Friend Riding My Last Nerve

[MerryBerryMoose]

I have written about this particular friend before. She seems to be one of the only people in my life to make my IC flare.

She has OCD and does obsess A LOT even when she takes her meds.

Anyway. She is just on my last nerve. I went to her boyfriends bday party yesterday and she LEFT ME FOR 3 HOURS with all his guy friends because she was talking with his mom. She got up and never came back. I mean, his friends are harmless (there were 9 of them) but STILL. I wouldn't leave HER in a group of strangers. Then when someone I knew (the person she is trying to hook me up with--which btw is annoying) showed up he was like "what the ****? where is Em?" And I just shrugged becuase I didn't know at the time. So he hung out with me for a little.

And later, when she surfaced, we as a group (like 12 of us) watched a movie--Super Troopers. She cuddled with her boyfriend and I sat next to PersonX, the person from before (the one she wanted me to go out with). And every so often she would look over and smile at us in that "i know your holding hands or something" way. So EVERY TIME she did that I would hold up both my hands, one of which was holding my cell phone. And by look number 15 I finally had enough and flipped her the double bird. She is obsessive like that. She wants to micro manage people and try to get one to go out with the other. And the fact that PersonX and I were sitting close and he did have his arms around me is beside the point.

She just rides my nerves a lot. If I invite her somewhere with our "group" of friends she will say no if her boyfriend can't go. She never does stuff with her girlfriends anymore. And won't go out in a group unless her BF can go.

Oh and did I mention the best part. I went out with GirlX (a mutual friend)and PersonX (said boy from before) to a drive in movie. And we didn't invite Em or her BF because all the drama that follows (cuddling, sucking face--aka kissing, his hand up her shirt ect.). Anyway half way through the first movie I get a phone call. It's her. I don't pick up. Then another phone goes off. It's GirlX's. She doesn't pick up. So PersonX's cell goes off and he ignores it. She continues to call our cell phones, our houses and txt messages us. My mom said she got 15 calls and 5 msgs at our house phone. I got 20 txt msgs, 10 calls, and 3 voice mails. I know the others got more calls than I did on their cells. And more messages. So I listened to a few voicemails left on PersonX's cell phone. One voice message she said "youre making my blood pressure rise ebcause ur not picking up". And another she asked if we were on a date or if we were doing "other stuff". And you know what she was insinuating. And both of us got so offended.

How the hell do I deal with her?! It's getting annoying!!!!!!!

ANY advice is welcome...I really need it.

thanks
~gabby

[ICNJess]

Hhhhhhmmmmm...I'd change my cell number. J/k lol. Seriously though, I'd just tell the girl, "hey, I know you have OCD and you can't really help it BUT could you not call me so often?" and ask her to kind of butt out of your possible relationship stuff.

What a pain!!!! I know a girl like that...she was like that in h.s. and still is like that!

[ICNDonna]

You could turn off your cell phone when you're busy. I do think she needs to know that her interference is just not okay. period! Keep telling her until she gets the message. And there's no reason you have to accept an invitation without knowing exactly who will be there.

Donna

[GriffsMommy]

Wow Gabby, sounds like your friend doesn't know when to quit. When you guys were at the drive in it sounds like she was stalking you, lol.
I would tell her that it bothers you and that it has the potential to hurt your friendship. You appreciate that she wants to see you with PersonX but if you want to be with him you will and if you don't her micro managing the situation still won't change your mind.
I would also tell her how much it upset her that she wants you to come to the birthday party but then that she leaves you in a room full of people you don't know. And if none of this works sometimes friendships end and that doesn't mean that you're a bad person, just that you're in different places in your life.
My best friend from home (moved from Baltimore MD to Lancaster PA) hasn't seen me in over 3 years! We just changed alot, I bought a house, got married, got pregnant, and we're just in two totally different places in our lives now.

[MerryBerryMoose]

I really hope that our friendship doesn't end but I don't know how much more I can honestly take.

The whole birthday thing could have gone better if she just checked in with me once in a while. That I would have been cool with. Although turns out I have some stuff in comon with the others there so it wasn't all totaly bad. And once the other guy I knew showed up it was better. At least I could talk with him and not feel all strange.

Even her parents think she is being too obsesive with her boyfriend and niglective of her other friends. And when they said she had to take a one week break from seeing him (they still could talk on the net and the phone--just not hang out) she freaked out. Went totaly nuts.

Anyway, I think the best thing that I can do for myself is get some space. Do stuff by myself or with one or two other people (and not her). Sort of reconnect with people who I havn't hung out with a lot. And if she calls, I'll either turn the cell off or tell her that she's not my mother and I don't need to tell her where I am.

And the only reason I had to leave my cell on was incase my REAL mother called :-P

On that note I just asked PersonX out to a movie :smile tee

[GriffsMommy]

Sounds like a good idea to me! Have fun at the movies. I think that sometimes when you're a teenager and you have your first serious boyfriend you go a little nuts. I think it can go way over board and it may be good for her to spend some time away from him but I'm sure she doesn't see it that we.

[tbn]

Lol. When I saw the title of this quote, i thought of my friend...well..."friend'. I swear my friend, V, has OCD and what is even more hilarious is that she calls countless time just like her. Last week, my friend Maya, adn I were invited to this party that we dreaded to think about. At first, I wasn't going to go, but Maya's mother was forcing her to go (because V was Maya only friend at the beginning of the school year...Maya's mother that it would be polite to go). Anyways, I told Maya I would go with her because Maya's mom was only making her go for an hour. We decide to go an hour late, and leave an hour early. Lmao. V and her best friend started calling and texting us before the party even started. I didn't answer or reply but the both continuously asked us whether we were attending. EVenthough they were both in the same room, apparently they couldn't tell each other??? Lol. Idk.
V seems to be a lot like your friend. Lol. One time I was in the city (which is 2 1/2 hours away from myu house), having my cystosocopy(sp?), she texyed me saying, "Go on AIM!!". I simply replied, "No," because I was tired(and probably still drugged up lol) and she said, "WHY???". I told her I couldn't and she continuously asked, "why??" like a five year old. Then I told her I was in Boston and of course, she asked, "why?" eventhough I already told her i was having surgery. She kept on ordering me around and obbessing over everything.
After trying to explain things to her and trying all different directions of handling her, I figured it would be best to ignore her. Lol. It was too stressful and annoying!! And ignoring her has seemed to work!! I had already started to ignore her the day of her party; I didn't reply, but Maya did. In the end, Maya got more text messages. Haha. What I am trying to say is, try to ignore her. It has been useful for me. Lol. Good luck.

[tigger_gal]

sorry gabby, should I give you my sisters number for her they would get along great...

[MerryBerryMoose]

Well, I just hit my limit with my friend. I started dating the guy she was trying to hook me up with. And it was of our own decision and had nothing to do with her influence. Well, we wanted to keep it private for now. The only people who know are our families.

Said friend kept bugging me. Asking, pestering, ect. Wanting to know if I was dating him. I told her no. He told her no. Yet she asked and asked. After a month of this, we were all at a Harry Potter party at B & N. I was sitting in an aisle - on the floor - with my bf around 11 30PM and I was braced against a shelf, he had his arm was around me, and I was leaning on him. I had gotten up at 4AM, sat through 5 hours of Japanese class, took the long and stressful final, spent an hour in the car to get to B&N, and had been there for 6 hours. I was tired as hell. But she goes off thinking he was "holding" me. I was just using him as a pillow. She went on to say that friends don't do that. Only people who are dating do. Then she told me that "I already know the answer" in relation to her asking me if I was dating him. And I remained quiet.

So the next day my bf yells at her. For being obsessive and intrusive. Following that I got an IM saying sorry:

look im sorry if i was on your case a lot about if you and jim are dating, i know its not my business and you deserve your personal space. i just was curious, and since youre my best friend, i was hoping youd tell me. but if you don wanna tell me, i respect your decision

Ok. All was good. Oh wait, no....2 hours later I get a PM on mySpace.
Title:Ahmmm.
Body:So, why does it say "In a Relationship" on both your and XXXs myspace?


So much for respecting my space. And that's when I lost it. I replied:


One thing I didn't say in my other reply is:

When you said you you were sorry for being on my case about Jim and I. And you said you respected my privacy and such. Did you mean it? Becuase you keep bringing it up. When you asked me at the drive-in, I dodged the question becuase I didn't want to answer. Then you appologize which was nice sicne I felt pressure from you to go out with him and I felt pressured to inform you if I was. But like 2 hours after that you do it again. You bring it up asking if we are going out (maybe not in so many words but there is a ltd number of ways you can interpret the PM, with a title "Ahmmm").

Could you PLEASE just stop. Stop asking me if we are going out. The more you ask and pry and push the more inclined I am not to tell you. If you respect my decision to keep things of this nature a little private and to myself why do you keep asking? Please stop assuimg you know we are dating when neither of us said so.

Thank you.
~gabby


Do you think that was fair to say? I mean. I'm just so fed up with this. If she does it again I'm not going to speak to her.

Thanks for listening to my rant.

[green_the_fish]

I do think it's fair for you to ask for your own personal space. Everyone deserves that.

I mean, I also try to hook people up sometimes, and honestly, I do usually end up feeling responsible for the outcome. My current BF had a bad breakup with one of my best friends, who I set him up with before me and him started going out. The breakup had nothing at all to do with me, and it was a span of almost a year between then and when we started dating, but I still feel kinda bad about the whole thing. If I hadn't introduced them, then it wouldn't have happened.

That still doesn't make the kind of stuff she's doing okay, though. 20 text messages, 10 phone calls, and 3 voicemails? That makes me wonder who all is paying her cell phone bill! Doing that sort of thing is what got me kicked off of my mom's family plan. Now, if your friend really does have a diagnosed case of OCD, then, well, that's unfortunate, but she should still be responsible for her actions. I have a diagnosed case of bipolar disorder, but I still take personal responsibility for how I treat my friends. Yes, mood swings and outbursts are an unavoidable part of the disorder, but I still don't wanna use my disability as a license to be a jerk.

My BF and I also went to the Harry Potter party at Barnes & Noble on the night the 7th book came out. He was wearing my long, black robe, and I was wearing my own take on the female Hogwarts uniform. We got a good deal of attention there, though we did get noticed more at Border's. That might have been because most of the people in the group we went to Border's with were also dressed up, though. We also leaned against each other while we were in the asiles. That's just what people who are close do when they're sleepy. I think your friend knows that, and is just trying to find something to make you give her some of your attention, while letting her in on your personal life.

From what I got in your message, I'm thinking that she might be hunting for your attention, albeit in bratty way. She probably feels like she did a great job at hooking you guys up, and that you're dating because of her. You and I know that's not true, but it might still be the way she feels. Maybe you could try having a talk with her in which you thank her for helping introduce you to Jim, while still getting across that "I can take it from here." You don't have to tell her if you guys are dating; it sounds like she already has a feeling what is going on, and is just looking for confirmation that it's "official". But maybe if you get across that you are thankful to her for the part that played (even if she actually was more annoying than anything else), she will feel satisfied over her matching-making skills and go obsess over some of her other buddies' love lives.

Or maybe she just needs a new hobby :bonk: