My Mother

[hdb1982]

Long story with a little history first. I have a brother L.J. who is 29. He has 3 kids with 3 different girls. Dropped out of school, stole checks and a lot of $$ from both our parents. Been in and out of trouble since 16. In September he got arrested on a federal inditment for dist of crack cocaine. Not a state charge, the feds came and got him. He began his time in March. 6 years 8 months. I have never been a problem child. Captain of the cheerleading squad, 4.0gpa, student council. SAAD, college scholarship the whole 9. Never even been grounded! Since LJ went to jail I have been helping with his kids a lot. I also took care of my pap before his death. Mom has always biled lj out of trouble. Bought him 4 cars paid thousands in fines bought his trailer and she has had his 11 year old since she was 2. Since he went to jail she has been paying his lot rent and utilities for his trailer and sending him like 200 per month to spend IN JAIL!!! I got in a bind and she had to pay 500.00 to keep my car from getting repo'd. I have bought every vehicle and completely paid my own way on everything since I was 18. Paid for my car and ins. since 16. I have never asked for help. she loaned my hubby 52000 to get out of tax trouble but it was paid back in 6 months when he got his lawsuit settlement from his old employer. When I told her I needed the 500 she flipped out to put it mildly. Cussing screaming anf hung up on me. THEY HAVE CAUGHT LJ STEALING UPWARDS OF 10,000 FROM THEM AND STILL DO EVERYTHING THEY DO FOR HIM. I have never said anything about the way she treats him different. In my opinion I shouldn't be treated like this when I need help b/c I have never needed it before and I am almost 25. I am glad she hasn't paid my way my whole life b/c I know that, lord forbid, something happen to her I could make it and be okay. This has happened my whole life. THEY EXPECT MORE OUT OF ME. I have heard that soooo many times. I feel like if I don't get it off my chest and show her how differently she treats us I will explode. I am the "good" kid. Why do I get treated so poorly when I need help when they have handed LJ everything his entire life. Not so much my dad but my mom. My dad told her when LJ got arrested in Sept. that if she hadn't bailed him out his whole life maybe LJ wouldn't be the way he is. He sees no consequences for his actions b/c no one has ever made him. Little things like she didn't tell me Happy Mother's Day but put an ad in the newspaper for LJ on Father's Day. Hello he sold crack and is in prison. Not my idea of father of the year. Should I continue to let it go like I always have or should I finally speak up and let her know how much it hurts me. I am tiredof crying about this all the time. Again this has nbeen my whole life. When I was in high school I got 50.00 put in a savings acct for every A I got. I was always a 4.0 so it racked up. It was supposed it be for my senior trip, prom etc. Dad put 100 every month in the account the whole time I was in highschool also. The middle of my senior year I was planning my senior trip and prom and asked mom how much was in the account and she said " about that, remember when LJ'S license go suspended for all those worthless checks? I had to use the $ in savings to pay his fines, court cost, attorney fees an bad checks and there is only 900.00 left." There was 9,200 in the account according to the statement. Okay I am done griping. Should I keep it in like always or finally get it off my chest? Keep in mind she knows about my IC and the pain I go through daily and knows it is very difficult for me to work. I am going back when Katie goes to school Sept.4. I have been out of work since Feb 1, 2007. This was the first time I asked for her help.

[ICNDonna]

This has to be very difficult for you to deal with; have you ever talked with a professional counselor for some help in dealing with your feelings? If not, I think it would be a good idea.

Warm hugs,
Donna

P.S. The super tiny print in your post made it very difficult for me to read.

[GriffsMommy]

Personally, I would talk to her about it. I have a very bad relationship with my father. He has always treated me poorly. I finally had a big conversation with him about how I felt. He basically acted like I had no idea what he was talking about with a lot of it. BUT I did get it off of my chest and make it clear that he has really hurt me. It kinda seemed to help some at first and our relationship is by no means perfect now but I at least he knows where I stand on a lot of things. If you don't talk to her it will just eat you alive.

[twinsetgirl]

Oh honey... Talk to your mother, don't hold it in any longer it'll only eat you up inside. It's important that your mother is aware of how you feel. However, be prepared to how your mom may react. Hopefully she'll reflect and treat you with compassion, fairness and give you the support that you need during this difficult time. I'm referring to emotional, spiritual and the support that a parent is supposed to give their kids. It seems like you have always taken the "high road" and this is a testament to the mature and level headed person that you are. Taking the high road is not easy, believe me I know. I have a meddling, mean sister who has made it her life's work to make my life miserable. Why??? I don't know. My husband thinks she's jealous of me. I believe that family should support, respect, encourage and love one another. Family should be there to celebrate in the good times and be there to help you pick up the pieces during the bad times. Sadly, this would only hold true in a "Pollyanna" world. I have come to terms and accepted that I just have to separate myself from the drama that my sister creates. Just last week she called me at work harrassing me and being verbally abusive to me b/c I asked my dad for a loan (downpayment) to be used for the purchase of my new home. She told me "how dare I"? I was so upset b/c I don't meddle in her personal private affairs, much less put her down, and I expect she stay out of my life. She ended the morning of harrassment with "loose my number"? I was in shock b/c I never discussed plans to purchase my home with her, specifically b/c I know how she is. It turns out my mom told her. My husband and I went to my mom's house to discuss the above. My mom said that she never thought that my sister would react that way. I am tired of my mom always making excuses for my sister. And that's why my sister is the way she is.
No more!! I don't need this. I am checking out and separating myself. My door is always open b/c they're family, but I refuse to be their doormat.
So honey, I can completely relate to what your saying.
Continue to be strong during this difficult time and know that things will get better for you. I encourage you to speak to a counselor so you can work through these feelings that you have about your brother & mother. It's difficult to process and make sense of it all. A counselor can help you get to a peaceful place, so you can ultimately deal with it and have balance.
Thanks for sharing yor story. You are not alone!