View Full Version : Being a mom with flare ups
04-04-2006, 05:06 PM
How do you other mommies do it??? There are some days i just wanna jump off a bridge i am in soo much pain and it's sooo hard b/c my 13 month old dosn't understand why she can't play with mommy......
it seems like the worse i feel the more attention she needs from me.....sometimes i feel like such a bad mother for not being able to get past the pain and enjoy my job as a mom......
that's another thing i use to LOVE staying at home with Emma but latley it's turned into more of a Job that a privilage and it makes me soooo sad b/c i love me peanut soo much but i'm sick and can't even enjoy this time with her
so how do u ladies do it? :help:
04-05-2006, 01:21 AM
I know how you feel. My son is 21 months old and my bad days are his worst days also. I have a 9 & 13 year old daughters who like to do alot of after school activities and they always seem to be on my bad days also. I just stick one foot infront of the other and remind myself that they did not ask for a sick mommy and keep going.
04-05-2006, 01:30 AM
:grouphug: to you both. Its hard isnt it? My eldest is going to be 16 and for more than half of her life she's known nothing but "moms sick" and all the things that go along with it (missing out on doing things, going places, etc). My youngest is 7 and thats all he's known his entire life. :(
Breaks our hearts for sure, but we must remember that it wasnt our choice to be sick and when we have those good days, to do what our bodies will allow -but to spend them doing something with our little angels.
So what if the house is not as clean as we'd like it to be, that there's dishes in the sink or the laundry is piling up? On those days I just look at everything and say "it'll be here tomorrow, today's a good day" :)
lots of hugs to everyone!
04-05-2006, 03:16 AM
Ic really just ****** me off sometimes......well ok most of the time :cussing:
It's just not fair, i'm still young and there are tons of things i wanted to do and now i can't b/c i'm sick all the time......i just don't understand what i did wrong to diserve this??? what did emma do wrong to diserve a sick mom?? and what about my furture babies that might never even make it here now....what did they do wrong?????
i am just sick of feeling this way....i've only been dealing with this for a short time and it's serously sucking my will to live :toilet:
04-05-2006, 06:31 AM
Hi, I can totally relate! I am a mom to a 4 month old little boy & was having a terrible flare last week. I felt like I was neglecting my son because I was running the bathroom all day and was having to lay down due to the pain. I had my 2nd bladder instill today and am feeling a little better. The only advice I can give is to keep going. You will have good days. Please don't lose your will to live. IC can definitely affect our mental health. Please don't be afraid to get help. Also, please hollar at me if you need to talk. Take care :)
04-05-2006, 08:25 AM
I have 3 boys ages 18.5 yo, 3.5 yo and 2.5 yo and I tell you some days are just rough, especially in my flare up days. I feel so bad because I tend to lose my patience rather quickly. My two youngest don't really understand at this point, but I'm sure once they are a bit older I'm going to hate telling them that mommy is sick. How can anybody relate to us ICers. I find adults have a hard time understanding this disease let alone children.
So I feel your pain. I have had IC since 1998, and wish I never had it.
Take care. :grouphug:
04-05-2006, 09:04 AM
I also am an Emma's Mom (haha). I understand your anxiety. While my IC symptoms have just recently become unbearable, I have been plagued with migraines too since I was pregnant with my Emma over 8 years ago. My Em' has always known me to have "bad days". It is hard when the are little. But it is hard when they get to be 7 or 8 too.
The best thing that I can say is that your daughter will learn empathy out of this situation. Empathy is a good character trait to have.
My daughter is an extremley kind and nuturing child. She really enjoys trying to take care of me when I am down. I don't necessarily enjoy it, but I humor her.
Try to focus on the days that you feel good and spend some quality time with her, even if it is sitting in the floor working a puzzle together. I have found that my Em' doesn't necessarily mind what it is that we do, as long as we do it together.
04-06-2006, 05:32 AM
I'm so sorry you are having to cope with all of this at once. I remember 13 mos (my older daughter is 4 - the little one is 5 mos). It's a very physically demanding (on the mom) age. That will get better when she is able to understand that mom needs to do a different kind of play (i.e. reading books and coloring instead of playing chase on a bad bladder!!).
It must be so tough to be dealing with a relatively new diagnosis at this time of your life. Even though I had the misfortune to get IC at 21 (after a flares at 13 and 17) by the time I had my daughter (at 35) I was in a different place in terms of coping with it and symptoms management. That being said it has still been rough at times (like today when my VV symptoms have reared their ugly head again). However, I believe it will get MUCH, MUCH better for you as you learn to cope with the disease over time and have your symptoms better managed. I can suggest a few things that have been helpful for me. One - counseling to help with coping and Two - support from other moms. Do you have any way of networking with other local moms? In my city, we have a website for mommies - through that board I've connected with other moms who have other chronic illnesses. Even the moms who don't have chronic illnesses can provide support in the stress of dealing with a 13 mo old!
Hang in there!
04-11-2006, 04:33 AM
Hi Erika, I was just checking in to see how you are doing. Being a mommy with IC is rough sometimes. I'm having to go to the Urologist weekly for bladder treatments. Private Message me if you'd like to chat. I try to look at this site at least once a day.
04-11-2006, 06:56 AM
thanks ladies for your kind words.....Emma is getting better at playing by herself....but she still checks frequently to make sure i'm still around!
04-11-2006, 07:22 AM
I am so sorry. It can be totally rough and overwhelming. I am now a stay at home mom, but at times I wish I was not. I miss the adult contact. It is hard for young ones to understand what is going on. You are having to care for them and take care of their needs, it is hard to focus on what you need. Are there any "Mommies day out" where you live. They have some here where once a month you can drop you child off like at a church or something else and have a mommy day. Then maybe you can do something for you. Which I know is hard when you feel bad, but if you do something for yourself, maybe this can trickle down on the baby....I have been battling IC for almost 10 yrs now, my kids are 12, 11, and almost 10, so I know how hard this is, but once you get a handle on your disease it can be better. I learned the hard way I am the one who controls my life, not my disease. Fighting back is the best medicine. Here is a cyber hug, my comuter wont put the icons on here.
04-11-2006, 07:50 AM
I have a 15 month old, and I feel your pain. Are you on any drugs for pain? I had to bite the bullet and ask for some darvocet last week, but usually my elavil controls my pain. I am fortunate to have a DH that works from home, as I do, so he does most of the housework. I also have my DD in Montessori school from 8-4 each day, so we are able to work. Once she is home, then I'm tied up with her until bedtime. It's really a team effort around here...I have no clue how anyone could #1 work outside of the home with IC, and #2 be a SAHM with IC. I commend you for even trying. I gave up after 10 months after my DD was born and put her in school. It was actually a good move, though, as she was having serious separation anxiety issues. Now she loves everyone and is much better socially....and I get a much needed break! ;)
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