View Full Version : I hate my life
09-09-2006, 11:32 AM
Life sucks. My IC is getting better but why isn't my life that I left behind getting better. The drug can only do so much. Some days I'm not sure I want to get better just because I've been hiding in my house taking cvare of me. Well this is brought on by the fact that my ex has tons of girls on his myspace. He always said it was stupid. I just couldn't handle seeing it right up close that he really just doesn't want me back.
Just having a bad mental and bladder day. Will my agony ever end and will my life ever be the same? I've been locked up and went out very little without my boyfirend. Three years this has been my hell and each day it got worse. So will it take me three years to fix the social damage?
09-09-2006, 04:00 PM
Hi, Kristin, (((HUGS))) I'm sorry you are feeling so down. Nothing can make you feel more sad than having your hopes dashed. From what you told me before, I believe with all my heart that you are much better off without him, and that you deserve and will find someone much better, but I know it doesn't feel that way to you right now and you are hurting.
Please believe me, you will find a guy who will be all the things you are looking for, and will treat you wonderfully, too. I promise you. It might not happen next week, but it will happen, and probably within the next couple of years. So please take heart!
You have been in a kind of hell on earth with the IC for all this time - it will take time before you feel really ready to be out there socially - both with friendships and especially romance, but it will happen. Just be patient, give yourself time. Things will get better. Best to start with non-romantic friendships first - once you have good friends surrounding you, you might think about dating again, but not until then. It does take time to undo the damage, so to speak...to establish your life again...but you will get there, don't worry!
P.S. Having a good bladder day again, didn't need pain meds tonight....it's just kind of back and forth but I do think I'm having more good days than I did before I was on CyA so that's something...
09-11-2006, 03:54 PM
Thanks for the boost. I was just having a weak moment. We can't be strong all the time. I'm not ready and that's ok for now. You always know what to say to make me feel better. Take care. Hope it was a good bladder day for you too.
09-12-2006, 03:20 AM
Glad to see you are feeling better now -- I was divorced after a 12 year very abusive marriage. When I first went out on my own, I was scared to death -- thinking that I was never going to make it -- but, against all odds, I made it and I did well and actually ended up better off than before -- why??? I learned to love myself and to recognize my own value and strengths.
When you are in a bad relationship -- married or not -- you hear so much damaging stuff from your partner that you begin to tell yourself these things are true -- they are not! You are not a bad person, nor do you deserve to be treated without dignity and respect. I didn't learn that until I was alone and started to have enough 'quiet time' to start listening to my own inner voice --- it takes work... You need to begin to journal and write down the messages you hear yourself repeating to yourself --- if they are negative, write them down on a separate piece of paper and start to 'prove it!' --- You probably cannot.
Example: "You deserve to be treated like crap!"
After writing it on paper -- put down the reasons you deserve to be treated like crap --- there aren't any -- it isn't true! You may say that there are reasons -- write them down -- then prove them... in the end you will come to conclude that YOU ARE A VALUABLE PERSON, created by God to be loved and to love others. You aren't a piece of crap, nor do you deserve to be treated as anything less than valuable.
After you write the reasons you DO deserve to be treated like crap -- assuming you can find one or two things you think belong on that list, then create a list of reasons why you DON'T deserve to be treated that way.
1) you are a human being and have certain rights and one is to be treated with respect.
2) you have value, worth and purpose in this world and you were created to fulfil a purpose
3) you are a child of God and hence, not junk!
Do this with whatever lie you may be telling yourself!
After a while, you will automatically start to turn off those messages and begin to feed yourself ONLY the good ones -- you will be surprised how many messages you are giving yourself once you start to do this.
Soon, you will recognize you are a person with value, worth, purpose and you will begin to EXPECT to be treated as such -- that is going to reflect in a new outward expression -- when you meet someone you will hold your head up high and you will beam "I am a valuable person, and I expect to be treated that way" --- not proud and haughty, but respectfully.....
Not long after that, some fine people will begin to come into your life and when you begin to surround yourself with good people, good things are going to happen -- if the Lord wills it, one of them will be a fine young man who will not only recognize your value, but also treat you with worth and value!
I pray that the day will come soon for you -- but NOT BEFORE you recognize your own worth -- it is good to be alone and find it for yourself -- you want your value to be because YOU KNOW YOU ARE VALUABLE, not because someone else TELLS you or SHOWS you -- that is fleeting and will leave if/when the person leaves. You need to KNOW IN YOUR OWN HEART so that no matter what goes on around you, you will REMAIN VALUABLE in your own heart of hearts -- something that NO ONE ELSE has the right to take away from you.
Sorry for the caps -- easier and faster than bold.
09-12-2006, 04:05 AM
I'm glad you made it past your bad day. I've been spending a lot of time contemplating the link between emotional pain and physical pain. From all you have said, your boyfriend caused you a lot of emotional pain and that might be making your IC symptoms worse. Letting him go will help both your mind and your body. There is somebody for you - you just haven't found him yet. The good things just take time.
By the way, just because he has a lot of girls pictures posted on his myspace site doesn't mean he's out having a great time. It just means he likes to talk big about himself. What counts is the kind of person you are inside and the quality of the relationships you do have, not how many "friends" you stack up on my myspace. I wonder how many of those girls would really be there for him if he got sick or needed help.....those are the "friends" that count.
Hang in there girl, you're doing fine......
09-12-2006, 05:32 AM
I know how you feel. I am separated from my husband who I have been with for 14 years--he is the only person I have ever dated, kissed, been with. I am starting out on my own not only with myself, but a 5 year old who is autistic. I have been having a bad couple of days emotionally and know how you feel. I feel like I will nevre be able to find someone who loves Lindsey and I with our challenges. My hubby has been a jerk for so long and I am so used to being told how terrible I am that I trying to learn how to love me again and to just focus on Lindsey and I. Please know that I am here if you need to talk. I have gone back to work so I am not on the boards as often as usual but now that I have a computer in my office at school I can sneak away when there are no kids in the clinic.
09-12-2006, 06:28 AM
Kristin, I'm so glad you are feeling a bit better now, hopefully time will make things less painful. Laurie is 100% right, just because he has those photos up, doesn't mean a thing at all. He probably wrote those girls and begged them for pictures, probably told them he was dying of cancer or something, it doesn't mean anything.
09-12-2006, 01:42 PM
Thanks everyone. The problem is he wasn't a jerk until after we broke up so it makes it harder. I know what a good guy he can be and the fact that he is treating me like crap floors me. I was just shocked he had myspace cause he hated it so much. I'm starting to let go slowly everyday and each day it gets easier.
Barb-Sorry to hear about your situation Barb. Thanks for the support.
Mary- That's a good idea and I hope it will make things easier.
Laurie & Lori you two have been there for me and let me ramble on about my life so thanks again for being a wonderful friend.
09-12-2006, 11:37 PM
I hope you are having a good day !::smile tee
Your IC friends are right!
Stress is a major FLARE trigger!
Hugs, Mare Mare
09-15-2006, 07:17 PM
I'm having a very awesome weekend so far. I've been out and about for parties this week. I went out for a night walk and no pain or spasms. So Yeah for me. Hope everyone else is doing well to.
08-16-2012, 04:50 PM
Hi, I hate my life also....
08-17-2012, 07:04 AM
just wanna say sorry i know the feeling i hate my life most days but my baby girl keeps me going
09-01-2012, 04:22 AM
ShePurzz...Like like like like like!!! Great POST!!!
09-13-2012, 06:02 AM
so ....I still hate my life. Im tired of all the pain and isolation. I am tired of my husband who drinks every night, I am tired of this mouse ridden house. I am tired of being disabled.....I cant even take my dogs for walks any more. I broke down and bought my son a safe car for the coming winter, it made me feel good for a while and then....not, I hate my life. I love my kids but I hate my life......
09-20-2012, 05:44 AM
I'm so sorry you're having such a bad time. I know this was posted a week ago. I hope you're a little better since then. I always try to tell myself, "It could be worse". I know sometimes when I hear this, I want to punch someone in the face :) But it is true. I hope, hope things turn up for you!
09-21-2012, 07:55 AM
Hey, I got my Interstim implant on the 19th and I took off my pad in my panties. so far no leaking with urge. I have 6 more weeks of doing nothing. The doctors want scar tissue to develope around the wires. I had a kink in a wire on my tailbone, the doctor thought that may have been why I was getting the surges, so he opened that up again and took the kink out. All is fine so far, I just have to keep telling myself not to lean over, reach, squat, or lift anything for the next 6 weeks. The pain med they gave me this time still gave me the itches. I am uncomfortable sitting in my chair so I just lay around. LOL I didnt know the device to change the settings would be so big. It is bigger than my cell phone and I have no room in my purse for it. I wld like to go to the post office and try it out lol...maybe when I am all healed Ill see if I set off any alarms. So it has been nice not to have a raw bottom : ) I still hate my life.
10-27-2012, 06:16 PM
Chris... how are you doing now that you've got a good four weeks of recovery under your belt?? Any better??
10-27-2012, 08:26 PM
Hey, I am better in two areas, I leak less and I use less pads. I can also go longer between voids. I am still on #4 settings. I go in to the Dr. on the 11/22/02 to have a post op visit. I hope when I get some new settings put in to my Interstim that I get even more improvement : ) I still have bladder pain. I havent been doing much so I guess I shall see as time goes on. I still hate my life. I hate how so many choices have been taken away from me with my IC and all the operations I have had along with other diagnosis. I know there are others who are in a bad way so I shouldnt hate my life but I do.
I was real sick for the last 7 days ( bad cold) and I do not get off movement restrictions until the end of the month (just a few days left) I got upset because my husband said he was out drinking becaues it is fun....and Ill stop there.
Thank You for asking me how I am doing : )
10-28-2012, 06:24 AM
This thread was started six years ago --- it's very possible that things have changed significantly for those who have posted the first few comments.
Warm hugs to everyone,
10-28-2012, 06:36 AM
I got upset because my husband said he was out drinking because it is fun....and Ill stop there.
I get this, your sick, you can't, you don't want them not too go do this, but not really, it's just you don't have a choice too, but your lonely and tired of being alone and not being able to go.
It is something very hard to learn to deal with.
good luck mg
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