I need questions answered

[Kimchi]

Not sure where to put this and I look in here and see there is not a lot of postings. I hope I get a response. I have had IC for too many years to count. I do pretty well with it. I work 40 hours per week and I have a 14 year old daughter. We are very close but lately I have noticed a change in her. I know it's normal what w/ her on the cusp of woman-hood and all but sometimes she just looks at me weird when I once again say I don't feel well. I was just wondering if there were any articles written for our children to read that explains our problems? My husband has been reading my IC Survival Guide and that's helping but I need something in terms she can understand. Like why am I okay one minute/day and not the next. Maybe some of you would be interested in helping me put something together.

[ICNDonna]

At age 14, she may be very able to understand at least parts of the Survival Guide --- you might also print out some information from the IC Handbook for her to read.

Donna

[work it]

Oh I am right there with you, my 14 daughter knows that I have IC and understands it to an extent but that is about it, I don't feel she really understands it all and she is not intererested in really learning about it. Every once in awhile she will ask questions but rarely. I guess when she is ready to learn more she will come to me and in the meantime she has to live with the fact that sometimes mom just doesn't feel very good.

[dg2901]

Kids at that age are self-centered--regardless of our parenting skills.
I think that she'd understand the survival handbook, however she's only going to want to understand it when she's good and ready.
Teens, gotta love 'em!

good luck
diana

[Kimchi]

Thanks guys. I guess I will just give her the Survival guide.

[Casi]

This from my point of view from a daughters standpoint. I am 26 and have IC and struggle everyday and my mom and I are VERY close and she has back problems. She has had a lot of back surgeries and there are a lot of times when she talks about not feeling well or she can't do this b/c she's hurting and I catch myself rolling my eyes or giving her a "weird look". I couldn't figure out why I was doing that when I should understand her limitations more than anyone b/c I am very limited in what I can and cannot do. After analyzing this to death I think I figured it out. In my eyes my mom is and always has been like super woman. She has been able to care for me while doing a million other things at once. She never "complains" about anything she just keeps pushing on through. When I hear her say she is in pain I would look at her weird deep down thinking "My mom isn't supposed to be this way, she can't hurt" Like I was in denial and did not want to accept the fact that as my mom gets older she is going to have ailments that prevent her from doing a lot of things and now that I'm an adult and have a son it's my turn to help her. She has been here for me my whole life and it's now time for me to be here for her. It has taken me a long time to realize this and it's hard at times. I think that may be what your daughter is going through, she doesn't want to accept that something is wrong with her mom. And like everyone else said, let her read parts of the handbook, maybe that would help her understand. Mothers and daughters are often so close and daughters lean on our moms you all are our "rocks" and it is so hard for us daughters to accept that our mothers have ailments. It's also scary, we go to our moms when we are scared, vulnerable, upset, hurting, depressed, etc. Now our moms are vulnerable and that's hard to see when our moms have always been so strong it's diffucult to see our moms in pain. And if it's hard for a 26 yr old to accept that can especially be hard for a 14 yr old to accept. With all of the great information in the handbook I hope she can better understand. Reassurance is always good. My mom and I sat down and I told her all these things and she reassured me that she can still be here for me, but I am grown now and I reassured her that I can be her rock. Since we both live in chronic pain we help eachother. :) :grouphug:

[Kimchi]

thanks Casi. I appreciate having a daughter's insight.