OWIE..my tummy hurtssss..

[MakinIT]

I am up at this lovely hour watching CSI because I have terrible tummy pains. My IC has kicked up..has been for past 3 weeks...My adhesions are absolutely awful. I finally have kind of calmness in my emotional life..."sigh"...I have dropped back 1 pill on my topamax, because I AM so drugged, but I'm beginning to wonder if this isn't the problem....AAAAARRGGH. When are things going to be at an equilibrium in my life? I'm back up to peeing 19 times during waking hours (or thereabouts) and have to go 4 times during the night. I've been doing this long enough that I know advice isn't really what I'm looking for. Just someone to whine too. It really is hurting tonight and I'm going to have to break down down and take Oxy.My bladder has this increase in pain and my chiro said it was stuck down in the "pelvic bowl" by adhesions. He said a typical bladder moves easily and mine is locked into place. (My uro confirmed that)Soooo I'm trying to figure out how to "Unlock" the damn thing...ha, ha...anyway...I haven't really slept in the past 4 nights and have been dozing all day. it's been very productive.

Anyway Hubby and youngest are in Canada right now...Have been gone since last Friday, won't be back until this Friday (so, 2 1/2 weeks) My oldest daughter left for a camp yesterday so its just me and the old man for a while. those of you who know my story...would be interested in knowing he's taken 3 showers since he came home from the hospital last month (Yipppee) and washed allll of his laundry at least twice. he started to argue with me one day but the in home psych aide came over that afternoon and made me confront Bill with all the stuff we have talked about ....including hygiene, nasty attutude sitting in a chair all day...

Wow..my oxy has taken effect and I am zapped...when I started this, I was totallly awake...completelely in pain..now I'm numb and can't write so night night.
Thanks all

[kari1980]

I hope your feeling better.........

Kari

[leelee88]

Sorry you are having stomach problems. But at least you can rest with everyone being gone.. Hope you feel better soon..


Ronda

[Kara29]

Tracey,

I hope you are feeling better at this time of day. I'm glad your Husband seems to be "getting to things". I wish there was an answer for all of the pain and issues that keep coming up with your health. It seems like lots of us are very sick with lots of things. Hmmmm...makes me wonder every time if we don't have one autoimmune thing that is tearing us all up all over our bodies.

Thinking of you and hoping you are feeling better by the time you read this.

Hugs,

Kara

[MakinIT]

Thanks...it's , umm...11:30 in the morning..I got up at 10 and decided to spend some time relaxing and reading the paper..(I love Sunday paper reading, and get irritated if I'm not the first one to get it first because it gets ripped apart and I have a very ANAL way of going through it...I've been known to go get a new Sunday paper if I'm too late L.O.L.) As I read the paper my head kept falling forward...THUNK. SOO, I'm feeling guilty because I have to do a some cleaning today!! anyway the belly pain is sorta an ever present friend. I did some reading at about 3 in the the morning about Adhesions and I'm just not happy! You know in some ways I wish I never had my hysterectomy but the horid bleeding and cramps I had made it
so I had too.
It was wierd, after I told my husband I wanted a divorce (re: back my prior postings on relationships) He was quiet for a week, then the two of us spent 3 hours one night talking about everything.....he actually said stuff my counselor has been telling me...(and he would have no idea because I never talk to him about my appts.) His main "thing" was why did I need to go back to work? I listed security, loneliness, a high education going to waste, no retirement..etc..He listened, then said next year he was making his teacher's salary in consulting fees so this was not a concern to him...I asked him what
the big deal over paying a kid for mowing the lawn (he thought I should have the girls do it...but they wont do anything for me) After a lot of discussion he said he had been thinking hard about what I said , and even prior to that, knew I was extremely unhappy because the only place my energy was going was to cleaning and dinners. He doesn't want me expend my only energy on work, or housework, or fighting the kids..He's already paid for a creative Writing class for me at Portland State and drawing at a community ed. program. (I used to sketch, draw..all the time. I got sick, never picked up my supplies, I finally threw them away..my sketches, pencils, watercolor pencils..everything...they were tossed in a fit of anger) he found them in the pile of stuff going to the dump last time. He's told the kids they would be working with him to do the chores and meals because I need to enrich my life. He told me he would support me in whatever I needed in order to make me happy ( i wish he had the magic pill to make this all go away)..And he wants to go to counseling with me...at least occasionnally. he also told me I needed to start reconnecting with friends so I've done a little of that. But he said I have to learn to let go of the work demon on my shoulder...that's all I have been able to focus on for four years. I asked him how he would feel, and he said he's tried to put himself in my place and he can't imagine it. He would be devastated, but he said I have to learn to let go. If I tried to work, there would be nothing left of me at the end of the day.

You know, I never wanted to threaten divorce, in fact it wasn't a threat...I was serious. And I never want to do that again. For the first time in years, I feel like he loves me, and he certainly doesn't want a divorce. If we got one, it would be a positive for him if he didn't love me.

This stuff makes me crazy. Anyway...I gotta go take more meds, eat something, try to get some cleaning accomplished.

Thanks

[Kara29]

Tracey,

I'm so glad that you and your Husband are trying to work things out and move on. I think it would be wonderful for you to take that writing class, if you haven't already, and to begin your artwork when you feel up to it. These are such positive things. I hope you can connect with some of your friends. Some friends will stick around for the this journey and others won't. Those that make you feel positive and happy about yourself are the ones you want to work hardest with because they can help make you feel better about YOU. It sounds like your Husband really does love you and I'm sorry that you had to bring up the D issue.

I hope this is all of sign of good things to some for all of you and your friends.

Kara:angel:

[MakinIT]

AGGGG I just spent an hour replying to you all but I lost it when I went back to edit!! CRAP. Short n sweet. pain still here, I'm gonna go take something so I can get some work done...I got up late today to read the paper and was excited because no one else got to the Sunday paper before me. Yay. it meant I could go through it in my own way. (everyone here turns the sections inside out and I can't find stuff...I get so irritated I go and buy my own copy)

I read some stuff at about 3 in the AM on adhesions. I'm not happy.. More than likely, at some point, I'll have to have the damn things cut again. for some relief for little while.

Tracey

[ICNDonna]

It sounds like things are beginning to look up for you. I'm glad.

:)
Donna

[MakinIT]

Ha, ha...I guess my reply didn't disappear (#5) but the edited stuff didn't make it in...Oh well, I don't remember what I was going add in there. Kara..thanks for the words...I know you've given good advice in the past. We do still have issues to work out..My husband needs to get his father out, I still can't get respect from my youngest, my eldest thinks the world revolves completely around her (ahhh to be 17) but she has many wonderful qualities.

Yuck..the discovery channel has plastic surgery on it...I'm strangely morbidly intriged. I just watch a woman with a 40 F breast size get a reduction. I've considered one before but when I lost weight I went way down. (Like to a 36 C) NOW they are showing someone getting eyelid lift, facelift, nosejob, chinimplant..I heard her nose crack when they broke it (considering I broke my own for free during my college years...don't even ask....That sound brought back nasty memories)

Well, I have a migraine coming down the tunnel...I just can't buy a break when it comes topain. I have my belly pain...which has really been worse lately. GRR. I don't know what to do about all this pain that has increased.

Gotta go..I can't make out the letters now so I gota go give myself ashot.

T

[Kara29]

Yah,

I am watching it right now. Nothing else is on. I'm kind of intrigued because my Mom is having a complete breast reconstruction and lift on August 10th from her breast cancer. I wanted to see what she is in for and how I can help her when it's over. I don't like the surgery and cutting but I like to see the end result. I'm kind of squeemish so I may not watch the whole thing. :dizzy:

I hope you get ahold of that Migrane and get some rest Tracey.

Night night:hi:

Kara

[Briza]

Tracey,
I don't know if I replied to your previous posts about your marital issues, but I did read them, and I am so happy to hear that your husband is seeming to be open to making some changes himself and also suggsting things that he knows that you enjoy. That is priceless. I hope thing continue to improve for the two of you and also with your kids, teenagers are from another planet it seems sometimes and I think it is awesome that you husband is going to try to get them to help out more. I mowed the grass...an acre yard with a push mower, when I was a kid and still do my own yard now. Thank god it's not as large! Even with the IC pain I find it rewarding and great exercise and hopefully your children will get that feeling, too. DOn't get me wrong, I fought my dad on it when I was a kid, but even then, when it was all done the satisfaction that it was done and the exercise made me feel great ( though I never admitted that to my dad:lmao:), I was the typical teenager after all, and all my other friends either were paid to cut their grass or their parents paid for someone to do it. I received never a penny, but did grow up to believe that my yard is my responsibility and rarely ever pay anyone to cut the grass, and that makes me feel good. Hopefully your kids will feel that, too, even if they never admit to it!

Kara...my best friend had breast cancer and reconstruction and she now has some beautiful Victoria's Secret large end 36 C's. We share no secrets and I was with her through most of it, if you want to hear how wondeful hers turned out and the process, pm me, it was quite amazing what they were able to do and she is completley happy with the results. SHe would have never considered such a thing if not for the cancer, but by god, she deserves those beautiful boobies, she was such a trooper throughout the entire process,would put most of us to shame! :) I am so so proud of her. Best wishes to you and your mom. I know this is not an easy thing to go thru, especially dealing with your own health issues. :grouphug
I

[**Angie**]

I'm so happy you and your husband are talking. When your not talking things can't get fixed. When he is open to listening take advantage of it. I know with my husband it has to be at the right time or he doesn't "hear" me. It sounds like your husband is in the hearing mood. I truly hope things cont. to progress for the better. I know what you mean about teenagers--I have a 15.5 and a 12. They are in there own little world and prefer things to revolve around them. When you are in so much pain it's easier to just give in and let them have their way--so much less stress that way. With your husbands and childrens help around the hse. hopefully you'll have a little more energy to enjoy life and enjoy your classes. Hope your feeling better.

[MakinIT]

Sadly Angie, it's true.......My 17 year old threw a massive fit the other day because a fuse blew in the house...I went out to flip the fuses and the one that was flipped for some odd reason hadn't turned off the TV initially or anything else in the front room. But when I did the ol' flip forward and Back the TV went off (it's like mega complicated b/c it's one of the On Demand with 50,000 channels and you have to go through a maze) She was watching a movie. She absolutely went ballistic. I finally told her she was being a baby. I got the sarcastic "oh thanks mom, I'm a baby, gee that's just swell" I told her she just had a habit of over exaggerating problems. She just couldn't get over I told her she was being a baby . But for pete's sake......I told her the behavior was a baby...then I left. Halfway through the appt I was at she sent text message that apologiized.

My 11 almost 12 year old is another story. she's got a tough few years ahead of her. My husband really looks at this situation for me as a blessing because I am going to find a volunteer job at her middle school and stick close. She has learning disabilities that are difficult to deal with, and a result of being born preemie.

We shall see what happens, I just don't know. He comes home on Friday. Ask me this weekend, ha, ha,. We'll see if he still wants all of what he said.

Tracey

[MakinIT]

Argh..had my monthly narcotic appt today...With my wonderful doc who has seen me monthly since 2003 (and has known me well since 1993) he is the one I signed my narcotic contract with so he manages all that, and he talks with a doc at the pain clinic I've visited a few times. So we discussed my pain situation, my chronic fevers, etc...I asked him if there was anyway to see where the adhesions were w/o a surgery, he said they wouldn't do one anyway unless it constricted my bowels. I'm so at a loss. I told him I have to cath myself a couple times a week, and often take 5 minutes just to get the let down reflex going. i guess it's an issue I'll have to talk to the uro about next week. Grumble, grumble...btw..I'm so damn hot, I'm sweating like a pig. I have A/C but just a small one and fans but I can't get my family (Fath. In Law) to keep lights off, windows closed, curtains closed.....I know some parts of the country are really hot. It was 102 yesterday, today is only 90. I hate hot weather.
anyway, he made do a lung capacity test because I'm hacking and wheezing. such a lovely time of the year. So now I'm on Advair....terrific...he warns me "oh yeah, make sure you brush your teeth real well after, you can yeast in your mouth." Gross. I also have to spray this stuff up my nose. He brought up my diabetes for the first time in months (blood sugars, A1C,) and the only reason I can figure is my weight keeps climbing. I HATE it.I'm back on my low carb diet (a diet written long before atkins by a diabetic doctor...I lost 85 pounds on it initially 4 years ago, got down to my HS weight. now I'm halfway back.)

Oh well...I talked to him about working too, (getting all around opinion) and he stared at me like I was nutz, and asked me the same question everyone asks:confused: "How many good hours a day do you have?" and he wrote down in big font on his computer...STILL CONSIDER THIS PATIENT TOTALLY DISABLED AND UNABLE TO WORK. I do not forsee when this will change. I stuck my tongue out at him and he laughed. But he said he changing his mind on that issue.

Gotta go, My daughter and her Boy friend are being nauseatingly cute on the cute on the couch passing post it notes back and forth.

Egads. Caitlin wanted to stay the night tomorrow with Zach at his grandmother's house and I said NO..her reason...They were leaving early the am to go to an Amusement park near Seattle. I told her our house was on the way and he could pick her up. JUST what I need. Like, I don't think anything would happen, BUT...I was 17 once.

Talk to you later

[Kara29]

At least you have a Doctor behind you that says you are disabled and not able to work. Some of us don't have even that. It took me 3 years to find a Doctor that felt I was not able to work. Each time I have a review, I have to have that same Doctor. Luckily I still have that Doctor and he knows how sick I am...............I get so scared that he will move or I will move and then lose him and then lose my disability.

I hope your Uro can answer the adhesion question and having to cath more often.

Some Docs won't do surgery on adhesions for fear that it will cause more adhesions but some chronic pelvic pain doctors and urogyn's will do the surgery and create mesh of some sort so the ahesions don't grow back. Every Doc had thier own way you know.

I hope you have a restful night!

Hugs,

Kara

[MakinIT]

Yes...I have always loved my doctor for his support, I was just being whiny. I was actually in a decent mood:smile tee except for this @%$* (keep your red pen put away, Donna :tsk: :angel: ) pain. He's a good guy, and I have to drive about 25 mins, on a non traffic day to get there. This is a drag when my meds create narcolepsy. My husband is always on my butt to get a doc in this area (GP) but I docs in Vancouver (Washington) are way overburdened and I haven't had any success with GP's here and have always gone back to my original. (We used to live in Beaverton so I still have him as a doc)

I have to take my eldest to her singing lesson this morning. WE are stopping at Starbucks. So bad for me but my head keeps dropping on the keyboard. I'm taking her to see EVENING this afternoon but am so drowsy I gotta nap.

Gotta go,
T