depressed and possibly bipolar

[superkitty]

I am struggling very hard just to make it thru the day and am not sure how to deal with it. I was diagnosed with depression about 13 years ago and have struggled on and off with it. Some meds work and some stop working after a while. My moods have gotten so bad these past few weeks that I decided I need to do something about it. After doing some research on my own and speaking to my doctor we think it is quite possible that I am bipolar. Many of the symptoms seem to describe me to a T. My moods are so up and down that I never know which side of me is going to show up one hour from the next. I am currently on an anti-depressant and now my doctor added a new med that is for bi polar disorder. I just started taking it yesterday and I know that it will take a while for the med to work if it even does. I guess my main problem right now is what do I do in the meantime? It is such a struggle for me to get thru the day especially at work. I am not sure how to deal with my moods especially when they are so low that all I want to do is cry. My mind is constantly racing with negative thoughts and I just wish sometimes I could turn it off for a while. The thing is that I have no reason outside of this possible illness for me to feel so sad. My life is going ok and I have many blessings. It's so hard to no longer feel joy in situations that used to make me feel so happy. I do have some moments where I almost feel normal but then the negative thoughts creep back in. I guess what I am wondering if anyoen has any tips on how to get thru this time until the med kicks in? I am sick of my days just floating by without much pleasure. My birthday is coming up and I can't even get excited about plans and I feel I am wasting awa my days....Any thoughts or tips on how to deal with this is greatly appreciated. I do have IC and IBS but luckily for me they are somewhat under control so luckily I am not dealing with those on top of these moods. Thanks:help:

[creatingkarma]

I'm sorry that you're having a rough time right now with depression. It can & does get better! Please give the new med time to kick in! When I was first diagnosed bi-polar, I went through many meds & combos of meds to find what worked best for me. It took a lot of patience, but I stuck with it & am glad that I did! I still have bad spells. I just had one a few days ago, but that was the 1st time in a very long time that I have been that depressed. I'm glad to hear that you know that these thoughts & feelings are negative. I think the most important step that you can take for yourself right now is to battle those thoughts in your mind. Prove yourself wrong! Like, sometimes I can say to myself "I'm worthless". Then I'll catch myself & say "That is a lie! I am not worthless! There are many great things that I am doing with my life no matter how small they may seem at the moment!" I think everyone battles these negative thoughts about themselves, whether bi-polar or not. Give yourself credit for the small things! They could be great things in someone else's eyes! Practice some deep breathing & do it on a regular basis or whenever you feel overwhelmed. I would ask also check into getting some counseling as soon as possible. I'm a firm believer that it takes both medication & regular conceling to keep my mind in good health.

Most importantly - Treat yourself as you would treat someone you love! Would you talk to your best friend that way? Then, why don't you deserve to give yourself the same respect?

I hope you get to feeling better!

[Katrina]

:welcome:to the ICN!!! I hope your new med really helps!!!!!! :grouphug: As Karma said it is just the beginning of treatment for your bipolar so finding the right treatment takes time but when it happens hopefully things will be a lot better!!!!!!:grouphug:

[green_the_fish]

Hi Superkitty! You have a really cute screen name :)

I have been diagnosed with both IC and bipolar disorder, so I can relate to how you feel. You probably feel pretty crappy right now. It is gonna get better, though. Remember when you were first trying to get diagnosed with IC? If you are like most ICers I know, you were scared because of the disruption your symptoms were causing, confused because you didn't know what was wrong with you, and in pain because you hadn't found meds that could help. But you hung in there, got a diagnosis, and found treatment options that helped get your illness under control.

Well, bipolar disorder is a lot like IC. The worst part is when you don't have a diagnosis, or worse... have been misdiagnosed. Just like many IC patients were first misdiagnosed as having a "urinary tract infection", many bipolar patients were first misdiagnosed with "depression". I was misdiagnosed with depression for years before I found out I had bipolar disorder. They gave me Zoloft, but it didn't seem to help, so they just cranked up the dose. I ended up taking 250mg daily for about a year. Looking back, it was the worst year of my life. I finally took myself off of Zoloft when I realized it wasn't helping.

Three years later, when I got IC, I tried Elavil, a tricyclic antidepressant, for pain control. It really jacked me up mentally. I just couldn't understand why it had helped so many others, yet made me feel awful. After two months of being on it, I couldn't wait to get off.

After that, I went through a period of being relatively well mentally. That is, until I had a manic episode and ended up in the psych ward. That is when I was correctly diagnosed, and got a new psychiatrist. He told me that it is not usually recommended that bipolar patients take antidepressants, unless they are combined with meds especially used for bipolar disorder. When bipolar patients use regular antidepressants as monotherapy, we can experience severe side effects. I think your doctor is wise to combine your antidepressant with a med especially for bipolar disorder.

That is another way in which bipolar disorder is like IC. You may need to try many different medications before you find out what works for you. What works for some may not work for others. For me, the antipsychotic Seroquel has been amazingly helpful. I also take Lamictal, a mood stablizer. I think you will also find a combo of meds that can help you.

Have hope; you can get this under control. When you start getting discouraged, just remind yourself that you didn't let IC control your life. You fought back, and you figured out how to manage it. You can do the same thing with bipolar disorder. I have found that the same things that helped me feel empowered during IC flares have helped me during struggles with bipolar symptoms. Go online and read up on the latest research. Find books that inspire you. Join a support group for patients with similar problems. Consider using herbal remedies to give your current treatments a boost. Take time out to take care of yourself.

Remember, you didn't let IC get to you, so why let bipolar disorder?

Good luck, and be sure to keep us updated :grouphug:

[Kara Isabel]

Hi!

You have some great advice so far from the gals :) Just hang in there and give the meds time to work. I know when I was diagnosed and for atleast a year before I was diagnosed I was majorly depressed!!!!!!!! I would go weeks w/o leaving the house unless it was necessary to go buy groceries or something like that. Having a painful illness in itself is depressing!

My pain management doc, seems to think that pain signals are effected by dopamine signals so therefore he uses alot of bipolar meds on his patients with chronic pain, along with conventional narcotic pain medicines. So I have been taking Norpramin (desipramine) for depression, and I'm taking 2 bipolar meds at small doses........Risperdal at night, and Abilify in the morning. So far, I don't seem to have any side effects with either. I can't tell if they are helping me with my *mood* or not. I'm not sure if I'm bipolar or not, I get confused between the line of "having a normal range of human emotions and ups and downs" vs; "being bipolar"...ya know?

Although I can say that my moods HAVE improved over the last few months with the Desipramine......I'm not sure about the 2 bipolar meds, I've only been on those a few weeks. The first two bipolar meds I tried made me violently ill :(

I hope you feel better soon! Let us know how it goes, okay?
Hugs,
Kara

[superkitty]

Hi everyone,

Thanks for your replies and encouraging words. I have felt a little better the past few days. it is probably to earlier for the meds to be working (only taken 4 days worth) but whatever it is I will take it. I still have a long way to go to feeling "normal" but at least I am not as negative. It is frustrating that everytime I feel better these negative thoughts creep back in to my head. I am hoping over time this will happen less and less. I should look at it like IC. I mean it took forever for me to get diagnosed and to find the right meds for me. Now my IC is pretty much under control. My doctor told me it takes 10-15 years normally for a person to get diagnosed as being bipolar. I was diagnosed with depression 13 years ago so it makes sense. It also makes sense to me as why such a high dose of antidepressants that I was on only worked for a short while.

Thanks again for all your kind words and encouragment. it really helps!