View Full Version : i can't tell him about IC!
06-16-2006, 09:18 AM
jus started dating a guy and had been doing really well with symptoms so well that I didn't even mention my IC or have it be an issue. Lately though my ayurvedic medication was causing me short flareups so stopped it and now my diet related symptoms are awful - even plain chips or a different water.
Sometimes even the stress can cause a flare up again.
the thing is he'd run a mile if he knew about my IC so was hoping to not have to tell him until later on. Only problem is it is getting harder and harder to hide!
06-16-2006, 10:20 AM
You should always be honest with people, or it's not fair to them, or yourself. I find it therapeutic to talk about it with people and find that most of the time they're interested in learning about it. The ones that are afraid of it, you don't want any part of them anyway, While IC is not YOU, and you are not IC, it is still a permanent part of your life, and you need someone who will be sensitive to that, while not treating you like a china doll. Any man worth having will try to understand what you are going through. Good luck honey, I wish you all the hope faith and love in the world!!
06-16-2006, 12:11 PM
i agree. i'm kinda in the same boat, except i already have a wonderful boyfriend who has been with me before my IC symptoms surfaced again (they hadn't bothered me for 2 whole years then they came back, dont ask why). anyways, i love him, but i think we need a break. we're both 19 and i just want to make sure there isnt someone out there better than him and im missing out. anyways, he brought up the fact that no other guy may not be there for me when im in pain, be on the phone with me while i cry all night, etc. but it kinda sounds like hes trapping me, like one of the only reasons i should stay with him is because i have this disorder. i started talking to this other guy recently and i'm a little scared to tell him about my IC, scared that he may not take care of me as good as my current boyfriend has. ADVICE PLEASE!!
06-16-2006, 02:30 PM
I gotta go with AmyMichelle - honesty is the best policy. Would you want to be wasting your time with someone who would run if you were ill, or do you want someone who understands from the beginning - and stays and proves himself worthy? If they really and truly care about you - you the person, they too will be honest - either can deal with it or not, and you can move from there. And if they care for you - they won't run. If they do, they aren't the person for you. You would deserve a million times better!!! :) It's so hard I know, to have to explain to someone that this is what you have and what you go through. I had a girlfriend who was dumped by a guy when she was diagnosed a diabetic. It's not her fault! Not like she ASKED to have to stick herself 2x's a day with a needle!! But in the long run it was the best thing that he showed his true colors instead of somewhere down the road when the stakes were much higher (married with kids, etc).
Yeesh, I hate to sound so "negative", lol. But I would hate to see anyone settle for someone who can't accept ALL of them, warts and all if it's to be a "serious" relationship.
sexymami04 - trust your gut. If it feels like he is "emotionally blackmailing" you, then he probably is. But I am sure he's just trying to play any card he has to keep such a wonderful girl - he probably knows HE wouldn't find anyone as good as YOU, so is doing whatever he can to keep you, ;) But hon, I tell you - do what you feel is best. He's not the ONLY one in the world who will stand by you with your IC. There are LOTS of them out there, it's just a bit of trial and error sometimes - and that can be the fun part! Finding "Prince Charming", lol. What's that saying, um, "To find your prince sometimes you gotta kiss a lot of toads" - it's true, lol. Again - trust your heart and your gut. Sounds like you want to see what's out there for you and there's NOTHING wrong with that. And you are young so you have LOTS of time - no need to settle for Mr. May Be Ok. LMAO!!!
06-16-2006, 02:32 PM
Sweetangel, I think we have to be honest with the people in our lives too. I am meeting new people now (tho NOT TOO MANY...LOL), but those I do, I just try to explain it in as simple as terms as possible FIRST, then I think it's wise AT SOME POINT (maybe not immediately) to let them know that it can get BAD.. (i.e. FLARES!!!). It's only fair to both you and him really.
Seximami04, I'm alot older than you, but just broke up with my b/f who sounds like he is alot like yours??? My b/f also used to do sooooo much for me in support of my IC....in fact looking back, almost TOO much! He would say things like "who else would....lay with you while you cry at night, .....get your heating pads, and meds when needed.....do all the errands when I can't get out much....do alot of the cooking.....deal with me in severe urinary crises and cathing....and all the frustration it brings" I'm feeling better now that he's gone...alot of it WAS (for me) the stress of that "trapped" feeling I felt whenever I was with him. He WAS certainly supportive of my illness all right, but I have been pretty much supporting him our whole 2 1/2 years together!!! YEA, who WOULDN'T????...he's had a real easy ride with me "carrying his load" for some time now financially... Soooo, FOR ME anyway....I'm "droppin his load", and moving on...I feel I'm on a healing path now without that added stress in my life!!! Good Luck to you!
Tracey, I liked your analogy...I just got rid of a toad!! :biglaugh: :biglaugh:
06-16-2006, 09:19 PM
Thanks for thr advice - it's so scary though. It's as if I have to say don't get to know me, get to know my IC instead.
How would you word it?? I guess with the right guy it wouldn't matter!
I am also doing better somedays i.e don't have severe frequency apart from with diet or wrong meds. Getting better after fluids too - I thought manybe if it was under control I wouldn't have to say but we all now flares are sooooooooo unpredictable!
but yeh honesty is best now I guess
06-17-2006, 01:39 AM
I agree with the others. be honest with him. My bf and I was together before I got dxed with ic. It does not matter that I have ic he still loves me and is so kind to me when I have a flare.
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