I Am Terrified!

[Kara29]

I wasn't clear enough in my last post. So I am reposting. Thanks specifically to Mel, Sonja, Lori, Debbie, and Barb for responding to the post and giviing me some much needed support. I just had to repost it because the other post got bogged down with other topics. I am suffering from Severe Post Traumatic Stress Disorder due to my last surgery. I had a real life nightmare happen with my last surgery. Being put under anesthesia is a problem for me now! I don't want to wake up again while they are cutting me open and operating and then sewing me shut! I won't go into the whole thing but it has resurfaced tonight. Flashbacks real bad. It is so terrifying and painful to relive. So I am 100% terrified about tomorrow. My surgery, tomorrow.....

Kara

[ICLori]

Oh, honey, that's horrible. I have heard of that happening. In the cases I've heard of, though, they were able to tell the anesthesiologist afterwards, and it never happened again - they were kept under during all the next operations, just as they should have been all along.

I don't know what to say to help you - I sure wish I did - it's one of those things where in spite of your fear, you have to go through it anyway, I don't see any way around it.

I really do think things will be okay this time - just be sure to tell the anesthesiologist what happened last time.

I wonder if your doc would be willing to prescribe you some sedatives/tranquilizers from now until the surgery, to help you stay calmer and more relaxed?

It would be good for you not to be alone right now, too. Be around other people, distract yourself. Things will be okay - it's very, very rare for people to wake up, although it does happen - the chances of it happening again to you, are like the chances of being hit by lightening twice in your life - pretty much impossible.

Blessings and hugs, and prayers that you will be okay and that your anxiety will decrease,
Lori

[sandramac]

Kara Im glad you have come out with your story ! I know how long you have held it in, not to scare anyone else.You are always thinking of others and giving your suppoet here and sharing. I know how scarred you are but you are one of the bravest women I know! And you will have all my love and prayers with you tomorrow! At the sugery ! im sure things will be ok, New Doc and New hospital! Call me if you need me Im a call away! Always Love you ! And my support to Allen and your family! My bright lite will shine again! Soon.You know what that means Kara Love You ! Hugs Sandra and Darin and the Kittens!:cat: :cat: :cat:

[Judith56]

Sorry you had such a bad experience. Have you ever tried hypnosis? It is a bit late now since you are going tomorrow, but it may be something to explore in the future. I used to do self hypnosis, to help calm myself down. I hope that at some point in time you can get help for your PTSD. As others have said tell the anesthesiologist about your bad experience and your fears. It will help them to make sure you do okay tomorrow. I understand your fears, I once had a bad expereince too with anesthesia. Just think positively and you will be fine. Good luck!

[Dixiefireball]

sending you hugs and prayers.
Rhonda

[ICNDonna]

I absolutely agree you need to tell the anesthesiologist. And ask for strong pre-op medications to help you relax more.

Warm hugs,
Donna

[Trishann]

Kara, P L E A S E do what Donna said to do. This happen to me but not in a major surgery like yours but I do have a fear because of it. I will definitely mention it to the anesthesiogist next time and I pray you will too. Oh, I probably don't have to tell you this because you are a strong person. Where do you think I got the courage to stand up for myself? Trishann

[Kara29]

The anesthesiologist called me and we spoke over the phone about what I can and can not have during this surgery. We went through the whole anesthesiology report from the last surgery and he promised and he said "promise" that it would not happen with him. They are going to give me some medication for anxiety before the procedure which had been given to my prior to the last surgery but didn't work. They apparently don't do pre-ops anymore in the hospital due to cut backs so I could only speak with him over the phone. They didn't do any pre-op testing which makes me nervous. I hope they do it when I get there. Some doctors have it done the day you come in but that in my experience is usually when you are coming from a long distance such as here to Boston and they don't have time to do pre-admission testing. Regardless it is 2:41 AM here and I am wide awake with fear. Every singe memory from the last surgery is flooding back to me and it's very unpleasant. I didn't want to say anything to anyone because I didn't want to scare anyone away. But being awake for 9.5 hours and having the epidural fail so I could feel every bit of searing pain, cut and every move they made all the way to sewing me up and putting all of the tubes in. I also failed to breath on my own and they had to put the breathing tube back into my throat 3 times and I of course was awake for that too. The feeling of not being able to breath is so imensley aweful. I could not speak because there was a tube down my throat, I could not move because they had me strapped down and had given me a heavy paralytic agent so I could not move any of my body muscles, and I could not see becasue they taped my eyes shut. I had no CONTROL OR POWER to tell them that I was awake and could feel the whole thing.

I tried to listen to my book on my IPOD but the nightmares kept coming. I'm going to try to listen to the Carrie Underwood CD that I just got yesterday on my IPOD. No amount of preparing can get you ready for your first post-op experience after what I have gone through. My heart is broken because I was so good at going into surgery (I've had hundreds of surgeries over the past 7 years and never once woke up and if I did, I didn't rember it. Now my fear has gotten the best of me and won! All I can do is pray. This surgery is not elective. I have to have it done. All I can do is pray and pray and pray. Thank You Lori and Sandra for understanding how hard this was for me to come foward and say. Thank you Judith, Rhonda, Donna and Trishann. Thanks to those of you who privatley messaged me with your stories and words of encouragement as I go in, in a few hours. I should not have been worried about telling the truth about what happened because maybe it will help others some day. I was worried about scaring everyone but this is a place of support and I should have been able to tell my story sooner than this.

Kara

[Mel53H]

I might me too late in posting this, but I just want to wish good luck. I am glad that you talked to the anesthesoligist before hand and told him what happened to you. I have had a few surgeries for different things and want to tell you that you react differently to every surgery.

Sending big hugs your way and I will say a prayer for you too.:pray:

Mel

[ICNDonna]

I'm sure that with your time difference, you are already on your way to the hospital. I'll be thinking of you today and waiting to hear how it goes.

Sending gentle hugs,
Donna

[SharonA]

Kara...I have had nothing but problems with my computer since last Friday so I have been unable to read and reply to this post before right now. I am so sorry that you have had this experience. I do hope and pray that it never happens again. Once is too many times.

I am praying for you right now :pray: :pray: :pray:

[creatingkarma]

What a terrible experience! I can't believe that you held this in for so long! I wish you the best with your surgery today. I hope everything goes as smooth as possible!

[Babs RN]

Kara,
I had no idea that happened. It must have been horrific for you, and am so sorry I was not on the boards a whole lot yesterday to post. Hang in there and if you need anything, you know where to find me.

Love and hugs,
Barb:smile tee and Lindsey:) (aka Mom and Mini Me---big smiley little one-LOL:lmao:

[Trishann]

Kara,
thinking of you, and pray everything will go well with you. Please let us know how you are doing afterwards, when you are up to it.

Sending hugs and blessings, Trishann

[DebbieD]

You Will Be Just Find. You are in the Hands of the Wonderful Lord our God and my Angels. Plus your DR. Try to remain Postive and you will be Back to Normal in No Time. Take Care and Prayers are Heading your Way. If you Need Me I am Here. Remember I am a Pro at all this surgery Stufff. I have the Upmost Confidence in my Dr. I trust him more than anyone Else. The DR. at Duke Hospital that is.

Hugs and Prayers.
We are here for you.:angel:

DebbieD

[icsonja]

Kara, by the time you get this you will be post op I'm sure, but I will still be sending positive waves to you, I hope they have found the problem and you can get on to living. Call me anytime, you know I love to talk!
Sonja

[sandramac]

kara ! or Allen just wanted to know how you made out today in your sugery! You have been in my thoughts all day! hugs Sandra:cat: :cat: :cat:

[ICLori]

Hope things went well, Kara. I was thinking of you today.

Blessings,
Lori

[Kara29]

It was a long day and I am 100% sp exaughsted. The morning started out scary, I had an allergic reaction to something in my Saline Solution and could not breathe. Theyn figured out that I must be allergic to one of the preservatves in it. Allen was with me and the nursing team seemed to be right on the ball and stopped it quick. They gave me a different type of Saline after that and I did fine. The surgery went well. The anesthesiologist was so nice and helpful. He told Allen and I that he felt really bad about what happened in NYC and that he would personally see to it that while in his care, it wouldn't happen. It went smooth and the surgery went as planned. I didn't wake up and I don't remember a thing and I didn't feel a thing. There were calcifications around the catheter and that is why it would not come out. My doctor did a good job. I have catheter in my stoma for a few days and a bag to collect the urine. This way it will ensure that the hole on the suprapubic side will close up nicely and quick. I am so relieved that it's over. I came home and slept for hours. Some of my fear is down but my guard will always be up. The foley that is in my stoma, I can take out when the suprapubic hole is closed over. When I had my first cystectomy it took two days. I hope it's the same for this one. Thank you all for your support, love and prayers throughout this whole experience. Again, I am glad it's done.

Thank You All!

Kara

[sandramac]

OK Relax deep breath! Im been worried about you all day! Thank God all went well and you and Allen are home and healing! Love you see u later! hugs Sandra:cat: :cat: :cat:

[kadi]

So glad it went ok. Now just rest & get well!

[Imustpee]

Welcome home girlfriend! My supra hole closed up very fast...by Thursday you should be good to go!!! YAY!! No more tubes!!!

[Bianchi]

Oh I am so glad to hear that. I have been gone for a long time to Europe and just read your story, and could not believe it, of all things to happen to you. So happy you had better care this time.
Now get better.
Take care,
Bianchi

[ICLori]

I'm glad it's over with and you are okay - I'm sorry about the allergic reaction, though, that must have been kind of scary.

Blessings,
Lori

[Babs RN]

Thank goodness, I have been worried about you all day. Get some rest and take care of you.

Hugs,
Barb:smile tee

[windwalker]

I just read this, I am so glad it went well! I'll be praying for a quick easy recovery for ya.

[Judith56]

What a relief, huh? Glad all went well and that you made it home the same day. Just rest up and drink pleanty to clear out all the anesthesia still left in your system. At least now you can have a short break from cathing! You should be home free as soon as the hole closes up. Judith

[Mel53H]

:woohoo: I am so glad it is over with for you. Now get some rest!:smile tee

[ICNDonna]

:grouphug:

Donna

[Trishann]

Kara,
I am so glad the people were nice to you and for the most part things went well.
Hope you have a fast recovery.

[ihurttoo]

Kara, We just got back from Panama City Beach a few hours ago. (It took 10 1/2 hours!!!) I had a bad UTI before I left and my feet swelled up really bad, so after I got in, I had to go to Urgent Care. It has devoloped into another kidney infection, but since I am having urinary retention and pitting edema,...(gained 15 lbs this week in water weight!) they put me on Levaquin, upped my Prednisone and gave me Lasix (a water pill... can you believe it!!) Anyway, long story short, I wanted to call all day, but I have been on the road back home and then had to go back to town to go to Urgent Care, and just got back from there a couple of hours ago. (It was 11:30, my time.) Then, tommorrow, I have to go to the rhematologist at Vanderbuilt in Nashville, b/c the Dr here says it is related to the Lupus this time. So, it looks like it may be Thurs before I can call. But, I wanted to let you know that I came here to read what happened first thing when I got online, to make sure you are okay.

I am so relieved that things went well today! That is such a huge burden lifted! I know as worried as I have been for you, I cannot IMAGINE how worriend YOU have been! So glad too that the tubes will be out soon! YAY!!!:woohoo:

I am also glad that you finally decided to share what happened to you during your last surgery. It is so important that you get the support you need from all of those close to you, who can rally around you. The more people that know, means the more people can support you and pray for you. I am glad that you have chosen to share this with everyone. It is much too traumatic to try to carry this without the support of all of your friends here. Even though you already told me, God knows that I am not smart enough to know what to say to comfort someone for something like this! I dont even want to imagine what that was like, and I dearly hate that you had to endure that.

I do hope that sometime soon that you will give the hypnosis a shot. Even if you might think it is some hocus-pocus thing, it sure couldnt hurt anything! I have seen smokers quit after hypnosis when they were smoking 3 packs a day! I have an aunt who was about 30lbs overweight, b/c she LOVED chocholate, and would eat it for meals! She had it done, and was made to believe it tastes and smells like spinich (which she hates.) Now she cant stand chocholate!!! (And she lost the extra weight!) So, it is possible. I mean, true, there are not guarentees, but you have had SURGERIES with no guarentees, just possibilites, and hope, so why not try hypnosis?

Again, my apologies that I was unable to be there for you this week, since I was on vacation and now this whole kidney/Lupus thing, but I will definately be in touch as soon as possible to hear for myself that you are okay!

Lots of hugs and love,
Amy

P.S. I am so very proud of you for going thru with the surgery and doing what you had to do, inspite of your fears! That really took alot of courage! I am very proud of you!!

[Kara29]

Thank you all for supporting me and not getting scared away from me for what happened. I know it's heavy.

Thank You Kindly and with Love,

Kara:angel:

[armslee]

Kara,
I am really glad to hear from you. I hope that you are doing well and are able to get some rest.
God be with you now and always!
Hugs,

[Babs RN]

Kara,
Glad you're still doing well. Hopefully onlly a few more days with a blasted tube.

Hugs,
Barb:smile tee

[SharonA]

Glad you are home and safe. Take care of yourself, Kara. We love you.

[hoping4acure]

Kara,

I just found this. I'm glad you are feeling better. Sending warm hugs and prayer's your way.

[icsonja]

Kara, I am so happy you are recovering and on the other side of surgery. I was thinking about you so often and I hope you knew our prayers were coming to you in droves. I hope the road smooths out and your pain will get better, call me anytime.
PS. My son is doing better and is doing good on his meds,plus he just found out his girlfriend is pregnant so he has a big reason to live.Thanks for the listening ear.
Rest, rest, rest and go watch Big Brother with your Hubby!!
Sonja:kiss: :kiss:

[Trishann]

Kara, I know things that you say sometimes can be scary. but I wouldn't even stay connected with this network, if I thought people were lying. IC is scary and the option sometimes are even more scarier. The thing is, it is my choice in what I want to do, and knowing the ups and downs, I would know, kind of, what to expect.

By your story it saved me from having unneccessay surgery and from others that share their story saved me from doing other methods that did not work.

I know I probably will even have surgery, if a miracle don't come along, but I know now things can turn out good or things might not be so well.
I have a choice now with the truth and I look to see what will be better for me. Like my health, my age, and down the road which option that I think will be best for me.

I hope I am saying this right, but what I am trying to say, I am so glad you do share your story no matter how it turns out. Thank you Kara so much for being brave enough share it.

We are having severe storms again. Our electric was out because of the major damage it did but another storm is coming, so I have to get off the computer. I don't know when the next time I will be able to get on.

Once again, Kara, thank you.