Post sex flare

[SandyRN]

I have to gripe....I simply have to. It had been well over a month since we've had sex because there are times when just the thought of sex would send me into a flare, literally. I really have missed that intimacy and decided I felt well enough last night to give it a whirl.

I woke up this morning feeling like I'd been run over by a mack truck...thats from the fibro. My bladder and urethra feel like a hot poker has been rammed up there and I'm miserable.

I took an extra macrobid and I've taken two doses of pyridium AND done an instill, and pain pills. No relief.

I'm grouchy, angry, and terribly sad that sex is doing this to me. We are careful, clean, use lube, all the tricks....and we even PLANNED it so that I could use a B & O suppository beforehand so that nothing would hurt. I was FINE during, it's the after that stinks!

Just had to vent. I've been teary all day over this.

[tigger_gal]

((((((((((((((Sandy))))))))))))))) I am so sorry you are in so much pain.. I do hope that it ends soon for you.

[humpieumpumkin]

Its too bad we have to pay the price for trying to "connect" with our partners. I hope you feel better soon, and hopefully something will start to ease your pain. THinking of you...

Erika:angel:

[SharonA]

I am so sorry. It makes me so angry when something that is supposed to give us pleasure ends up giving us pain. (((hugs)))

[SandyRN]

Thanks guys...I know I'm not the only one out there with this problem. At least I don't hurt like this EVERY time, but every now and again is bad enough. I know that when I have sex my fibro is going to act up because of all that body movement (for lack of another tactful word), muscles tensing, etc. That I can deal with, sorta....but this bladder thing is totally depressing. I wonder now how long it will be before I get up the nerve to try it again. We went from 3-4 times a week to 1 time a month!

SNIFF!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[humpieumpumkin]

He understands Sandy...I have had to cut back too:(

Erika:hi:

[dancemomof2]

:grouphug:

[charmedx3]

i had a friend tell me that the reason sex hurt so much was because we didn't do it as much as we should!!!!! how i wish this on that person for just a day!!!!

[SandyRN]

i had a friend tell me that the reason sex hurt so much was because we didn't do it as much as we should!!!!! how i wish this on that person for just a day!!!!


I wonder how much sex a couple actually SHOULD have?! LOL Is there a chart out there somewhere that we should go by?! :) I do know that the more we do it the more we do it, or used to anyway...does that make sense?

He really does understand that it hurts me afterward and called me several times today to ask how I was feeling. He never pushes me for it, and he's really ok when I say that I don't think I can do it tonight, etc. I'm really lucky in that respect. He realizes it's nothing personal, it's just my stupid body.

[leelee88]

Oh Sandy......(((((((((hugs))))))))))) Its been so long for me I prob wouldnt know what to do. I miss the ole days when it was so fun and didnt hurt... I really hate IC:cussing:

Ronda

[GriffsMommy]

(((((((Sandy))))))))))) I know how you feel. Everytime we have sex I flare too. We have gone from about that amount (3-4 times a week) to maybe once a week, which a lot of times I don't really want to do it then but I feel so bad about it. I wish that it wasn't like that for most of us but it does seem to be the norm.

[Roxie2007]

HI Sandy,
I can relate too.....sad to say! I have a great husband who doesn't push the point but I feel bad for him anyway.
I hope you get to feeling better!

[meandmybladder]

Sandy, that really stinks. It seems that IC wants to totally dictate our lives.

This may sound weird but, have you tried the Tantric sex? My husband & I discovered this about a year ago. At first, I thought it was bizarre. We read a few books on it and did some research on line then, decided to give it a whirl. I was pretty amazed and my husband just loved it. It's a totally different approach to sex and intimacy and I find that your muscles don't tense up like normally. In fact, it's about the most relaxing feeling you could experience.

We don't follow the practice to a tee, just the basic principals which allow you to totally focus on each area, relaxation, yourself and each other and allow an orgasm to come to you, not strain or work at getting there. Even if you don't orgasm, the overall intimacy and total emotional release leaves you feeling extremely satisfied. In fact, orgasm isn't even a goal. It just happens. I know it sounds strange but it really does work. I have never had a bladder spasm while using this technique. The massaging and therapeutic touching actually takes discomfort away. Despite the IC, we have never felt closer.

I certainly couldn't or wouldn't even want to try this in a flare but, for the times when you may feel up to sex, I think this may offer you a comfortable solution.

I had my first, and worst attack of IC after sex, using a vibrator. It was so bad and lasted for so long that I swore I would NEVER have sex again. I even threw the vibrator out! My poor husband felt like he had caused this. I didn't know about IC then and never even related that pain to the IC till I joined here. At the time, I just assumed the vibrator and/or the sex had given me another "infection".

I hope this can work for you and others as it has worked for me.

[BrittanysDance]

SandyRN,

Have you tried to fill a condom (whatever type doesnt irritate you) with water and freezing it - then putting that in you DIRECTLY following sex? Sometimes that does help immensley as things are swollen, especially the urethra from all the friction. If you can tolerate it even for a few minutes at a time, even just setting it in between your legs, it does wonders!

I have to do this after having sex or I'd absolutely never have sex again with my husband - ever. And....ladies..I think we're all in the same boat - once a month seems pretty standard, if that..sometimes my husband doesnt get it but once every couple of months, depends on how I feel. Its terribly sad because we (women) WANT to make love to our husbands...but....our bodies wont let us - but that doesnt mean we cant make love TO our husbands and satisfy them in other ways. Sometimes that in itself brings things to another level and if you cant tolerate penetration vaginally, then perhaps oral sex is another option??

For me...its not just the act of sex...I miss the intimacy of it all - as we all do I think. :( Stupid IC...grrrrrrr.

I hope the frozen condom thing works for you SandyRN - or anyone else for that matter - I know it does help me and it feels SOOOOOO much better.

Brittany

PS. Here's a funny - to answer your question about the chart thing. My husband was watching Dateline a few years ago and it was a show on "Couples Sex" - specifically MARRIED couples - and how much sex they were getting vs. single people. Of course..he tells me I had to watch it :). Statistically - for our age group - (ok...now I'm embarrassed here as you all soon will be).... 65-75 year olds have sex more often than we do - they have sex on average 1.5 times a month (dont even begin to ask me what the .5 is) - thats like the American Household having 2.5 children - what..?! Where have you ever seen half a child? LOL!

Okay...there is your statistic...and we didnt even make it to at least the 40's! sheesh! :D Talk about feeling bad....but we had a good laugh about it!

[SandyRN]

Thanks everyone. I think I'm going to have to investigate this tantric sex. I've seen it talked about on shows like "Real Sex" on HBO, and Sex talk with Sue Johansen...THAT woman is a TRIP! If you haven't seen her you simply must look at your cable/satellite lineup and find this woman. She's probably 65 years old and uses barbie dolls to show different positions....nothing is taboo to her.

As for the condoms, I don't remember the last time I've even had one in the house. My man is fixed! LOL BUT, I do get clean latex gloves and fill a couple of the fingers with ice and use it the same way you described with the condom. Yesterday was so bad though I couldn't stand the thought of anything touching me there. Today is better on the outside, but the bladder spasms just keep on coming and no matter what I take I cant get rid of them.

It really is sad that the older generation has sex more often than I do. I remember not so long ago we couldn't get enough of each other and would stay up literally all night long in a marathon. sigh

Thanks for the tips, I'm really going to look around the internet and see what I can find on the tantric sex! :)

I can see it now..."Um, honey, I've been reading.........." LOL :)

[leelee88]

Sandy, I am right there with you...I am so glad you and I have such understanding men in our lives..
My first year anniversary is coming up in Aug and I am so hurt of the thought we prob want even be able to make love, well the tradional way.. Dom and I have found so many other ways to make love but I still miss intercourse..It feels nice though I have friends that understand how we feel...(((((((((hugs))))))))

Ronda

[SandyRN]

Ronda, yes, we are very lucky in that respect. I think that if my guy was constantly pushing me to have sex when he knew it hurt me it would end the relationship. I really just miss it, all of it. Tom's not in the best of health right now either and is taking his 4th, yes 4th blood pressure med (he takes all 4 meds every day) and it just zaps the sex life right outta him...so he definately understands.

Hopefully we'll both be healthy enough soon to become a little (heck, a LOT) more adventurous again!

[dminton]

SandyRN and meandmybladder,

I sent you both a private message!

dminton

[poetgirl]

Sandy, I'm sorry you're not feeling well. It is really frustrating to want to be intimate with your spouse only to end up "paying for it" the next day. I have not been able to enjoy sex much since having the baby. Even though I had a c-section, I have pain every time he penetrates me. It's a combination of a low-level vestibulitis and I think some pelvic floor stuff. We generally don't have much opportunity for sex with an infant around who doesn't like to sleep at night, but the times we have are so upsetting to me. My husband is very understanding, but it makes me feel bad because it was one thing that was always so good at connecting us again when the rest of our life got hectic.