Resentful

[jenrobhen]

:help: I'm feeling very resentful, but also guilty because of my resentment. Anyone else feel this way?

One of my closest friends is moving to San Francisco next week and our group of four girls is getting together tonight for one last "girls' night." They chose a Mexican restaurant knowing that I can't go! They could have chosen almost any other type of restaurant and I could find something to eat, but I'm too scared to even chance it at a Mexican restaurant. Part of me feels angry and hurt that they wouldn't even factor my diet into our plans, and part of me feels guilty for feeling that way. Does this ever get any easier? :confused:

[ICNDonna]

I've been stuck in a Mexican restaurant and what I do is just order a burrito or soft taco with refried beans and lettuce only. If they have a crisp fried bean burrito, I find those safe. I can always find something to eat --- maybe that's why I need a fat farm.

Sending hugs,
Donna

[mary124]

I could usually find something to eat at a Mexican place as well. Taco, Burrito, rice, beans. Nothing spicy. Have fun and enjoy.

[jenrobhen]

I'm worried about the spices that could be in the beans or meat and the tomatoes used in the rice. I'm just coming down from a flare and in the middle of adding items back to my diet after 3 weeks of elimination.

[Claredale]

I have a women's group that we do something every month. This month was also a going away party for one of our friends. They ordered in food from On the Border. I took my own food, but I was able to eat beans and put a little steak and lettuce and made myself a small buritto. I took a prelief and didn't have a problem.

I have been known to take my own dinner that I picked up from somewhere else.

Tracey

[July]

That can be so hard! Even though you tell closest friends and family about IC, I think because it isn't a well known illness they just lack awareness. I wouldn't feel guilty about feeling resentful. It is probably more loneliness than resentment, at least it has been for me in the past.

Skim the menu for the least complicated items. Drink plenty of water, and take Prelief or Tums with the meal. That should help.:smile tee

[zippidydoula]

I've noticed that quite a few ethnic resturants in my area offer children's meals. For example, I think all of the Chinese resturants offer chicken fingers and a few Mexican and Italian ones offer other "kid friendly" and less spicy meals as well. Perhaps you can order one of them. I'm sorry that you feel left out. I hope that you can go and enjoy yourself.

Good luck!

Noel

[Moad]

I know what you mean Jen. I get so angry.. almost hurt because i come from a family mexican food lovers, and it seems like that is ALWAYS their first suggestion or if we have a girls get together they will always make enchiladas EVERYTIME no joke. and I get so mad because there are so many other things..like tacos.. that would be safe but it seems they always want what they KNOW I cant have. so NO you arent alone.

[Claredale]

Noel, that is a great idea. I haven't thought of that before. We go to a local Mexican restaurant that always makes me things I can eat. I am not that sensitive to spicy foods as long as they are mild, so I usually get a taco salad with lettuce. I don't like cheese or tomatoes, so that isn't a big deal at all. I can also it their chips and white cheese dip with no problems. When I go to our local Chinese restaurant, I get beef and broccoli without the MSG and I can also eat their chicken fried rice. They don't put the onions in it, and it's brown rice. I always take a prelief first. We go out to eat quite a bit since we are empty nesters and we pretty much just eat lunch (we work close to each other) and then a snack at night. But my diet IC isn't as food sensitive as most. But eating kid's food is a great idea for when I go to places that aren't used to me. We normally frequent the same places, but we do venture out from time to time.

Thanks for the idea!
Tracey

[sasi]

Try being an vegetarian IC patient! We were at a Thai restaurant last week and the only thing I could eat was a soup and spring rolls. I was still happy that I could find something to eat-it was a business thing, so what was I supposed to say? I just order avacados and lettuce at Mexican restaurants. I'm so scared of flares! Maybe you can eat at home or ask the waiter to prepare something special for you. Your friends are being inconsiderate, so I understand why you';re resentful. At the same time, I was in perfect health only three months ago and I kept forgetting about my friends' allergies and food restrictions, although I would feel really badly when I realized that. So I don't blame them, but still, you know... Remind them without sounding resentful. They'll be OK.

[Agape]

I'm worried about the spices that could be in the beans or meat and the tomatoes used in the rice. I'm just coming down from a flare and in the middle of adding items back to my diet after 3 weeks of elimination.

I've only recently been dx. Do you know for a fact yet whether food bothers you or not. I have been on the diet for a little over three weeks myself and haven't added much to my diet. I'm still a little afraid of what might happen. I love Mexican food and would hate to think that it will bother me forever.

[muxerr012]

Thanks for all the tips on what to eat out!! I was diagnosed with IC in July and am still trying to figure out what is safe to eat. I've been wondering if beans (like refried) would be ok. I will try them now-with Prelief of course!! I haven't been eating out much because I get sick every time I do. I also have a big wedding and dinner reception to attend this weekend. I must admit I've been very nervous about what I'm going to eat there without making it obvious to anyone. (MY family doesn't get IC and I am quite sure they don't want to). You all have great tips and now I KNOW I'll find something on that darn buffett after all-HA! Thanks to all. PS...I understand the resentment too, but I agree with the post that said it is most likely loneliness. You feel isolated, and I think we all do at times. Every time my roommate chows on chocolate candy bars well.....Other than wanting to grab it out of his hands across the room I feel rather isolated too :) ...Hang in there, I know you can do it. One challenge one day at a time.

[Sally939]

Watching people eat pizza kills me. I thought it made me mad but you all are right I feel different and lonley.

[tigger_gal]

don't feel guilty, for feeling the way you do, but please remmeber they probably never thought of your diet before the plans were made. there are a few things on the menu you can eat, most will carry a few american fodds.

[ICNDonna]

We eat pizza at our house. I pick up a takeout quite often in fact. I just order it without red sauce. And my family likes it better without the sauce.

Donna

[Joanie]

All the eat out info on this thread has been really helpful. I too have been eating only at home for quite a while. My sister just asked if we'd like to go for Chinese tonite, so I am going to try it. I am recently dx too, so I will stop at drug store for Prelief today and try to be careful at the buffet. I never thought about the msg though. Is this usually in most restaurant foods?
I too miss pizza and spaghetti sauce ( I am Italian and we had sauce EVERY week until I was dx). Can I eat these things if I use Prelief?

[traceann]

I do the same thing Donna does - order my pizza without red sauce, and it's funny, but I am hooked on it! Whenever we go out to our favorite local place and I order myself a small pizza, they don't even have to ask, lol. Sometimes I will get the sauce on the side and just dip a bit of the pizza in it (when I was super diet sensitive, I always took Prelief first) - and now a days I don't have to do that, the sauce doesn't bother me if it's on it - but I prefer it without!! And I get only veggie toppings. ;)

One idea is to make sure you don't go to the get-together starving, be it a party, wedding reception etc. I know there's been many a time I have made a nice little meal out of rolls and butter at a restaurant, lol. But I have also found that most restaurants have something, be it a steak or a plain chicken breast etc along with a baked potato with just butter etc that would work just fine for me. And don't forget to ask if there's anyway they can prepare something that's not so friendly on the menu in a friendly way - just say you have food allergies!!! ;)

[LeeAnn]

At mexican restaurants I can eat beef or chicken fajitas. I ask if they are spicy or made with seasonings and if they are, I just ask it to be plain. No one has ever told me no. So I can eat those, refried beans (but not black beans) and I can even have tortilla chips and guacamole.....I know avocados are a "maybe" food on the IC diet list but I'm lucky that I can eat it just fine. I never eat the spicy rice at mexican places. But I know it feels lousy to feel like your friends aren't looking out for you and that would hurt my feelings too......

[jenrobhen]

Thanks for all the support! :)

I am so grateful to have all of you to turn to during these tough times. I ended up eating on my own and meeting them out after dinner. I realize that they were not trying to leave me out and I ended up having a nice time with my friends.

I've just been so discouraged as I add back foods and find that I can't eat the things I love! My social life used to revolve around good meals with good wine, so I am struggling to come to terms with my new limitations.

[soccermom32]

I didn't read anyone else's post. Personally, I wouldn't go. If you think there is any possibility it could put you back in a flare after you did an elimination diet 1 night IS JUST NOT WORTH IT.

I would tell them your food allergies are too severe right now and you cannot risk it. Skip this night out if they won't change, and tell them next time you prefer a meat and potato kind of a place where you have more control over what you are eating. Your right, there is all kinds of spices in mexican food.

I'm sorry your feelings are hurt. Don't put your bladder at risk though....just not worth the misery!!!!!!!