Friend Doesn't Understand IC

[MerryBerryMoose]

I am 16 yrs. old and am an 11th grader in high school (currently home schooled b/c of IC symptoms).

Most of my friends and their paretns know I have IC and everything that goes along with it. And they are very supportive. My best friend of like 10 years even sat in the bathroom with me and played go fish when I had a flare up at her house :-P

But I have one friend who just doesn't get it. Every weekend she asks if I want to go here or there with her, or hang out, or sleep over. And up until the last few moths I havn't really been able to go anywhere. I am very uncomfortable going out with outh a "plan" and knowing where bathrooms are and such. And I as for sleeping over, well I have a hard enough time sleeping in my own house much less someone elses. She doesn't get that I take a controled subsance for pain.

Not to mention I recently had knee surgery, making my knee unstable and fragile. And she has a 120lb. dog that is like a huge jumping puppy. It could take out my knee just by running into me. Not to mention if it jumped on my abdoman. Who knows what that would do to my IC.

In any case, I told her this on more than one occasion and she offers to let me use her bathroom as much as I want and to just hang around or see a movie but......URGH....She just doesn't get it!!! The amount of pain I could be in, the emotional stress that I could have from having a flare.

Might I add that she has OCD and thinks of nobody but herself and her wants and problems half the time. When I had my gallbladder out she wanted me to hang with her at the mall the day I got out of the hospital. It's like, COME ON!

Can anyone help me to get her to get it? I have tried explaining it so many times and it just doesn't sink in.

Please.

[aprilmae]

I am so sorry you are having these problems at such a young age. You could always let her read some of the postings on here - print them out if there are things you don't want her to see - or research IC online and show her that. Unfortunately with all of us there are people who don't understand this disease because they have no experience with it and don't see how things can change at the drop of a hat for us on a daily basis. It takes nothing for us to flare of just to feel bad. You need to keep putting your needs first as that is most important as you recover. Hang in there! I am glad to hear that you have a friend like the one that played cards during your flare!!

Sending you lots of hugs!
April

[Xkaliebugx]

If you need someone to talk to feel free to IM me.. Im 18 im around ur age i can help:) im sure we can help eachother with this stupid disease!!

AIM: xkaliebugx
or u can email me !!
kalie

[L. Thomas]

You can't explain or convince anyone that is "full of themself". If you want to hang around her just know that you can't change her, she has to change herself.

[meme]

So sorry to hear that your friend doesn't understand you. Sometimes its really hard to explain to people exactly what you're going through. That's why this place is sooo great! We all know exactly what's going on with you because we've all experienced it too. It took a long time for my husband to finally get it that sometimes I just don't feel good or that sometimes its just to hard for me to do things and to be spontaneous. It's hard to deal with when you're so young and to everyone else you should be young and vital and healthy. If your friend just doesn't get it, give her some time alone by herself and don't feel bad for telling her that you won't go places with her. My sister and I had a huge argument once because she refused to stop for me one day when we were on the road and I had to pee suddenly. Even when I told her how I felt about her not 'getting' what I'm going through she still didn't understand. So I just stopped going places with her, and after awhile she came around and realized how bad she'd hurt me. Now we go alot of places together (though she still makes me nervous sometimes) and we always stop whenever I need to. Sometimes it just takes a little tough love. Don't let someone else stress you out more than IC already does! Hope things get better.

[snow_e]

Hey,
I'm 16 and in 11th grade as well! You can instant-message me if you'd like: mle623
I'm so sorry to hear about your friend. I haven't had to really tell anyone except close friends about it, because it sounds like you have a much worse case than me. It's hard though. :(

[sacausa]

Hey! I also started coming on these boards around 16.... now I'm 19yrs old not too much older :)

My suggestion would be to ask her to come to your house for sleepovers or such.... or maybe pick a mall you're familiar with to hang out...

One thing that this disease does is it shows you who you're real friends are... it she's not willing to make compromises, she was probably never truly your friend to begin with...

GOOD LUCK!

Feel free to message me on AIM chinesecrstdlvr

[f1ip]

I've been going to public school since half of 11th grade. I think I have some bladder disorder had it since beginning of 10th grade. Got tired of it in 11th grade, so i've been skipping school. My mom had withdrawed me from my school and now im homeschooled. I see that you too have GERD. Having this disorder is bs.....