Saturday= Emotional Day

[petrie86]

Saturday is a big day for me. My cousin Claire(my mom's brothers daughter) is having her Sweet 16 party in Long Island. I found out yesterday all my great Aunts and Uncles are going. I'm assuming along with my immediate family. I havent seen or talked to my family since July 06 when my older sister Chelsea got married.(which I wasnt invited to but went anyways) So The party is from 1:30-6:30 and I am so nervous. I'm going by myself and it's going to be very emotional for me. I really dont know how to act around my family anymore. I know I should be the bigger person and keep my head high and act like a lady but part of me wants to just be really mean to my dad and immediate family for all that they put me through... I'm going to have to put on a happy face and act like my life is sooo wonderful b/c they told me I wont amount to anything in life and I cant survive without them. It's been 2 years and I think i'm doing ok for being alone. I just really really dont want to talk to them at all. I'm kinda hoping they will be nice to me but i'm just not sure. It's gunna be very uncomfortble... Please just keep me in your prayers!!! I'll keep you posted

<3 Rachel

[aprilmae]

Will be praying for you. You are a very brave woman to go and face them. You stay strong and remember that we all care about you on these boards and we be waiting to hear how things go. You are doing a great job being on your own and you have so much worth as an individual. It is most definitely your family's loss not to realize this. I am learning that we are the only ones that can define what we are worth - do not listen to others negativity!!!!

Lots of hugs,

April

[leelee88]

Awww Rachel,

Thats so sad, I dont know what I would do if I didnt have a supportive family.
I do believe its going take alot, Let the ball be in your court..You talk to who you want to, if you dont feel like talking to some of them, then dont..
Its your life hun, You do whatever feels right at the time..

I will tell you something, before my IC I hadnt talk to my oldest sister for 2 years, because of something with my oldest son..
But after I had my cysto/hydo with complications and almost died, I wanted to make ammends with everyone, Even if they didnt..

I wrote her a long heart to heart letter, telling her even though we didnt agree on some things, that she was still my big sister and I loved her, I told her she didnt have to respond, I just wanted her to listen..I told her that I had almost died in the hospital and realized life was to short and I didnt want to leave this earth and her not knowing that I did love her. I ask her to forgive me, for acting the way I did, even though what happen, I felt it was her fault.. It was the hardest thing I have ever done when it comes to family..
But after I sent the letter(email) I felt like a mountain had been lifted from my shoulder.. I knew even if she didnt respond. I had done the right thing, I then left it in Gods hands.. I did all I could do..

The very day she got the letter, she called me and said she loved me to and that she was sorry to..We are even closer now..

So even if your family wants to be that way with you, I would still open the door for them, It will help you so much to get whatever is on you mind off of it.. It will allow your soul to heal..Because you never know what will happen to anyone of them tomorrow.. remember this.........

Its better to take the chance and regret it later - - than to never take the chance and always wonder.....

[petrie86]

Thank you both for your kind words.... Lee I totally understand what you mean. About a year ago both my sisters got into a car accident and it was in the newspaper. I found out about a 2 weeks later and I cried and cried I felt horrible I knew they were ok but it scared me! What if something happened and they died and I never got to tell them I loved them or that I'm sorry for everything that happened. I decided to call them and see if they were ok. My little sister didnt answer my phone call and my older sister told me what happened and that they're ok. She was weirded out that I called her, and gave me a lecture that I needed to change to their religion other wise she cant talk to me. It hurt my feelings and I regreted calling her.
When she got married I gave her a really expensive engraved knife set and in it I wrote her and her new husband a letter. You know that I didnt even get a thank you or letter back?? I've tried to make amends and they just dont want to be apart of my life until I convert to their religion. It's sad. That's why I'm terrified of saturday. I just dont know how to act.

[dg2901]

Its your cousin's party so the only person you're there for is her.
While it would be wonderful to be able to make ammends with your family, I dont think a party is the right place to attempt to smooth things out. If this were me I'd be civil should the family members approach me; anything more than a "hello" would have to wait until we were on our own time (not at someone's party).

Having said that, you're the only one who can decide how to act towards your family in this situation. Hopefully you wont have to make a choice--things will run smoothly without incident.

take care, dear
diana

[ihurttoo]

I think Diana got it right. The party is for the b-day girl, so I wouldnt attempt anything there. Just be civil and polite if they approach you, and hold your head high. Remain a lady no matter what. You should conduct yourself so that anyone who says anything bad about you will be thought a liar.

Hopefully, the sight of you will get them to thinking and they will call or write to try to reconcile things. My prayers will be with you.

Many hugs,
Amy

[leelee88]

I do agree what Amy and Diana said about the birthday party..

But this is something that I can see is really bothering you, Like I was saying for your sake..
Not thiers.. let them know how you feel about all them, if they still dont want to have anything to do with you, then your conscious is clear..

Oh and dont get me started about religion.. As a Christian, I dont judge anybody its not my place... and to push someone away because of what they believe is just not the Christian way.. I better leave it at that, things like what you are going through just make me mad...I feel for you and I will pray that they will come around...:angel:

[Trishann]

Rachel, there is something Ronda said that is so important. We can get mad and disagree with our family and maybe things cannot be resolved but there is a possibility if you "keep the door open". If you shut that door, they won't even try. I think this is one of the hardest thing to do.

I try not to talk about issues that I know it will not go nowhere, it will only cause arguements, I will refuse to talk about those issues, just by not responding to that subject. Try to find a subject that you all can talk about.

I know that this is uncomfortable for you, Just do what you know what is right, because then you will not care a heavy burden then.

Prayers for you that things will turn out to the good and for you to have a nice day. :pray:

[lisalau]

I am blown away that any religion would ask a person to not communicate with their family unless they too convert
I am so sad you are being pushed away in the name of religion
One of my cousins joined a very strict branch of a Christian religion and began finding it very difficult to attend family gatherings because he felt it was his duty to convert everyone. I understood his dilemma. in his eyes, if he did not try to 'save' everyone, he wasnt showing love for them and he would dearly love to know we were all walking his path to heaven
so over time we saw less and less of him
and we all missed and suffered his absence asi am sure he did
but he NEVER refused to talk to us even though in his eyes we were all sinners i guess
Jesus never refused to talk to anyone, no matter who they were or what their lifestyle
I would pray for your sisters, sounds to me they are brainwashed and you are suffering and they must be too
My bro hasnt spoken to me for just over a year, he has refused to attend family gatherings even Christmas! and now my cousin is getting married and he wont go to that either so i understand your pain. Family has even started not inviting him (someone once said not to invite him because it might make me uncomfortable, i would never allow that....he should be invited always, i hope one day he gets over whatever is bothering him and he starts attending again but if he isnt invited how can that happen?)
I think you are very brave and have a huge spirit to attend these things and you should feel very proud of yourself. Enjoy the company of those who deserve you and as hard as it must be, diminish the impact of those who presently are so silly, they would miss having you in their life. I try to do this about my bro.
warm hugs and let us know how you faired
lisa

[petrie86]

thank you all for taking time to respond to my post. I went to my cousins party and had a ball! My imediate family didn't attend. I asked my aunt why there werent coming. she said that my mom had been trying to e-mail my uncle that they werent coming. My aunt said my mom wouldn't tell him why she wasn't coming. they were all heart broken that they didnt come. I know why they didnt come... It's because they cant be in the company of "unbelievers." they believe that if they try to preach or "convert" family and they do not accept their beliefs they cant talk to us b/c we are a bad influence. It's really messed up. In july my sister got married and my whole family went but when its reversed they wont go. It's so wrong. they are so brainwashed its unbelieveable. What happened to compassion? I'm their blood and I get pushed aside. My dad says that family doesnt mean anything he believes family is other believers. I was told I am a discrase to the family!! This comes from a minister, a man of god. Telling his daughter i'm a discrase b/c I dont agree with his beliefs?? How bizare?
Anyways back to the party... My great aunt and uncle came from florida to the party. They were so happy to see me. My Great Uncle Will cried when he saw me and didnt want to let me go after the party was over. I was fine until that moment I got all emotional. I think they're starting to feel the regection that I've felt for 2 years. I just wish there was something I could do that would stop my parents from treating them the way they treat me. They're old and dont deserve to be rejected. ya know?? the other day I was thinking about my mom alot and how much I missed her and felt the need to e-mail her. I wrote that I was thinking about her and asked how she was feeling lately (she's had some heart problems latley) and said that I hoped she would e-mail me back. That was friday. I still havent recieved a response yet. I dont think she will respond. I'm okay with that though. I'm stronger now and am able to cope with the fact that i am not a part of the family anymore. I have other people that care about me. sorry for blabing on and on. Thanks for listening and caring

Rachel