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View Full Version : How Stalking Can Occur Online - Just from an email!


icnmgrjill
02-27-2004, 05:22 AM
Folks.... this is so important, that I really felt that we should post it! Be wary with those forwards that you send out and use the BCC rather than the CC when you send to multiple addresses -

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PLEASE MAKE SURE YOU READ THE INSTRUCTIONS ON FORWARDING EMAIL SAFELY AT THE END OF THIS MESSAGE!.

I received this from a friend and thought I would pass it along. I know that I am not thrilled with having my email address passed along and 'out there'.... isn't it amazing how the criminal mind works

Please Read This All The Way Through

Late one evening, while online, I received an IM (Instant message) from a gentleman who said he knew me through mutual pals online.
We chatted for an hour or so before deciding to keep in touch, as we had so many things in common.
I eventually, after a week or so of knowing him, trusted him with my name (first name) and phone number. After all, he knew my friends and I felt he must have been okay if they all liked him. He knew a lot about them; he knew a lot about me, and he knew a lot about a lot. He seemed like such a nice person, a pleasant person, and someone whom I felt very comfortable sharing my
time online (and on the phone) with.
One night, a friend from our group of friends invited me to a Chat Room where several of the friends had gathered and were chatting when this gentleman popped into the Chat Room.

He popped in and then left quickly.Then, for the first time since I met and started chatting with him, I mentioned him to one of the friends who was in the Chat Room, one whom this gentleman claimed an association with.

She was in total awe, she did not know who he was!
Things were beginning to look really suspicious. The more she and I chatted, the more suspicious it became. It also became apparent that this guy knew none of us. Suddenly, he disappeared offline for a few days, then one day he pops back in and sends me an IM saying that we need to talk.

He called me at my home and I was very upset, so I asked him how he really found me and why he picked me.

***This is where you all need to pay attention:***

He told me that he spotted my screen name on a "Forward" that one of my friends had sent to some one else. My screen name is what attracted him.
He then used the screen name of others on the list of forwards to
acquaint himself with me and various others from our clique of friends.
He also used the Member Directory (at AOL) to look up info about others on the list of forwards, so as not to look suspicious. He said he felt it was the only way he would have the chance to get to know me, and the main attraction to me was "My Screen name" because he thought it was "sexy".

I was upset, needless to say, as I had trusted this man with my personal info, such as phone number and name. He also knew where I lived (thanks to the phone bill) and I was now his prey.

A few days after having last talked to this person and thinking that was the last of him, I received a phone call at 4:00 AM. It was this man telling me he was in town to see a friend who lived 20 minutes from my house, and wanted to know if I would like to meet him for coffee or breakfast.

When I told him it was not such a good idea, he became irate and hung up on me.

I immediately called him back (caller ID) and explained to him that my husband was back home (trying to scare him) and please not be so mad (in fear of him and what he might do). Telling him that my husband had returned and we were reconciling was a lie, and I told him this to make him think I was not alone.

Imagine the feeling I felt in the pit of my stomach when he came back with the following response-
"You're a lying *****, your husband is not there with you -you are
alone!"

I hung up on him and immediately called the Broward County Sheriff's office and told them what had happened.

They sent an officer over to take a report and said that was really all they could do for me at that time.

So, I packed few belongings into my car, and drove to my sister's home for the night.

Fifteen or twenty minutes after I arrived at her home, I received a
phone call from this man again. He knew that I had called the Sheriff and reported him; he knew where I was and he knew my sister and her husband's names.

People, let me tell you something, this man had been stalking me for weeks and I had no idea. I walked, ate, slept and breathed in constant fear until he was finally arrested for stalking- Not for
stalking me.
Nope-For stalking another lady who lived in Kendall, Florida.

I wanted to share this with you all. And yes, it is all true.

Friends, when you forward things and you leave your friends' names out in plain view like that, you are putting them and yourself in what could be grave danger

I hope I have gotten this message across.

I have not even begun to mention his assault (rape, using deadly force) charges the detectives from Broward County and Kendall, FL uncovered on him while investigating his prior history.

People, please-Be safe, be careful and use Blind Carbon Copy (BCC)

This is not a joke and not a hoax.

Please Remember:

It is Important to remove all personal email when forwarding items from this, or any other list to individuals or other discussion groups (unless the message asks readers to contact them via email or phone).

Remember, a lot of us have a great deal of information in our sig's
(signature files) that appear at the bottom of many of our messages.

In addition, the blind carbon copy (Bcc) option makes the individuals you send email to unseen by all E-Mailers should also cut out email addresses from forwards when forwarding the message on. I know

I have received unsolicited emails rom individuals who have gotten my address via a forwarded message from this group. Although more annoying than serious, it could have been worse.

IT'S TRUE..............

IF YOU CARE ABOUT YOUR FRIENDS, CHANGE HOW YOU SEND E-MAIL

This is a true concern of some people- Pay attention, read to the end.

Many times friends on e-mail ask me about me using the Bcc addressing on my e-mails and commenting about my e-mails not having long lists of other where the e-mail had been sent prior to me receiving it.

Please read all of this and you will understand why I do things the way I do. Also this is not a fake or ridiculous idea from a crank.

Do you wonder why you get viruses or junk mail?
Do you hate it?
Every time you forward an e-mail there is information left over from the people that got the message before you - namely their e-mail addresses. As the messages get forwarded along, the list of addresses builds, and builds, and builds,and all it takes is for some poor sap to get a virus and his computer can send that virus to every e-mail address that has come across his computer.

Or, someone can take all of those addresses and sell them or send junk mail to them in the hopes that you will go to the site and he will make five cents.

That's right, all of that inconvenience over a nickel.

How do you stop it?

Well, there are two easy steps:

1) When you forward an email DELETE all of the other addresses that appear in the body of the message. That's right, delete them.
Highlight them and delete them, backspace them, whatever it is you know how to do. It only takes a second.

2) Whenever you send an e-mail, don't use the "To:"or "CC:" columns for adding email addresses.
Use the "Bcc" or "Blind Carbon Copy" column for sending the message.

This way the people that you send to only see their own email address.

If you don't see your "Bcc" option, click on where it says "To:" and
your address list will appear.
Highlight the address and click "Bcc".
When you "select recipients" you can put the recipients in the "Bcc" box instead of the "TO" box.
And that's it - it's that easy-

jjmowen
02-27-2004, 07:49 AM
This information is so important. Thank you for sharing. Most of us don't realize how easily you can be tracked down from chat rooms, instant messaging and emails.

My son and his friend decided to use another childs user name for instant messaging friends. They did this at the other childs house. A week or so later the police came to the other childs house looking for the culprit. They were able to track down the owner of the computer by the instant messages. We had a meeting with the officers and I was told that they used practices to track down the kids that any criminal could also use. It was very scary to realize that just by instant messaging a stranger they could eventually get our address and show up at our house. My children are very monitored when online after that incident.

tigger_gal
02-27-2004, 08:43 AM
This has happened to more people than you actually realize, and more often than not its someone you know. I have always or tried to delete all the addresses if I do a forward and use bcc...
I received this in an email from dixie, then seen it posted here. thanks Rhonda :D
I had a man stalk me for 2 years, every time I changed my non published number he got it.. I switched jobs 3 times and he found me.
I DO NOT go in chatrooms any more I felt safe in the icn chat room then some guy appeared and was not quite up to par so to speak, so I quit going in there.. He would para chat me and say sexual things and I stopped going in there.. anywho Its a good idea to follow the directions that Jill gave us because it can cost you your life if this person is a physco.. and pretty much has to be to go that far... btw.. the person who stalked me was an ex-boy firend.. and he went so far as get into my garage and hook up a device to tap into my phone lines and he was recording every incoming and out going phone call. I did have a personal protection order and he was never caught... you ever see Mr. Wrong... well it was worse than that.
please be careful and safe

Brat

Dixiefireball
02-27-2004, 09:17 AM
Yes it is important Jill thank you for posting this i was going to post it today but i'm glad you did i got this threw email yesterday it is very scary. i also sent this important message to everyone on my friends list.
I hope everyone will take warn of this and use the bcc on there email or if you are like me and have two diff email address my wmconnect address doesnt have this i will now send my message one at a time to each of my friends for there safely but on yahoo i have the bcc. thank you again for letting everyone know this important message and thank you marsha for sending this to me. kissing grouphug

ICNDonna
02-27-2004, 03:05 PM
Thank you, Jill!

Donna

SheriG
02-28-2004, 12:15 AM
Thanks to all of you for sharing this info...it makes the hair on the back of my neck stand up...chills.. eek eek eek Again, thanks to all of you, especially Jill, for beginning this thread grouphug

dyno
02-28-2004, 01:07 AM
Jill,
Thank-you, I have seen this before and it is very scary.

ICchell
02-28-2004, 05:19 AM
OMG That is SO scary!!!
Thank you for posting the info.

Iris
02-28-2004, 05:43 AM
Thank you for posting the information Jill, what a scary situation. Iris.

YankeeCandle224
02-28-2004, 05:43 AM
Thank you soooooooooo much for this information.

Once, about 7 years ago, I had an AOL account, and this is when we lived in Minnesota for the 13 months. I was so bored, lonely, and homebound from the snow that I was online often.

I met a guy online and we just talked, as friends, or so I thought, and the more we talked the more I trusted him, even my husband knew about him.

He got to the point, after about 2 months, that he wanted to meet me, we'd exchanged pictures..DONT EVER DO THAT.........when I reminded him AGAIN that I was married and I dont go out with men I dont know, he said "then I will simply have to kill you"

Back then, there wasnt as much known about how hackers work, how people find out info, etc and a police report was made, but I was scared to death for a long time. I was afraid to go outside, or leave in my car, I was afraid to let my kids go play in the snow with their friends, etc.

He IM'd me several more times, and I finally figured out how to block his name, then he'd do it under another name. Once I told him I'd made a police report and the police report # and told him I'd get a restraining order against him or have him arrested because the cops knew who he was (which they did not at that time)........anyway, he finally stopped, I changed my internet account, and got OFF AOL, which I have NEVER trusted again, and began chatting on MIRC, which is no better......I had learned my lesson and trusted no-one......there are also a lot of men out there that will say they are women and get info from women that way....we tend to trust other women more......so becareful who you talk to, period.

I am bad because I do put my email address out there, on this board, because I want to help people if I can, but looking back, and really thinking about it, even that is dangerous.......people lurk all over heavily populated message boards to send all sorts of spam, porn, and viruses, etc......

Just be aware of your environment, online, just as you would in a dark shopping center parking lot, etc........please....your safety really is at stake here.

Hugs, and thanks again for that reminder. Sandy

Dixiefireball
02-28-2004, 10:55 AM
Thank you Sandy you made a very value point there i'm going to remove my email address from my post that way if someone wants to email me who don't already have my email address they will have to pm me threw here.

Zookeeper
02-28-2004, 02:51 PM
Jill, Thanks so much!!
This is an eye opener for sure.
I know I am so trusting. Way to much my self.
I have met a lot of people here that I do chat with often.I am so glad I did to.They are very special people to me.I just like to be helpfull when I can.
I know I will start up with the bcc when I email from now on.
I am so glad you brought this to our attention we should all learn from this.
Please take care. Love always, Zookeeper Kim

MakinIT
02-29-2004, 06:32 AM
Hi Jill: I'm so glad you are safe and it has worked out. I would be having nightmares for along time. What a creep and major psychopath.

Since I started using e-mail and learned to use the "forward" command, I deleted everyone else...not for any safety reasons but because it annoyed me...I'm glad I have done it.

Best to you...

ICNJess
02-29-2004, 07:54 AM
This is a forward email, or did this actually happen to you Jill? That is some scary stuff!!!! There are so many wicked psychos out there, you just have to be sure you can trust who you think you can. frown

tigger_gal
02-29-2004, 08:18 AM
I recieved this in a forwarded email a week or so ago from Rhonda but don't know who it happened to.
Brat

ICNDonna
02-29-2004, 08:49 AM
Jill's post does say that the message was forwarded to her. It did NOT happen to Jill.

I definitely agree that we need to be extremely cautious about giving address, phone number, and even names to people on the internet. I am also cautious about ordering anything on the internet and do not do so unless I know about the company I'd be dealing with.

Donna

Dixiefireball
02-29-2004, 09:11 AM
Yes i forward this to Jill it was forward to me from Marsha I thought this was something very important for everyone to see I also posted it to all my friends address i knew of by bcc. since i learned about it. I don't think anyone knows who this happen to but it sounds very real and even if it isn't it is something to think about. that is one reason i took my email address from the bottom of my post here i always i have felt safe here but who knows all of my friends know how to get in touch with me and anyone else can pm me threw the icn that way i feel more safe.
thanks guys for all of you listing to this warning its very important to be on the safe side.
i really believe this happen and i feel sorry for the lady it happen to. :( I just hope that person is safe now.

theclownster
03-02-2004, 03:21 PM
This was good info - Thanks everyone! Just as a small tip. I have a seperate email address for online purposes. It is not linked to my name or other information. It's a very basic name and I use it for purposes that could possibly be unsafe. It's my way of protecting myself. I have three different email addresses that I use for different purposes. That way I can control who knows what about me. I too have been stalked and feared that it could end up in a very very bad situation.

I appreciate the good information.
Thanks everyone!
Jennifer

felineperson3
03-02-2004, 03:37 PM
Thanks for the info as we certainly do not live in a very safe, secure world anymore. It is always worthwhile to use any precautions we can be made aware of.
May God bless each of you and keep you safe. angel

icnmgrjill
03-03-2004, 04:13 AM
No, this didn't happen to me. Rhonda sent it to me... and I should have given her credit for it! Sorry Rhonda.

I will say that I, too, have had some scary moments online. I've had a few death threats several years ago that I probably wouldn't have taken seriously if they hadn't been repeated to several people. Then I knew that the person was serious and making an effort to track me down. I did involve my police department, as well as the police department of the city that this person lived in and the situation was controlled that way.

I've also had my share of wounds trusting a few people online that I should not have trusted... back in my old AOL days. I agree... AOL is particularly dangerous IMHO. Because I'm the owner of the ICN and several other websites, I do have to have my email and name out there... but if I weren't, I wouldn't, eh? A safety net is always a good thing.

The web is a wonderful medium.... but it is also easily misused. I think it's always important to be as cautious as possible.

Jill :)

mary jiminez
03-23-2004, 09:26 AM
Wow! Really scary stuff! I am so glad someone sent this to me. Be advised that I went and did a Google search on my name and within the first two pages, there were two things I had posted to a group called Intercyst. I think we all need to be really careful about where we post anything! I could not believe my name was on Google for talking about Elmiron and private emails. Be careful, everyone! Thank you for bringing this to our attention!

valleygal
03-23-2004, 11:34 AM
I recieved this some time back off another message board.Yes this is very freaky and I don't forward anything.I'll have to figure out the bcc,so that I'm even more careful.I have kids too and I've seen what goes on in Instant Message!We are surrounded by crazies,so it's better to be safe rather than sorry!Thanks Jill:hi:

emilyrose197377
06-14-2006, 03:50 PM
Thank you Jill. I find myself in the postion of being stalked online. Do you have any advice how to deal with it? I reread your post and I am defintely going to contact the police. Ty again for your advice.

Trishann
06-14-2006, 04:45 PM
WOW, this is why it is scary to me to be online, because I don't know alot about computer.

Jill, some I do understand, but what I don't, I will let my husband and daughter read this post, and explain it to me, so I can be cautious too. This is a scary thing.

Thanks Jill and Rhonda for warning us about it.

Trishann
06-14-2006, 06:52 PM
Jill and Rhonda, my daughter showed me how to do it. Hooray!
Thank you so very much.

dg2901
06-14-2006, 07:35 PM
I agree, BCC is worthy of using every time an email leaves your computer.. Unfortunately you can find out anything about anyone who's ever so much as been online. There are numerous books for sale that explain step by step how to go about hacking, creating/sending viruses, how to look up someones personal info, etc. Its quite scary to say the least.

Re: AOL, I too have had the pleasure of someone hacking into my account I had with them 8 years ago. And as recently as a month ago I started receiving unnerving email messages (on my hotmail acct) from an unknown source. I politely emailed everyone I communicate with asking them to only use BCC (i've been aware of and using this for many years) when sending emails, especially so when MY email is posted. I won't hesitate to end communication with people if they can't provide me the little bit of privacy that I feel I do have while online. Once privacy has been violated its hard to know who to trust and who not to trust. Fortunately I've been able to put my guard down a bit and have established a couple of wonderful friendships on this site and on another msg board I post to.

Like the sargeant used to say on Hill Street Blues..be careful out there!

D

Silverfern
06-14-2006, 11:03 PM
Whew! it's scary out there. It must be just awful being stalked like that. I've fortunately never had any of these problems but then again I only frequent a couple of websites and so far everyone I've 'met' SEEMS to be who I think they are!

I'll definitely be a lot more vigilant in the future though.

trytosmile
06-15-2006, 02:31 AM
Technology is becoming our worst enemy

icnmgrjill
06-15-2006, 07:47 AM
Emily,

If you feel that you are being stalked... the best thing that you can do is bring evidence of that to the websites that are involved. So, for example, if you feel that someone on the ICN is harassing you, please send me atleast one copy of what has happened so that I can look at it. It's all about having some evidence. If I'm given evidence, then I can take action. If I'm not given any evidence, then I can't do anything.

Jill

green_the_fish
06-15-2006, 09:50 AM
OMG, that is so scary!

Thank you for posting this, Jill