Help!

[Babs RN]

I am just looking for some prayers and hugs. Chris went off on me about 10 min ago over pain meds and because I wanted to stay with him in school in Georgia(and Lindsey too) and didn't want to live in Las Vegas with MIL. He told me that my illness will damage his career, get thrown out of the Army and then we'll have no coverage. Nice, very nice--not! I've never had panic attacks or crying jags but I can handle this anymore. He is going to the east coast, is 90 minutes from my brother and 6 hours from my parents. He even threatened to just drop the school. I can't quit crying. I busted my hump for Lindsey and tried to take care of things for myself with minimal outside help. I feel so small. He called me lazy and fat too.

Hugs,
Barb :grouphug:

PS Thanks for listening. :bunny:

[Betsie]

Yeesh Barb!!! It is one thing to have a disagreement, hell we all do! ;)

BUT - to be called names is my # one pet peeve. I am sad you are feeling so blue, and probably beyond ticked right now. This is your life too after all and from what I remember, Mommy (in law) dearest isn't all that warm and fuzzy! :rolleyes:

If you wanna talk off the boards you can contact me...I have a few years of trials and tribulations on you, maybe I can be a good listener!

Hugs and anything else needed! My 19 yr old just went off on me, so misery must love company...I want HER life! :bonk:

It's amazing how Mom's are able to do it all and then be so easily dismissed when a partner comes along to lend a hand! AS IF............ :kissing:

[dancemomof2]

Barb, so sorry I missed you today, if ever the girls tell you I am laying down make them get me. I am about half afraid to call you as I don't want to stir up anything. I will be here all day tomarrow yell at me when you can, or this evening if you see this.

[emilyrose197377]

Barb I am sorry for what you are going through. You are in my thoughts and prayers. if you need to talk I am here.

:grouphug:

[Sarojini]

Oh gosh, Barb... that is HORRIBLE. Being called names hurts like HELL -- I know, because for a while my husband went through a "phase" where he went off on me for pain meds and other things. I was called "psychotic" and "lazy" and an addict during that time, and it hurt, especially since he KNEW I wasn't an addict, and I KNEW he knew, which meant he was just trying to "get my goat" as they say. That made me even madder, which led to more "psycho" comments.

Luckily, he has quit and accepted everything, and has become a model husband in the last few years - he's actually realized it's easy enough to put the dishes in the washer, and that doing a load of laundry won't kill him.... AND he's now my greatest advocate for adequate pain control (probably because he's seen me with it and without it and decided he prefers the Jen who ISN'T crying on the bathroom floor at 4am).

Anyway, back to you -- this is about YOU. I am so so sorry that Chris went off on you. I'd be crying and upset too. I can't believe he said the things he did, and as Betsie said, your MIL is NOT someone you want to be staying with!!!! I know the last time we talked I was flabbergasted with the things she did and I can understand why you'd want to be far far away from her and closer to your family.

I also don't think that you being sick is going to ruin his career -- I mean, ME being sick and needing pain control has not ruined MY career, so where does he get off saying that it is going to ruin HIS???? That doesn't make any sense. Granted, I do not know how the Army works, but it just seems "off" to me. Let me know if I am wrong here....

Regardless, I'm sending huge, huge hugs :grouphug: to you and I hope things calm down soon....

[ICLori]

Oh, honey, I'm so sorry. It's so unfair the way he's treating you. I hope this blows over soon and he comes to his senses. How hurtful!

(((HUGS)))

Blessings,
Lori

[George]

Dear Barb,

I'm sending you a cyberhug.

George

[MarthaB]

:grouphug: :grouphug: :grouphug:
Martha

[Dixiefireball]

Oh i'm so sorry babs. Im sending you tons of hugs and prayers.
Rhonda

[tigger_gal]

so sorry that hubby is being a total butt head.. what he said was just out of line.. how can you being sick damage his career.. I think he nees to sit back and look in the mirror and realize he aint all that..
sending you big hugs

[dancemomof2]

The more I think about it, you are not ruining his career he is, or doesn't want any of them to know how he really treats you behind closed doors. He is on a power trip right now and see's this as his way to put you on a leash and have a miserable babysitter. I would go to his command and ask if this was the option presented to Chris at this time. I have my source if you need us to yank some chains and see if this is a line of BS he is slinging you or what?

[Bianchi]

Oh Barb, you certainly dont deserve this. I am so sorry. I hope he comes to his senses and apologizes to you. People have no clue what IC is like.
Prayers and Thoughts are with you.
Bianchi

[Cheries]

Please, please read a book called, "The Four Agreements" by Ruiz. It will help you see and separate from people when they try and victimize you. It really hurts and I would say don't waste your time on it. It is not worth the hassle. I have learned that by creating my own life and not allowing my mate to denegrate me has made me feel a lot more powerful and in control. Not that it is always that way in terms of my "response" . O.K. one pet peive here is the name calling. I used to weigh over 200 pounds for a couple of years. I lost 60 pounds and so does this make me a different person now???NO! I am the same person, just in a thinner package. It really bums me out when people try to hit below the belt on weight issues, or illness. How dare he attack your illness??Like you CHOSE to be sick! I would give him just one day with IC (wouldn't that be great if we could do that???)to see how fun it is. Please, don't let him have the power to ruin your day.

[creatingkarma]

Oh, Barb. I would be hurt by that too. Who wouldn't? I hope he realizes what he did & apologizes. Name calling is not allowed in my marriage (to each other's faces anyway). I don't care how upset we are with each other, we just do not call each other names. It only makes things much worse. The occasional flip-off is ok, though. Usually, when someone is acting the way Chris did, he's not being honest about what he's really mad about. He's more than likely mad at your IC & not at you. He just isn't directing his anger in the right direction. I don't blame you one bit for wanting to be closer to your family & not with your MIL! He should understand that! I hope he gets his head working right soon!

[ICNDonna]

:grouphug: I wish I could help.

Donna

[Katrina]

Barb, I am so sorry. :love: You are a wonderful, wonderful person Barb. :kissing: :grouphug: :kissing: Family should come first. I will be praying for you!!

Sue is reading post but it hurts to type so asked me to tell you that she cares and is sending support!!

:grouphug: :kissing:

[traceann]

I am so sorry I missed this post!! I just saw it this morning. I do hope things are a bit better in the household, men can be such buttheads! I just had a row with mine last night, ugh. Sending hugs and prayers your way, and do let us know how you are, k????

:grouphug: :grouphug: :grouphug:

[Babs RN]

Things got worse as the night went on. He accused me of stealing meds from clinic(heard that from his Mom before)which I would never ever ever consider--plus he also believed the crud his Mom said about the lesion I had on my breast a couple of years ago that it was formed by me self injecting--if you catch my drift. Aside from the fact if that had been done 2 years ago I would be locked up, lose my RN license and my family. I have never had anxiety before but I feel like I am about to crack.

Thanks for your love,
Barb :grouphug:

[SharonA]

It seems like everytime Chris is about to make a major change in his career, he lets loose on you. I remember what he was like right before he went to Iraq. I remember what he was like while he was there and facing whatever trials he experienced. It's not fair to you and I am sorry this has happened, once again. We all seem to go off on the ones we live with when we are having anxiety about what we are going through at the time. I'm not making excuses for his treating you this way. It's wrong and it's hard on you.

I so agree with you about NOT wanting to live with the MIL. She's toxic and you don't need any of that poison in your life. I do not understand why Chris continues to believe her twisted imaginations. I don't understand why she would want you to live there taking in consideration how she seems to feel about you. I also don't understand how your illness can cause Chirs problems in his career.

I am so sorry you going through all of this, once again. :kissing:

[dancemomof2]

I agree with Sharon, you don't need all this turmoil in your life. You have finally found some relief with your IC and he can't stand it. He has to do this to you to make you feel like a terd in a punch bowl (sorry). I really wish he would listen to the other side of the story for once.

[traceann]

:grouphug:

I agree on the anxiety thing, I just went through it with my hubby. He's all frustrated and whatnot about being on a seasonal lay-off: Cabin Fever and not $$ to fund the rest of the remodeling projects that were keeping him pleasantly occupied. And guess who's the proverbial cat that gets kicked??? I actually got him to admit it yesterday finally that getting mad at me and not speaking to me for TWO days over a cardboard box is a bit much..... ;) But it's his feelings he's taking out on me -- NOT FAIR.

So yeah, I can see the "change" anxiety thing at work...and it sucks cause it's a hard thing to get them to admit, cause honestly - I don't think they even know why they are lashing out at us...

Sending you more hugs and prayers and thoughts!!!!! :grouphug:

[ICLori]

I wish so much he'd agree to go to counseling with you. I think another person seeing this situation would help to point out the patterns to him - he'd finally "see" what he is doing.

Blessings,
Lori

[patricia1]

Just now seeing this thread. Sorry for what is going on. I know you were so happy when he came home, just for all of this to start.

Oh about the med stealing you are right to be upset. My cousin who was a nurse was caught stealing from her eldery patients. She lost her license and went to jail. I can not believe he is saying this of you. How horrible.

[dyno]

I am sending hugs... I feel bad for you but don't know what more I can do but be here as a friend. :kissing: :grouphug:

[Katrina]

Been praying for you a lot ....wish things had improved. :grouphug: :kiss: If you need to talk I am here.

[Kara Isabel]

HUGS!!

I know its hard enough as it is just feeling crummy! Nobody needs additional stressors. I don't know what to say, but my prayers are with you.

I agree......men can be *ahem* insensitive sometimes.
Kara

[IC SARAH-CPP]

Oh Barb, I feel like such a louse b/c I missed this yesterday. I am SOOOO sorry hun. I am sending BIG hugs to you right now.
Now on to Chris. I also think that he is stressed and maybe even having a hard time w/coming back from Iraq? That could be part of his aggression. Now that said, that does NOT make it okay for him to bash on you this way. I am seriously p-oed at him right now!! And we ALL know how crazy the MIL is and how awful it would be for you and Lindsay to be living with her or even really close to her. I think she is influencing how he feels, which is not cool at all. The "concerns" over your "drug abuse" are so unfounded I wont even go in to that. You know how I feel on that subject.
I wish I could say something to cheer you up. Is there anyway you could go to counseling together again? Do you think that could help? I know Rich is pretty anti-counseling but maybe if Chris would consider it, it might help? I am so sorry hun. We are all here and love you :)
Sarah

[SandyRN]

Barb,

I just saw this too...you didnt tell me all of this when you called the other day. You would also be less than 2 hours from ME if you moved to GA, and it makes me SO angry that he's treating you like this again. He's the one with the problems, he's the one with the mental problems, and he's trying to degrade you and make YOU feel bad about yourself cuz he's such an A$$!

I'm so angry reading this........I'm sick of him and his family degrading you, talking down to you, AND RUNNING YOUR LIFE.. They're one screwed up family who apparently has nothing better to do but screw with you and your life.

Sorry....I'm angry about this whole situation...You know I'm here for you anytime you want to call....ok!!!!!

Love ya....Sandy

[Cali girl]

I just saw this post today. I hope that things have improved for you. I'm sending you lots of hugs and kisses. :grouphug: :kissing: And some prayers too. :pray:

[ads]

Mother-in-laws plus IC and pain equal a nightmare. It will just cause you additional health problems -- I know, been there done that. Your hubby needs to step up to the plate and do what it takes to find a safe and peaceful place for you to live.

ads

[ihurttoo]

Barbara, I'm sorry I missed this post. I am just now seeing it, and I am totally outraged!! I want to tear in to him myself. I wish I could help you. I know what jerks men can be sometimes. (Mine can be a ---too sometimes.) I wish you told me when we talked. Not that I would've had any better answers for you, but at least I could let you know that I care and you are not alone. I have heard the lazy thing too as you and I have discussed. How did I handle it? I said nothing at the time, then the next time he wanted sex, I said "oh, I am sorry, but that is work, and since I am "LAZY", I wont be doing that!" I havent heard that particular remark since then! LOL! Then, as for the fat, I too have gained some weight from the Elavil, Prednasone, and laying around alot when I feel bad. Although my husband has never called me fat, he does tell me that I "could stand to lose a few pounds" "for my health". So my revenge there is to make super-duper healthy food now FOR EVERYBODY! I make mental notes of healthy foods that I love and he hates, and those are the foods that go into our rotation. (Yes, I know, I am a passive-aggressive B---h, but it's one of my few joys...punishing him!) So I may not have all of the solutions, but at least it will bring some joy back. By the way, if there are no healthy foods you or Lindsey enjoy, you can always eat something good before he comes home, and then just feed him the healthy slop! :) Well hope this helps, meanwhile if you need me, call me. I'll be glad to think up more ways to persucute him!! LOL!!! :grouphug: Love, AMy

[andcohen]

Sorry Barb that you are going through all this crap. You seem to go out of your way for everybody to please them & help, it a pitty chris wasn't a little the same. He doesn't seem to be thinking of anything but what he wants out of life, why should you have to step back & just do what he wants all the time, you have to be happy too.
My Husband thought of nothing before himself & his carear, Cohen & I were always 2nd or 3rd on the list. This along with a few other factors is what broke our family apart. Now he has lost his family & his job (HA) All because he didn't take the time to look after the important things in life, like your family first. I know his carear is important, but so are you & Lindsey. He has to work this out so all of you are happy, & you shouldn't have to settle for anything less.
And as for the name calling, that is the lowest of the low. What gives people the right to treat another person like that, letter lone your own wife :cussing: boy I would be mad.... :mad: he has no respect.
Sorry if i sound a bit harsh, I don't meen to, it just I hate to think of you being unhappy & treated like that. Especially if Lindsey is around, she will grow up thinking that it ok to let others talk to her like that & you don't want that. I'm sure it's not like that all the time, just tell him to pull his head in abit when it comes to the name calling :ignore:
Take Care hope things work out for you, you deserve the best.
Andrea :grouphug:

[Janie Miranda]

:grouphug: :grouphug: :grouphug:
Barb,
I know how military life can really put stress on a family. You and your family are in my thoughts and prayers.

[sweetangel2080]

hope things resolve soon. It must be so frustrating at the moment. stay strong