Sex...

[SandyRN]

I knew that would get your attention. Yesteday I was feeling so much better, my period just ended, and I felt like perhaps I could conquer the world, if not the whole world, then at the very least I could have sex. As the evening went on I felt my bladder spasming, I started feeling this intense rectal pressure, and was doing anything and everything I could think of so that I could at least attempt to be normal for Tom, who puts up with way more than his share of 'stuff' from me.

I did an instill, I took extra pain meds, I took pyridium, I took an extra muscle relaxer, and even after all of that I was still in agony...he didn't know because I didn't tell him. So, we tried it. I don't know how he felt about it, I guess for him it was ok, but I was literally crying inside my own head, fearing the tears would start flowing and I'd make him feel like crap in the middle of, well, in the middle of it.

This morning I woke up SO depressed I cancelled my doctor's appt....STUPID thing to do as I was scheduled to have a PAP done and my Lupus studies redrawn. I just hurt too much down there to have that awful speculum inserted, and right now I just want to cry.

Tom doesn't even know that I skipped my appt....and when he finds out he's going to know something is wrong. I'm so sick of this stuff...my sex life was the one part of my life that actually functioned relatively normal, and THIS week was supposed to be the best week I have all month, and now I don't even have that.

I just feel like screaming....and even though he's a guy, he's not stupid, so he probably knows something was wrong last night. I'm not that good at hiding it. So, is he going to be afraid to touch me again for fear he'll hurt me?

:rant:

[marymove]

I am so sorry that you are in such pain and feeling so down. I know how it is. I have been married only 3 years(second marriage) and sex is a distant memory right now. It's hard enough when you are in pain just to manage your life, not only try to share yourself with others. And it is so disappointing when you think you are feeling up to stuff, just to end up in pain once again. But know that if you will feel well again, and maybe next time things will go better. hugs anyway---and call the doc back!

[Sarojini]

I don't know, but my husband doesn't initiate sex very often any more because of a few episodes when unexpectedly, I started to hurt in the middle of the process... *sigh* He says he is afraid it will hurt me again -- and I have now sat him down and told him that if we let the fear of pain rule our lives, then we won't live them.

I have explained that 80% or more of the time, if I do my pre-sex med ritual, everything will be GREAT; there are just a few times when it hurts, and that's okay with me since I am capable of doing pleasurable things for him with other parts of my body...

I think he's getting over it now, but like anything, it's a process.

It takes a while for men to get over this stuff, since so much of their "ego" is tied to sexuality -- but I think with an honest chat and several nights of YOU initiating sex when you feel okay, you'll be able to begin to reverse any problems that were caused :grouphug:

[Big Red]

I know the feeling. My husband very seldom makes the first move. There are times I have to give a shy and just do it. I don't always have intercourse though. He is the most understanding man around. We've been married 26 yrs so since we are getting older maybe that makes a difference. I have had problems though most of those yrs. of some sort before IC was diagnosed. I also fight with not being pretty since my masectomy. Be open with your man and I'm sure it will all work out.

[SandyRN]

Tom called me a few minutes ago to ask me how my appt went. I told him I hurt too bad to have a pap test done so I stayed home. He asked me if I hurt last night and didn't tell him to stop. I finally admitted that I was hurting a lot, and he told me not to do that again...that it wasn't THAT important and we would do it when my body was up to it, and not at any other time. Again, this is a case of ME worrying over things that really could just be talked out.

I just hate so much that this happened .......and this rectal pressure thing is really rare for me, it just hardly ever happens. I don't want one more new symptom and I don't want what is usually a good part of my life to be ruined by this stupid body of mine.

So now I'm paying for not speaking up. Jen, if I'd been smart I could of just done what you did and make him happy, and that would have been enough for him, but I was determined to stick it out and stay in denial that I was actually miserable.

Thanks for the posts, and I will call my doctor back. I'm pondering on whether to go see a female gyn who I might feel more comfortable discussing this type of thing with. I know several of them from my days at the hospital...just don't look forward to the 3 month wait it takes to get in to see the good doctors.

At the very least I'll schedule a check up soon with my GP to check my bloodwork again.

[Big Red]

I am glad you were honest with Tom. Make a appt. with your gyno and I'm sure they will understand also if not get a new gyno.

[humpieumpumkin]

Sandy,
Its hard sometimes for me to. I feel like if I dont have sex with Jake he will go do it with someone else. I finally realized after 3 years how out of whack my thinking was. Now we communiticate better and I let him know when its not a good time and when is:) It took several times of me crying and making him stop in the middle of things but it is much better to be able to say yes and no. Men tend to be alot more understanding then we think. As jen said, jake is sometimes scared he will hurt me. When the time is right I remind him that I am ok today and if it does hurt i will let him know. Good luck Sandy!

[dancemomof2]

I have done that before also Sandy. Glad you talked about it with him.

[janelle77362]

Hi Sandy,
What has worked for me is negotiation. Sex doesn't have to always be about penetration. Use your imagination, I am sure your husband will still be pleased and you won't have to be in pain.

[SandyRN]

Just wanted to say thank you to all of you. I really appreciate the help! Sometimes it's just very, very hard to deal with all of my physical problems and how the affect my entire life.

Hugs to all of you, Sandy

[siriuspsyclist]

yup, my sweetie pie and i are definitely not "doing it" like we used to. And that used to be our fallback. When things weren't great we could at least bang each other, both have orgasms, and move along happier.

but no more

My IC really affects my urethra more than anything else. We gave up penetration for a while COMPLETELY hoping that the healing might allow us to get back to normal. and things were getting better. I was comfortable and I could relax my diet just a teeny bit and get away with it and I was taking my calcium and all was starting to get better. But I could see me sweetie watching my food adventurousness and wondering when I might get adventurous with him. So we gave it a try a few days ago.

It didn't hurt so much at the time ... but later my urethra felt like someone rammed a pinecone up there again and now it just has been getting worse this week.

I have an IUD and I have really noticed that the pain comes after the penis has hit the cervix a few times. Orgasm doesn't cause me pain and even "sex" that involves the outer section of my vagina doesn't cause me pain (which suprised me cuz the urethral openning is usually a big trouble spot for me) but as soon as there's penetration things start to degenerate.

Anyone have this trouble? I live ina van with no electricity so there's no heating pads or ice packs afterwards for me. I still haven't found any of those disposable heating pads yet. I think I'll make a doc appt to have him check out the cervix again for infection.

The last time he did an internal he had to use a teenagers speculum.

[SandyRN]

siriuspsyclist, I don't usually hurt during intercourse either...actually, like I said, that part of my life has been good...and I just didn't have pain and we were both satisfied. That came to a screeching halt last night. At least I know that he's supportive of me, and he's called several times today to check on me. I wonder if the IUD contributes to the pain that you have with sex? I have never had one, but have talked to several women that have had difficulties with them, including painful sex. You might want to mention it to your doctor if you haven't already.

Thanks for the post!

Sandy

ps...I like your screen name :)

[Moonheart]

we could at least bang each other, both have orgasms, and move along happier.


This was priceless I just had to tell you.:smile tee :bow: :woohoo: