Brother contracted my sisters attitude.

[tigger_gal]

We were at my parents playnig cards and was having a very good time. Several time Jake came up and was saying momma momma.. My sister corected him and said aunt cindy.. I blew it off and let it go, I looked at every one and they looked at me like, don't bother. Later on in the evening after my sister left I said every one is confusing him, Cathy sould not have corrected him.. well my brother is off and running at the mouth (half drunk) telling me I am confusing him, and I am wrong. You can't let him call you mom if he is going to know who his real mom is. I smarted off and said well if his real mom wanted him, explain to me why I have him??? Then my mom jumps in and said no no If cindy is adopting him she will be his mom. and he just got ******.
any who he made my evening suck, and I got up and just left....

Should Jake call us Mommy and Daddy
A yes
B No

on my poll you will see my curser jumped and screwed up my words.

[ICNDonna]

I fixed the wording on the poll. I didn't respond to the poll because I honestly don't know. I do think it's important that Jake knows he's being adopted by his aunt, but he's much too young to understand right now. One thing you might do is to write a little story about a little boy named Jake whose mother wasn't able to take care of him, but his auntie loved him so very much that she became his mommy. It doesn't have to be a complicated story, but if he learns from the beginning, it will be completely natural to him and nothing family members might say will be upsetting to him.

I don't think what he calls you is as important as the fact that he feels loved, secure, and well cared for.

Sending gentle hugs,
Donna

[traceann]

I think Donna's idea about a story is a great one - and you know little ones LOVE stories and it's even better if it's their story! Tell it again! Tell it again! (and or read it again! ;) )

He can have many mommy's - we tease all the kids on our street (me and a couple of the other mom's) that it's like they have 3 other mom's besides their own - we'll always be keeping an eye on them and always looking out for them. It was cute when one of them said "whoa - I now have 4 moms!!!" So, what about maybe calling you Mommy Cindy or something until he's old enough to understand and then he can call you whatever he's comfy with - that way he's not confused and people won't feel the need to jump in and correct him and therefore really confusing him! What's the saying, it takes a village to raise a child? So then that child can have lots of mommies!!!!! ;)

XOXO

[humpieumpumkin]

I voted no because are the closest thing in my opinion, that Jake has to a mom. Short of your sister giving birth to Jake, she has abandoned him. You and your husband have made a nice home for him. He is lucky to have a "mommy" like you. The story is a great idea. It will help him understand better.

Erika:angel:

[GriffsMommy]

Personally I see nothing wrong with him call you Mommy. He can't understand that you're not his mom. All he knows is you are the one that takes care of him everyday, which in his mind means you ARE Mommy. He is too young to try to have him call you anything else without confusing him. My cousin has a daughter who is 6 and she calls her mother's boyfriend Daddy. She hasn't seen her dad in years because he's in jail but Eddie has been there to take care of her with her Mom. So in her mind he is her Daddy, and I see nothing wrong with this. That's just my opinion though. I can see how this would have really upset you Cindy, it's just crazy to be so worried about what a toddler is calling someone, they use the words they know and feel comfortable with. I'm behind you 1000% :smile tee

[dancemomof2]

I think as long as you are honest with him and let him know he has a mother that loves him and just wasn't able to take care of him correctly and that mommy cindy had to help her out.

[waterflow]

A mommy isn't someone who just gives birth. A mommy is there for comfort, love and help in growing up. Showing them how to go potty, learn and to chase the monsters out of their room. I think Jake will know who is birth mom is as he grows but if you are adopting him and taking care of him then you are his real mommy and your husband would be the daddy.

[tigger_gal]

I talk about Christina, when he goes to see her I tell him he is going to see mommy. When I took him to see her I would say look there's mommy... My niece started the Momma Cindy. Thats actually how it got started. I got a baby book and she is listed as Mommy, and we are getting pictures to put in there of her and him. He will always know that Christina is his biological Mommy.
When the time is right he will know the entire truth. I know he is my nephew, but I am also his Mommy, in his eyes.
It is hard to be positive and write good things, when she refused to even try to get him back. I tried to help her and I failed. I won't fail to keep him safe.

My life has been forever altered. I have no regrets, but the guilt I carry is great. I keep replaying things in my mind, and think, well what if I did this or that to get my niece to comply. I question myself on calling cps. Which they never did anything when I called them. They (Christina and James) kept fighting, and neighbors calling the police and CPS is what got Jake took away.
My sister said she could not handle him, and she raised her kids, it wasn't fair to raise another. I have raised my child too, I don't look at this as a burden as she dose. I look at it as I was chose to raise him. I am strong enough to do this and take on all the crap handed to me along the way.
I enjoy every new thing he dose everyday. It makes me happy to see him happy, when it comes right down to the reality off all of it, this is about Jake, not my sister, not my brother, or his own biological parents. I think that if the tables were turned, the could very easily understand, that Jake has every right to be able to call someone mommy and daddy.
No one will understand the trial and tribulations that I am dealing with on a daily bases, until they have walked in my shoes. **note, talking about my family** They will never understand this any more then they understand my health status.

[patricia1]

Cindy please dont let some peoples opinion take away from the good you and your family have done for Jake. Think of it this way what would have happened should you have not taken him under your wing. Should CPS came an took him, he could be in foster care. Should he have stayed with his Birth Mom he would not have been taken care of like he should have or maybe gotten hurt. A child his age cant fully understand what has happened. He hears your daughter refer to you a mommy so why should he think anything different. I feel (and my opinion only) your sister has no room what so ever to interfer in how you are raising her grandson. To me I think it is pretty crapy that she did not step in to help her grandson, even if she has raise her children.

To me there are difference in say a birth Mother and a Mommy. A birth mom to me is someone who has given birth to a child, but either cant or refuses to take care of the child. Someone who wants to see or do for the child when it it convient for them. NOt realizing that raising a child is 24 hours a day 7 days a week. Now a Mommy (can be biological or not) is someone who is there for that child. They take care of the child when it is sick, throws up on the mommy, loves, laughs and cries with the child. Someone who is there ofr the ups and downs in life and someone who does not give up just because the going gets rough. A mommy protects the child no matter what. Same thing goes for the Dads.

I feel you and your hubby have every right to let him call you Mommy and Daddy, cause to him this is what you are. I am sure when he gets older you will sit him down and tell him how you became his mommy and daddy. That his birth mom loved him, but was to young and just not able to take care of him like he should have been. And let him know how special he is because you choose to take care of him, to love him and to be his parents.

I give you props for doing this, because you did not have to do it. You put your life on hold (per say) to start over in raising a child. But you did it out of love, love for him, love for his mom and because generally you are a good person. You did not want to see him hurt and failed.

HE COULD NOT HAVE ASKED FOR GOD TO PUT HIM IN ANY BETTER HANDS THAN THE ONES HE LANDED IN, YOURS AND YOUR FAMILY. God bless you ever day for what you have done.:smile tee

[meme]

You are his mommy. You are the one taking care of him daily. You are the one who worries about his welfare. If your neice had remarried and had custody of Jake (I'm assuming his real dad isn't around) wouldn't she have him call the new guy daddy? Don't let others get to you. You know in your heart that what you're doing is the best thing for Jake.

[tigger_gal]

Thank you very much. ((((9hugs))))
My niece is with his real father (so we assume) he beats her up all the time. She chose him over Jake. I don't think it is fair of what she done to Jake, and I will be the one explaining it all.. I have kept a record on what has gone on. and If I wanted too I could get copies of each court hearing. I just don't think that it will be necessary. I am going to leave it as your mommy loved you, but she just had no clue how to provide for you, and she stayed with a man that would have eventually hurt or killed him. I don't doubt in my mind that one of them would have eventually hurt him seriously or killed him.
Thanks for your very comforting replies

[Janie Miranda]

As an adoptive mother myself . . . if you adopt him, than you are his mother, legally and in every sense of the word. If you want him to call you mommy than I say he should call you mommy.

[sandramac]

Im just keep thanking god you took this beautiful little boy into your heart & home. Where he is safe and loved.You are his Mom & Dad, And have a amazing attitude on how to handle everything.My hat is off to you. :bow: :bow: You are a very strong woman.
Hugs Sandra :cat: :cat: :cat:

[windwalker]

As ya know I said before there's a difference between a birth mother and a mommy ;) Don't let em get to ya. Especially since your bro was half in the bag ;)

[Moonheart]

I honestly don't see how there could even be a question. People have to see first hand how much these children suffer before they can pass judgement on the rightness or wrongness of how you handle your business.

Anyone who has seen a beautiful little girl with half her face melted from "mommy" pouring hot oil on her face, has no doubt that taking a child out of a dangerous situation is the right thing to do.

[leelee88]

Tig...
You should never feel guilty of what you have done. You know in your heart you are doing whats best for Jake..Think of it this way..You would feel alot more guilty if your neice and her boyfriend had Jake and was abusing him or neglecting him..You need to think of this as a postive thing that you and your husband has done..

I think Donnas idea about the little story is a great idea..You can also write Jake a letter and tell him your feelings and emotions about the whole adopting process and give to him when hes older and starts asking questions..

I do believe Jake should know who his mom is, and when he gets older he should know the truth why you adopted him.

I do want to applaud you and your husband for having the courage to proceed with the adoption.

And just remember anyone can be a mother, but it takes a special person to
be a mommy::smile tee

Hugss girly...

Ps.. Please have no guilt, because you have probably saved that babies life..:angel:

[mary124]

I not going to vote on this, but I don't think its wrong for Jake to call you and your husband "Mommy" and "Daddy". After all, you are raising him. There is a difference in a birth Mom.
My Sister is in a similar situtation like you are. Her daughter pretty much wants nothing to do with her children -- so they live with their Grandma. She lives there part time, when she gets tired of the boyfriend. Kids are confused. Sometimes they call Grandma, "Grandma" and sometimes "Momma"
When their Mom is their she tries to correct them and tell them that she is their Mom and they say No! It is so sad.

Donna is right, write a sorry about Jake, kids love that kind of thing and read it to him all the time. He will never get tired of it.

[Bessie]

I am just so proud that you are taking care of that precious little angel :angel:

Let him call you what he wants. The name does not really matter because he knows you all love him and are the ones who take care of him :)

You are a true angel yourself :angel:

[tigger_gal]

thank you girls.. 3 weeks and 4 day until the termination hearing.. only 4 visits left including today..

[traceann]

Good luck with today chickie!!!! ;) Will be thinking of you! :)

[Kathi]

My 7 yr old twin grandsons have a "real" father who lives in NC & they have my daughters fiance (getting married soon). They call him Dad, cuz he's the one who coaches baseball & does the day to day stuff with & for them. They say they know the one in NC is their father but this one is "Dad". A child's point of view for you. Hugs, Kathi

[SrMaggie]

Sorry, I didn't read carefullly - I put 'yes' but I meant 'no' - it is not wrong for him to call you Mommy. And no one else should have corrected him.

[tigger_gal]

Thanks that really makes me feel so much better :grouphug: after the accusations directed at me today. :cussing:
I was told she reported that I put shoes on him that are to small, and only she knows this because he curls his toes :toilet: .. how stupid dose she think we are. There is no way Jake could walk like that..... Then I left red marks on his body :mad: but only she could see them, poor Gary told me he was asking where and she was pointing all over his neck:rant: Then I put clothes on him that are to small, and :rant: I am not feeding him right:tsk:
You know if she didn't enjoy getting her butt beat so much I might have gotten in my van and drove out to her motel room! However I am not going to do anything to jeopardize losing Jake. I did tell my sister to tell her if she calls she better back off because I will not ever let her see him once I adopt him. and out of anger and disgust I told her to tell Christina if she didn't stop accusing me of doing things I'll let Foster care take him and she will never know how he is. Please know I would never do that, I just want her to stop harassing me. The courts must know that this would all be retaliation.
I am going to email Foster care and tell them I want a restraining order put in affect for her and James to stay away from all 4 of us.
I can't believe she would think I would hurt him.. Just because she did doesn't mean I will.

[SharonA]

Tig...I keep typing how I really feel about this niece of yours and then deleting them :ignore: so I guess I should just tell you that I am supporting you and praying for you. :kissing:

[traceann]

Ditto what Sharon said!!!!! ;)

[kuntrygurl78]

Coming from a kids point of view

I was 15 when my parents divorced. My birth father went from being a dad, to being a jerk. He ended up calling me worthless and told me to leave. My mom and step dad tried so many times to make the relationship between me and my birth father work. After 2 years of deep depression and extreme fighting it came to a head. I went crying to my grandpa one too many times. He told me that I either needed to leave, or he was going to go beat up my dad. I left. (didnt want grandpa in jail) Two weeks later, I went to visit my dad. It was the same. He was mean and rude and just horrible. It has been 10 years since I last talked to him. All this time, my step dad has become my dad. Hes the one that supports me. Hes the one that tells me how much he loves me. Hes the one that has always been there for me. In my eyes, thats what a parent does. I always think of the Brad Paisley song "Didnt have to be" when I think of my step dad. He didnt have to be my dad but he is and always will be.

Jake is so young. Someone said earlier that many children have more than one mom. Its so true! I had a few moms growing up and I am thankful for it. You can never be too loved!

I think of you and Jake often, and I am so honored to know someone like you! You are taking on a child and raising this child as your own.:bow:

[tigger_gal]

lol.... your feelings about here are probably equal to mine.. (((hugs))) its ok.. I talked to the social worker today and she told me not to worry about it. She will be stopping by here for a visit on Thursday or Friday.


Thank you Kuntrygirl,
I liked you wedding dress its really pretty :)

[GriffsMommy]

Cindy,
I can't believe that they are trying to say that you are not taking good care of Jake. I'm sure the case worker knows that it's a crock and is taking it with a grain of salt. I know you can't wait until that termination hearing comes and is finally over with. I hope the next couple of weeks go really fast for you and are hopefully flare free. :grouphug:

[Trishann]

Oh Cindy I wish I could give you an answer for this one but I can't. This is something you have to decide and that you feel comfortable with. But it is natural for a little one to call you mom when you are the one taking care of him. I don't know if it will confuse him if you try to stop him from doing so. Maybe as he gets older you can explain it to him. You are the one that knows Jake more and you just do what you think that is best for Jake.

I admire you for taking this little one into your home and giving him love.
Just sending hugs, Trishann