Preparing Your Kids For School & Bathroom Breaks

[icnmgrjill]

This article raises an important point. Just how do we prepare our children for using restrooms?? There are many adults that suffer from something called Shy Bladder Syndrome, which makes it impossible for them to use a public restroom if someone else is in the room. Many children and adults actually learn to hold both their bladders and bowels unnaturally until they get home. Oww!! Promoting normal function is important!

Ironically, Dr. Dean Edell (a radio MD here on the West Coast) recently told the story of a young teen who had recurring pelvic pain. Her family finally took her to Dr. Dean (back when he was practicing) and he asked a simple question. How often do you have a bowel movement? She said once every 7 to 10 days. He was stunned. She thought this was normal. He then asked her father about this and he said the same thing. They only used the restroom for a bowel movement once every two weeks or so. In their case, they had inherited a rare condition which makes this happen. Yowza!

In any case, whether a child or adult is using the restroom frequently or not enough, we have to be willing to talk about it with them and, when possible, reinforce the concept that using the restroom regularly is vital to our overall health. I think that the experience that children have in childhood with their teachers is CENTRAL to their experience and health. I sure hope noone teases them. It's just worth thinking about IMHO. It caught my eye! - Jill O.


by Matt Kelley (Radio Iowa)

Thousands of Iowa children will be heading off to school for the first time next month and some of them will have trouble not having immediate access to a bathroom. Doctor Christopher Cooper, a pediatric urologist at the University of Iowa, says parents need to start working with their children now to prevent future accidents.

Cooper says "The best thing is to actively encourage a child to go to the bathroom with frequent scheduled breaks. Many children get used to holding off on urinating over time and this actually causes the bladder to become overactive. Many accidents and bladder problems can be prevented by having the child urinate about every two hours." He says about 15-percent of children in the early grades have daytime accidents and some medications promise help, though Cooper recommends a solution aside from drugs.

Some children need the medications but a U-of-I study found it impossible to predict which children could get better just by increasing how often they go to the bathroom. Cooper recommends first treating all children who have accidents with scheduled bathroom breaks, using medications as a last resort. He says parents should never punish a child for having a wetting accident.

He says to reassure the child that it was an accident and that it happens to lots of children to minimize the stress, and get them into a change of clothes discreetly and as soon as possible to minimize the embarrassment. Cooper says a study found some children regard wetting themselves as the third worst possible thing that could happen to them, behind the death of a parent and going blind.

[ihurttoo]

Jill, It is so timely that you posted this. My only child, Collin, will be starting kindergarten in a couple of weeks. He has never been to day care or preschool. He has always been home with me. I have had SOO many worries. I worry he will forget or lose his lunch money and go hungry. I worry he will be really thirsty and they wont let him get a drink. I worry about bigger kids hurting him or teasing him. I plan on taking him and picking him up because I worry he will get on the wrong bus, or miss it all together. But, one of my biggest fears is that he will need to go to the restroom and they wont let him go.

I plan on discussing this with his teacher. I am going to tell her about IC and that it is unknown if it can be inherited, and that "holding it" can cause it. I will make sure she knows to never make him hold it!

Thanks again for the article. I will print it off and take it too! Hugs, Amy

[vm]

I have been so grateful that my oldest has had a bathroom in the classroom for the last 3 years. I don't know if he will this year - he'll be in 3rd grade so I am guessing probably not. He is definitely a frequent "pee-er" so I do worry about him.

[kadi]

One thing as a teacher I would emphasize, is that parents need to talk with their children about using the restroom at recess.

Many children (especially elementary age boys) do not want to "waste" their recess by using the bathroom then. Many kids have told me this, it's not an isolated case.

It's really important that children use that break though, because sending them to the restroom during class time is not the simple matter a lot of people think it is.

In California, a lot of our schools are extremely open-access. Sending a child into an empty restroom during class time with a campus anyone can walk onto is a safety concern. But, sending pairs of children leads to playing, time wasting, and again unsupervised children...

The most common time for vandalism of a school bathroom is during class time when there is no one to witness what someone is doing in there. School custodians spend unpleasant hours unclogging toilets that have had massive amounts of paper towels in them, cleaning excrement off walls, washing off grafitti, mopping up bathrooms that have been flooded by children clogging the sink & leaving the water on. This has been a significant (and foul) problem in every elementary, middle, and high school I have worked at.

Unsupervised children wandering the halls with a bathroom pass often interrupt other classes and take up class time with teachers having to "time" the student who has left the room and follow up if the time is excessive. Multiply this by each child who leaves the room on a pass, realize there are 33+ students to teach at a time... it's a problem.

(And what goes on in middle & high school bathrooms during classtime is unbelievable-vandalism, drug dealing & using, liaisons & sex, assault, trashcan fires, firecrackers set off in trashcans & toilets. Sending the big kids to the restrooms during class hours is even more scary than sending the little ones. And if the teacher writes a bathroom pass for a student who misuses it, they are questioned for it & risk reprimand.)

But I know that for those of us who remember childhood embarrassing moments due to our bladder issues, this is a sensitive topic.

I have horrid memories of peeing the classroom floor in kindergarten, first, second grades, wetting my pants running in 4th & 5th grade PE, and even peeing the gymnastics mat through my leotard in front of the class in 5th grade.

I "get" it, that our children may need special measures on these issues. So, I encourage parents of children with bladder issues to write a letter to the teacher that their child should be allowed to go as needed, and that they tell their child to not abuse that privilege.

I wish schools were filled with perfect children, understanding teachers, and well staffed enough to meet all needs. It's unfortunate that we have such problems at school, I don't have a really great answer for it. I just try to make accomodations for children who need them & try to do the best I can for the rest within a very broken system.

[kadi]

Looking back over these posts, I'm realizing the article was about kindergarteners. Different issue. Fortunately most kindergarten classrooms have their own bathroom & the little ones can go as they need to.

The problems I mentioned are with the school bathrooms in the hallways.

There is no edit button on this thread, so hope my post didn't irritate anyone...

[ihurttoo]

Kadi, No offense taken at all! :) I read your post with interest. I am actually amazed that you all have those kinds of problems. It is truly unfortunate that there are so many mean, disruptive, and malicious children out there! It amazes me! I guess I am pretty sheltered, because I was truly unaware of this side of it. I will certainly follow your advice and have a talk with my son about how it is a privelidge to be able to go when necessary and not to abuse it by dawdling or otherwise wasting time, because the privelidge could very well be revoked. Thanks again for informing us of the "other side" of this problem. Hugs, Amy

[swarr]

We have some the same situations at the middle school. I remember some girl was smearing #2 on the bathroom stall, a boy used some thin bead wire to tie on the stalls like a trip wire and a boy peeing all over the walls almost every day. They did catch them however. I have to agree about tellling the teacher.

[Cheries]

I am so glad you have posted this!!!

As a parent of a child with a bowel problem, an ic patient and a teacher I know this is a very sensitive subject.

My daughter has an inherited bowel problem (my 3 brothers and one nephew each have this in which they do not have the "check" reflex and cannot hold their stool. Unfortunately my daughter has the same issue. I am still trying to find a doctor who can diagnose this. She has had three accidents at school, all because she wasn't allowed to use the restroom. This is even after I had sent a letter, talked to the teacher AND the nurse in advance! Apparently my daughter needed to use the restroom at times right when they were lining up for the bus time. She was told by others that she could not go.

Please, teach your kids that there are times to exert themselves and DEMAND restroom access!! I get so tired of many teacher's attitudes about this. You would not BELIEVE how some teachers refuse to let kids use the restroom!!! In addition, I have been told by entire classes that their teacher did not take them all day to the restroom (this is in middle school, where they have scheduled breaks). This issue is so important! I would be interested to find out what legislation exists to protect us as well as our children when it comes to restroom access both in the schools and in the public.

On a side note, my nephew, who is 10 years old and has frequent bowel accidents has been sent to a phychologist because they think he is doing it on purpose!! It drives me nuts! There is a huge family history here and I will tell you that no 10 year old boy is going to mess his pants in a public pool with little girls around he wants to impress!! He lives in a different state and I have been talking to my sister about this constantly but every time they take him to a pediatrician they think he is doing it on purpose or to get attention because she is divorced (5 years ago!) I am making it my quest to help my nephew by investigating this and trying to find out what the name of this disorder is. I grew up with two brothers who suffered shame, ridicule and horrible teasing due to this disorder (which eventually, though never completely, is outgrown following puberty). Do any of you have ideas on where I could find information? Fortunately, my daughter rarely has difficulty with it anymore and at the time I had confered only with her pediatrician.

[kadi]

Dear Cherie,
You've brought up a really tough point. I totally agree that it is very ok for your daughter to stand up for herself, when needing to use the restroom if you have written a note. And some teachers can be absolute jerks (I hate working with some of them).

Even within a school, we are not allowed to disclose personal or medical information about students to other teachers. Breaking confidentiality is a serious matter, especially when it is one that can be embarrassing to a student. So, even if you've talked with the school nurse & her own teacher, the other teachers on staff are probably totally unaware of the problem. It is perfectly reasonable for your daughter to quietly say to an unfamiliar teacher, "I have a medical note regarding this in the office. I'm not trying to be disrespectful, so please talk to my mom if it's a problem, but I really have to go now." Any teacher who doesn't respect that, with your note on file, deserves a reprimand at that point...

The name of your nephew's problem may be "encopresis". As a fifth & sixth grade teacher, I had several students with this problem (defecating in pants). If that's his condition, it is quite treatable, but takes working with a pediatrician who understands the condition. I don't know much more about it, the parents were handling it with a doctor & the boys did get better.

Wishing you luck with these situations & understanding teachers---

[Cheries]

Thanks for the feedback.

I don't believe my nephew has encroprisis, as this is due to holding it too long and then the stool simply has to come out on it's own. I believe he suffers from a neurological issue in which the signal to go and the "check reflex"which allows the muscles to control this simply do not work properly. At least this is how it was explained to my mom 30 plus years ago when both my brothers suffered from this. Generally encorprisis (spelling?)in the reading I have done is when a child does not go to the bathroom for days or tries to hold it because they believe (due to past constipation issues or current ones for that matter)that it will causes pain. My brothers and nephew had accidents on a near daily basis and I would watch them literally crossing their legs and running to the bathroom trying to make it on time. My heart goes out to my nephew as I have recently discovered that he has been "punished"for this and been sent to phychologists etc. and even given "rewards"if he goes correctly. He was also prescribed stool softeners (which is a common treatment for eoncroprisis)but that only worsened the condition. I am still researching this and trying to find some help for him.

[ICNDonna]

A parent can get around the confidentiality issue if the note contains specific instructions to advise any adult faculty member who has control/contact with your child about the need for restroom access.

Donna

[jamies]

I love this article and I think that I am going to bring it to work. I work as a preschool teacher and was very scared when I first started at the center that I am because kids at four and five would be having accidents at nap time. Yes this can be normal at times but come to find out it because the teachers wouldnt let them use the bathroom while it was rest time. I was shocked at this. Having my condition I understand and never hesitate to ever tell someone to wait to use the bathroom, with or with out IC. I had to sit my children down, being the new lead teacher and tell them that it is ok to use the bathroom whenever where ever we are what ever we are doing. Dont ask just go. They were very glad I could tell after I told them this. They still had questions like what if we are resting etc. Im like just go!!

I couldnt beleive that teachers were not letting these children go to the bathroom. I remember being young and sometimes worried about going. Heck I still have issues taking a BM if it is not at my house. So I can relate to this that we have to make the children comfortable and let them know that this is a normal everyday thing that everyone does anywhere. Because it will stay with you forever if you dont.

[med_head_09]

Cheries,
Here is a page I was looking at, that suggests that true fecal incontinence has a neurological or anatomical basis, and I am sorry that there hasn't been much help from your nephew's doctors. has he seen a pediatric gastro surgeon? if i find anything else i will let you know. also, if you are curious, there are summer camps for kids with urinary and fecal incontinence, where they are not made fun of or excluded because of embarrasing issues! Take care, Jamie


http://www.childrenshospital.org/az/Site886/mainpageS886P0.html

[plaedes]

I just wanted to pass along a story from my childhood. I went to a school in 3rd grade and my teacher was horrible about allowing bathroom breaks. We had one in the morning and one after lunch. One day this boy was sitting in his desk doing the pee pee dance for quite a while. He finally got the nerve to ask the teacher if he could go to the restroom and what she did still horrifies me to this day. She grabbed his arm and the trash can and took them to the middle of the classroom. (we had the class split in half each side facing the other, looking right to see the blackboard) She made that boy sit in the trash can in front of the entire class. She also made the rest of us acknowledge that he was sitting in the trash can because he asked to use the restroom. She also told us this would be our fate if we asked to use the restroom not at a designated time. You could tell when he finally gave up and wet his pants....the poor thing just started sobbing. As luck would have it however, we only had that teacher maybe 3 more days. I think enough of us told our parents and they got her fired. I grew up with constant "accident" problems. I wet the bed, and frequently had to go not at the appointed restroom break time. I was also a very willful child. If a teacher told me no and I really had to go...I would just walk out of class and go anyway. I would rather be seen as a bad child than a wet child...I guess. I think it is important that parents have a partnership with teachers and stress the bathroom needs of their children. Particularly if there is a problem with frequency and urgency. I just wish they had those Goodnights diaper things when I was a kid. That would have helped a lot. I've never been a social butterfly because of bladder issues. Now IC and IBS just compound the problem.

[ICNDonna]

It's very important that you talk with your child and encourage them to share their school experiences. When you're away from home and need to find a restroom is a good time to ask about "what do you do at school if you're in class and you need to go?" It's amazing what children will share with you. And if you don't like what you hear, talk with school officials.

Donna