Any advice on possible new relationship?

[wombat]

Have met a wonderful guy and may be about to go into a relationship but since having debilitating bladder symptoms I have become a bit frightened about sex and the pain I might be going to have to deal with. While I have some frequency issues, pain has been by far the worst thing for me. I cannot ride a bike at all (can leave me in agony for weeks barely able to walk) so dread to think what intercourse is going to do to my bladder. Is going to mean having to look at the least aggravating sexual activity that hopefully won't trigger extreme pain. He is a really unserstanding, sensitive guy and will probably all work out, but there is a part of me that feels worried. So far he knows I'm dealing with some chronic pain, just haven't explained it in detail.

Basically, I just wondered how other people have approached new relationships after developing IC or other chronic bladder pain? I think I just need some reassurance or something. Sometimes I kind of feel like damaged goods and wonder who is going to accept me with this pain, but I realise that I just need to be positive and proactive at working out how to manage things. I've just been through so much with the pain and at times have thought relationships are all over for me.

I've read some of the info and advice on this website when it comes to sex and relationships which is really helpful. Just wondered if anyone else out there who has started a relationship after developing chronic bladder pain has advice on how they worked things out with their partner?
:confused:

[GriffsMommy]

Well I was married when I developed the IC but obviously sex has to change because of the pain which I have a lot of as well. I would say take whatever meds you have ahead of time. I take AZO before hand, a pain pill, some say if they have muscle relaxers they take those as well. I would also say position is very important, spooning where you are both on your side and he is behind you has worked really well for us. Maybe someone who has started a relationship after the IC will chime in. Good luck.

[Zygala87]

I don't know how old you are so I can't be of much help. Just wanted to put a little thought in your mind. Those pills prescribed by the truck load for ED tells me there are a lot of men out there who themselves are having problems with sex. I bet if someone looking for a boyfriend on line were to put the information - (Actual intercourse often imposible due to a disability) they would receive many inquires. Men, like women, have many different reasons to find a mate other than sex. If the one you just found is hot to trot I sure would tell him the whole truth of the matter. Don't even try to not mention your problem and end up suffering and angry. I bet he is an understanding sweet-heart. All my best wishes to you. Ziggy

[wombat]

Hi and thankyou for your replies. I just feel like I've lost a lot of confidence somehow and have felt really vulnerable with the pain. I know there is so much more to a relationship than sex and there are also ways to avoid pain from sex being so disabling, so think i just need to feel a bit more accepting of myself and trust that things can work out. I'm 32 and had never had any problems with bladder pain until Feb 2005 (though have had fibromyalgia since i was 13 which causes widespread pain and is very likely linked to the bladder pain). I'm gradually coming to terms with it and ways of coping. I have found meditation really helpful, especially during flares, and also with life generally.
Thanks again,
:pray: