Helping a partner with IC

[Lexx]

Hello All,

My partner whom I love very much has been diagnosed with IC - she is concerned I will leave her. THIS IS NOT THE CASE, I WILL LOVE HER 4 ETERNITY.

My name is Darren, and I am seeking advice on how best to help her through the difficult times. (She is a registered user of the IC network, and as such I would appreciate it if you could email me at darrenmason1@hotmail.com of any responses as this is her account).

If I explain the history it may help in any guidance you my have for me. Firstly I am a very positive person, and the glass is always half full, when she was diagnosed I had just given up smoking and was not very supportive - this has now changed (am smoking again, but giving up soon as this time I will be supportive).

My wife to be and the mother of my future children(I believe this will happen, and if not I will always be there for her) understandingly has moments of euphoria and depression - so how best can I give her support. She is using Elmiron but she continually searches for a panacea - I believe none exists, how can I distract her, make her accept the situation and move on.

I hope with every essence of my being that things will improve in her diet and sleep patterns; but probably most important within her mind is that I will leave her because sex is infrequent - how can I can convince her that is not the be all and end all. SHE IS MY LOVE. MY SOUL MATE.

Thanks in anticipation of your responses.

Darren

PS.
We live in the UK, and it seems that we are far less developed in our understanding with regards to this debilitating affliction than the US.

[ICNDonna]

I think one of the things you can do to offer support is to learn about IC. A good starting place is the Patient Handbook --- if you scroll to the top of this page you'll find the link.

I think it's great that you are asking how best to help. That's a good first step.

Warm encouraging hugs,
Donna

[andcohen]

WOW What a great guy & a blessing to be in her life. My only advice is to learn with her as much about you can about IC & support her decisions in what form of treatment she chooses. Does she have an understanding & informed DR ? If not this is the most important thing of all, although it may take several DR's to find the right one, just be patient.
Good luck & come here as often as you both need, it truley is an amazing form of information & support.
Nice to have you on board as a truley supportive Ic partner.
Andrea

P.S if she is unsure of your love & support show her this post of yours, shurley that will confirm her worries :grouphug:

[charmedx3]

Hi Darren, I have not been diagnosed as of yet but have been going thru this for about 2 1/2 yrs. I had a hysterectomy last year 11-04 hoping that would solve my problems. My husband is very supportive. We have 3 kids been together alomost 15 yrs.I know this is hard on him last night I was crying from the pain. He is tired of all of this, wants someone to figure this out. I bought the book from this site,don't remember title (someone will point you to the name) by Dr Moldwin (?). I have read the book which was really helpful. I handed the book to my husband for him to read. He isn't the type to read books but he is surprising me he is already on chapter 2 and I just handed him the book! :woohoo:
Anyway I guess my point is the more info you have the more helpful you will be. Which it sounds like you are!Good Luck! :)

[ICNJess]

Wow, you sound like such a great partner! You and my husband are quite similar, and so maybe I can help shed some light on what your partner is going through.

My husband came to my urology appointments with me, began to learn what he could about IC, while I plunged into a huge depression. I figured IC was the end of my life! I was newly married (20 then) though he had been with me when my IC first began a few years before that. I mean, there I was with IC, not knowing where to begin and if the treatments would work. ALl I knew was that I was suffering and young, and life was just unfair!!!

Well, I'll skip to the part where I began seeing a counselor who dealt with pain management. My husband would come along to those appointments, and sometimes he was let in on the sessions, others he just waited patiently in the waiting room for me. I began to feel better mentally, and came to the part where I could accept the situation and move forward.

What really helped was his patience, though. I pushed him away every chance that I got, and he was resilient, he kept coming back for more and did it so calmly and smoothly. I sometimes wonder, if roles were reversed, if I would be as gracious and understanding as he was.

So now, here we are nearly 3 years after my diagnosis, doing much better (wish I could say the same for my IC LOL). Just remember to be patient, though I am sure you will be, and just gently re-assure her often. If you can find a good counselor who deals with pain patients, I think that would be something good to look into. Do some digging and research--and hang in there.

Hugs to you both,
Jess