new to sex, experiencing terrible urethral pain

[firefly]

Hi all, just wanted some advice,

my husband and I got married just over a week ago (yay) and we were both virgins. Obviuodly we'd both looked forward to sex for a long time but the IC is making things very difficult.

I was diagnosed with Ic about a month before we were married, having had symptoms for 6 months, and also have several benign tumours in my urethra which cause a lot of my pain.

Penetration immediately sets of my urethral symptoms (pain, burning, desperate urge to pee) and this lasts 2-3 days before settling down. I've tried following the advice on the "great sex" post, but I currently have only Gabapentin and Alfuzosin prescribed for me and I've never yet had an instillation. I'm trying to make an appointment to see my doctor but in the UK this takes a couple of weeks at best to see the GP and probably a month or so to see the consultant. Should we continue trying to hve sex (i really want to but it is hurting me so much)? Or should we leave it until can get some more appropriate pain relief? Is this quite normal when you start having sex when you have IC?

thanks for any advice

firefly

[leelee88]

Being a virgin and having sex for the first time is painful enough, or it was for me. So I can imagine it would be even more painful with IC. My opinion, if it is hurting you to bad now, I would wait unil you talk to your doctor. But also keep your new husband informed about how it hurts and how you feel, I truly believe having a good marriage is communication. If you are comfortable about this let him go with you to your appointment and maybe with him there the dr can help both of you try to come up with less painful ways to have sex..Good luck hun and Congrats on the marriage...

[petrie86]

I agree with Rhonda, I would deffinitly wait untill you speak to your dr. Someone women, like myself used to just do it and grit out teeth just to please your husband or bf. However that is not ok!! Please dont do it... your only putting yourself in more pain. There are other ways fun things to do then vaginal intercorse. If you want to chat about that i'm free to talk to. I have no shame when it comes to those questions. I hope you get some relief soon! and Congrats on the new marriage!!!!

Rach

[SharonA]

I'm going to add another vote for waiting until both of you can talk with your doctor. There is no sense in implanting the message in your brain that sex causes pain when there are so many other ways of making love other than intercourse. Those are the ones you and he can enjoy until then.

Take a look at this site: www.whensexhurts.com It is a site designed to help those of us who do experience painful sex. There, you will find some very helpful suggestions. You will also learn that sex is supposed to be fun, no matter what method you use. Please register and read all the info there and then post whatever questions you may have. We are a bit more free there with our suggestions and throw in a little humor, too.

I want to add my congratulations on your marriage and some (((hugs))), also. If there is anything I can do or say to help you, free free to ask. :)

[Golden Girl]

I am so sorrythat your body picked such a time to come down with IC! You have waited so long to be intimate I can't imagine how frustrating it must be. But please do wait until you feel better, not just get the Dr's ok, to have intercouse. You don't want your brain to think sex equals pain. My Urogyno had lots of options to help sex become none painful (a compounded cream with amitriptyling, beclopen and gabapentin for one) It might take a while to resolve it but please be patient.
Congralations again on your wedding, you seem like a very sharp young woman.

[firefly]

thanks very much to all for your advice and support. My flare is starting to settle (cross fingers) and last night we tried intercourse again and it was much better. I think trying a different position, taking our time and using the heat pad after really helped. I will def ask the uro when I next see him (which I think will be next week when I have my first heprin/lignocaine/sodium bicar/hydrocortisone instillation...not so much looking forward to that!) about anything else which might make sex less painful. We're off to see the GP tomorrow together for some general advice and to get more of my IC meds. I'm gonna have a look at that website too Sharon, as soon as I get five mins not writing thanks cards!

Thanks again, really appreciate the encouragment.

firefly xx

[lauraheather]

I also just got married and have been having pain a lot. We are at two weeks tomorrow. It seems that if we take a night off here and there that the pain lessens. It is mostly gone now after two weeks. My husband is very gentle and caring and doesn't mind not doing anything but cuddling some nights. That has seemed to be the key for me getting over some of the pain. I hope it works out for you and Congratulations!!

[Jamey]

foreplay!! same old advice I know. Get as aroused as you possibly can before penetration then try to keep your movements slow. sometimes all I can do is get on top sit still and use a toy on the outside (vibration rocks!!) of course make sure it's ok with your Dr. Explain to your husband that you really want it but it's gonna take alot of patience and exploration before you find "your groove". Don't give up but don't torture yourself either. The emotion you experience with someone you love is unmeasurable once you get it figured out.:kissing:

[firefly]

Yeah, we have found foreplay to quite effective, although at the moment the pain in very distracting and makes it hard for my to concentrate. I'm just not in the mood, I guess, haven't been for months since this all started.
We went to see the doctor and she suggested we avoid penetration for now and just concentrate on foreplay, oral etc. She did an exam which was OK, except the front wall of my vagina when I thought I might hit the roof! Def the urethra that's the problem, the vagina itself is fine. I am so annoyed and frustrated! I will be having words with my consultantwhen I next see him to get something to sort it out. In the meantime I will try and follow the advice here and see how things go.

I hate IC (I think it hates me too)

firefly xx

P.S. sorry to vent, just feeling low today

[Redy2Smile&Liv]

hey firefly i just sent you a pm, just wanted to let ya kno, not to sound all, look at me look at me! But ya kno whatever ttyl hopefully.:bunny: :hi:

[bigred]

Hang in there. I found PT helped me out. Use alot of lubrication. Sex is not all there is to loving eachother. Find the parts of love making that do feel good. Always pee before and after. Have your hubby not penetrate as far. Remember to also hold eachother for along time before and after. I hope it gets nothing but better for you.

[hagasuenos]

i've had IC for as long as i can remember, probably about 26 years since my first bladder infection! but now i have this horrible urethral pain after sex. i get this sharp, shooting pain toward the end of sex, then excruciating pain while trying to urinate thereafter and for a few days. it feels like a horrible infection but i took a dose of antibiotics, and it came back the next time i tried sex. does anyone else have this???

[SharonA]

hagasuenos...First of I want to :welcome: you back to the ICN. I see that it has been a few months since your last post.

Hopefully I have this bit of anatomy correct. The opening of the urethra is located above the vagina. Very active sex may bruise the urethra because the penis or other things may be bumping against it which could be causing some of the urethral pain you are experiencing.

Vaginal dryness can also cause irritation during intercourse. This could be what is causing the pain upon urination. It could explain why this pain comes back when you have sex.

Have you noticed any change with the amount of natural lubricant your vagina produces? Ask your partner if there is a noticeable lessening in the amount. You can try a lube sold OTC or on the ICN in the ICShop (link is at the top of this page) to see if it makes any difference.

I am post menopausal, so I have very little natural lubricant. If my husband and I have vaginal/penile intercourse we use a personal lubricant.

[leelee88]

hagasuenos, Sharon is right about the lube. I also want to add that I have the the shooting pains and have learned that a bladder spasm med about an hour before sex helps alot. I think sex aggrivates my bladder making it go into spasms causing the shooting pains. Its worth a shot, good luck:angel:

[hagasuenos]

Thanks ladies for your responses and advice. Sharon, yes I'm barely around (and need to be around more) because I'm a single mom, f/t graduate student and part time teacher! living with IC is just one of my other gifts! :smile tee

leelee, what is the bladder spasm med? does that reduce the possibility of orgasm them since it is a muscle relaxer?