What was the best way your spouse showed support?

[Glasshalffull13]

In the positive light of Valentine's Day, I'm wondering about the best gestures your sig. others showed you they were empathetic to your IC?

[dancemomof2]

When we were trying to figure out exactly what I had he bought me a 3 stone 1 carat diamond ring and called it my dying gift. Then this fall when my cervical cancer was not getting any better by biopsies, he bought me a 3 stone 2 carat diamond ring. he tends to buy diamonds when he is getting the full picture of things in my life. We joke about what my I'm dying gift will be next.

[ihurttoo]

The best thing is does for me is to clean the house without being asked O(although he still tells me "I cleaned the house FOR YOU." Like he doesnt contribute to any of the mess.) The other thing he'll do is to unplug the phone for me and take our 4 yr old out on the farm with him when he's off work and I am hurting so I can get some rest. He also always cleans up the puke for me if I have thrown up and didnt make it to the bathroom. Funny what we think of as romantic isnt it? When I was single and dating, flowers would have been romantic to me. Now someone cleaning up my throw up is considered romantic. LOL!!

[SandyRN]

Hmmm...besides never leaving my bedside every time I'm admitted to the hospital, I'd have to say the BEST way he showed his support of my illnesses and ME in general was the gorgeous rock of a diamond engagement ring he gave me on Christmas morning!!! I'lm still not used to having this puuuurty ring on my finger yet.

He's not much on cleaning, or cooking, but he'll do it if he knows I feel bad enough to ask. He takes care of me, puts up with me and all my ailments, aches and pains, and my moods....so we KNOW he's gotta be a good guy :lmao:

Sandy :)

I should also mention that he goes with me to most of my major doctor appts...makes me feel so much better to have him there. I had to have an MRI done and I'm VERY claustrophic at time, but especially when I'm sick...they let him come in the room wearing his lead jacket thing and he was able to rub my leg and talk to me while I was in the tube....I'll never forget that. :)

[dancemomof2]

Mine isn't much on cleaning either sandy, he is really good at shoving and hiding it to make it look clean :biglaugh:

[ICNDonna]

The thing I like most is that my husband holds me when I am in pain. He also helps with house work. And every evening he goes upstairs after dinner and turns on our electric blanket so I will have a warm bed to climb into.

Donna

[Imustpee]

My husband has been my rock...I could not have gone through the surgery without him....he still is right by my side.. :)

[pomeranianic]

My husband holds me alot and holds my hand and plays with my fingers. He cooks every night. Great cook. :)
He keeps my PC working.
He Opens my car door for me.
He Tucks me in at night. when he is done I ripe the covers back off . :)
If he wakes up and my covers are off he puts them back on me & tucks them around me.
Most of all no matter how much i'm hurting he always can make me laugh.

[IC SARAH-CPP]

My husband also tucks me in at night, which I love. I am a MAJOR morning person and he is a MAJOR night person, so we often aren't asleep at the same time!! Another thing he does is that somehow( i have no idea how) he knows exactly the days I need to have him cook dinner for me. So when I come home from work it will all be almost ready. I love to cook most nights and would be sad not to but somehow he senses the days I need to be taken care of.
But the 2 biggest things he does are ;
1.) Comes to docs appts when I need him too and trust me, he isnt the kind of guy to be pushed around! THat has helped me so much in the past
2.) On bad night, he will ALWAYS get up with me. Somehow it is such a comfort to have him awake and taking care of me. It gets so lonely at night you know?
Great thread! I loved reading about all the sweet things. Sandy- I didnt know you were engaged!! Congrats.
Sarah

[Betsie]

By believing in me and trusting me when it was hard even for me to do so.

[kjones1]

What a great thread. Sandy Congrats! How recent is your engagment?

My fiance is a younin (26) so its been a bit hard having to deal with me getting IC. We are getting married in June. I love when he comes to drs appointments with me. Rubs me while I do my painful kegels and he will cook here and there.

He even started a book club with me (which is something I always wanted to do with him).

Love that. We have good days and bad days but just knowing he'll always be there makes it all okay.

[ChristineW]

I am after reading all the ways the hubbys show they support you all. I get sad when I read them because I feel my husband (sometimes) tries to support me BUT I also think he could def show more. I DO think he is ANGRY at me for NOT being a better wife to him. Im miserable he says. I dont have sex. I am rarely, if ever, IN THE MOOD! Says I always am yelling (granted, I am always yelling.at my kids) I am miserable. I explain to my husband if you had a knawing toothache, severely everyday would you get moddy? Well, I then TRY and be nice and in "the mood" for HIM even when Im not...but the fact is I am miserable. Im miserable that Im sick. I hate to wake up..because life is so hard anymore. I wake up and due to Fibromyalgia my body feels broken. I am sad because I cannot run and play with my 3 young kids, like I would love to. So that def makes me sad. BUT the worst part of all is ME making my husband feel so unhappy in our relationship about kills me. I wish I was a different person. Not in pain, strong, sexual, patient! I always communicate my feelings to my husband and he is a terrible communicator. He doesnt handle being spoken to very well. I am after explaining how I feel. I sprnt the day at a mall with him. I dont think that it is too much to ask.."Stop Staring at EVERY GIRL THAT WALKS BY!" I think its disrespectful..am I wrong? I wouldnt be at a mall w my hubby and all eyes everywhere else , on guys! It wouldne be ver nice to him. Then I saw a girl in nice jeans and said, as I always could say to hubby, NICE JEANS, I want them! He passes a comment, "Id like whats in them!" Now is that not wrong?? Its not funny to me! So I finally communoicated how he hurt me by NOT supporting me w my health and now thsis new thing he does by checkin out every female that walks by him, us! The other day, I was bleeding bad (I dont have a period anymore, had hyster 2 trs ago) so it was bladder related and I called him at work and told him I have a dr appt .. he said.."What are you going to the dr for NOW Christine?" I told him, not to worry about IT , and I hung up. That was so upsettig to me, his reaction! I also get terrible migraines, so severe I throw up....I ask if he will massage my head when I get them..he wont! When my Fibro is real bad I ask for a massage, esp on my hands..he wont! He always makes sexual comments about the lack of! That is mostly what is on his mind. Bad enough this pain pushes me away from any sexual moody BUT also his attidue these days, lack of support and such pushes me away sexually too! I DONT WANT HIM NEAR ME! I told him that too. He doesnt wanna hear it...I am NOT saying I am perfect! NO WAY...I have MANY FLAWS esp the fact that I am sick. And lack of sexual tendicies. BUT I DONT KNOW WHAT TO DO ANYMORE, I JUST DONT! I really wish I had someone who I felt was BY MY SIDE when I hurt. I cry so often at nite ALONE...I cried for hours last night, over us, me and the pain...he wouldnt dare ask...are you ok? What should I do? I love him, i dont love the way he is acting and stuff. BUT I know he doesnt like the things about me too. We have done therapy...ehh, helped in some ways...but the fact is sexually we have huge trouble! By the time we are in bed I honestly wanna just lay on my htg pad and sleep! I know that isnt fair to hubby though too. Well...I vented enough, thanks for listening. We have been married almost 20 years and I am 36 yrs old. Have 3 kids tgether, 12 yr old, 9 yr old and 4 yr old.
THX guys!

Christine :)

[2flyingdogs]

What a great thread!!

I am a very independent person and a control freak to boot, so needless to say I make my hubby's life pretty difficult. :-) I have IC and FM and have pain 24/7, so it gets really old having someone ask you how you are doing all of the time when you ALWAYS feel bad. I really appreciate that my husband has started to read my body language and kind of interpret my needs, even when I am too stubborn to admit it. Like the other day we were shopping and I was in agony, but I refused to say anything. He took one look at my face and said, "Come on, we're going. I'll come back and get what we need." I asked him why and he said that I was obviously in pain and that he needed to get me home. I thought that my "mask" was firmly in place and that no one knew how badly I hurt and I told him so. My sweet hubby said, "You might be able to fool everyone else, but you can't fool me." The only drawback is that he works nights and I work days, so I only see him a couple days a week.

I would love it if he would help with the housework (especially the laundry and cleaning the bathrooms) and cooking, but I guess you can't have everything! The diet is challenging for everyone with IC, but my optimistic husband found something positive about it. He has started eating all of the foods that he thinks I can't have. For example, the other day he said, "I ate all of the blueberries, but you can't have those, right?!". Never mind that I CAN eat blueberries! I just find it cute that he has turned my deprivation into his benefit (even if he gets some of the foods wrong). LOL!

[Briza]

Great thread...
He cooks, he cleans, does laundry, he completely rennovated our home (tore it down to the studs and put it all back together again!!), can build and fix anything and everything, helped me pay for doctor bills when I was in the dx process, gives a good massage to my constantly aching back, lets my cats sleep in the bed!

But probably the number one thing he has done to support me was when I was in the hospital after cysto/hydro complications, the night they stuck the NG tube down my nose I was hyperventilating and coughing and choking and looking like Linda Blair from the Exorcist...he loved me and calmed me and stayed up with me all night long telling Cajun Boudreaux jokes (he's Cajun and does them all with a great accent). I don't know what I would have done without him that night.

[Briza]

Christine
We have our bad days, too. Many of them. I'm sorry your husband isn't more supportive. IC takes a toll on every relationship, I think, in one way or another. I hope that you can work through this. Take care and best wishes.

[Dixiefireball]

My husband helps take care of the children when I'm sick, helps clean the house, lets me rest when i need to when he is home. listen to my Dr when he is able to go with me because of work. If not he wants to know any new orders to help me follow them. He learned to give me my treatments in case i was to sick to do them.
he mixes my treatments up for me every morning before he leaves for work so i have them when i up. He has my medicine laid out of me.
he will also get up in the middle of the night to make sure I have what i need when i'm sick. Even if i don't want him too. If he knows it been a bad day if i move out of that bed in the middle of the night he jumps up to see what is wrong and if he can help.
My husband has came a long way. little things like this mean so much to me, but it took my Dr. telling him the True facts of my health and how chornic my IC and other health issues are.
he even calls me about ten times a day to make sure i'm okay even when he knows i'm having a okay day.
just simple things like means the world to me. Oh and he can even cook when needed to my diet.

[mary124]

My husband shows support, by just being there with me. He goes to most of my doctors appointments with me, depending when I schedule them. Our kids are grown, so he doesn't have to take care of them and house stays pretty clean. When I don't feel good, he makes sure I go to bed, and tells our youngest to help around the house (this is especially true when my husband is working), he does all of the grocery shopping for me. Just a lot of little things, as they all add up.

[kuntrygurl78]

A few days after I was diagnosed, I was having trouble with finding something to take to work to eat and I was in a panic and I was angry. My fiance (we live together) jumped on this website and found something. Then, while I got ready, he prepared the meal. He is a chef by training, so the meal was simple and quick to make.

Saturday, I wasnt feeling well. I had told him the day before that I would do my chores that day, but ended up not feeling well. He didnt say anything. I curled up on my chair and one of my cats curled up against the back of my legs. Then a bit later, he brought me the other cat and put him under the blankie with me. The kitties and I all took a nice nap together.

To Christine: I wish you godspeed on your pain. Im lucky in that my pain is generally mild, so I can only imagine what you are going thru. I know that from past experiences with my fiance that whenever he would get angry or start acting mean when I was hurt, it ended up being because he felt helpless. He wanted to help me feel better, but didnt know how. It seems men are wired to express their feelings in a totally odd way...which is way different than us. Ask him "How does it make you feel to see me in this much pain? Do you wish that there was something you could do?"
Then tell him that what would make you feel better is to have his support, his kindness, and his understanding.
Good luck to you!

[Mel53H]

I told myself I wasn't going to read this thread, but I did anyway. Oh well!

My 52 year old husband is in a nursing home and has been for 4 years. He has diabetes and had several small strokes. He had a heart attack a few years back and now he is blind in one eye and almost blind in the other. He no longer can walk and is in a wheelchair.

So, what I want to say, is that my husband does not support me in any way, shape, or form. Although, I want to tell you, he never did not support me even when he was well. It always was about him. He was an alcoholic and I stayed with him because I felt sorry for him.

My adult kids support me though, and I think that is just as good. If I need help with anything they are always there for me. I don't know what I would do without them.

A lot of you have wonderful husbands who support you and I think that is fantastic. :) I really do. It is so sweet of them.

I am not jealous, just sad. I am married, but I feel like a widow.

Love ya,

Mel

[icnmgrjill]

What an awesome thread.... and this shows that there are some great IC heroes out there... but there are also some really sad mentions of husbands who either don't get it... or are too ill to help us out.

Mel, I'm so sorry that your husband is so ill.... and that he's completely unable to help. I just lost a family member to diabetes at the age of 37... and its such a devastating disease. Throw in alcoholism... and, well, it's a tragedy for everyone in the family. The great news, though, is that you have your children... and they are truly a light and blessing in your life!!!

Jill

[ICNDonna]

Mel, we should get together some day soon. When you plan to be in Eugene, let me know and we can arrange to meet, maybe at Valley River Mall or Gateway Center. There's a new Kohl's Department Store that opened at Gataway this month and is totally fantastic! And there's a Hometown Buffet right next door so we could have lunch.

Warm hugs,
Donna

[Mel53H]

Sounds good to me Donna! I don't usually go to Eugene, but I will make an exception. Really, I don't like freeways, but if we go to Gateway Mall that should not be that bad. :)

Mel

[*Jelly*]

I guess the best thing he does is listen to me, and tries to understand. Even with things as bad as they are he still wants to be with me when I feel like I dont have alot to offer. It just helps alot that I can tell him anything, no matter how frustrated I am.