Drifting down that road again

[christinaw]

Well, I'm usually posting uplifting messages for others on this website, and I'm not used to posting for support for myself. My personality is just helping others and I don't talk about me. But, I am feeling really lost and alone myself right now. I am an extremely "complex case", so when I get something simple like a summer cold it turns into bronchitis w/ pleurisy. Of course, bacterial bronchitis won't clear on its own-so I take new meds & antibiotics, which don't end up working worth a darn AND flare my IC, IBS and lyme symptoms. The cough syrup i was prescribed contipated me so terribly that I ended up with a blocked bowel today. What an experience THAT was! I feel so miserable from head to toe - even my hair hurts. Ugh. And my son's first day of school is tomorrow (first day of middle school!5th grade here where I live starts middle school) and I want to take him in to meet his teacher like I do every year-but DR says I can't be in public places with my immune system this weak or I'll end up w/ something worse. My son looked crushed tonight when I tucked him in and he asked if I was still taking him and I told him I couldn't. He is so strong and never complains when I have to stay home now, but he is just a kid and bless his heart he just wants me to be well and normal mommy again. As do I.
I cry as I write this for the loss of being a "normal mommy".. .
Thanks for letting me vent :(

[dancemomof2]

(((((hugs)))))

[leelee88]

((((hugs)))) I think being a mom is a tough job anyways and having IC on top of that just makes it so much harder... Sending you gentle hugs and letting you know your not alone...:angel:

[ICNDonna]

:grouphug:

Donna

[Kara29]

Christina,

We are all here for you when you need to talk. The ICN is about supporting eachother. Feel free to ask for help and support. You don't have to always be the strong one and support everyone else. You deserve some "Christina" time. After you son goes back to school maybe you can take some time....half an hour a day for just YOU. Try not to be so hard on yourself. Some of us can't even be mother's because we can't get that far due to our illnesses. Feel blessed that you have your Son. Have you read the My Mom Has IC coloring book on the left hand side of this page? It has a heart on it. It may be too young for your son. I don't know how bad your IC is but there are some things that you can do to take some time for you. The more time you give to yourself, the better the time with your Son will be.

Can you get to a therapist to talk about what you are feeling?

Altough you may have less than perfect health, you can live a full and productive life with the right love and support around you. As well as a great medical team.

Kara

[Charisse]

Hugs Christina :) Hang in there. I hope you are feeling better soon.

[christinaw]

Thanks for all of your words of encouragement. I appreciate the group support and group hugs!
Kara, I do feel blessed to have my son and am grateful everyday for him. I lost my first child in second trimester due to health complications b/c of my complex illnesses/diseases, and barely made it through my 2nd pregnancy several years later, followed by complete hysterectomy and ovarian removal. So, no more children the "conventional' way. My fiance was cheating on me and I left him and then found out i was pregnant, so I've done this all on my own. (Till I recently got married a few years ago). Thanks for reminding me to keep life in perspective. I appreciate you!

[Judith56]

Christina, I know just how you feel about not being able to be the mom you want to be. I understand how frustrating and angry you can feel when your health prevents you from doing things with your son. I had IC the whole time I was raising my sons- an extremely severe case, so much so that I ended up needing to have it taken out. So I just want to let you know that in the end my sons who are now grown at 24 and 26 have become really caring men who are sensitive to others problems. So even though while you are going through all this, as hard as it is, it can have a beneficial effect on your son. Hang in there, hugs, Judith