school, which at this point I'm VERY thankful it's online only, but I still have to take at least one class per term, and when you're in pain and on pain killers, sometimes concentrating enough to do all the homework is impossible (even just the one class).
Of course, to add to that, my asthma's acting up because of my allergies and I'm sure from the stress too. I take Benadryl for the most part for the allergies, but even then sometimes I get some bad attacks. I've been lucky the last few days I've not needed my inhaler, yay! Hopefully that at least will be ending soon once the allergies stop. It's year round asthma, but ALWAYS worse in the late summer/early autumn.
And now, my eyes hurt from crying all morning and early afternoon. I think I went through at least half a box of tissues. I just seriously want to curl up in a ball and hide under my bed for the rest of my life sometimes.
Ok, pity-party over. I just really needed to get that out. Sorry to whomever reads this for it being so long lol.
Between bouts of unrelenting pain, having to pee like a racehorse, and just plain being depressed, I have to deal with making sure my medical records get to the disability people to ensure that I will still have my job when I'm able to go back. Which with all the things I have heard about, I still wonder if that will be happening, at least in the same capacity as it was before. Which makes me even more depressed.
I cried today like I haven't cried in a very long time. I can't take anti-depressants because they made me manic. Those are long gone thank goodness. ;)
I have a friend that hasn't wanted to talk to me much because, admittedly, I sound depressed in my emails (that's how we mostly talk) and THAT depressed me even more. Of course, when he was here (he's in MN, I'm in IL), and I asked him to PLEASE leave the toilet lid up (this was back in May before I went to the doctor for any of this), he said he was taught to put the lid down. Regardless of me trying to explain, and him even making a comment that I'd "whizzed five times in the last hour already", he refused to leave it up (you know, those few seconds it takes to lift the lid up can make all the difference between peeing in your pants or not!). Finally talked with him yesterday, and told him what I had, though I still don't think he gets it fully. But he said yeah, now he'll leave the lid up next time we see each other since there's a reason :cussing: Like me almost wetting my pants and peeing every ten minutes wasn't enough of one?? Grrr... I kinda feel like that upset me even more, like I had to justify my reasoning before he'd agree to not put the lid down!
I feel guilty because my mom is no spring chicken, and she's pretty much been taking care of me. She's 70 herself, with a laundry list of her own problems. But she still drives me wherever I need to go (since I can't drive). I'm pretty much the money-earner, but I'm not getting nearly as much on short-term disability as I was when working regularly. Some days I don't even want to get up and eat (bad enough I have to get up to pee, lol). Also, I have school, which at this point I'm VERY thankful it's online only, but I still have to take at least one class per term, and when you're in pain and on pain killers, sometimes concentrating enough to do all the homework is impossible (even just the one class).
Of course, to add to that, my asthma's acting up because of my allergies and I'm sure from the stress too. I take Benadryl for the most part for the allergies, but even then sometimes I get some bad attacks. I've been lucky the last few days I've not needed my inhaler, yay! Hopefully that at least will be ending soon once the allergies stop. It's year round asthma, but ALWAYS worse in the late summer/early autumn.
And now, my eyes hurt from crying all morning and early afternoon. I think I went through at least half a box of tissues. I just seriously want to curl up in a ball and hide under my bed for the rest of my life sometimes.
Ok, pity-party over. I just really needed to get that out. Sorry to whomever reads this for it being so long lol.