I'm scared to tell him......

[javone77]

Hi Everyone. I have been here about 3 months. I am 29 and have never had sex before. Anyway, I have recently found a nice guy that I really like. However, I am really afraid to tell him about all of this. He knows that I have IC and that it affects what I can and cannot eat and what I can and cannot do. However, I have been dreading telling him that it will affect sex also. Thankfully we're still in the dating stages but I'd really appreciate any help and support that can be given. I know some people have painless sex but from what I have read here it's EXTREMELY rare.

[tigger_gal]

hi there, sex is not a subject that you want to bring up right away, but in the same breath you might want to tell him if your realtionship progresses into that, you would like him to know, that there is a possibility that intercourse may hurt.
sending you out hugs, and hope he is an understanding man.

[ICNDonna]

If the two of you are becoming close and may be considering spending your life together, it's something you really should discuss. You might give or lend him a copy of Dr. Moldwin's book, "The Interstitial Cystitis Survival Guide." It will give him a pretty clear picture of IC.

Donna

[javone77]

Well.....we are in the dating stage as I said but we have made out...thankfully no clothes were removed. however, I am not going to bring it up for a while yet because I am not having sex with him for a while yet. I just don't want to wait TOO long to where he thinks I am trying to keep things from him. I hope he is an understanding man....he was understanding when I told him about it, but then again it was all things that I went through....nothing that affected him. He actually emailed me right after I was diagnosed when I was still crying and not adapting well and he understood when I told him I couldn't be with him at that point. I just don't how much "understanding" he has left.

[traceann]

I know it's not easy. But I think there will come a point where you are comfortable enough to tell him, it will just feel "ok" if things are going in the right direction. And if not, would you really want to be with someone you aren't comfortable enough with to talk about something that important? And I also think if you do broach the subject, tell him honestly how you feel - that it makes you nervous to tell him this, afraid it will change his opinion, etc. Then he'd probably see you weren't just "holding back information" just for kicks, lol.

Good Luck! It's never easy, but it can be done!! ;)

[ICguy]

this might be a good opportunity for you guys to have a good conversation, I would bring it up way before you guys have sex, One night when your not being intimate (kissing, or a romantic night (date)) is great, bring it up, since he knows about your IC the biggest part is already over. One night have a conversation about sex, not a serious one but one of those out of the blue sex conversation or when he makes a joke about sex, You could say you statement first but after the joke or situation ask him how he likes his sex and another question like what’s the most outrageous place you would have sex at, just to loosen up the conversation, but basically say, in a sexy tone, and possibly posture, like caressing his neck or hair, overall in a sexy way, tell him the way you like it is slow and smooth, with a lot of foreplay, and just say that you like it slow because it will affect your IC pain. With sexy feeling your giving him plus the word slow which also refers to sexy but also refers to slow because you have your IC pain. Do something like that and you’ll be fine. He will take it slow and try to please you to try to reduce the pain.