Virgin with IC going on Honeymoon

[April R]

I've had IC for about 5 years, and my fiance and I have dated 5 1/2. So, he is aware of my condition and somewhat understanding. We both made personal decisions long ago to wait until marriage to have sex. Well, in about one month we are getting married, and that dreaded night will occur. Friends have told me that it hurts when the "cherry pops." Then, they tell me it's really not that bad. Well, these friends do not have IC. I never had sex before IC, so I will know no different. My fiance keeps telling me it will be okay... but I'm scared! Any advice or comfort for this poor innocent one? Also, do you young IC patients out there (like me) prefer BC pills or condoms?

[ihurttoo]

First of all, Congratulations on your upcoming marriage!! I know you are scared of the wedding night. Everyone is scared their first time, with or without IC. However, there are certainly things you can do to make things go better for you.

First of all, do not feel pressured, wedding night or not! I was also a virgin when I got married, and we didnt actually consumate the marriage until the 4th night of our honeymoon! The day you do it really does not matter, you will have the rest of your lives for that. The most important thing is that you have lots of foreplay, and that you are physically and emotionally prepared.

For your first few times, I would get a prescription of Lidocaine 2% Jelly from your gyn. Apply this topically to yourself down there. Then, put a generous amount on a tampon that has a plastic applicator, and insert it to numb you up down there. For this to be effective, it needs to be on there for about 10 min before penetration. Then, have him wear a condom, so it will not desensitize him. Then, after the ten minutes is up, and before he enters you, use lots of lubricant, such as Astro-glide, and apply this to the tampon too, and reinsert it, as you did before. (You can also mix it this time with more of the Lidocaine.) If you want to "just get it over with" for your first few times, then manually assist him until he cant take it anymore, before you let him enter you. That way, he will go quickly. (You do not want a marathon session for your first few times! There will be plenty of time for that later!) Afterwards, you can put a cold compress or ice pack down there to ease the ache. (You will probobly be a bit sore. This is normal, it will go away after you have had sex a few times.) You can also use more Lidocaine, if you need to.

If you have any muscle relaxors, bring some of those along, in case your pelvic floor muscles give you fits. Also bring an anti-inflammatory, such as Motrin, if you can take it. (Take 2 of these afterwards.) Also, if you have any Pyridium, take one of those prior to sex, just as a precaution.

All of the above will help you with the first few times. I know you are scared, but you really cannot go on others experiances. I have known several friends, who said it did not hurt them at all the first time. Then, others who said it was painful. But, the ones who said it was painful did not have Lidocaine. That is your secret weapon! LOL! No matter what, it will be better after the first few times. (After all, if it wasnt enjoyable for most people, no one would EVER do it!)

If you are still worried, you should talk to your gyn. He/she can prescibe you a set of vaginal dialators to gradually get used to differant sizes until you reach the size of your fiance. (This would take place over the course of about 3 weeks to a month.) You can also use the Lidocaine with those. That way, you would ease into it all more gradually and gently, since you would be controlling everything.

Oh, and I almost forgot, speaking of controlling things, when you do decide to have sex, make sure that you use your hand to put him inside, instead of letting him push in. That way, you are controlling how quickly and how forcefully it goes in, (because his idea of slow and gentle, and YOUR idea of slow and gentle could be entirely differant, and you dont want to find this out too late!)

I hope I havent said too much, I dont want to scare you. I guess that I remember my own fears, and that is why I wanted to make you as prepared as possible, just in case. You will probobly be totally fine, and afterwards say, "Now why on earth did Amy make me pack all this stuff!!!" But I just want you to have it there to make you as comfortable as possible and to keep you as pain free as possible so you wont be worried about pain, and will be able to enjoy yourself.

Congratulations again on your upcoming marriage! I hope you have a wonderful life together. I hope that everything goes well for you on your honeymoon. Sending you big hugs, Amy

P.S. Dont forget to bring your reg IC meds and your flare meds with you, just in case!

***If I have forgotten anything else, ladies, please chime in! We've got to take care of her!****

[ihurttoo]

I forgot to mention that if you use the Lidocaine and a condom, you MUST use a backup birthcontrol, b/c the alcohol in the Lidocaine jelly can cause a small hole in the condom. (undetectable to the eye, but unfortunately, not to sperm!) So, make sure you use a back-up method! Also, if you opt for the pill or the shot, you need to be on them at least 2 weeks for most to be effective.

[ICNJess]

I'm 23 and have had IC for most of my life. The first time does hurt a little, but it does get better. With IC in the picture, sometimes sex is not always possible but there are other ways to be intimate.

Also, finding the right position to make sex less painful with IC is key.

Taking advantage of the "good" days is also a good idea.

And most of all, remember to try to relax. If you tense up it will probably be more painful. Just make sure, like Amy said, to be ready and do it when you are ready. Your fiance sounds very understanding, so just be open and honest and communicate with him about how you are feeling, if it hurts, etc.

Do not worry so much, though, about the initial pain from the "cherry pop". That will go away and before you know it you'll be enjoying yourself! Congrats! :grouphug:

[April R]

Amy and Jessica,
Thank you so much for your words of wisdom, love and concern. I appreciate you two! You've been very helpful to me.

[ICNJess]

April,

Good luck, and if you need us, we're here!!! :grouphug:

[vm]

Something that still helps me to this DAY is to have my husband give me an all over body massge. Get some cool massage oil from Bath and Body Works or someplace like that and let him rub you down. ;) Honestly, it will help you RELAX (which is oh so important) and he will LOVE it, too.

The other recommend is LOTS o' lubricant. That will make a huge difference. Huge. I think Astroglide is one of the best - most slippery and light.

Most of all - just enjoy. Enjoy being close and starting this new journey together. You'll be fine. :kissing: