Maybe I did wrong

[waterflow]

I've been thinking maybe I should not have told a person goodbye two weeks ago. Still get that guilty sad feeling but if I kept around them I know I would have lost my mind. Why couldn't they just understand me and save all this heartache from happening? :confused: Should I have said nothing?

[VickiB]

I'm guessing this is related to the post you'd made a little while back about the person who treats you like scum? It's so hard to end any relationship, leaving you with that awful feeling of loss, loneliness, and even guilt. I think what you're feeling is to be expected, and probably in it's own way a healthy reaction that you have to work your way through. Sorry I can't be more positive than this! I know it hurts, and have been there myself with people who were toxic in my life, and some where we simply chose different roads which made our friendship difficult.

But nothing is forever. People can change, and perhaps your relationship with the person you speak of can be re-established in the future. If not, that leaves you wide open to find new relationships, and there are some really wonderful, caring people out there! If your friend lacked those caring characteristics, try to think of this as an opportunity to "trade up"!

Hugs,

Vicki

[Trishann]

I had a friend that meant the world to me and then things changed. It was tearing my heart apart, but I decided to walk away. It was not easily but I couldn't let this keep making my life miserable. Now I know I did the right thing, and I can't believe I allow it to go on for so long.

It is ok to let go. People change too, and you have no control over it. Sometimes you just can't get through to some people and you have to let it go.

Hugs, Trishann

[icnmgrjill]

And you deserve friends in your life who cherish you. Anyone who demeans you isn't really a friend. It's important to bring laughter and joy into your daily life not the stress of dealing with someone who treats you very badly. It takes courage to walk away and put yourself first. I'm proud of you!

Jill

[MakinIT]

I can only assume the person was a very important person to you and you feel empty. My husband told me earlier this week he wanted a divorce, which wasn't a huge surprise, but he said it with hope...like he wants it to work out. ITS MY DAMN DISEASE THEREFORE, logic dictates MY FAULT. I have tried during these 4 horrible years to try and keep things in my house "normal" and it has resulted in my children having no respect for me (because I'm conked out half the time, and my husband is so fun and goofy when he's not a total " :cussing: hole".I wrote him a very long email (because I turn into a blubbering mess when I try to talk to him) stating all this and the reasons I married him, why I felt he married me...and that he needed to start supporting me with the kids instead of just passively sitting. I knew that got to him b/c on our way out to someone's house the other night, I noticed something I apparently have noticed three times before. (how annoying) My husband stopped the car because the oldest just went off on me " geez mom how many times have you pointed that out, its been there about 6 months, just leave it alone". When he stopped, the girls looked at each other and were looking at him like "what?". He said "can we just all accept mom has problems with her memory because of her medication and may say things a couple times before it sinks into her long term memory..she won't remember phone calls, where something was put, names, and so on. YOU have to take responsibililty forwriting that down on the white board she bought." then he looked at my youngest ,11, and said, do not expect your mother to drive you at the drop of a hat. she is as illegal as someone who drank alcohol,so you getting angry at her the other day will never work, that's why you lost your Halloween party"

I guess I'm trying say, without hearing your original story, people have these notions about this disease. How can something as simple cause bladder problems. (I always tell people there is a field of physisicians who have made alot of money on our "simple" plumbing) I don' t know if things will work out with my husband..we've had low points before. I get very lonely and my world caves in and I feel like I am going to suffocate. I guess that's an anxiety attack. I have a couple friends I can call, and i do, and they just come get me by the sound in my voiice.

Don't let anyone make you feel bad for what you are suffering. It is an awful disease, I remember my husband and father cringing when they first read the articles I gave them.

Tracey

[ICNDonna]

Sometimes we have to make decisions for our own mental health. You deserve to have people around you who care.

Warm encouraging hugs,
Donna

[dancemomof2]

Donna & Jill are so right. I have had to do this also and wondered if I was right or wrong for doing it. Later I realized mental I was drained and had to do it.

[waterflow]

I don't understand why the world will not understand IC??? Why do we all hear the same things? We're lazy, nothings wrong with us ect. ect. There is now cure walk for us. Not any kind of cure program at all. I've always wished it had been cancer instead of the IC because it would not go on forever. One way or another it would end. Why are people so curel to us and not understanding? I really can not understand it all. I got SSI really fast and thought wow, that was good but all I hear is I didn't work for it and they only give that to mental people. I was a "housekeeper" and if I am mental I wonder why?
I left the person before and they kept emailing how much they missed me. I told them if I went back they ahd to stop what they were doing and they agreed. They didn't do it. All was the same and I kept trying but got into a big arguement and they said something that I knew that did not care about me. Seems all the people in my life don't care. There is no going back this time it's just I always get that guilty feeling and they know it. I'm such a weenie I always go back and that is what they are planning on. I blocked them from emailing me this time. Just will take time I guess. Wish I could make everything right for all of us. It's just not fair. :confused:

[ICLori]

I agree with everyone, you have the right to protect yourself from harmful people (toxic people) and you deserve a good friendship. I have always heard, when you throw out the trash (bad, toxic people) there is room then for the good to come in. I hope that good will come into your life!

I struggle too with the fact that people think I don't "look sick" and they want me to just be normal. I can't be completely normal. Sometimes my pain distracts me to the point where I can't remember things, or think clearly. Or it makes me more tired than I ought to be.

I think sometimes we just have to decide if it's worth it to maintain certain relationships. I mean, when it comes to family - we pretty much only have one family so I guess we just deal with things - but when it comes to friends, a lot of times we can find new friends, friends who truly do understand about how we don't feel well much of the time.

I don't know if there is an IC support group in your area or not, but would you find something like that appealing at all? If there is not an IC support group, perhaps there is a support group for something like fibromyalgia, chronic fatigue, something like that where people would understand about feeling sick much of the time. You might be able to find new friends there, who really do understand, and in fact don't feel so well themselves much of the time.

This is such a hard disease to live with, I know. I like how one uro put it..."This is a mean disease!" I think that describes it perfectly.

Blessings,
Lori

[Trishann]

I don't understand all the why's, but that is ok, we may never know. Your purpose in your life isn't to try to please everybody. Sometimes that means you have to walk away if this person is constantly causing misery for you. You are stronger than what you think, you already proved it.

Don't beat yourself up for making changes, just sometimes it happens and you keep going forward.

Hugs, Trishann

[MakinIT]

Wow, Trishann, you hit it for me...your purpose in life is to try to please everyone....See I do that all the time, all it has left me with is displease people in my life and myself stuck at anger and loneliness. My youngest's school is only 5 blocks away but it was raining hard Friday and she has trombone to carry and I knew she didn't take so I picked her up. She's is gr.5. I was sleepy, but felt ok about home and back because back streets and I drive very slowly at that time of day b/cause of kids. She got in the car and demanded I take her to Fred Meyer to make Rice Krispie treats. I just looked at her and said, there was no way I could legally or morally drive to the store, I could barely stay awake. She pitched a fit. Told ME, I could drive as far as Fred Meyer. (It's about a mile but through one of the hairiest intersections in Vancouver) I told her I was not legal to drive, that was that.. Our Dishwasher is down and no one wants to wash their own dishes ( simple repair but we have to wait until Weds) I'm sick of it now. I've placed the vacuum cleaner in the center of the living room so my eldest has to step around it in order to go anywhere (her job)...I also do the same with her dirty laundry she leaves in the bathroom. That really makes her made "you went as far as the living room..you couldn't go to the Laundry room?" Not the point I was trying to make, dear...(and we've done that at least 12 times)

take care...and of yourself or you will burn out like I have.

[waterflow]

It was family which makes it hard but that is how they wanted it. It's like someone has died so it will take time.
You are right Trishann & Makingit. A person can only do and help so much before they can not do anymore. I'd let the dishes go and when they run out of clean dishes maybe then they will get washed.
Thanks for the help everyone.

[Trishann]

Sound like you are having one of those days. It is good that you are stopping and resting, and I hope tomorrow will be better for you.

Hugs, Trishann