Kara29
04-27-2006, 12:54 PM
ICSF
Registered User
Join Date: Jan 2001
Location: USA
Posts: 31 Devestated/please help
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About a year ago, I really started trying to make things better for myself. Im on disbility, and I have been on LOTS of meds over the last several years. Every month that went by, I reminded myself that the biological clock was ticking. I started weaning down off my meds, began to loose the extra weight from lack of activity, and overall, just began to seriously evaluate my options for having or adopting a child.
My husband has fully known what I've been doing. He has participated in many discussions about this with me. Now, my husband is NOT a talker, and he is rarely antimated about anything. He keeps very much to himself about his feelings. He doesn't bring up and seldom talks about very important things. When I thought there was a chance I could have PCOS he offered to go to the doc with me and has told me to inquire about adoption. Every day, I have been encouraged to do better based on these goals.
We had a big fight, and somehow it came up to having a child. He basically said he didn't want one. I lost my mind. I have thought surely this was just said in anger, as I certainly said things I regret. When I tried to talk to him, he said I was just telling him what I thought he wanted to hear, and he stuck to not wanting a child. (I couldn't be more shocked and sickened.) I asked him how he could have let me go on hoping like this and he said he didn't want to "bring me down." Now, he's not talking to me at all. Not even to tell me everything is going to be ok.
I wish I could make him understand what it's like when you have severe chronic illnesses and pain. I have lost friends, relationships, parts of my identity, and my career. I really thought I had reached a point where this is one dream that I could reach, for no other reason that I've always wanted to be a mother. Never in my life until these last few silent days, have I dreamed that I honestly may never be. I am beside myself. I can't quit crying, he won't talk to me. I am concerned about my options, and I am afraid.
I have apologized profusely for the wrong things I said, and I am terrified he doesn't love me anymore. I should be angry with him, and I AM, but I am more scared as to why he doesn't want me or a child with me. (By the way, he also said it wasn't my illness)How could he let me hope after all I have lost. I hate this insecurity that he doesn't want ME, when I feel I'm the one who should be angry. I'm not angry anymore. I am crushed and hopeless.
What would you say? How do you explain what we go through and that we still want what everyone else wants, and how this disappointment is worse for me that it would be someone else. I feel betrayed and like I can't even move. ????A tough one, huh?
Registered User
Join Date: Jan 2001
Location: USA
Posts: 31 Devestated/please help
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
About a year ago, I really started trying to make things better for myself. Im on disbility, and I have been on LOTS of meds over the last several years. Every month that went by, I reminded myself that the biological clock was ticking. I started weaning down off my meds, began to loose the extra weight from lack of activity, and overall, just began to seriously evaluate my options for having or adopting a child.
My husband has fully known what I've been doing. He has participated in many discussions about this with me. Now, my husband is NOT a talker, and he is rarely antimated about anything. He keeps very much to himself about his feelings. He doesn't bring up and seldom talks about very important things. When I thought there was a chance I could have PCOS he offered to go to the doc with me and has told me to inquire about adoption. Every day, I have been encouraged to do better based on these goals.
We had a big fight, and somehow it came up to having a child. He basically said he didn't want one. I lost my mind. I have thought surely this was just said in anger, as I certainly said things I regret. When I tried to talk to him, he said I was just telling him what I thought he wanted to hear, and he stuck to not wanting a child. (I couldn't be more shocked and sickened.) I asked him how he could have let me go on hoping like this and he said he didn't want to "bring me down." Now, he's not talking to me at all. Not even to tell me everything is going to be ok.
I wish I could make him understand what it's like when you have severe chronic illnesses and pain. I have lost friends, relationships, parts of my identity, and my career. I really thought I had reached a point where this is one dream that I could reach, for no other reason that I've always wanted to be a mother. Never in my life until these last few silent days, have I dreamed that I honestly may never be. I am beside myself. I can't quit crying, he won't talk to me. I am concerned about my options, and I am afraid.
I have apologized profusely for the wrong things I said, and I am terrified he doesn't love me anymore. I should be angry with him, and I AM, but I am more scared as to why he doesn't want me or a child with me. (By the way, he also said it wasn't my illness)How could he let me hope after all I have lost. I hate this insecurity that he doesn't want ME, when I feel I'm the one who should be angry. I'm not angry anymore. I am crushed and hopeless.
What would you say? How do you explain what we go through and that we still want what everyone else wants, and how this disappointment is worse for me that it would be someone else. I feel betrayed and like I can't even move. ????A tough one, huh?