icnmgrjill
11-23-2006, 08:50 AM
So, here I am sitting on Thanksgiving day morning after having a bit of a cry. My brother, Jack, isn't feeling well today and isn't coming over for the holiday and, well damn, I miss him already. This is bringing something up for me that I need to share with you.
I have a confession to make. When I don't feel good.. and god knows that's happened alot since my IC began... my self esteem plummets. It's so weird. I develop feelings as if I don't belong or that my life has little value to others. Just happened again two days ago. The power went out in the ICN office and then flashed back on. When it did, I developed my first EVER "ocular migraine". Talk about creepy. I had a flashing light in my eyes (both eyes) that took about 20 minutes to move out of my field of vision. Of course, my Dad had talked about his for years so I knew what it was... but my thought was "God, not something else with me." Send in the pity party... I went home... closed the drapes.... watched movies all day while dealing with nausea and eye pain ... and it was like the life just went out of me for that brief period of time. I'm better now... been to the doctor.... and totally get it.
But, today when my brother said that he didn't feel good... and wasn't coming over... it reminded me of all the holidays when I didn't feel good either... agonizing over if I should go to my sisters house for dinner ... make the painful drive... have to explain why I wasn't feeling good... face the family... and so on and so on. I hope you know what I mean.
Yes, there are times when IC is rough and, absolutely, you should stay home. Hey, if it hurts badly, it's not the time to push yourself. It's completely OKAY to say "I'm not feeling well" and encourage everyone else to go have fun. You can stay home, watch a good ole movie, cuddle with the pets, have a bit of a cry (which we all do) and then be confident that you made the right decision. I know that if my bladder is hurting over a certain leve, i definitely stay home... I've just learned that lesson that it's not good to try to travel with a bladder that's killing me.
But, if you're IC is marginal and you think you could go... I say "Go." Be with your family. You DESERVE to enjoy the holiday just as much as anyone else in the family and YOU WILL BE MISSSED if you don't go. Don't ever doubt that. IC doesn't change your place in your family.... and that's something that I have to tell myself (and my brother) every now and then... like I am this morning.
Here's a few more emotional survival tips that I try to live by during the holiday season:
1. Don't blame yourself if you're not feeling well. It's okay. It happens there will be other days.
2. Don't feel as if you're not an important part of your family. You are. There is no one else who can fill your shoes. IC or any illness can't change that.
3. It's okay to take time for yourself if you need to. No apologies required. But, it's important to come back to the fold afterwards and stay in touch.
4. Ask for help if you need it during the holidays. We all do on occasion. Noone expects you to be perfect.
5. Forgive anyone, today, who over the dining room table ... makes an insensitive comment or remark about you or your IC. They can't possibly understand what you are going through.
6. Most of all, reward yourself with the laughter and love of others. You deserve to be loved and to be cherished... as an individual... as a family member... as a friend.... as a spouse.... as a child... in every way possible.
I give Thanks to each and every one of you who inspire me to never give up. Writing this post really brought up some deep feelings in me... that I think I just needed to share. I hope it helped anyone out there agonizing over todays events.
Jill :)
I have a confession to make. When I don't feel good.. and god knows that's happened alot since my IC began... my self esteem plummets. It's so weird. I develop feelings as if I don't belong or that my life has little value to others. Just happened again two days ago. The power went out in the ICN office and then flashed back on. When it did, I developed my first EVER "ocular migraine". Talk about creepy. I had a flashing light in my eyes (both eyes) that took about 20 minutes to move out of my field of vision. Of course, my Dad had talked about his for years so I knew what it was... but my thought was "God, not something else with me." Send in the pity party... I went home... closed the drapes.... watched movies all day while dealing with nausea and eye pain ... and it was like the life just went out of me for that brief period of time. I'm better now... been to the doctor.... and totally get it.
But, today when my brother said that he didn't feel good... and wasn't coming over... it reminded me of all the holidays when I didn't feel good either... agonizing over if I should go to my sisters house for dinner ... make the painful drive... have to explain why I wasn't feeling good... face the family... and so on and so on. I hope you know what I mean.
Yes, there are times when IC is rough and, absolutely, you should stay home. Hey, if it hurts badly, it's not the time to push yourself. It's completely OKAY to say "I'm not feeling well" and encourage everyone else to go have fun. You can stay home, watch a good ole movie, cuddle with the pets, have a bit of a cry (which we all do) and then be confident that you made the right decision. I know that if my bladder is hurting over a certain leve, i definitely stay home... I've just learned that lesson that it's not good to try to travel with a bladder that's killing me.
But, if you're IC is marginal and you think you could go... I say "Go." Be with your family. You DESERVE to enjoy the holiday just as much as anyone else in the family and YOU WILL BE MISSSED if you don't go. Don't ever doubt that. IC doesn't change your place in your family.... and that's something that I have to tell myself (and my brother) every now and then... like I am this morning.
Here's a few more emotional survival tips that I try to live by during the holiday season:
1. Don't blame yourself if you're not feeling well. It's okay. It happens there will be other days.
2. Don't feel as if you're not an important part of your family. You are. There is no one else who can fill your shoes. IC or any illness can't change that.
3. It's okay to take time for yourself if you need to. No apologies required. But, it's important to come back to the fold afterwards and stay in touch.
4. Ask for help if you need it during the holidays. We all do on occasion. Noone expects you to be perfect.
5. Forgive anyone, today, who over the dining room table ... makes an insensitive comment or remark about you or your IC. They can't possibly understand what you are going through.
6. Most of all, reward yourself with the laughter and love of others. You deserve to be loved and to be cherished... as an individual... as a family member... as a friend.... as a spouse.... as a child... in every way possible.
I give Thanks to each and every one of you who inspire me to never give up. Writing this post really brought up some deep feelings in me... that I think I just needed to share. I hope it helped anyone out there agonizing over todays events.
Jill :)