My feelings got really hurt last and I don't want to go out again.

[Kara29]

For the first time in a long time since I was feeling well we decided to go out with some of our friends last night. BIG MISTAKE. Now I know why I staying in is better. No one can hurt you that way. Anyway we were ate dinner, had some drinks, went out for ice cream. And the girl who happens to be my Husband's best friends fiance decides to tell me after I come out of the bathroom that I am not attractive and that she only finds women who are the same size as her attractive. Well one of her boobs is about how much I weigh. I am at my top weight right now and have worked very hard over the past few weeks to get here. I looked right at her and I said, "That was not a very nice thing to say." She said, I mean it. I've known Mike for over 10 years and this girl is about 10 years younger than us (We are 30) They've been together for 3 years and she just moved in with him. Ever since she moved in with him she's become a royal pain in the arse. She walks around and talks like she owns everything in the house and he has't asked her to marry him yet but he's going to. So I said, you shouldn't talk to your friends that way and I've been around here longer than you to which Mike pipes in and says WHAT in a really mean way and I say I've been on this earth longer than you and you shouldn't talk to your elders in that manner. Then the tension in the house was so thick you could cut it with a chain saw so we went home but I woke up today very depressed. I should have never gone out. I can't help that I am a tiny individual and don't weigh over 200 pounds. My feelings got cut down on my first night out since my reconstruction. My body inmage is shut down anyway due to having all of these surgeries and having a stoma. I don't want to go over there anymore and I don't want her coming to my house. It's just not fun and I've never really liked her. I am just looking to spill my feelings so if you're feeling the need to say something not so nice. Leave it at the door. I came to the place that makes me feel safe and loved.

Kara

[ICNDonna]

While I agree that it wouldn't be a good idea to spend more time with those particular people, please don't think they are an example of the general population. Most people are much kinder than that.

Warm hugs,
Donna

[Mel53H]

:grouphug:

[Sarojini]

That was a terrible thing to say! But... I hope you do decide to go out again, WITH DIFFERENT PEOPLE. I wouldn't suggest hanging out with the people you saw last night any more. People like that woman try to destroy other people's self-esteem because their own is so low, and they suck the life out of those around them. You don't need that.

I hope when you decide to go out again, it is with someone that makes you feel great about yourself -- because YOU ARE WONDERFUL AND SPECIAL. :)

:grouphug:

[tigger_gal]

I would make it a point to tell your hubby you have NO intentions of spending any more time with them I lso think that you or your hubby should tell "Mike" you long term friend what his girlfriend told you... That was wrong and out of line. I hope you get the chance one day to hear that someone has put her in her place. Don't let her rudeness stop you from going out.

[Kara29]

Mike was right there when it happened and he let her get away with it. She's only lived there for 2 months. And as far as NOT spending time there. It's my Huband and I, our best friend. It's her that is the problem. Mike is just caving in and letting her walk all over him and his house. She's young and doesn't fit in with the "old gang". Mike and my Husband used to be inseparable but since this girll has moved in, Mike has lost his nerve and has let her take over including rude comments to his friends that were around when she was being born. So we can't just walk away. We need to find a way to deal with her. I tried last night to stand my ground but got no where. Any advice as to how to deal with her "young" personality and bossiness? Allen has told Mike in the past that he doesn't care for her but they've been together for 3 years now and I are about to get engaged. She has demanded a ring by the end of the summer. This is where our group of friends are and she just happens to come in and take over after moving in. She was in college and was living with her parents two hours away so we never saw her much over the 3 years. Now she has graduated and moved in and looks like she's there to stay.

Kara

[icnmgrjill]

Kara,

You know... anytime a woman compares herself physically with another women, it's not about that other woman... it's about her own insecurities. Clearly, clearly she's so damn insecure about herself that she felt the need to take it out on whoever was around and vulnerable. In this case, it was you. But, it could have been anyone else too. She's young, immature and RUDE.

Don't give her the power to hurt you. She doesn't know you. She doesn't care about you. She's not a friend. Frankly, she can just shove her opinions up her arse! You can tell her that next time she harps on you.

Or, better yet, say something like.

"It's really sad when you see a woman who feels so insecure about herself that she has to try to hurt others to feel good." and then walk away.

Jill

[ICNJess]

Yikes...she sounds horrible. I agree with everyone, she sounds very insecure.

I wouldn't group her into a "young" category, though. I'm young (23) and when I was 20 I NEVER spoke to anyone that way. I think she belongs in the "rude & insecure" category. Obviously she is threatened by you and your husband's relationship with Mike.

Since you are willing to try and find common ground and you might be stuck with her, maybe you could sit down with her and try to talk things out. If that fails miserably, I would simply sit down with Mike and explain to him that you tried your hardest to make things nice and equal. If he throws a fit and gets angry, maybe it's time to let go a little but leave the door open, in case he sees what a true PIA she is. Unfortunately, I've been here, done that, and got the t-shirt.

Hugs!

[Imustpee]

I come out of the bathroom that I am not attractive and that she only finds women who are the same size as her attractive


She sounds gay to me...

[SharonA]

Kara...my first thought when reading your post was, "well, she sure sounds like she is rude, crude and socially unacceptable. I think you can add dumb in with that, too.

Don't let her steal your joy, hon. She is not worth it...:shake: :grouphug:

[waterflow]

All she is, is a snot nosed brat. Some people have an awful lot of nerve. Don't let her get to you. Don't give her the satisfaction. What I found that works the best (started doing this waaaaaaay back in school) is when someone like that brat does that to you, ignore them and walk away. I found that walking away and ignoring them gets under their skin because they did not get to you. Plus they didn't get to say anymore. I doubt I would try to make friends with her. She'll only stab you in the back. I'm sorry that happened to you when you were trying to go out and have fun. Try not to let her get you down. Know it's hard, been there. You've been through a lot so don't let one jerk face get you down. I would say she was jealous of you. Hope you are not feeling so down. :grouphug:

[Janie Miranda]

I sure hope Mike comes to his senses and doesn't marry her. I've seen this same scenario a number of times and boy will Mike regret it if he marries this chick!She will suck the joy of living right out of him.

[ICLori]

(((HUGS))) I'm so sorry. Please don't go out with her ever again! Your husband will have to understand that being with this toxic person is bad for you!

I agree with what everyone else said. That girl is so insecure, she had to put you down. I'm sure she was jealous of how slender you are (slender is beautiful, at least in our culture, isn't it?) and all she could think of to do was to try to make you feel bad, so she would feel better. Just absolute 100% jealousy was all it was. She sure wasn't a nice person.

Please don't give up on the world, though. There are nice people out there, honestly. But it's okay to be by yourself for awhile, too. I like being alone, myself.

Blessings,
Lori

[sandramac]

Kara im so sorry to hear about your night out with such a rude young lady! Sometimes the best thing is not to react as thats what she wants, Mikes attention also testing the water to see how controlling she can be with his friends.And him! I think you handeled it well and with class! i would just not coment more as I think its pretty sad that name calling etc will come into play and would just make you and Allen look bad. She sounds like a very lonely and angry person inside, To make such a rude commet.Rise above and show your age and class and beautiful figure with pride. Hold your head up high!Show her how a adult carries themselves. And Ps I wold love to have your figure ! stoma and all!LOL I need to loose about 6o pounds, Love you hon! Sandra:cat: :cat: :cat:

[Dixiefireball]

Kara,
boy some people do have the nerve don't they? I'm so sorry she treated you this badly. You know your a hell of a much better person then she is, and you a pretty lady too. Don't take anything she said at heart, and please don't stay inside the house and not go anywhere else because of one dumb person comments. Its clearly she had some issues she needs to take care of. maybe even needs some professional help!
don't let her get to you, and sadly until your husband best friend can see the light. it may be best that you and your husband find other friends to hang out with. I hope he doesn't get hurt by this girl, but from the way it sounds if he doesn't open his eyes soon she is going to take him for everything he got.

sending you hugs and prayers for better days to come.
Rhonda

[Bianchi]

She sounds like a total idiot to me, if he marries her he is asking for trouble. If I were you, i would not associate with them any more until she is gone, which is just a matter of time, I think.
Hold your head up high, you are a very pretty and intelligent young woman, and that b.... is a pea brain.
Take care,
Bianchi

[dancemomof2]

Kara, she couldn't handle being in the presence of a lovely attractive intelligent woman and she had to say something that she thought would make her look good, but all it did was show you are the better person and for that you should have been beaming with pride that you have conquered all of this surgery and can be the best person in any situation. You go girl and get your butt right back out there and be the social butterfly you deserve to be.

[ShePurzz]

Kara,

You know... anytime a woman compares herself physically with another women, it's not about that other woman... it's about her own insecurities.

Don't give her the power to hurt you.

...walk away.

Jill

A hearty AMEN and another hearty AMEN to those thoughts!

It is a matter of power and her own problems -- KEEP YOUR OWN POWER and your own happiness under your own control -- BIG HUGS for the hurtful things she said -- they sting even if we know the other person doesn't deserve a response... as this gal... I don't think I would waste one ounce of my breath discussing it with Mike or your boyfriend -- she isn't worth the time and energy she will cost you -- walk away... keep your power... it is ABOUT HER, not YOU -- HUGS,
Mary

[Kara29]

I wanted to thank all of you for giving me some great advice about this situation!

We have to go there August 12th for an all night Clam Bake! We shall see how it goes......there will be about 50 people or more coming through so I hopefully won't really see her.

Thanks Again Everyone!

Kara:hi:

[trytosmile]

You are a beautiful person inside and out, don't forget it and you are twice the "lady" than she will ever be !!!!!!!! As they say her class is in her .... I'm still in aw that those words came out of her mouth.

[traceann]

Oh good grief! I agree with the girls, it's so her problem it's not even funny!! I had a girlfriend who used to make the rudest comments to me out in public (things like "oh you must not be wearing your padded bra tonight Tracey!" - seriously she said that in front of a group of people!), but it was ALL about her - she was/is so dang insecure she'll take her shots where she can. It just meant she wanted what I had. (she was known for being miserable about her own body and weight) Very sad, that someone has to feel that way - let alone act out about it!

The chick may also be jealous of you and the Old Gang - she's the newcommer and is probably on the defensive instead of trying to be nice and gracious and make some new friends! She doesn't realize what an asset the wives/girls of her man can be! Duh!!!

Next time she says something rude, give her a kindly smile (the "oh you poor dear" kind, lol) and say something annoying but non-committive like "that's nice dear" and walk away, lmao! No point in trying to teach her manners, sounds like she's gotta learn the hard way. And as for her man - well, we all know what he's thinking with at this moment... ;)

No worries and certainly don't let this girl get to you, show her what a REAL woman is like! :)

[mayray518]

She was making fun of you because you are slender, first time I heard of that. I weigh 105 and work at it and I NEVER say anything mean to anyone who has weight issues. Every woman is beautiful in their own way. I have had overweight women make rude comments to me and in most cases it was because of jealousy. I know when I get too thin and at 5 2 I feel the right weight. I understand how you feel because of all you have been thru but this woman sounds like a royal pain the you know what. I know what I would have said to her but most people dont have the mouth I do (ha). I hope the friend eventually comes to his senses and tosses her out.

[wolfaleena]

After all you have been through my dear, hold your head high and "keep on truckin" Keep the faith sweetie!

[creatingkarma]

Kara, I'm so sorry to hear that you were treated that way! I'm wondering - why would she want to find you attractive? I just don't get that remark that she made. Can she only be nice to people she is attracted to? Why is she looking to be attracted to anyone but her boyfriend? Strange. Real strange & rude. I wouldn't give her the scapegoat of just being young either. When I was young, I never would've said something like that to anyone. If someone doesn't know the difference between being nice & being rude by the time they're 20, then they'll never get it! I really wish that you didn't have to be around her anymore, but I understand that in order to cut her out of your life, you would have to cut her boyfriend out of your life too & I know that is not an option. Tell her that you don't find people who hurt others feelings attractive - then duct tape her mouth shut! Please don't take this one bad experience to heart. Not everyone is that cruel. I know that you have been struggling with your self esteem lately & I really hope that you are not taking this girl's comments seriously. She is one person in this great big world & there are a lot of people who think you are beautiful.

[mayray518]

I have seen the picture of you and your hubby and you are very attractive. Jealousy comes into play here I think.

[talksick]

I agree with everyone. Obviously she's jealous that you are skinny. It's sad that soceity puts such an emphasis on being skinny and it must not be easy to be overweight. But, that doesn't give her an excuse to be mean to you. I have had some overweight people be mean to me because I'm skinny... don't let it get to you.
Kim

[hollipop]

OMG! She is so jealous of you that it's not funny. Heck, so am I! You are GEORGEOUS, with or without your little stoma. :smile tee

[Kara29]

Holly,

THANK YOU!

Hugs,:grouphug:

Kara:smile tee

[Silverfern]

I agree with Holly.... :lmao: Don't you ever worry about being unattractive....you're a stunner!

Actually this brat sounds very much like my brother's wife. In fact they could be twins. I learnt years ago that there's no winning with someone like that, and keeping your distance and tuning her out works great. Any form of confrontation just doesn't work except to raise your stress levels (which you most certainly don't need at the moment). You'll learn ways to cope with her, but from someone who's been treading on eggshells for years, avoidance is your best option as much as you possibly can. Hey, life's too short to be around people like that anymore than you have to.

Hugs

[poetgirl]

Kara,

I'm sorry you had to experience that behavior from someone else. It sounds to me like she is jealous of your friendship with Mike and decided to cut you down in order to make herself feel better. She also knows she has Mike wrapped around her little finger right now so he won't defend you.

Hopefully, Mike will come to his senses eventually. It sounds like he needs something that this relationship provides and it is making him blind to her behavior.

In the meantime, please know that most people do not behave that way, nor should you ever feel bad about yourself. Only someone who feels very insecure about themselves would verbally attack another person about their appearance. I think you did the best you could to remind her that her comments were rude and inappropriate. You're a beautiful woman and that is probably very threatening to her. I'm sure there are many other supportive, loving and kind friends out there that you and your husband can spend time with instead.

Lots of hugs :grouphug:

[July]

Kara,
You look like a model in a magazine!

She sounds very jealous. Let what she said go in one ear and out the other.

[glassd18]

I'm with Jill on this one. She was comparing herself and or jealous. Don't waste time giving her power. I know people like that and they suck the life out of people.

[green_the_fish]

Aw, come on! Everybody take a look at this picture from Kara's blog:

http://static.flickr.com/75/195503017_558afcd056.jpg

^That's what us high school kids call a hottie :)

Actually, I get that kinda stuff too. I weigh 100 pounds and have a 24 inch waist. That's just how I naturally am. Of course, sometimes girls feel like they have to comment on my appearance.

There's this one girl who I know (we talk at school sometimes, but we're not close friends or anything) who feels as if she has to comment on my butt. She's a bigger girl, and apparently feels that my butt is too "bony". I just laugh it off :rolleyes:

It sounds like that mouthy girl has Mike "whipped" (as we say in high school), but like Poetgirl, I don't think that will last for long. One day, they will probably both look back on that moment and feel embarrassed about how they treated you.

Hugs :grouphug:

[waterflow]

That is a very nice picture. You look like a happy and nice person. What is this ladys problem???? :mad: Is she fat, ugly? Maybe she has a hump on her back???? I wish I had half of your body. She must have issue problems with herself for sure so I would not let her get to you.

[Kara29]

Green the Fish,

I am blusing and hiding under my covers. You are so sweet. You made my day girl!

Love and Hugs,

Kara

[dancemomof2]

I would l ove to look like that Kara

[Babs RN]

Sounds like to me this chickie has a little bit of green stuff running through her veins. I would be furious. If you need to vent, plsrsdr fp/

Hugs,
Barb:angel: :angel: :angel: :

[sacausa]

How mean. I would never say something like that and I'm younger than her!

Society is so weird today, people are ridiculed for being fat and for being thin. I mean if you look at the cover of STAR, the headline either reads "anorexic" or "cellulite" or "fat"........craziness

This girl probably has low self-esteem, is intimidated by your long standing relationship with her boyfriend...

Furthermore I'll betcha that her boyfriend/your friend has made a comment in front of her about how pretty you are. I'd bet money on that one.

[barbaraz]

My feeling is that this girl must feel jealous or threatened by you. Perhaps because of your relationship with her boyfriend. (You've known him much longer than she has). She also must be half blind, because whenever I've read one of your posts and looked at the picture of you and your husband, I've always thought how beautiful you are! You are a very strong person with all that you've gone through and you can't let an evil person like her get to you. Stay strong!

Barb