redfearn
05-31-2006, 12:15 PM
Yesterday, I went in to have another colonoscopy (I've got colitis) and the Dr. found a suspicious place on my right side of the colon. Anyway, they could not sedate me. The Dr. made me feel like a druggy. He said he gave me enough medicine the would put others in a coma. Now, I've had 23 surgeries in the past 2 years so I think and hope this is b/c my body has become tolerated to all the medicines. I do take MS Contin (30mg) 1 or 2 a day to relieve pain from my IC, but even this seems to not work. My husband told me that all I think about is myself and that I am just depressed. He said I never think about my children and they have been "ruined" b/c they see their Mother sick or in the hospital all the time. My husband went on a trip for work this week, and he took the children to his parent's house while he is away b/c he feels they are not safe w/ me since I am always sick. I am so tired of people judging me. They have not walked in my shoes and I bet if they did, they would feel the same as I do. I feel like a worthless mother and wife. I am on Effexor XR 150 mg and Klonopin 1mg for depression, but maybe I do need more help. I cannot eat and always feel nausea. I have lost sooooo much weight (I'm down to 92 pounds), so of course there are people who say I have an eating disorder. I feel so alone...I lost my job this year due to illness and have lost all my friends since they think nothing is really wrong with me. I also have Lupus and take Methotrexate (chemo drug) to get my WBC up. Sorry this is so long, but I feel like I've hit rock bottom. Maybe I should suck it up and get off my pain medicine. Although my Urologist in NC says I have one of the worst cases of IC he has ever seen. But my husband never goes w/ me to my appointments or surgeries...he says he has to be there for our kids since I'm not...What would y'all do?