Does sex get better with treatment?

[ICmomx5g]

Since this my first post let me give some history:
I have always had pain during intercourse. I was a virgin when I got married and had no idea it would feel this way! At first I thought it was just because I was a virgin, then I thought I was too small down there. It often hurts to insert a tampon (like it is hitting a bruise at the top of my vagina), and thrusting during intercourse feels like being stabbed. I was told by friends it was "honeymooner's Cyctitis" after we returned from our honeymoon having enjoyed more sightseeing, than our time in the hotel room. The cranberry suggestions only made it worse. I knew something was wrong after two years of marriage and I was not able to orgasm with intercourse because of the pain! I saw many dr.'s and none had any answers except to say that maybe it was my cervix he was hitting. We still continued to have intercourse, but for years I would just grit my teeth, and fake an orgasm to get it over with. When I confessed this sin of lying and tried to explain how bad it hurts he would get depressed and withdrawn, like he is afraid to touch me. Then I would feel unloved/unwanted and depressed. We then tried EVERYTHING we could think of lubes, positions, "the Liberator" NOTHING really seemed to help. He wanted me to tell him every time it hurt, but that just gets frustrating because it is usually when he is in extasy that I'm in agony!!!!! I feel torn... not wanting to say how bad I feel, especially when I know he feels great (I don't want my pain to ruin it for him). I have been really depressed, just wanting to be normal for him. It is so hard to get excited about sex! Strangely I can get aroused (probably hormonal) but then I tense up because I know it is gonna hurt (which only makes things worse)! No one seems to understand (except maybe the people here)! I know this is frustrating for him too! All our friends have great sex lives without trying. We have to try sooooo much harder!
After my bladder symptoms have worsend over the last four years, and many Dr. visits later, I have finally been diagnosed with IC ! My question is does sex ever get better with treatment ( i.e. Elmiron, etc.)?

[ihurttoo]

Hello! And :welcome: to the ICN! I am so sorry you have struggled with this too. I had this problem for years, so I totally sympathize. There are several meds that can help such as Elavil, topical hormone creams, Lidocaine. Also Calcium Citrate helps alot of people, as does a low Oxalate Diet. There is info on all these things on the threads on the Vulvadynia Board on this site.

Unfortunately, I tried every treatment and none worked for me, so ultimately, my Gyn decided that a Vulvar Vestibulectomy was the best option for me. I had it 4 yrs ago, and have not had this problem since then. My problem (and probobly yours too), stemmed froom Vulvar Vestibulitis. So, they removed the part that caused the pain.

Here is a link to my VV story, including where I talk about the surgical option, and my desparation prior to the surgery. Mine is the 2nd post on this thread.

http://www.ic-network.com/forum/showthread.php?t=24537&highlight=vulvar+vestibulectomy

I hope it helps you. If you have any questions or just want to talk to someone else who has been there and understands, feel free to PM me and I will be happy to answer anything at all. There is nothing "too personal" that you could ask me or would embarrass me. So, feel free to ask away!

I hope things get better for you very soon!

Hugs,
Amy

[ICmomx5g]

I read most of your story. I don't know.

I asked my physician about vulvodynia, and he said it was just a general term for pain down there, NOT an ACTUAL condition/ disease.

I think doctors don't take me seriously that it hurts because we have five children (a result of not using birth control, not necessarily great sex!). All born vaginally. I can handle slow Gyn exams, but sex HURTS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! People often mistakenly joke that we must have a great sex life because of all the kids. I love my kids, but conceiving them was not entirely pleasurable.

I have two different types of sexual pain (three if you count the heartache). One on the inside as I described, and one on the outside. The inside one is always at the top of my vagina and feels like being stabbed (when my husband thrusts during intercourse), or (when we are very careful)like hitting a bruise.
The other pain is on the outside. Sometimes it is in the area around the opening of the vagina, other times it burns like "Ben Gay" was rubbed down there from the mons area to the perinium.

I notice the outer pain flaring after I eat blueberries on the IC diet, and seems to go away when I avoid them. But the inside pain almost never goes away completely, although sometimes it lessens-- not sure why.


I am allergic to Pyridium. I tried OTC benzocane, but it doesn't help much.
Is lidocane OTC or perscription?

[ihurttoo]

Vulvar Vestibulitis is different from Vulvadynia. Yes, vulvadynia isnt an illness or disease. It just means pain down there, like your Dr. said. Vulvar Vestibulitis is pain at the opening of the vagina, like when you insert a tampon and entry pain on sex.

I have both, but the VV was fixed by my surgery. However I still have Vulvadynia and it is set off by certain things, such as sex, which cause me to flare.

Also, I have the deep thrusting pain, you describe, like feeling brused in there. For me, that is due to the bladder's proximity to the vagina, and the thrusting pushes against my bladder which is inflamed from the endometirosis and IC.

If your current Dr. isnt helping, you certainly need to find a more knowledgable Gyno. Please post on the boards under your region and ask what Gyns have helped people with your symptoms near your city and state. I am sure someone will post a reccomendation.

Lidocaine is only avalable by RX. It is a topical numbing agent.

Best wishes,
Amy

[Briza]

my gyn uses the word vaginismus more often than vv for the raw vulvar symptoms. I have not had surgery for VV. I also have the more generalized form of vulvodynia that Amy spoke of below, but symptoms are well controlled now. :) for vv,too.
To answer your question, yes, sex can and should get better with time appropriate treatment and LOW STRESS on you from your partner for sex.
Best of luck to you. Best treatment I found when I was in really bad shape is too abstain, abstain, abstain. That's where the low stress from partner comes in.

[ICNDonna]

There's a section in the Patient Handbook at http://www.ic-network.com/handbook that might help you. Most people with IC find sex painful if they are flaring. But once you find effective treatments, it becomes easier.

Donna

[kadi]

I can't answer the sex part of your question, not having that issue at all to deal with (single for a long time before IC started). But, I can say that blueberries cause me pain, unless I take a couple of Calcium Citrates along with them & eat them as part of a meal, not alone. I got the Calcium Citrate at the health food store so they have no preservatives, colorants, or other additives. Spinach is also a trigger for vulvodynia pain/burning/itching, so again I only eat that in very small amounts, part of a larger meal, with the Calcium Citrate.

Hope you find relief soon!

[ICmomx5g]

Thanks everyone for posting. I think this is the one subject that is hardest to deal with because it affects the most intimate relationship we have with the person we love the most. . . our spouse.
I love being intimate with my husband, and find our initmacy relieves stress. He doesn't pressure me for intercourse, he is very giving to my needs(bless his precious soul), so we explore the many "other ways" to satisfy each other. I think those of us with IC really need to nurture our relationship with our souse, and sometimes abstinance has the opposite effect.

We need their love and support, but must remember, they need ours as well. We can't get so lost in ourselves that we neglect this!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Feeling trapped in my situation(on my first few posts), I was complaining and discouraged. I'm sorry, I don't want to discourage anyone.

I think loving one's spouse is very important, in spite of how we feel. It says "I love you no matter what." Love is a gift, not to be witheld. Unless, of course, we don't want to receive the same. It goes back to the golden rule.

When I step back from all the pain, and take a good look at the positive things, and work to strengthen those, there is so much to be THANKFUL for. This really changed my outlook and I am realizing that my attitude really plays a role in "feeling" better. . .even if my symptoms don't improve.