Feeling Worthless

[talksick]

Ok this has nothing to do with IC....lol. But last night I was talking to this guy I know from my undergrad college and he made me feel totally stupid. I'm not an idiot (I am in grad school) but I know a lot of people who are very intellectual and they make me feel like crap.
It seems like everyone always has to pick at what I say and prove me wrong. I can't simply just state something and have people accept what I've said. People always have to question me and try to make me look stupid by using their fancy philosophy terms or science jargon. Ok maybe I'm not up to date on physics or philosophy....but does that mean I'm completely worthless? :( Apparently it does cause thats how people treat me.
(Sorry if this has nothing to do with IC I just needed somewhere to vent).

[traceann]

No worries on the vent! A vent is a vent no matter what!! LOL Sounds to me like the only way these people can keep their egos inflated is to pick at you to make themselves feel superior. I am sorry, but it's not you - in no way shape or form!!! They are the egomaniacs who feed it any way they can - you just look like the next tasty snack!!! LOL

I had a girlfriend who did that to me CONSTANTLY. She was SO insecure with herself, that when we were out, she'd pick at me somehow - "oh did you even do your hair today?" "Oh I see you aren't wearing your push-up bra" (I swear she said that! lol) She was also overweight, and had the nerve to say to me, "oh lookie there at your tummy roll!!" My husband (wasn't my hubby at the time it was said) said I should have replied with "yeah, but mine goes away when I stand up!" I didn't, that would be mean, but believe me - I'd had enough. And she ALWAYS did this stuff when we were talking to guys or whatever, it was a sure thing. Eventually I realized it was ALL her, not me in the slightest. Just I was an easy target...

So yeah, I think they are just trying to prove something - to who I have no idea, but they may be saying inside "Ok good, I AM very smart! Ha! I knew it! No one is better than me! I am King of the World!!!" LOL, well you get the point. Anyhoo, don't feel bad, it just shows they really aren't that intelligent if they have to be that way....

HUGS!!!!

[Kara Isabel]

I'm so sorry Talksick! :grouphug:

I have this whole blonde/young/ditzy look so believe me I KNOW how you feel! It doesn't matter WHAT I accomplish professionally.......or how much $$ I make, I still get treated like an idiot! IT get old! :headbang:

Can I just say........I have considered coloring my hair BROWN or RED! :biglaugh: Because being a blonde (platinimun blonde) my whole life....I have gotten condescended too more times than I can even remember! I have just gotten to the point that I shrug it off...I know what my talents and limitations are and I don't let anyone try to beat me down in order to feel "better" or "bigger" than me. Sometimes when people criticize us or belittle us, it is because of their own underlying jealousy or insecurities!

I *do* do some dimwitted things every now and then, but it doesnt' mean I'm stupid! I may not know alot about physics and science......but I do know alot about the stock market and investing. We all have our *gifts*, *talents*, *strengths*, and *weaknesses*.......and that's OK. It is what makes us different and/or special! :bunny:

Please don't let anyone make you feel dumb or bad about yourself! You have clearly pursued more education than most people. I was too lazy to go to Grad! LOL :biglaugh:

Hold your chin up high! :)
HUGS!! :kissing:
Kara I.

[ICNDonna]

That's one good thing I like about my white hair --- I was blonde all my life until my hair turned white. Nobody ever calls me a dumb blonde any more.

I think what has always bothered me most is that I always think of the perfect come-back three hours later.

Just remember that you are a unique person --- there is no other individual on earth who is exactly like you --- and remember that old saying, "God don't make no junk!"

Warm hugs,
Donna

[Sarojini]

Everyone else is right... and I'm glad I read this thread too because I am going through something similar. Thanks everyone for the advice :)

I'm sorry you are going through this. Another good one is -- "No one can make you feel inferior without your consent."

Try to remember these things :grouphug: I know it's hard, believe me....

[TamHopes]

I think the problem is with the people you talk to. I can't imagine if I felt that my friends were always picking apart what I said and trying to disprove me.... they wouldn't be my friends for long. I think these must be insecure people you are dealing with. I've known that type, to put you down in any way, brings them up and they need that for some sick reason. Anyhow, I suggest you talk to people, who you enjoy talking to and just kind of laugh at the others.

[ihurttoo]

The others are right again. These people obviously feel intellectually inferior to you, and that is why they feel the need to belittle you, to try to put themselves on a higher footing. But just remember that everybody has their own gifts and talents to bring to the table. Everyone is an expert on something, and everyone is ignorant about something. There are many subjects in which you most certainly excell, just like there are some that you know nothing about. They are the same way. Everyone is like that. So the next time these snotty people come around you belittling you, how about saying something like this, "You know, you are right, I am probobly not as knowledgable as you on this subject. I guess my parents spent more time on manners than on_____(insert subject here). Because while you were off learning about____, I guess I was learning things like how to be respectful to other people, and how not to offend people with every word out of my mouth." I would say that with the coldest look that I could manufacture, and then turn and walk away, and go have a conversation with your REAL friends. You deserve better that that! I hope this helps you and makes you feel better! Sending big hugs your way! Amy :grouphug: :grouphug: :grouphug: :kissing: :kissing:

[purpleviolet]

I've been in the exact same boat with a bunch of snobs. PV

[creatingkarma]

I agree with what other's have said. When people act like that, it's usually because of their own insecurities. I like to see people for who they are - not what they know. I could care less how intelligent someone is. That has absolutely nothing to do with a person's value. You are not worthless! Since you're asking if you are worthless, then it makes me wonder if not only these people are judging you by your intellect, but if you are also judging yourself by it. Please don't be so hard on yourself.

[Kara29]

Lots of "higher ups" will look at someting I did, wrote, or said and instead of saying how great it was, they look at what I didn't say right. They look at all of the negative things that wasn't said right and pick at that. I've noticed it in my whole life. Those are the same people that can get away with speeding at over 120 mph and I get pulled over going 2 miles over the speed limit. This same thing happned in school too. People would be passing drugs back and forth throughout class and I would pass an "I love you note" to my boyfriend and get sent to the pricipal. And they are also the same people that seem to get away with lying too. I never lie. EVER! I lied once to my mom and never again, my sister on the other hand will come out with every other word as a lie and my mom won't be able to tell.

I don't get life at all?

I'm sorry those people made you feel that way but it was them, not what is in you!

Kara

[Baba Yaga]

Talksick, I see a number of possibilities:

You are a part time model, right? meaning presumably very attractive...

He may have actually in his misguided way thought that being smarter about something would impress you, because that's where he thinks his own attractiveness derives from -- or he is intimidated and resentful and wanted to cut you down -- or he has a compulsion to disagree with all people, or to presume anything a woman says must be sort of on a dumber level than his -- OR... one last thing...

But first, probably all of the possibilities I listed so far make it easy to see that there is not a problem residing in YOU.

The last possibility is that you hit upon something that he is passionate and knowledgeable about, and/or he genuinely knows more about than you do (and maybe he didn't at all mean to make you feel infoerior but really just disagreed with what you said). So what if you really does know more? Most people in this world know more about SOMETHING than I do. And many people know more about things I WISH I knew more about. (For example I am not bothered by my ignorance on the topic of NASCAR racing, but would feel mopre bothered if I made a big logical error in a debate with someone, or if I said something completely mistaken about Sudan or Iraq, or if my taste in art were shown to be completely unsophisticated. And yet, there will always be people with more sophistication than mine on the topic of Africa, the middle east, or art.) So even if this guy was completely informed and correct, and you had been saying something that was mistaken, that establishes nothing, as far as I am concerned, about your worth. Even if you TRIED to learn what he was saying and could never ever grasp it! You would still be a valuable person for a host of other reasons. To me a person's worth is much more closely tied to their decency as a person and their knowledge of life than to their academic smarts. And even though I do have a lot of ego invested in my own intelligence, I know that my ignorance or even stupidity on some subject would not lessen my worth as a person (the way, say, being really arrogant or petty or destructive would).

Lastly, I also know you have knowledge of lots of things this guy doesn't.

[talksick]

Hello Everyone!
Thank you all so much for your considerate replies. :D You guys sure know what to say to make a gal feel better. :grouphug:
P.S. How'd you guys know I was a blonde? LOL ;)
Kim :)

[Kara Isabel]

I'm glad you are feeling better, Kim! :grouphug:

I guessed by the way you were treated, you were blonde too!! LOL ;)

I do stock market *stuff* for a living, and day trading......A few weeks ago, I made a really *smart* investment and am up considerably......Granted, I did ALOT of research and read the companies financial statements, yada yada yada.......but my collegues/brokers/friends/family......love to say "gee, Kara, you are LUCKY"

Why does it always have to be about "LUCK"???? When I've heard the same people tell a brunette (or a MAN) "Hey, that was a SMART move"

***rolls eyes*** Oh vey! Life as a blonde! LOL :biglaugh:

HOWEVER, there are times when being a blonde comes in handy! ;) My DH thinks I don't know how to put gas in my car! LMAO....I told him that as a joke when we first met, and at first he was like "nuh uhh!! You don't?"

Me: "I really don't"
DH: "so what do you usually do"
ME: "Oh, I just usually ask whoever else is pumping gas to help me" :help:
DH: **scratches head and gives me that *look****

:biglaugh: So here it is almost 6 years later and he will take my car and put gas in it every two weeks! I convinced him! LOL

Or getting pulled over, "gee officer was I speeding? I must've been looking at the RPM" bwa ha ha! ;)

[July]

I think a lot of those type of people are insecure, and feel that if they talk long enough or argue they will appear to be more knowledgeable than they feel inside.

Many people also are very competitive. They will compete with anyone to feel superior or that they have won the "battle". I think a lot of people (not just kids) have a hard time accepting that they cannot be the winner all the time. All of life becomes a competition.

There is an old saying that goes something like, "The more you learn, the more you realize you don't know." I felt like that in grad school, and still do on the job. However, with that mindset you are always striving to learn new things and to be open to new experiences, and in so doing perform your job better.

So, be yourself! Let what they say roll right past you. Be confidant in what you know, and never stop learning!

[tigger_gal]

I really think some people just enjoy listening to them selves talk. don't worry about it :grouphug: you still have a whole slew of people here that love ya and don't want to try to make you sound stupid..