Angry at IC and God

[lorihoss]

I work full time as a teacher. I also have three kids who are 4,6, and 10. I find that it is very draining for me, and want to be in bed nowdays by 7:00. That is not conducive to having children who need supper, homework help, bed time rituals, daily conversations with Mom, housework, and a husband as well who needs his time. For now I find myself resenting everything, and pretty angry about stuff.

But then I have been only dx for about a month. So, I am sure that it is pretty normal reactions on the grief scale. I have dealt with a lot of pain in my past few years from having a soccer sized tumor, to post-partum with all my kids, to a hysterectomy due to all my femle organs again being messed up with another tumor and connected together and to my insides, to now IC. I am not a happy camper right now, and am pretty angry with God to be honest. But you know I have been that way before, and I am a person who thinks of god as a friend so I can be angry with him for a little while. I always get over it, and I know that if I have this then it means I can deal with it. But still I find myself resenting it all.

I work hard. I have devoted my life to poverty high risk kids. I am a good wife, a good mother, and a good friend. I live my christian life, I don't just talk about it. I know that to be a christian doesn't mean that life will be easier, and at times it is often harder because of the decisions I have made at times to stand out and not go with the flow. But dang, I had really bad post-partum depression. I hated being pregnant. I hated dealing with diapers, breast feeding, and didn't even enjoy my children until they were about 3 years old when my hormones always calmed down. I got to deal with this too on top of all that mess. I got to accept this crap too. I don't wannnnaaaaaa!

I have been rejected by family at one point because I married a black man. I went 5 years without speaking to my dad. Grandchildren make a difference and we finally healed that rift, but dang I had that pain too. From the time I had my first period, it seems like I have been in pain in some sort or fashion due to hormones, cramps, emotional mood swings, and just plain life. I got to accept this too. But yet I will, and I will get over being mad at God. I always do, and then I start to see things as a blessing because I am always willing to open up and share my mess with others. If I have to go through junk then it has to be helpful to someone, or else life is just a waste of time if you ask me.

So anyway, if anyone out there finds themself in the same situation, please let me know I am not alone with this anger. I need to just go on and accept it I know, but I am just so dad blasted angry. I try and I try and I try and it all seems so pointless. I find myself resenting my job, my kids, my household work, and my husband. I don't want to interact with people outside of my house anymore. I don't want the stress and having to figure out what causes me to be in pain. I don't want to deal with it. I know I have to, but I don't wannnnaaaa!!!!

Oh well, at least I know that I can deal as I have been here before with my last bout of post-partum. I was mentally, physically, emotionally, and spiritually lower then. I have only been dx a month so I know it all takes time. I am not a patient person though and feel like I don't even know myself anymore. I don't like talking about school related issues anymore. I didn't enjoy seeing an old and dear friend at Christmas who is an awesome teacher and now adminstrator. I didn't want to hear about her successes. I was never like this before. I don't care if I make a difference or someone else does. Just change the life of children, and bring hope to them. I feel disconnected with myself now and just so freaking angry.

Then I feel guilty about feeling that way, because geez so many people I know have it worse than I do. I have a friend whose son is in remission from cancer and her mother is dieing, one whose son is heading to jail, and one whose husband is dieing. I am just emotionally a mess. I hate this! When does it get better?

When can I begin to see the light at the end of the tunnel? Right now I am trying to hold onto faith, but it seems hard today. I miss my old church in the town I used to live in, and the new one just isn't the same. None of them here in this town are the same. It is so hard to fit in churches when your an interracial family especially in Oklahoma. Believe it or not Texas was easier as we were in the Dallas metro area. Anyway, enough of this pity party.

Back to the question, When should I start to even feel a difference with the elmiron? I take zoloft too, and I can feel some difference with it the more I take it. I take enablex, and premarin as well. I eat only organic now. That is fairly easy for me as I am from farm country, and my folks do lots of home canning, so the processed foods are now a thing of the past for me. I have dumped the caffeine and drink Teechino and Carob. Good stuff by the way. So again When does the elmiron even start to make a difference?

[Briza]

:grouphug:
I am fulltime teacher, too, and know how hard it is to deal with IC working fulltime, especially in the beginning, that 1st 1.5 yrs I was trying to get dx and treated was hard and painful. I don't have children, it must be especially draining on you and difficult, I can only imagine trying to be there for everyone and feeling this way, too. I'm not on Elmiron but from what I've heard it can take some time to work, months, but your other meds should help you with your sympotms in the meantime You can see my list of meds below to see what works for me. It has gotten better with time, I can tell you that, and I was in denial for over a year after my hydro...I didn't go to see another dr for over a year I was so sick of it all, I was also very angry and depressed about it. I am doing much better now, and while I still have the occasional flare and sometimes daily minor pain, I have learned how to cope with it and live a very normal life again, with minor accomodations when necessary. You will, too. :kissing: hang in there!!

[leelee88]

lori:welcome:

I was just dg in Nov of this year, so I can honestly know how you feel..
But theres know reason to be mad with God, he is not the one who made you sick, Just keep praying and I will pray for you to:angel:

But it is ok to be mad about having to deal with IC, I think we all go through that, but that will get better in time, Like I said I was just dg to, and I am already feeling so much better, but I think I got real lucky and got the right combination of meds early, some people on here have went through all kinds of meds before they got the ones that work for them...Well if you need anything just ask... and remb the more knowledge you have about this disease and how it affects you the better you will be able to treat it.........

[DaniBelle]

Before I forget...the Elmiron starts working anywhere from 3 months on, but everyone's different. With me, it was a little over 4 months. If I stick to my I.C. diet, etc., I don't have many flare ups. I still have alot of bladder, etc. pain which is controlled by pain meds, but I feel I am doing better.

It's so great that you can eat organic. I wish I could do that for me AND for my family because I want them to be healthy. You know, I had alot of depression postpartem (have 2 boys and my first boy (want to admit it and have to go on any antidepressant medication. It was a difficult time. Plus, my oldest (14 now) has a little ADHD, so when he was little, life was exhausting. Now, he just doesn't talk to me, unless he wants something. It breaks my heart everyday and I pray that God will change the situation. I don't know if he's mad at me because I've been sick a long time, or if it's just the age he's experiencing (TEENAGERISM). I was kind of like him at his age. My poor Mom and Dad! You can read my long list after my signature to see my history of gyn and bladder problems. I (We) thought that after my last gyn surgery (4th one) and the pain disappeared finally...it was all over and I could have a good life with my family. Up pops this I.C. and Fibromyalgia. I feel angry at God, but mostly just question him why, why? I know I don't have cancer and am not going to die from these conditions, but I'm so tired of family (husband's side) and 'friends' telling me all I need to do is exercise more and 'not dwell on it'. They don't like for anyone to be sick. Being a military family (my father in law) has alot to do with the attitude they have. When my husband told my sister in law we weren't coming to FL for New Years she said 'just leave her behind and you all come (my husband and 2 boys)'...she never once said, "tell her I hope she feels better...stay there and take care of her so you all will have a good celebration'....I'm still p'od about it! I don't care if I never go down to their place again! She has never visited us at our house and we've been here almost 10 years!

Don't let people get to you at all about you loving a man because of who he is and not choosing according to what 'color' he is. That makes me so mad! I'm so sick that racism still exists. I still see it in television commercials, t.v. programs, movies, etc.. I used to get so mad when I would go to buy toys for my boys and would notice that there were no dark-skinned Barbie dolls on the shelves for the little girls. It was quite a while ago and I know it's better now, but if you watch t.v., it's not that much better. O.k., I'm off my soapbox for a while.

Anyway, I hope your medications work for you soon. It is such a lonely existence when you are in pain and can't do everyday things with your family, or just necessary things for yourself. There are very few dr.'s out there who understand. You have to be firm with them. Make sure you always have a list, or diary if you want, so you can read over the things that concern you and they can perhaps see a pattern of what's going on. There has to be an answer! Just remember to love those around you as much as you can and ask God for a sign to let you know he's with you and one day soon he'll reveal his purpose for your suffering.

I told my Mom that if my suffering could bring my husband and boys to a closer relationship with God, it would be worth it. You take care of yourself and have a good New Year's Eve! Here's to a Happy New Year!

I wish you a pain free evening!

[lorihoss]

I am in the just trust god mode, but I still get angry. Yet like I said, I have been angry at God before, and it seems to make my relationship with him stronger. Because when I get angry, I seem to look for more information and search the bible more until I get a handle on things. So, ironically I have gotten way past the stage of thinking that it is wrong to be mad at God, I think that just like I get upset with my friends sometimes I don't loose the relationship. It gets stronger the more we discuss things. To me God is like that. The more I get into discussions with him, the deeper the relationship get. It is just right now, I am so dad blasted angry. I know that what I need to do is sit down and write in my journal and tell him off, which will then lead me to acceptance and good verses to hold onto, but I don't wannaaa! I don't want to deal with this yet. But then I know that I have to and there is no point to fighting it. It is here and that is life. And I know logically that life doesn't end, it just changes, but right now it seems to be ending for me. All I ever wanted to do was teach. I loved teaching. I loved interacting with high risk gang type kids basically. Now, I hate it. I hate going to work everyday, I hate dealing with the paperwork, the adminstration, the people i work with, the kids, and the parents. It all seems to just make me hurt more with the stress, the testing, the fits the kids throw, and the politics in the school system. In a way I blame teaching for this. I know I shouldn't, but again it isn't logical.

[kadi]

Hi Lori,
I am also a fulltime teacher. I have had IC for 3-1/2 years. They have been the most challenging years of my life, but I am so much better now than I was when I first got sick. I also struggled with my faith in the beginning with IC. So, I know a little of what you are going through.

I see that you've made some dietary modifications - that is great & should help! Have you seen the IC diet? Here is a link to the diet that has helped many of us. http://www.ic-network.com/handbook/diet.html
I started out just eating from the left hand column, then eventually (after about a month) began adding in middle column foods one by one to see if they increased my symptoms or not. I had improvement after about 3 weeks of following the diet. You are right to avoid processed foods, most of them contain very irritating preservatives (citric acid, sorbic acid, metabisulfites, colorants, etc.)

About treatments: many of us have found relief with Elavil (a tricyclic antidepressant that lowers frequency of urination, helps us sleep at night, and reduces pain). This is the antidepressant most used for IC, though some of us take other ones. You might consider talking to your doctor about this. Some IC patients see improvement within days of starting this. You can start with a very low dose & then titrate up to where you feel best.

Others of us have found relief with antihistamines: the one most prescribed for us is Atarax. Elmiron has been very helpful to a number of us, though it does not have as high a success rate as Elavil. People who have found relief with Elmiron have been very happy with it though, so it is definitely worth trying. It takes a while to become effective, 6-12 months. So, if you're not having side effects from it, hang in there with it...

Life with IC gets easier when you have tested & figured out your dietary triggers, have found your individual combination of treatments that work for you.

When I first got IC, I was voiding 60+ times a day, was curled up on the floor in pain, losing a pound a day from pain & nausea, could not drive, could not wear pants (loose skirts only), barely made it through work. Today, I feel normal most of the time, wear my beloved jeans & boots without discomfort, can drive up to several hours, work fulltime, attend church, work out at the gym, do yoga & hobbies. I go to the bathroom maybe 8-10x a day. My flares are manageable & I've only missed 1 day of work since August due to IC. I'm telling you this so that you know it is possible to get better!

About faith, I don't believe God gives us IC, I think God is heartbroken at our suffering. Physical illness & pain is just part of living in this world & even His son was not exempt. I think feelings of anger, frustration, fear are perfectly reasonable responses to an IC diagnosis. Acceptance comes later and is not an easy process, but it is possible.

Lori, you are in the hardest part right now. It will get better! Hang in there...

Wishing you better days soon. :kissing:

[kadi]

Lori, I just noticed re-reading your post, that we have another thing in common. I also work in a semi-urban, heavily gang-involved high school, with a lot of stress. I love working with kids not favored by the statistics, even though the stress definitely affects my IC. So, I am looking for ways to reduce my stress and am praying that if God still considers this where I am meant to be, that He will enable me to continue in this work.

So far, I've found that physical therapy & focused relaxation definitely make a difference for me, as does gentle yoga to help me relax.

Just something else to consider along the way...

[lorihoss]

Kadi,
I know that now I need to add into my life, exercise. I just literally can't fathom when to add it in. I can't see the time in my busy schedule to add it in. I also am scared to exercise as what will happen when I start moving around. Like many of you I am really praying about what to do as far as work is concerned. My husband tells me all the time that teaching is not the only way to work with kids.

I know he is right because the school district has just started a tutoring program in the middle of the day for Pre-K to 2nd grade to try and get the kids up to passing the third grade test. I have a friend who is doing this for 16.60 an hour and she chooses her hours. I am praying about what to do next year as I don't want to continue in this position I am in this year with this adminstration. To much conflict between people for me.

dschied,
I got over a long time ago the racism thing, and just accept it as a part of life. Believe it or not, I catch it all the time because I am white but sound more black than my husband. So when people talk to me on the phone, they think I am black, then they meet me. I was offered a job once because I sounded black, and the person wanted more blacks at her school. Needless to say i didn't take it because she was looking for a color not the best teacher.
Also, know that in Jeremiah he speaks to the fact that God knit him in his mother's womb and knows everything about him, so know that I don't blame God for this as he knew and created me for a unique purpose that even this plays into. I am just angry at the loss of control. I thought I had it all figured out, and now this. Another dad blasted change in my life forcing me to re-think my purpose, priorities, and goals. I hate not knowing what I am going to do next.
I was already fast approaching a conflict of interest in the work and children area. I can see that my youngest child a boy needs a lot of my attention, and something was going to have to give if I want him to grow up without having to medicate him. My oldest child is approaching teenagerism, and i know how hard it was for me. Like you I want to maintain a relationship with him, so that means I need to be able to focus on him, not my disease, not my job, and not other things. Both of my boys are children who demand quality time with Mom as their love language. Both are high need, draining, and time consuming. The girl is easier simply because of her age. That I know will change. Pre-teens are hard to relate to, but they are worth the effort. I love middle school age kids.

I just get so dad blasted tired that I don't have the energy to interact with them. that then makes me angry and so on. I guess I just need to accept and move on. thanks to all of you for being encouraging. It helps to see that it does get better, and that even if life changes, it doesn't mean it is over, it is just different. I just have to figure out what will do the most good with the energy level that I have and apply myself in a focused manner that balances health and my family with the desire and purpose that God has given me.

[Trishann]

Lori, I am so sorry that you are not feeling good. Lori we all get angry at times and sometimes being angry can bring moviation to change things. If you are angry with God, tell him. Don't you think He is waiting for you to pour your heart out to him. Don't you think HE is able to handle it. Be honest about the way you feel and ask God to help you with all of these feelings. He created you with feelings and He can help you with it. If we were perfect we wouldn't need help, no one is perfect, we are just forgiven. We are a feeling person, love, hate, hurt, compassion, understand, and etc. That is in our being and nothing is wrong with it. Sometimes we can get off balance with it but that is because we are not perfect. Don't be so hard on yourself, I know God will not be that hard on you. :help: God is waiting for a conversation with you.

[Babs RN]

Lori,
I understand your frustration and exhaustion. I have been diagnosed with endo since 1998(finally had an abdominal hyst in 2002), IC in 2003, and then got hit with new onset seizure disorder a few months ago. Toss in multiple pregnancy losses, finally delivering my miracle:angel: Lindsey who I found out last year while my husband was in Iraq is autistic, God and I have had some intense conversations. Don't beat yourself up for it, and the Momma guilt thing will make you insane if you worry about it. Not trying to preach to you, been there and went through it myself. I am also in the middle of a very messy divorce--and I have had those periods where I have said ok God, I know you won't give me anything I can't handle but geez, could I catch a break for a while? Please give yourself a chance to adapt to a diagnosis that will be around in some form or another for a very long time.

I also wanted to thank you, Kadi, and Bri(as well as all the other educators)for your choice to become teachers. It is because of wonderful people like yourselves that have allowed my Lindsey to come as far as she has.

Please do not hesitate to come here for support, ok?

Hugs,
Barb:hi:

[kadi]

Hi Lori,
Don't worry about the exercise thing right now. Just let your body heal for a bit. You can add it in gently-maybe just 5-10 minutes of light stretching. Even that can be helpful. I definitely wouldn't want to add anything heavy into your schedule right now.

And yes, there are lots of ways to work with kids, and even teaching, that are not so strenuous as fulltime classroom with at-risk kids. I am single, so when I go home at the end of the day & collapse, it is not so hard as what you have with a family.

I will be praying for you, for discernment during this spring in making your plans for fall. Conflict with administration is no small thing & IC makes it that much harder. I have been fortunate that one of the Assistant Principals took me under her wing, helped me keep working when a lot of other administrators would have pushed me out on disability. She is now Principal & has continued to be supportive & kind to me. I don't know what I would do without that.

Sending a hug,

[waterflow]

Well, for me the anger has gone beyond ever forgiving anyone including God. If there is a god I hate him. I followed his rules and this is the kind of life I got for doing so. I have always had a hard time with my period as well from the beginning. Cramps, bloating, bleeding, PMS the whole thing. The PMS has calmed down some with age. I've had IC for a long time now and for me it has all gotten worse. I'm sure there are those who have go one and had a good life with it and learned how to handle it all. I've lost all family and relatives and friends (that weren't ones) from this. I found out what the world thought of me and it wasn't much.

[vm]

Lori - I, too, have had periods of feeling angry at God and it lead to a stronger relationship for me as well. Reading the Psalms you can see the anger expressed in a big way sometimes. I think your idea for journaling is a great one - I like to journal as a conversation with God, too. Sometimes I think I "hear" Him more that way.

I'd like to paste in some great prayers about health and so on that have been helpful to me:

Father,

You help me relax.

My body may be tired, but spending time with You always leaves me feeling more awake and alive. I can relax in the comfort of Your Spirit and the security of Your acceptance. The weariness of motherhood fades away as You rock me in Your arms. Your words are like a lullaby to my soul. My loving Father, come to Your child now. I need to know You're close. I need to know that I'm not doing this alone.

Amen.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Father,

You are the great Physician.

You know me inside and out. You created my body and only You know how to heal it perfectly. That's what I'm praying for, Father. I know that physical healing isn't always the answer to that prayer, but it is the longing of my heart. And I know the cries of the heart rise to Your throne. Please bless me with the healing I long for. Give me relief. Help me rest in Your healing hands.

Amen.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Father,

You are the Worker of miracles.

You have made the blind see, the deaf hear, the dead rise again. You can heal broken bodies, broken hearts, and broken bones. You have the power to make every area of my life whole and healthy. I'm trusting You to heal me in the way that brings the most glory to You, in Your time and in Your way. That isn't easy to say, Lord. But I want to be wholly Yours. Only You know what that really looks like.

Amen.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Father,

Your love encourages me to keep going.

It's easy to give up when life hurts. That's what I want to do right now. I'm tired, discouraged, and longing to be somewhere, anywhere, other than here. But I know You've placed me here for a season of my life. That's reason enough for me to stay. But I want to do more than just go through the motions. I want to put my whole self into what You have for me today. Energize me with Your love.

Amen.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Father,

You have a plan for me.

Nothing happens to me that You don't know about. Right now I don't understand Your plan for me; it hurts too much to even try. But I trust in Your love. I know You're leading me toward a future that You alone have designed to draw me closer to You. You know that's what my heart truly longs for. Help me not to lose hope when life hurts, but instead help me catch sight of Your hand in the midst of all things.

Amen.

[lorihoss]

Thanks. I really like the prayers. It just helps to know that the way I feel is normal, and that it to will pass. I seem to be on a roller coaster which gets me down as I really had made so many changes after my last bout of PPD. Now to see that I have to restart again with basically the same things just angers me. I had promised myself last time to stay more on top of my stress, my reaction to stress, my eating habits, and my exercise because that is what helped me to handle things then. I feel very upset because basically I am in the same boat I was in when I lived in Oklahoma last time. I feel like I am right back where I started from when I moved to Texas from here. My health is again shot, my desire to teach is again shot, and I'm angry again at the way that things in my life has spun out of control. The biggest difference is that I know that God was always there in that whole mess, and so my spiritual faith is stronger. But I am still angry at what seems so unfair. Yet like I tell my kids and my students, it is a lie to expect for life to be easy. I am just waiting to find out what lesson I am learning from this experience as everything that is used to harm, hurt, or break me has always taught me something about myself and God. I am just not a very patient person and I have always had a problem with waiting on God's timing. Thanks for the encouragement, and I will begin to read and study the bible and journal as I know that I need to strengthen my hope, faith, and trust.

[lorihoss]

Oh yeah and thanks to everyone who responded. I appreciate that it is pretty much a normal thing that I am going through. I have had periods in my life where I held onto unforgiveness and know that it is not a healthy thing for me as I internalize so much. I also saw what bitterness and unforgiveness did to my granny and her relationship with her children, so I know that I don't want that to happen. I know what it did to my relationship with my husband in the past, so I am really going to try to take the suggestions to heart that all of you have given me. I want my joy back, and I want to feel healthy again. Thanks for the prayers, thoughts, and good wishes. I appreciate it all.

[Katrina]

Elmiron about 3-6 months. Sometimes less, sometimes more...I was a lucky 4 months :)

You are not alone feeling angry, guilty....normal stages of grief and yes...you go through more than one at once and go back and forth and all over so...:grouphug:

I have added an attachment about forgiving your illness...it is a prayer. I thought it might help.
I hope things inprove for you and your relationship with God and your loved ones becomes a great source of strength!! :grouphug:


"Then Peter came to Jesus and asked, 'LORD, how many
times shall I forgive my brother when he sins against
me? Up to seven times?" Jesus answered, 'I tell you,
not seven times, but seventy-seven times."
(Matthew 18:20-22 NIV)

Forgive You? How? Do you see what you do to me?
Everyday I wake up and you are there telling me what
I can and cannot do. You are pushy and you keep me
from doing things I really want to do. It is like
you grab at my ankles making it hard to walk. Or you
jab sticks into my flesh causing great pain. I am so
focused on the fatigue and pain that my mind is too
distracted to remember even the simplest things, which
can make me feel stupid and inadequate. You make me
question my future and whether I can fulfill the
purpose God has for me. Sometimes I wonder if I have
a purpose at all.

How have you helped me? Helped me? Ok, let me see....I
feel stronger because you make me fight harder. I
desperately want to help others who are suffering because
I want to make the hurt a little easier. I don't rely
on this world like I use to when I was well. I know what
is important now, truly important. My perspective has
changed. I guess you have fulfilled in me what James 1:2-3
says, "Consider it pure joy, my brothers, whenever you
face trials of many kinds, because you know that the
testing of your faith develops perseverance".(NIV) You are
helping me to persevere and press in to know Christ more.
I learned how to pray and to seek God's face through the
pain and now He lives in me, even more than before. I
am a true friend of God's.

Hey, I am sorry for yelling at you. I see now that you
are helping me. You are showing me things that without you
I could not truly see. You really are annoying though at
times and you make me cry and feel so frustrated. However,
the joy that is coming out you is so much more than I could
ever ask for. I forgive you, my illness, for putting me
through all of this and I thank you for making me a better
person for it.
__________________________________________________________

ABOUT THE AUTHOR:

Kelly Ehrhardt and her husband, a pastor, reside in New York,
the Big Apple. They live their with their three cats. Kelly has
CFIDS and Fibromyalgia and her husband was recently diagnosed with
multiple sclerosis. She is getting stronger everyday and learning
to forgive, even things unseen to become more mature in The LORD.

[Moonheart]

HUGS....

I have so been there. Four years ago my husband was in a motorcycle accident, two years after that he molested my daughter and went to prison in a wheelchair, almost a year to the day after he was arrested my kids and I were evicted from our house since SSI quits when the person goes to prison, we lived for months in a tent, finally found a house and now we may end up having to move from here as well......

I stopped thinking "It can't get worse than this" because every time I did, it did.

I have my moments, but I'm finally starting to see that everything that happens teaches me something. I don't wish for anymore tragedy, but I'm hoping to get to that point. I want to be able to thank God for my trials. But it may be awhile and I really don't want to know how bad it can get before then.

I hate IC. I love God and my family. That's as good as it gets right now. :)

More HUGS..... :)

*************

Endo....total hyst....adhesions....prolapsed bladder....IC.....fibro....Chronic Fatigue....ongoing kidney stones....possible hyperparathyroidism....

[lorihoss]

Thanks for the prayer. It really does express it doesn't it. To clarify about my family. My dad and I are now on speaking terms since my first child was born. He now loves my husband, and admires him. I only mentioned it because it just seems like I go from one emotional crappy event to another, and just when I think it is calming down.....it gets worse or becomes different. But anyway, IC has actually helped me not feel like I am crazy and to know that there really is something physically wrong with me and it isn't just in my head. It has given me permission to slow down, and not drive myself so hard working. I tend to over do everything, so I am learning how to do all things in moderation and balance. I just get fustrated with my limitations. But like everyone has said, give it time and it will get better. I am holding on to that.

[lorihoss]

What a walking testamony you are! Never giving up, never quitting, and never letting go. Wow! I know you have to get down sometimes, but to keep getting up everyday. You and your daughter have my admiration. I know how hard it is to deal with all of the things your dealing with, and to have IC on top of that. Wow! To not be bitter about things as well. Wow! My granny allowed the bitterness of molestion to eat her alive her whole life. It poisened her relationship with her children and grandchildren. I will definitely pray that God brings healing to your daughter so she can grow up and not have to deal with the fallout of bitterness. I pray that he grants you wisdom and discerment to know the next steps that your to take. Give you strength, hope, and knowledge on how to keep your hope, and her hope alive. Amen

[Moonheart]

What a walking testamony you are! Never giving up, never quitting, and never letting go. Wow! I know you have to get down sometimes, but to keep getting up everyday. You and your daughter have my admiration. I know how hard it is to deal with all of the things your dealing with, and to have IC on top of that. Wow! To not be bitter about things as well. Wow! My granny allowed the bitterness of molestion to eat her alive her whole life. It poisened her relationship with her children and grandchildren. I will definitely pray that God brings healing to your daughter so she can grow up and not have to deal with the fallout of bitterness. I pray that he grants you wisdom and discerment to know the next steps that your to take. Give you strength, hope, and knowledge on how to keep your hope, and her hope alive. Amen

Thank you so much for your prayer. :) I will treasure it. :angel:

I am able now to even be a part time caregiver for my husband, without any pay. At first I wanted to act out on my rage and over time was able to see that he is a child of God just like the rest of us, struggling and tainted by sin. God allowed me to understand that his sin is no worse, as heinous as it may seem, than my sins or your sins or anyone else's. A molester is no worse than a petty thief or someone who tells a "white lie". So if I pray for God to forgive me and my sins, then I must learn to forgive others their trespasses against me and my family.

Hugs again. I really appreciate you taking the time out to pray for me and will keep you in my thoughts and prayers as well.

God bless....:angel:

[Trishann]

I just want to say you ALL are the best.

Kim that is so neat that you keep a journal, it is awesome the way you do it.

Katrina, I love your prayers to God too. That is awesome too.

I know both of you touch my heart and it is such an encourgement.


Waterflow I still care about you.

[ICLori]

(((HUGS))) Don't have much to add, these ladies have done a wonderful job, but wanted to say, I believe with all my heart that not only is God watching over us when we are suffering, but HE is feeling every single thing we feel, as well. God is always with us, and suffers when we suffer.

I don't really understand why we have to suffer, and die - I think it is just part of what happened when sin came into the world. I know that in the next life, the one where God sets up all the conditions, we will never know pain or death or sadness again.

Blessings,
Lori (another Lori, LOL!)

[Moonheart]

Amen Lori!

[ihurttoo]

Moonheart, Thank you for posting your inspiring story. I was overcome with emotion just reading about everything you have gone thru. I dont know that I have ever read anything regarding forgiveness that was more inspiring! May God bless you and your family and may you have better days ahead! Hugs, Amy

[Briza]

Moonheart, I just don't know what to say or add...except you truly are an inspiration. Sending big hugs your way. What strength you have, and to share your story with us....I know it will make a lot of us look at our lives and the people in our lives and God in a different way :kissing:

[Moonheart]

Thank you ladies so much. Your replies are such a blessing to me. :) Thank you for lifting me up and for inspiring me as well. If what I have gone through can help even one person in their life, it will have been worth it for me.

God bless you all!

Moon