Once again it was no

[waterflow]

No to the pain pills so I'm done. Quitting all the pills, heparin, tens all of it. No more doctors. No more asking or begging anyone for anything. What little bit of "hope" is gone. There just is nothing left inside of me to keep fighting the IC. This is the way my life is going to be and nothing will change it. No one to help me. No one to understand.

[traceann]

I am so sorry to hear that you seem to have hit another dead end, I know how frustrating that can be. And I believe there are MANY of us here who know EXACTLY how you feel and have been where you are. But you can NOT give up. How about checking with another doctor, another opinion or pain specialist.

I will tell you that I know from first hand experience how attitude can affect the state of our bodies. I am not saying that a happy-face-Pollyanna attitude will "cure all our ills", lol. I do know that a "I will not let this beat me, I WILL get better attitude" went a long way for me. I was done, hanging it up, determined I was NEVER going to feel good again, never - so why bother. But that wasn't the case at all. It took lots of time, but keeping the "I will succeed one way or another" attitude kept me going through the really dark times, then the Wellbutrin came along and really helped me deal with the feelings in a more positive manner. Keeping the attitude didn't make me all better, boom there you go. It just kept me putting one foot in front of the other, slowly making my way.

A therapist that deals with chronic illnesses with pain etc, might be helpful and maybe the one that could help you get the pain meds you need. Sometimes a doctor will listen to another doctor before us (not fair, but true), and can be your best ally sometimes. If you are already seeing a therapist (I loved mine, unfortunately had to quit her due to financial issues, ugh), maybe they can get you to one that deals with this sort of stuff...

I know there's no answers, I or anyone else can give you - or even try to make you feel better, but I just hate to see you give up, even if right now you don't see that there's any hope - I do.

Talk and vent as often as you like - that can really help too!!!!!!!! Please don't give up...

BIG hugs
Tracey

[SharonA]

Please don't give up on yourself.

We care...:kissing:

[Tracey5399]

Please listen to the girls...I know how hard it is. It seems impossible, i went to get my oil changed today ( well pretty much crawled ) than to find out i need 100 other things done. I am hystericaly crying because i have no money to do all these things and my body doesn't let me work right now.
BUT i refuse to give up. I refuse to let this disease take anything more from me than i have already let it. You are the only 1 who can control that. It sux, it's hard but we are all here for you we do understand. You are NOT alone!
Why don't you call the ICA 1-800-help ICA, ladies name is ann-marie she can send you a list of all the IC friendly doctor's in your area. It's a great start. Also i can help you find a support group in your area if you like.
I see your posts i see what a wonderful person you are, you are better than this friggin IC, you can get better!!
Me, Tracey some of the other girls are living proof that you do NOT have to live the rest of your life in HELL! I promise.
Please post all you need and pm me if you want i will be more than happy to give you my number and we can talk.
I so understand how you feel.
Please give us a chance to help you!

Tracey :)

[meme]

Wow. That's the very same way I felt about three months ago. It really hits me to see some one else writing it down. Its a tough life and sometimes it really sucks, but I finally made up my mind that even if the doctors can't help me, and even if I can't find a miracle pill to make me feel better, I'm going to live life. I have felt so much better since I decided that I'm not going to care if anybody else believes me when I say that I'm sick, or if I get weird looks for using the bathroom every fifteen minutes. Healthy people don't understand and they can only make you feel bad if you let them. I just focus on what I need and what I want to do now. Sometimes that helps take the pain away a little.

[ICNDonna]

It sounds like it's time for you to seek another opinion from a different doctor. What treatment options have you tried? Are you following an IC diet? Do you smoke? There are so many different things which might help --- it would be foolish to not give them a try.

Warm healing thoughts,
Donna

[jah]

I totally agree with you...I am done too..can't beg anymore for pain relief. This disease has taken its toll and my sanity. I don't want to see another doctor..I don't want to beg for pain pills...I don't want to wear another patch...I am done. It got to me too...I quit.

No to the pain pills so I'm done. Quitting all the pills, heparin, tens all of it. No more doctors. No more asking or begging anyone for anything. What little bit of "hope" is gone. There just is nothing left inside of me to keep fighting the IC. This is the way my life is going to be and nothing will change it. No one to help me. No one to understand.

[DC4ever]

Jah/Waterflow - Please don't give up. I have just spent the last 4 months seeing what seems like a zillion doctors - some of which say it is IC, some endometriosis and some just think I'm imaging things but you can't let this beat you. I hurt so bad every day that I cry. I can't remember the last time I slept through the night. I am frustrated trying to get something for the pain. The majority of all the doctors say it is IC - I was really hoping it was something else that could be fixed because some days I am so frustrated and so tired of people telling me to think positive when it hurts so bad and I am out of pain pills - but you can't give up. There is too much beauty in life, even in pain. Please find someone else to help you - I know how much you hurt. I get pain so bad it goes across my stomach, up my back and through my abdomen. I feel like everything hurts so I know. Just don't give up - put one foot in front of the other and find someone else. It is worth it - I suffered from depression for years and sometimes didn't want to see another day but you have to keep trying there is help somewhere and hope:angel: :) :cat:

[ICNDonna]

When I was first diagnosed I was totally miserable --- it took me quite a while to begin to feel better. At that time, there was little thought given to a diet connection and I was pushing fluids, primarily orange and cranberry juice. It took time for me to discover that certain foods and drinks are a problem for me. We're fortunate now to have the IC diet outlined so all we have to do is follow it.

After I found which treatments work best for me and which foods and drinks to avoid, I began to feel better and still do well the majority of the time. My IC was diagnosed in 1975 --- that's 31 years ago --- and most of that 31 years I have felt very close to normal.

You will get there too.

Donna

[tabasco32]

o.k. I have felt like giving up to. I feel like nothing is helping. I need to be strong though. I am not going to let this thing get the best of me. I can't even take pain pills because of colon brain and gut problems they will just plug me up more. So I deal with the pain. Am I getting use to it? not really. but I mean come on girls all your going to cause yourself is more pain and that would be terrible in the long run right? I mean sometimes I have to remind myself "what other choice do I have" I feel jelous a lot when I see my family eat whatever they want and I cry because I have to eat bland thing and I get angry at them. But then I think is it really their fault I have this? No it is not their fault or my fault. It is the fault of the imperfect body. And giving up is going to make it more imperfect. do you want that? I don't.

[waterflow]

There is no one to help me through this. The only IC group is 100 miles away. There is only 1 pain clinic and they won't even bother to see me. They don't deal with IC. There are 2 Uro's who work together. I went 3 times to a big hospital research place (3 hours away) and they gave up on me. I don't smoke and the only things that bother the bladder are pop, coffee, oranges and grapefruits. I have been put down non-stop from the beggining of this. When I got the SSI I thought how great but all I have heard is I didn't work for it (no, I was a homemaker for the whole family--sisters ect.) and they only give it retards. That's just one put down.
I have argued and faught my way from the start and I'm just tired out. My nerves are shot and as far as hell goes. I'm not really to worried about it. If I go there can't be any worse then living on Earth. (No, I'm not thinking about checking out). No one really know what happens when they die.
I'm sorry for being such a complainer but I'm just out of options. Can't do anymore by myself.
Thanks for caring. :kiss:

[Susie2271]

I am sad with you today. It's probably why I was drawn to your message. I found out one of my medications -- Prosed DS (atropine free) -- is not being made, continued or something to that effect. The drug it's being replaced with is on back order. I have had some good days, too, while taking Prosed. (Of course, there are those days where I wonder why I'm taking it!)

But I do know that I am not alone, and you are not alone. Besides the many people in your life, including those folks on this site, I believe that we have a Father God who knows what we're going through.

Now I don't know why we have to have IC. That just don't seem fair to me, and I've had lots of questions for Him on that score. But I never doubt His love for me, and I have to think that through the pain, frustration, sadness, etc., that He's still making me into who He has planned for me to become.

You may feel like "that's it," but there's a part of you who no doubt is still fighting back. I've seen it said here over and over, "You are not you're IC." And it sounds like you need your wingmen and women (Air Force terminology) to support you. So -- I'm going to do the only thing I know how and that's lift you in prayer. :pray:

Grandma used to tell me, "Take it one day at a time." Praying for a better day today for you.

[Kip]

Hi waterflow,

I remember being where you are just over three and a half months ago. Being in constant pain, being housebound, being so depressed nothing or no one mattered. I was suicidal, it was enough just to get through the day, having to catheterise a minimum of 30 times a day and endless times throughout the night. I was exhausted, having not slept in years due to my severe bladder and (Chron's disease) bowel problems. Being constantly hospitalised due to severe infections, life for me then had no purpose. If only I knew what was going to happen around the corner that would test me even further.

I lost my job, I was made redundant, I was the main breadwinner, I was in a very highly paid job and had a very successful career. Two days later, I was admitted into hospital seriously ill and told I had hours to live as my bowel and bladder had failed. I ended up having my bowel and bladder resected and now have a permanent stoma. Following the surgery whilst I was being moved from theatre to the recovery suite I had two major anaphylactic shock reactions and then was taken to ITU fighting for life.

Once I had stabilised I was taken to my private room in the hospital. Three days after my surgery, my partner of nine years then got the head nurse to inform me that our relationship was over as they did not want me back in my house with a stoma as it was repulsive and disgusting. What made it worse was my partner voiced the repulsive and disgusting bit to me, at that time, I thought my stoma was repulsive and disgusting and then to have your own thoughts voiced by someone who you have loved and they have loved you, state the thing that your are feeling was devastating. It didn't stop there my partner then put our house on the market whilst I was still recovering from my surgery in hospital.

Why am I telling you all this, not to prove there are people that are worse off but you will have to dig deep sometimes with this condition. I did not want to live anymore with this condition, yet when I got the chance to choose whether I lived or died, I chose to live, even though I didn't know what living would entail.

I have experienced so much pain, physically and emotionally in the past few months, have hit rock bottom, literally. Sometimes it is going to be really, really hard to live with this condition, I felt so alone and abandoned, yet now I have my life back. It is good sometimes for us humans to hit rock bottom as we take so many things for granted. Being low teaches us a lot about ourselves, you have determination that you didn't know, resilience, multitasking, insight, patience, genuine big life skills, we see ourselves at our most vulnerable and exposed and that's really uncomfortable.

I will not tell you how you will feel better, but you will find the answers within you to get you through this. My life now has completely changed, I feel the best I have in years, I have less pain, can sleep, have a new partner, will soon have a new house, am able to return to work and have been inundated with job offers.

I know where you are at and how dark that place is. However, I got the choice to live or die, dying would have been the easier choice at that time as I was so unwell and then to have all the other things happen as well it would have been easier to not have signed that consent form for my surgery. I chose to live because when you are there with the choice no matter how hard it is at that time for you, how rock bottom, dying is final, there are so many unanswered questions, living is harder, but equally I know I made the right choice.

I did not have any support whatsoever, no local groups, local hospitals would not treat me so had to go to specialist places in London. However I did have friends, who I had not told about my condition only after my life saving surgery though, as I didn't think they would understand. I was right that they didn't understand but what I didn't estimate very well was how much they were prepared to find out about the condition to give me the love and support I needed.

Seek your support from those you know, there are support groups online like this I found this a good support. But mainly get to know yourself, dig deep and you will have the skills and ability to get through this.

Take care

Kip
xx

[ICNDonna]

You really need to see a professional counselor. It sounds very much like you may be suffering from clinical depression, which is something that can't be cured by anyone on these forums.

I care very much about you, but unfortunately I can't really help with either your IC or your depression.

I'll be thinking of you --- please let me know that you will be making an appointment.

Warm hugs,
Donna

I am closing this thread and urge you to seek the help of a counselor.