still struggling

[holles]

i can't believe i'm still struggling with this. we've been trying to conceive our first (only) child since the mid-90s. my dh is not open to adoption. instead, he's happy with being a couple and is so ready to move past this. i want to also. however, i just can't. i try to convince myself i'm fine and that life is great. we've been given so much freedom this way. but almost every night i dream about babies. it just won't leave my mind.

i'm so tired of it all. i can't shut my brain off anymore, and i just want to sleep without dreaming. is that too much to ask?

when will it quit hurting?

i have to help host my closest friend's baby shower sunday, and i'm not looking forward to it. but i know that keeping busy at the shower will help keep me occupied. if i sit there and talk to people, i'll just get sad.

please keep me in your thoughts. this is the hardest thing i've ever had to deal with. and just when i think i'm fine, i have a dream again. last night it was a sweet little boy we were going to adopt. he had the most precious toes.

[ihurttoo]

Holly, I wish I knew something comforting to say. I guess sometimes there just arent any. I had to have a hyster last Oct. We have a son who is 5, but I desparately longed for another. I get teary when I see pregnant women, and of course babies. I dont think I will ever get over it either. My husband isnt open to adoption either. But, with you, you still do have hope. Everybody has heard stories of people who tried for years, and then gave up, and suddenly turned up pregnant. My aunt was one of those. She and my uncle tried for 8 years, and gave up and adopted. Then, 6 years later, (when she was 39,) she turned up pregnant and delivered a healthy baby. So, it can always happen. In their case, she only had one ovary, and they told her that it was defective. Then, my uncle had a low sperm count, so between the two of them, it seemed impossible. But, miracles happen! I pray that you and your husband get your miracle too. Hugs, Amy

[search4see]

I am sorry to hear that you are in that situation as well and how hard it at times to be happy for someone dearest to you when you feel so much pain I agree with the last post, suprises happen when you least expect it. My dad had a vasectomy and I am here :)
thoughts are with you,
search4see:angel:

[ICNJess]

Do not give up hope! My daughter is walking proof that miracles happen...

I was told (because of PCOS) that it would be just about impossible to conceive without the help of science. They had me charting my temps, taking Metformin, and were ready to set me up with tests to check my ovaries and fallopian tubes. My charts showed a very, very weak ovulation as well as a very short luteal phase. The Metformin made me sick and it didn't seem to be working, so I stopped it. I wasn't ready to go through the testing, I was struggling with my InterStim and my IC.

Then, last July, I began to feel very sick for awhile. This wasn't new for me because I had been having gallbladder removal issues and IBS to boot. Then my period wasn't coming, but that wasn't unusual for me to be late. I took a test and sure enough, I was pregnant! Though it was a difficult pregnancy, on March 9th I delivered a healthy baby girl!

I have heard of couples who have tried and tried and tried for years and then all of a sudden find out they are pregnant. One woman didn't even know she was pregnant and thought she was having a gallbladder attack and showed up at the E.R. in labor! Good luck, I will keep you and your hubby in my thoughts. :grouphug:

Hugs,
Jess

[Kara29]

Holly,

I am right there with you on this. I can't have babies for various reasons. We are looking at a childless marriage and it's really scary. I tried to have babies for 3 years with fertility treatments and nothing worked. It was devastating and it still is. We have given up and are not looking into adoption because of the cost. We are at a standstill. Meanwhile my best friend is pregnant with her 3rd baby. She has them one right after the other. I know the hurt you are feeling. Trust me you are not alone. Infertility is such a HUGE thing for couples. It can either make or break a marriage. Have you considered going to couseling with your Husband?

I will pray for a miracle for you. Miracles happen every single day. Sometimes they come not in the form we want them to. Sometimes they come in the form of things we least expect.

Many Hugs to you!

Kara

[aluttrll]

:grouphug: Please take care of you right now. Baby showers are so hard. I am swearing off baby showers until we conceive or I can get my arms around the whole pain.