1st pain free sex in over 3 yrs!

[Briza]

I mean, completely pain free, no lidocaine or lube needed!!!!
Well, some of you know from some of my recent posts that I am recently out of a toxic relationship of 3 yrs. I am not ready for serious relationship at this point but have met someone who is going to be around for just a few months, working here on contract and then will go to somewhere else in the world to work, and darn it, I want to have sex. He is kind, gentle, and I haven't even had to explain to him about my vulvodynia or IC problems because I haven't had any since we started having "relations." I still have my regular IC and V issues that are easily managed with my meds, but I have not been sent into a sex-induced flare, no yeast problems, nothing. This has truly been an amazing experience, I was so scared I was going to have to tell it all to him, scared that I was going to be traumatized and react weird because of past experiences with the ex. I'm realizing my fear, PFD, IC, vulvodynia were very much affected by the pressure the ex put on my for sex, constantly, even just to please him when I wasn't feeling well. I'm shaking as I write this. This has given me a lot to think about.

[meme]

Good for you! Who can enjoy it when it hurts? Glad you got out of a bad relationship. If he couldn't understand that when it hurts you why would you want to do it, then its time for him to hit the curb! Good that you're not letting past experiences interfere with the new one, not every guy is a jerk about it. Hope this experience helps your anxiety. Sometimes one good experience can help so much.

[ihurttoo]

I am so glad you found a kind, gentle man to help you thru these rough times. He sounds like a nice guy, and I am glad to see you happy about someone again. You have gone thru so much and you deserve to be happy! I am glad that you are getting out there into the dating scene again. I am also glad that you arent flaring!:woohoo: Cant wait to hear all about the new guy!!! Hugs, Amy

[Briza]

Thanks meme, Amy! You're right meme, I have had a lot of anxiety about the new man thing, but "testing the waters"as my psychologist put it, is something that that he says everyone goes thru after a breakup, no matter the circumstances, regardless of medical conditions.
So Amy, I will call you and tell all after our date Saturday night. We're going across the river to Mexico to have chateuabriand (sp?) only $25 for two people and comes with yummy onion rings, and made at the table ceasar salad, so I can control the vinegar/parmesan,etc. that goes into the dressing, can you believe? And if there's room, bananas flambe for dessert.
Other than that, I'll just say he's Scottish, has a pretty heavy accent, sometimes we have to converse in bad Spanish to understand each other!:lmao:
But yeah, it's all good. A temporary transitional thingy to get me back on track.:smile tee

[traceann]

YAHOO!!! And a hot Scottish accent to boot! You lucky girl! ;) It is amazing isn't it how much of a woman's sexuality - physcial and mental are tied to the mental aspect of it. It can make or break it that's for sure!! I am so glad that you discovered it wasn't your body betraying you - it was your body warning you that it just wasn't right so it wasn't going to cooperate in hopes that you'd quit, lol.

I am SO happy for you! Enjoy it girlie!!!!!! :)

[Briza]

It is amazing isn't it how much of a woman's sexuality - physcial and mental are tied to the mental aspect of it. It can make or break it that's for sure!! I am so glad that you discovered it wasn't your body betraying you - it was your body warning you that it just wasn't right so it wasn't going to cooperate in hopes that you'd quit, lol.


Tracey,
Absolutely,
I think we all know that deep down inside, just so hard to listen and act acccordingly. Brings to mind one of my favorite quotes by Lao-Tzu (6th century B.C.!!!) Took me a long time to learn!!

In this world there is nothing softer or thinner than water.
But to compel the unyielding, it has no equal.
That the weak overcomes the strong,
that the hard gives way to the gentle--
This everyone knows, yet no one acts accordingly

...worth thinking about...

Bri

[kjd]

Well what can I say.....well done "you go girl"!!

Why the hell shouldnt you enjoy sex and I am sure it just felt amazing to enjoy sex without worrying about pain, lube, embarrassment etc etc!! It just fantastic news!
What a relief for you hey hon??!!!

I bet you are so better off without your ex boyfriend. Putting pressure on you is the worst thing he could of done as this would make you even more tense and then even more worried about him leaving you and making you feel like you should please him! He should of being understanding and supported you!

Well at least you now know you can actually have pain free sex, its possible!! Maybe the fact you were relaxed and with someone who knew nothing of your medical history made you relax and actually enjoy yourself!

i hope this has increased your confidence and make you positive for the future.
I know it has given me hope and I feel stronger too!

x

[Briza]

i hope this has increased your confidence and make you positive for the future.
I know it has given me hope and I feel stronger too!

x

Yeah, it's definitely helped me with my confidence that not all is lost because of my conditions. Has helped a lot, too, with my self esteem, which has been low and even lower since the break up. Well, Kate, seeing as you're a Brit, maybe you can pm me some insight into Scots...we've already been having some issues on hot tea/ice tea. I'm in hot south Texas, so you know which one I drink! LOL Nothing serious, just funny, the differences in culture. He drinks, guess what?....Scotch, me Tequila. LOL

Thanks for your response!

[traceann]

LOL!! Gotta love the Scotch! Oh yikes, my mouth waters in a BAD way when I think of tequila, lol. 2 bad experiences were what did me in, yikes.

I love that quote, you are so right it something to think about! Most times we spend all of our energy fighting the natural course of things instead of just going with the flow and working with it instead of against it.....

[Briza]

LOL
For some reason tequila agrees with me. Best to drink a very fine tequila, like Patron, with a little bit of ice, not as a shot, with a mineral water on the side. Margaritas are bad for me, but just a good sipping tequila is nice. Ok, I know we're not supposed to be drinking, but I will be in Mexico so this will be an exception!:woohoo:

[cindysd18]

Congratulations to you Briza!

I have been having great sex as well due to being deeply in love with the person. I still have pelvic floor dysfunction. Just wondering if anyone else has stomach pain after sex. I feel nauseas and cramped up. Don't know if it is my muscles reacting from being relaxed and stretched or what.

Still haven't mastered the art of climaxing during sex. Any pointers fellow ICers have will be helpful.

Thanks!

[rachann]

I am having problems with the big O during intercourse too. I am on all the typical ic meds, Elmiron, Atarax,Elavil,... I wonder if one of those has an impact on that. Advice anyone?:confused:

[Briza]

Had to track down the lidocaine, yeast cream, the valium, etc., and was on couch with ice pack between my legs most of the night. Premenstrual:evilsmile , too. The vulvodynia and VV:evilsmile sneaking back up and unfortunately looks like it's going to stick around for a few days. Hopefully this will be short-lived and under control once period starts. I was hoping I wasn't going to have to deal with this anymore, but here it is, and am planning a 3 hr drive tomorrow. Can't barely sit here at the computer, even on my cushion, so going back to the couch to cuddle with the kitty:cat: .
:toilet: