View Full Version : Vent post..
02-25-2007, 06:15 AM
***I wanted to make sure that Cindy got this award because she has defined the word courage in her fight to get custody of that sweet little boy. Jake is a very lucky kid to have you in his life Cindy, and I just wanted you to know that we think the world of you, and what you are doing to change his life. *** SandyRN
since no one really posts here I thought I would occupy some space. :biglaugh:
OK.. first off I want you to know that this actually has nothing to do with how I feel about Jake, or wanting him here.. its about how my sister acts....
Jake was originally placed in my sisters care. No one never heard the end of her compulsive complaining. She said she couldn't clean, take a bath, pump gas, go shopping.. She had to get up and go to work and come home and take care of him (she works one or 2 days a week). Once I jumped thru hoops and called every Tom, Dick and Harry to get him to stay at my house, she never took him back to her house, except 2 times when it was convent for her. (this was because her ex mil was coming over, and she didn't know he was living with me) During the time he was supposed to be in her care, she received benefits for him, and kept them, she did bring me stuff. All no brand foods and diapers, but it didn't add up to what she was giving for him.. Please believe me it has nothing to do with the assistance she received, but her own selfishness. I have been flairng forever, and a few days it was hard to walk let alone chase after him, I told her I was in so much pain, I wanted to go to er for a pain shot, and sleep this off. she had the nerve to tell me yea well I want 48 hours to my self, (she has a 17 year old and a boyfriend that sleeps in the spare room) all I wanted was her to watch him so I could take some massive pain meds to stop hurting, and she told me no.. so be it.. she then asks me, well once her rights are terminated will you let christina visit??????? ok and what is she smoking.. terminated is exactly that.. DONE... If she wan'ts her t o see her son and it is at her house we will see, but she don't want her daughter at her house.. ok fine.. then stop trying ro make me out to be the monster... ggggggggggrrrrrrrr.
Now that my nieces rights are going to be terminated, and she has known for months no that Jake calls us mom and dad, she is pulling this guilt trip on me.. You just don't know how much it hurts my heart for you to do this to me.. I think he should know who is mommy is and he should only call his mommy, mommy.. I of course told her I am his mommy, a mommy is someone that cares for, loves and IS There for him. It was not good enough to say that to me she is calling everyone in the family and repeating how bad I have hurt her.. Hello this is not about her nor about who he calls mommy. This is about him, keeping him safe, warm, fed and loved. YOUR DAUGHTER could not do that!! she even refused for a flipping year to comply with any court orders. C'mon how had is that?
Now she is calling me and telling me that she knows her ex husband (who left her 12 years ago) still loves her, and he is just to embarrassed to come back to her. She told me she called him and told him he had no clue how it is to work all day take care of a baby, and take care of the foster care visits and the court hearings.. OMG:cussing: :cussing: I am the one that is doing all of this, except the work part.:lmao: where dose she get off, letting people believe she is the one doing all of this?? I couldn't even begin to express my anger over this. She has a 17 year old son that she hides everything from, and on the way home from court all she cloud talk about was how she had to go home and easily explain to him that his sister will lose the baby and I will be adopting him. Then we have the issues with the name change. I am not dropping it but adding mine, they think I should not do that......
anywho I can go on and on about the things said and done, but I won't..
Thanks for letting me vent away,
02-25-2007, 08:13 AM
I am sorry they are putting you through all of that.......don't let them get to you. They are trying to put a guilt trip on you because they know they are wrong. It is always easier to do the wrong thing than the right one and that is exactly what they are doing. You keep on taking care of that little angel and doing the wonderful job you are doing. Hang in there :grouphug:
02-25-2007, 09:06 AM
I am so sorry that you have to deal with this. Your sister does not want to look like a bad person so she turns everything around on you to make herself look better and feel better. I know all about these kind of people, my husband's ex is just that way w/ her kids. WE take care of them WE do everything and she talks crap about MY hubby like he's a bad dad, he's the one that's here with them all the time, she just feels bad that she's such a bad mom and has to bad talk him to make herself feel better. You know that you are doing what is best for Jake and obviously that is not important to your sister which is sad but at least he has you and your hubby. Sorry that you're having such a bad flair, if I lived close by I would come and take Jake for you and he could play with Griffin :smile tee :grouphug: :grouphug:
02-25-2007, 09:38 AM
(((((((((hugs)))))))))))) Tiger, you are such a wonderful person..
I can understand how you feel, sometimes we all just need a break and when we are in pain, we need more breaks to help..I wish I lived closer to you, because I would surely help..Wouldnt it be nice if all us IC patience lived near each other, so when one of our friends are hurting we could help them, oh that would be nice...
Your sister sounds like she is a little selfish...I dont understand people sometimes..Well I hope you get to feeling better really soon.. I will put in a special prayer just for you...
Your friend Ronda
02-25-2007, 10:35 AM
I so hope things settle down for you once all the court proceedings are finished and you have Jake right where he belongs...with you. He deserves all the love you give him. Not the heartache that his biological mother is causing him and the one person who only wants what's good for him...you. :kissing:
Is there anyone who can help you out by giving you at least a couple of hours of rest? Maybe someone from Ashley's Church like in a Mother's Day Out Program?
How could she even think that she is his "mommy". You are by far-the person who is there for him all the time not just when its convenient or when it looks good to other people. Jake is so much better off in a stable home with you! Hope things get better.
02-25-2007, 12:08 PM
thanks so very much girls.. I do have Ash that helps me out greatly. As selfish as this sounds, I would like to lay down, and feel that I don't have to get up, because she should not have to be responsible for him.. not that anyone said that, it was just off the top of my head.. I guess what I want is for her do what she promised me. When I was in pain, she would be happy to come and get him, even take him once a week to let me rest up. I want her to admit, that she chose to give me custody, she didn't have to search her heart and painfully decide to give him to me because I wanted him so badly.
I tell you my niece learned from the best, and it kills me to think I have fought my ass off for this baby, and they never batted an eye.
02-25-2007, 12:18 PM
Hubby and I are each on our own computers right now. I just finished telling him about how much I admire you. I told him you are one great lady. I mean that, Cindy. What you are doing for that little boy despite the pain brings tears to my eyes. Maybe one of these days, your sister will grow up and stop thinking only of herself. She has a great example of that in her sister. :kissing:
02-25-2007, 12:18 PM
Cindy -- Those people, who unfortunately happen to be your sister and your niece, are just toxic for you and for Jake. If I were you, I would try to have less communication with them. Is there any way you can screen your calls? Would Ashley be able to look after Jake sometimes so you can get a rest?
We all know that you are doing the right thing, and you appear to be the only sane person in the group! And deep down, you know it too. So, hold onto that thought. They are probably not evil people, they're just pitiful, pathetic whiners who've decided they are the victims in every situation. I almost feel sorry for them; if they weren't making your life so hard, I would, anyway.
For instance, take your sister: She doesn't want to take responsibility, but she wants to be given credit. What kind of person does that? Someone with very low self-esteem or who knows she is in the wrong. And your niece -- well, look who she was raised by!
You are the hero in this situation. I know you are tired and in pain, and when someone basically attacks you under those circumstances, it's much harder to take. But the best thing you can do for yourself, and Jake, is to ignore them as much as possible. Even while your sister is talking, it's possible to just shut her out of your mind, if you really focus on it. Just think about Jake and don't respond. If your sister demands a response, you could say, "We've been over all of this and I'm not doing it again." And then end the interaction.
I hope things get easier for you. You have been incredible for that little boy, and of course you are his "Mommy!" As I undertand it, the custody dispute is between you and you niece; your sister has no rights at all in that case, no say in what Jake calls you or what you call him. Even though she is your sister, she is hurting you and your family and you don't owe her anything. I would say, try to put as much physical and emotional distance between you as you can.
You have a whole, huge, cheering section for you here on ICN. It's great that you keep posting about this situation, so we know what's going on and can support you and encourage you. At that termination hearing, you will have so many people with you in spirit, the courtroom will be crowded! In fact, you have us with you in spirit all the time, so when things get tough, close your eyes and maybe you'll feel someone's arms around you. :angel:
I know how much you wish this could all just be over and you could move on with your lives. It will be, soon. Hang in there, Hero!
02-25-2007, 12:28 PM
thank you so much girls.. it dose mean everything to me to have you all supporting me. I went alone at this for so long with just a very few friends. It has helped alot to know how many people have touched me with there support and love. I will keep you all posted on how things got.
02-25-2007, 12:38 PM
It's a sad quote, but a true one. If you can give birth, it doesn't make you a great parent.
Thank goodness he had a 'blood' relative he could stay with.
It's very sad his own g-ma doesn't have much to do with him.
But you guys are making up for that.
We have our son enrolled in a parent's-day-out course, like Sharon mentioned. It is $20.00 per day, and he goes twice a week.
It took me over a year and being on a waiting list at 4 different locations, before he got in. I don't know if there is a waiting period where you are, but it is soooo worth checking into. It would be good for him to have more structure time and play with other children. Not to mention you could be laying down at home while he is gone!:angel:
It was the best decision for our little guy. There's just some things he listens to others better......
Keep loving him and the rest of the family can go fly a kite.....:bunny:
02-25-2007, 01:15 PM
All I can add ,Is THANK GOD , This beautiful little boy has you ! And your strength & Love, You are a beautiful person !
Hugs Sandra :cat: :cat: :cat:
02-25-2007, 01:39 PM
that little boy is such a beautiful child. He's so blessed to have you raising him. It's so hard to understand how people can ignore their responsibilites in raising their children. This is why the situation, the remarks and attitudes are hurting you so much....because YOU know what is right and what is wrong. This little boy deserves love 24/7 and it sounds like his real parents are more concerned with themselves. They are lashing out at you because they know they are wrong and are jealous that even though you are suffering with pain everyday, you can still be a great Mom! I agree with the others, ignore the comments, keep being just like you are. Maybe...hopefully the others will 'wake up' one day and realize what they've lost. You are the best Mom for that precious boy. I wish you were close by so I could help you out. I have 2 boys, but they are in school all day. I would love to child-sit so you could have a break. I'm in Atlanta, by the way!!!
Keep on the same path....it's the right one...God will bless you for your sacrifices and that child will appreciate your unconditional love forever!
02-26-2007, 03:22 AM
thanks girls, I just get so un-nerved. we are all family, did they miss the family values part of life.. they got too much what about me going on, and not enough what about the children.
02-26-2007, 08:17 AM
Wow. It amazes me how truly ungrateful people can be sometimes. You haven't asked for a dime from her, even though you know she's getting the checks. Doesn't she realize that most likely, if you reported what was going on and all the money she's gotten when he doesn't even live with her...she'd probably get in trouble and likely have to pay that money back! It's just sad that people can't put a child's needs first. Well, he is very lucky to have you in his life and he will certainly learn how to be a good, responsible person.
02-26-2007, 08:33 AM
Cindy, Carolyn might have a point there. Let your sister and others know that you will talk to them but some things will be off subject otherwise you will hang up. You are allowing them to torture you with words and you can put a stop to it.
Cindy, I did have to do this before. It wasn't easy, but it stopped all the non-sense. Now things are fine and now I am talking to this person. You have to let them know you are not there to listen to garbage and listening to critizism.
I hope things will turn around for you and they will know you are not out to get them but your main concern is Jake.
Sending hugs and many more, Trishann
02-27-2007, 09:05 PM
I honestly am just so angry I don't know what to say Cindy. That doesn't happen often to me. If I get po'd I just rattle away at the keyboard. I can't even do that. I'm just stunned that you are having to go through this. :( I'm so angry and hurt for you. Know that I may not be able to say much but you are in my heart and my prayers okay?
02-28-2007, 03:58 AM
Hi girls.. you are right and I set it in play Monday.. My sister called me and asked how the visit was, and I said I had no clue I wasn't there.. Jakes Chauffeur picks him up and takes him.. Them she proceeded to tell me that Christina left her a message and she put a dollar in his pants pocket for M&M's. I said ok, thanks I didn't know that. Then she started to talk about her, and I said, hang on there's my caller ID beeping, I said, I just have to go and let Dave take this call :biglaugh:
Christina did buy Jake a used plastic tricycle with a handle, it folds under the wheels to make a rocker bike. It is really cute, but we already have one in the back yard..
Thanks girls for letting me vent so much about all of this. It is very difficult to say the least. I am grateful to each and everyone of you for your continued support.
I did talk to my nephew too, my sisters 17 year old son she hides every thing from, and he asked me once Christina's rights were terminated will I allow her to come to my house and see him? I said absolutely not, she is not welcome here. He had no idea why, and I filled him in, wrong or right I did it because it was going to come out in the end, and I don't think he needs to be left out or "sheltered" he is 17 (will be 3/5).
I also told him that I have no intentions on talking about any of this any more, if any one wants to know what is going on then they need to go to court! :biglaugh:
02-28-2007, 05:16 AM
How I wish I could take all the pain, both physical and emotional, away! I just want you to know, along with so many others here, you are in my thoughts and prayers. Carolyn said it so well. You have a huge cyber-family here sending you support and encouragement.
:grouphug: :grouphug: :grouphug: :grouphug: :grouphug:
02-28-2007, 08:45 AM
:grouphug: :grouphug: :grouphug: :grouphug: :grouphug: :grouphug: :kiss:
03-02-2007, 09:58 AM
YOu are in my thoughts and prayers. :pray: :grouphug:
03-08-2007, 01:36 PM
where would I be with out you never ending support????
My niece has admitted to her brother that she is back and living in the motel with James. We just don't understand how much she loves him.. Its a shame that she chose and abuser over her son.. Thank God, I love him like my own, and have flared over all of this from stress.. but you know what.. I would do it all again in a heart beat..
Thank you girls :grouphug: I love you all.
03-08-2007, 01:47 PM
Cindy I don't know how I keep missing these threads, but I didn't see it til now. I'm proud to know you, ya know that? You are just the best!
03-08-2007, 02:11 PM
Wow Cindy, I still can't get over that, having a little boy myself there is nothing in this world that comes above him. I know that's how you feel about Jake too. You really are amazing. :grouphug:
03-08-2007, 03:33 PM
Thanks, I still am at a loss why someone would not try to even do one thing to get there baby back.. I just don't understand, and my mind just goes and goes ove this..
I have been in a non stop flair since the Jan court date. I knew this would be a long fight, and I knew the out come when it began. I just never knew I had it in me to choose the love of one over another. I never believed I could truly despise someone I use to love so much. I can't even look at her because I just want to knock her teeth down her throat. I'm sure in time James will, and on that note, I am teriffied that he is going to kill her.
I will never let her or him take this baby. I made a promise to him when he was 4 months old, that I would never let him get hurt again. When I took him in May for a complete head to toe x-ray they kept asking in different ways if he ever was treated for a fractured arm.
I guess what it all boils down to that I need to keep talking and getting it out. If I keep letting it eat at me Jake won't have a mommy, because this stress is going to kill me...
So thank you for letting me vent away with all of this.
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