Holiday parties?

[kari1980]

Ok, I had a scenerio last night that was really difficult. I recently moved to a new area and dont' know anyone, so my wonderful Realtor invited me over to her house for a "girl" get together. I was excited to go to meet new people. When I got there, this is what she was serving: Marguerita's (ouch), lasagna (double ouch), the salad was already prepared with Balsamic Vinegar (youch) and the dessert, was cheesecake with strawberries on it! You can imagine my stress, of course I couldn't say anything about the food because I don't know anyone, and I couldn't be rude and not eat anything, so the whole time all I kept thinking was boy am I going to be hurting tomorrow! And let me tell you, I sure am.....I didn't know what to do in that situation, of course I was hungry and those were the only choices available there and I couldn't be rude, what was I suppose to do? Anyone else ever run into these situations?
thanks,
Karen

[meme]

I had that happen a couple of weeks ago. Went over to my husband's friends and they invited us to stay. Hubby said yes before I could say anything and when dinner came out it was chicken enchiladas, smeared in tomato sauce. Kept my mouth shut and ate it, but the next day I hurt so bad. I hate those situations, don't want to be rude and say "sure we'll stay, but first what are you having b/c it can't be tomatoey, citrus...... " I know in my case if someone told me they couldn't have what I'd fixed then I would not be offended and would try to accomidate them, but some people don't get how it can cause horredous pain like we do. I've had times where that's happened, that I ate dinner anyways, and then later when I'm with the person and I finally tell them my problem they start apologizing "didn't I feed you tomato stuff once, I'm so sorry" and they really feel badly about it, but there's nothing they could've done about it if they didn't know. Wish I knew the right thing to do in those situations. Any one know??????

[leelee88]

I seem to just avoid partys or outings, because some people just dont understand.:bonk:
Now my husbands family does, and for Thanksgiving made some things that I could eat, his grandmother fixed me some white chocolate chip cookies, because she knows I love sweets..and she fix a dressing with just meat a dressing, and some other things...

But now my family is a differant story..lol My sister calls me the other day and says why dont yall come over, Im boiling crabs and shrimp..hummm:cussing: lol dont she get it......Its boiled with seasonings and cayenne pepper:toilet:

[kari1980]

I know, but it's so hard sometimes to just avoid everything. Then people start thinking that I'm unsociable or something.. Even family doesn't understand..They don't even ask about my disease (which I've had since 1994!) They just think I have to PEE a lot, that's it, that's all they think this disease is about, it's so frustrating and I get so tired of trying to explain myself. And when it comes to meeting new people, I feel funny saying I have a bladder disease, they just don't understand or get it, you know? My husband still doesn't even understand, he'll still try to get me to do things that he knows are going to bother me, but just thinks that I'm being lazy or that I just don't want to do anything. I don't even bother to try and explain it anymore, it just frustrates me so much...
Oh well, just venting, thanks for listening and UNDERSTANDING...I don't think anyone else can possibly understand all we go through...

Happy Holidays,
Karen

[meme]

Karen
You sound just like me. My husband's always wanting me to go out and do things that he knows makes me uncomfortable. He even had the gall one time to tell me that he wants me to go out and be social so that people don't think I'm weird for staying home all the time! That one really ****** me off. He refuses to tell anyone why I stay home, because bladder problems are embarrassing and he wants me to be normal, doesn't he think that I want to be normal too! Its so hard sometimes and some people are just so unaccepting. The other night I went out with my inlaws to dinner and my sil who's prego kept having to pee, I was kidding her around about how she knows how it feels now (she used to pee once a day-seriously) and my mil turned to me and was like "you STILL have problems with that?" Hello, its a chronic disease, its not going to go away. People just don't get what its like to have to put up with this everyday, and its like if I don't pee a million times in front of them I must suddenly be cured. I have good days where I'm okay, but I also have bad days, and then there are times when I may not be complaining, but I'm dying inside it hurts so bad. If I complained everytime it hurt that's all I'd do. They just don't get it. Sorry for the rant, holidays really frustrate me. Thanks for listening.

[leelee88]

Karen, I will suggest this, When I go out to eat or to the familys house, I always have my prelief handy, or some tums..This seems to help when I eat something im not for sure about...

[kadi]

My flares from food can land me in the emergency room or totally incapacitate me, so I no longer try to pretend... It's just not worth it. Especially when I'm trying not to offend a stranger & then end up disappointing people I really love who are sad when I'm too sick to be with them later.

At work or public gatherings, I take my own food & say "food allergies" or eat beforehand & just say "Oh, I'm not hungry right now."

For gatherings at people's houses, I talk to the host & explain the situation & ask if I can bring something to share with everyone (usually an appetizer) & something I can heat up quietly in the kitchen. When questions start, I just say I have a lot of food allergies, and right then, very clearly change the subject. "I have a lot of food allergies. So, how do you know so&so? How long have you lived here, etc?" That indicates I'm still interested in talking to the person, but just not about my food. It works really well, but takes practice to make it smooth. I actually practiced with my best friend, til I could do it without gritting my teeth & looking stressed.

Hope that helps!

[meme]

Kadi
Good Idea! Hadn't thought of that one. Anything that can make your body feel that bad is definetly an "allergy" and people understand that. Why is it though that if they can see that you're allergic like you'll start to swell up then its okay, no biggie, but if they can't see you're bladder trying to rip itself apart then it must not bother you? No one gets that you don't have to look sick to be sick.

[ICNDonna]

I am truly allergic to tomatoes so I don't dare have even a tiny bit without ending up in emergency room. I just tell people I'd love to come, but because of my allergies I really need to bring my own food --- and offer to bring a dish to share. Nobody seems to mind or notice and I can avoid the pain from eating flare foods.

Donna

[miz_sunshine87]

I just started the IC diet a few weeks ago, and it's already hard. I'm not sure what's worse, being afraid every time I eat something, or having to deal with other people's reactions. My friends who know about my IC have been all really understanding, but there are certain people that I'm not comfortable blabbing to about my bladder problem. I have some close male friends, and I still haven't said anything to them yet. Eventually I think I will, but it just makes me feel awkward. I'm not naturally a shy person, and I don't get embarrased easily, but for some reason talking about peeing is not easy for me to do!

The worst is with people you don't even know. I was at my work's christmas dinner today, and I was picking at my food (and still ate a lot of questionable things). So I have to deal with so-and-so from the kids department making fun of me and telling me to "fatten up and eat something". I'm skinny, but I am not a light eater...however the IC is changing things a bit. Then there is so-and-so who is raving about the double fudge cookies to me...arghh! None of my coworkers (except 2) know about my IC, so I can't blame them for acting like they do, but it is really upsetting. I am trying so hard to be good and stick to the diet as best I can, but I also want to try and act "normal". Unfortunately the two aren't very compatible. I can't go out for pizza. I can't go out drinking (I can obviously still go to bars, but I have zero willpower and I would probably end up drinking). The only thing that is making me keep my sanity, is convincing myself that this flare is only temporary, and I will go into remission soon if I take my meds, stick to the diet, and relax. It's hard being patient.

[ICNDonna]

miz_sunshine87: I go out for pizza --- I order a small pizza without tomato sauce and do just fine with it. When my family has take-out pizza we always have it without sauce and my family likes it better that way.

And I don't usually explain the reason why I can't eat some foods --- other than to say I have food allergies. Since I have a negative reaction to some foods, I consider that a reasonable explanation. I am, however, severely allergic to anything with even a tiny amount of tomato.

Donna

[kari1980]

Thanks for all your replies, I will respond more when I get back after the New Year...Going home to spend the holidays with my kids and grandkids!

I order a white pizza when we get pizza...It's really good and I get it with spinach on it.........

Everyone have a wonderful Holiday and hang in there!

Karen
:) :hi:

[lledoux_2000]

When you're going somewhere and it might rain, do you bring an umbrella? Better safe than sorry, right? :) -which is now my philosophy on life. My friends gave me a cute little lined purse-looking bag that I tote w/me everywhere - it has my water - and plenty of snacks. Whenever possible - I eat something before I go so that I'm not that hungry and don't get frustrated. One tip that helps me - raw almonds - eat a handful with a full glass of water - it really helps your appetite.