Doing a little better :)

[Briza]

Hi all,
Don't know if you missed me but a while back I posted prayer requests for myself because of difficult times I've been going thru since July. I know I was very cryptic about what I was going thru...I was anxiety ridden, scared, and a little :loco: so not feeling up to putting things out in public but will now explain what has gone on if anyone cares to listen:lmao: Within a month's time I had to have my dog of 15 yrs put to sleep, my now EX-BF assaulted me in our home, and not long after my precious kitty was hit by a car and died in my arms as I was leaving for work. Just a little too much for me to handle. I have suffered from PTSD in the past due to a high impact car accident where many people I knew died, and am now dealing with PTSD again due to all these recent events. BUT, while it has been a hard journey, I have perservered, as so many of us with IC have, in reaching out for help from my drs, pastor, psychologist, my father, good friends, here on the board...Tracey8399 and Amy:bow: , and my friends at home, and I am doing much better now. Of course there are still bad days, emotional days, days when I lose it, but I am now seeing the light at the end of the tunnel and pray that things continue to get better. This man is out of my life and out of my house, and whew, have I seen an improvement in my IC and Vulvodynia symptoms!! He never did completely understand my conditions, thought I was popping pills when I was taking Elavil and Pyridium! And pressured me for sex even before I was dx and began treatment and was in extreme pain. I know you girls know what I'm talking about when I say I could live my entire life without giving another BJ!!!! (is this going to be censored??:lmao:) I live in a small town of 5000 people and have probably given more than that :biglaugh: Anyway, I'm doing a little better and am happy that I'm feeling up to posting and offering support when I can and I guess I also wanted to say that if you are in a relationship, take a good look at how your man treats you and how it affects your conditions. I am much better off now. :pray: So I guess this is not so much about being depressed, but that if you take a good look at your life, you may find things that need to be changed for your well-being. Not that I'm recommending that you dump all your mates, but if it in anyway would improve your health and state of mind, it is something to consider. I have replaced man with 2 good dogs, who give unconditional, pure love...that is what I need right now. :puppy: :puppy: :dance:

[ICNDonna]

What a horrible time you've been through. I'm so glad you're feeling better.

I have to agree that anyone in an abusive relationship deserves to be out of it! Nobody deserves either verbal or physical abuse.

Warm hugs,
Donna

[Briza]

Thank you, Donna, for your always kind, prompt, and understanding support. This was the first time that I had been in this type of relationship. You are right... verbal/emotional abuse is not acceptable, either, and is often a BIG SIGN of what is to come.
And thanks for not censoring me ;)

[Trishann]

Hi Briza, it is good to hear from you again. You have been through many trials, and losing pets and people who you care about is really hard. I am happy to hear you are getting strength back. I think sometimes we overlook ourselves, then realize that we do have to make changes. I hope you continue to do well and be happy.

Sending hugs, Trishann

[Briza]

Hi Briza, it is good to hear from you again. You have been through many trials, and losing pets and people who you care about is really hard. I am happy to hear you are getting strength back. I think sometimes we overlook ourselves, then realize that we do have to make changes. I hope you continue to do well and be happy.

Sending hugs, Trishann

Hi Trishann
You are correct, I thought I cared about and needed this man so much that I was willing to walk on eggshells for the past few years to keep the peace, when in the back of my mind I knew that somehow he was contributing to my conditions and symptoms. So yes, I WAS overlooking my needs trying to hold onto something that was not good for me. But after it all this, if I could have anyone back, it would be the dog and the cat. I have missed and cried for them many times, but very little for the EX.
Thank you for your support :)

[poetgirl]

Awww, Briza, I'm glad to hear you are doing better these days. I'm so sorry for the loss of your "furkids" and of course very sorry you had to deal with an abusive relationship (kudos to you for getting out.) You deserve nothing but the best in life and I know you will get it. I was married to someone who did not treat me well emotionally and after I divorced him, my IC and VV symptoms improved by a lot. I do think that kind of emotional stress compounds the physical symptoms we experience. So, all in all, even though starting over can be very hard, in the long run it's better for you emotionally, physically and spiritually.

Lots of hugs and prayers to you! :pray: :grouphug:

[Trishann]

Briza, I do understand about the loss of pets. We had two dogs for 17 years. One passed away and then a year after the other one passed away. My children was so heart broken and so was we. I am so sorry about the loss of your pets, we just get so attach, can't help it. Even though it was been around 5 years we still talk about our dogs and get teary eye. But it is a good memory our family will not forget.

I am happy that you are getting more pets. They are a comfort and nice to be around pets. They just love you for who you are.

Hugs, Trishann

[ihurttoo]

Briza, I am so glad that you are finally feeling strong enough to reach out and get some support! You have been thru SOOO much! I cant imagine enduring even one of the things you have, let alone ALL of them, especially in such a short period of time!! But, I have to say that you have given ME strength, just by watching you! After I finish talking to you sometimes, I think, "what on earth do I have to complain about, when this girl has IC too, plus a full-time job, PLUS all that she has gone thru recently??!!!" It helps me put things into perspective just to know that in spite of everything, you are still going on and making it!

I am SOOOO proud of you for the strength you have shown throughout everything life has thrown at you! You are such an inspiring person! It is funny, but just the other day, I was reading a magazine article called the most inspiring people of 2006. There was a woman who fought to get medical care for her son, someone else who ran a marathon and won after a cancer d/x, etc. But, I didnt even finish the article b/c I was thinking the whole time, "Yeah, that is great and all, but I see people on the ICN everyday who are doing things just as inspiring, in fact even MORE inspiring!! And YOU are one of the first people that came to mind!! I guarentee you that if we sent in YOUR story, it would set a higher standard for what we consider to be inspiring!!!!

So my hats off to you! You make me SOO proud to be your friend! Love and hugs, Amy

[Briza]

Appt. with psychiatrist was total disaster.
Treated me like an addict. I didn't HAVE to tell him all my conditions and history and medications I take AS NEEDED and SELDOMLY, but I did because I'm an honest person and all my drs and therapist are working together with me on everything to get me pointed in the right direction.

Spent less than 15 mins in consultation with him and was charged $250. No change in meds, except a script for ativan instead of xanax, which I didn't ask for but was given, and will take because I do want to downgrade from xanax if possible. Gave him all my drs and therapist names, told him he could call them right then and there and they would tell him I manage my meds and don't abuse. He didn't want to discuss any other antidepressants, didn't want to listen to my symptoms from IC, VV, PFD, depression, PTSD, anxiety or how I came to this point, and I was as good patient as I coud have been wihtout losing control because I had to talk so fast to tell him all the meds I have, my conditions, etc., which luckily I had written down on a piece of paper for him, very condensed and to the point. Had he been in any way interested I would have left those notes for my file, but I grabbed that piece of paper as he actually stood up from his desk and grabbed my arm and escorted me out of his office in less than 15 mins. :mad:

I left note of complaint with the nurse. Called insurance company to say somebody's making some money here, and it's not me or you (ins co.) It was like an assembly line, this guy is making $1000 an hour ....4 patients an hour @$250!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! :evilsmile And he doesn't even have to touch them, do surgery, etc. TOTAL BS. Sorry gals, you know I'm one to rarely vent on here, but this is exactly the reason I did not want to go see a psychiatrist and I told my therapist and drs that before hand, but they were hoping for his "expertise" :evilsmile in managing my meds for PTSD, since I have so many others in the med cabinet.

He wasn't even worried why I was there, nor what symptoms of PTSD I am having, nor my prior history with PTSD. :mad: Just "continue with the prozac" and "this is probably the only antianxiety script (the ativan) I will give you and come back and see me in 2 weeks." He's the one that's crazy and needs some serious education, counseling, and medication much stronger than I need. That appt is canceled as of NOW. Consulted with both my GP and therapist by phone both before and after the appt. and they said I should absolutely not go back and did right thing by filing complaint.

Only good thing is that insurance company says I may get my money back. I don't even care. Unfortunately, live in area where there are no good psychiatrists, I am willing to travel 3 hrs if I have to find one, this one was 1.5 hrs away. Anyone know of a good one in Texas in San Antonio, Corpus Christi, Laredo or anywhere south (unlikely) of there?

I know there's no magic pill to make this all go away, but I know I have the sense that I need help. Time will help heal but I need and am seeking that assistance, when most people won't, it can be a very scary thing, you know?

I haven't been this upset in so long, I did all the things I know to calm myself down, I feel like I am choking I am so discouraged once again by wasting time and money on uneducated ignorant drs; actually, I woud pay whatever it takes to find one who is competent. Don't worry, please, I am not and have never been suicidal, I am just so PO'd I feel like my chest is going to explode and I am having hard time getting myself out of this feeling, but I do have the skills to do so, I just might be up all night to get myself to a good place. Thanks fo listening.:grouphug:
__________________
aka WCQ

Onset of IC and Vulvodynia symptoms--Nov 2003
IC--Dx with cysto/hydro Nov 2004, Hunner's Ulcers removed
Vulvodynia--self-dx Aug 2004, officially dx May 2006

Pyridium as needed
Elavil 10 mg @ 7pm for frequency and vulvodynia
Prozac 40 mg to keep me sane
Xanax for anxiety
Tylenol 3 for occasional pelvic pain
Trying Valium 2 mg for pelvic floor spasms...it worked!!!!
Lots of water
Cold packs/heating pad

[Trishann]

Briza I'm so sorry that you were treated rudely. I don't understand why there was a problem talking about your health condition, this is your life. I know he is not this kind of doctor but we have to deal with it daily and sometimes even need help to deal with it. That is the reason why we are writing on this site to get help and learn how to deal with. Don't sound like he was very professional at all. I'm glad you have the courage not to give up and to go and look for another doctor.

I'm really sorry that was a bad day for you. Hope your spirit will pick up and hope you have a Merry Christmas.

[Briza]

Briza I'm so sorry that you were treated rudely. I don't understand why there was a problem talking about your health condition, this is your life. I know he is not this kind of doctor but we have to deal with it daily and sometimes even need help to deal with it. That is the reason why we are writing on this site to get help and learn how to deal with. Don't sound like he was very professional at all. I'm glad you have the courage not to give up and to go and look for another doctor.

I'm really sorry that was a bad day for you. Hope your spirit will pick up and hope you have a Merry Christmas.

Thank you Trishann :), yes, I tried to use all my skills I've learned from communicating here with others about how to use time efficiently and non-emotionally, especially on the 1st dr visit, plus all I learned during the over yr long dx process in how to do what IHURTTOO calls "doing the dr dance." Obviously I didn't get to lead this dance this time around.:rolleyes: And I was sent to him for his "expertise" in managing PTSD and meds and get some help getting the right meds since my GP felt I should get his "expert" opinion, she was relying on her colleague to help us out considering all the other meds I have to take at times, and she thought a psychiatrist would be helpful, especially since ex-BF tried to kill me 4 months ago and has brought all this PTSD back. Yeah, I continue on, there's another one I saw while in hospital during hydro disaster, but he's out of network. Next Wed when insurance people are back to work I will start the paperwork to get him hopefully set up to accept my insurance. I did not sleep well,I am so tense, talk about setting me back, now I need MORE xanax!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Ativan won't touch the locked jaw, chest exploding feeling I'm having right now. Maybe a walk with the dog will help, or a run if my bladder can handle it, haven't tried that in a long time.:help:

[Trishann]

I hope that doctor will accept your insurance too. I know the feelings you are having must be really awlful. It is so hard to get calm down after something like what you just been through. Maybe Briza walking might just help, trying something might take the edge off. I sure do hope so.

[Briza]

Oh, just one more thing while I'm at it. I told him I had conditions called interstitial cystitis and vulvodynia and PFD for which I take meds, that they were mainly female conditions and that he probably wasn't familiar with him, but he said, "oh no, my dad's a gyn, I know all about that." At this point I did get a little testy and asked him if he could tell me which organ IC affected and meds common meds used to treat it, and he could not...gotcha! I told him nor did 99% of the gyns out there, otherwise I wouldn't have had to see 7 before anyone mentioning the word IC or vulvodynia. I was trying to give him a break you see, in case he WASN"T familiar with these conditions and the meds used to treat him...at the point I knew all was lost, and this was about 2 mins into consultation.

OK, that's it, I'm thru with my ranting. Not a good way to start the day. The beat goes on....and I will get thru this someway, once again, as always....:pray:

[ihurttoo]

Bri,

I am SO peeved off too! Just reading that got MY blood boiling! I dont know how you stood it!!!! I am sending you a pm right now. GRRRRRRRR!!!!! I am very proud of you for retaining your dignity and composure and doing what you needed to do. Maybe he will treat the next patient better because of your actions. Love, Amy

[Briza]

thank you, amy. got your pms and pmd you back.

[Briza]

Thank you, ladies, for all the support and responses. I'm doing ok now, all of you, family, friends, drs, supporting and validating me has helped so much. Thank you, Jill, too, for making this place for us to come together.
Thank you and Merry Christmas XOXOXOX