hi...

[jax]

i know this may be a bit candid but has anyone else had trouble having sex? i mean, at this point it's literally IMPOSSIBLE and i read that you should drink a glass of water, urinate before and after and take a shower if possible afterwards to help ease/curb the pain but i've done all of that but it's still out of the question.

has anyone else had this problem?

[bigred]

It is a very common problem for IC patients. I know from experience it hurts. I might have it easier than other since sex has hurt from almost day one. There are numbing gels on the market. Someone might be able to share that better with you. Relaxation is the key. Has to be realaxing and fun. If you have some take a valium. I like a cold washrag afterwards.

[karenmay]

Yes!
Sex is totally painful!
I have pain just getting turned on.
My husband and I haven't been intimate at all for at least 3 months now.
There are tips out there to help make it more comfortable.
I've just been too depressed and in too much pain to even attempt any of them.

things like....numbing gels....lubricants..
that kind of stuff.

hope you find what helps you.

karen

[tigger_gal]

sex in pain seem to go hand in hand.. Jen posted sex tips on here but, I can't remember where at.. Hopefully she will see your post and direct you.. btw ~~welcome to the boards~~

[Silverfern]

Jen's sex tips are in the "Romance and Sex" Forum. Hope you find some answers!

Hugs

[Cricketmk3]

Lots of lubrication and a heating pad afterwards is what helps me the most. Wash away the bacteria by urinating and washing the area. Don't have sex again until your partner has washed also. Some use something cold instead of heat. I have never used numbing gel but I have a question about it. Wouldn't it numb your partner as well as you?

[jax]

my boyfriend and i have been together now for 14 months and he is so frustrated by it and i feel soooooooooo bad because i don't know what to do. we've tried like 4 times in the past 4 months and each time it made it like a million times worse. last tuesday in particular...i wanted to kill myself the pain got so bad. and i see him trying so hard to understand and be there for me but...i don't don't know, he just doesn't get it.

my mom said to make an appointment with my OB/GYN to see if there could possibly be another reason for the pain. i just wish the pain would go away...since last tuesday its been NON STOP, worse than before when it didn't stop. and i have tried ibuprofen, lortab...but nothing works. when i went to the ER because i felt like something was going to burst from all the pressure and i couldn't take the burning anymore, they gave me morphine and that didn't even TOUCH it. i am so frustrated and angry...i just want to feel better. today is my last day of school/finals and i am so glad. i just want to sleep so i don't have to be in so much pain now. i just keep telling myself "next wed they will tell me for sure what's wrong" but sometimes i don't know if i can make it that long. i cry now all the time and i'm even more depressed now than i was before. i got into a fight with my boss at work over it, i begged him to let me go home early because i just couldn't take standing anymore and he yelled at me and then i called him a jerk and yadda yadda ya so now i have to worry about losing my job...i hate him because i also get sexually harrased by him like crazy and i've put up with so much **** from him and he treated me so bad when i asked to go home early...i hate him. sorry for the tangent there.

[SandyRN]

I would definately see another doctor if your doctor isnt able to figure out the cause of such intense pain.

Also, if your boss is sexually harassing you, you can file a suit against him with the company you work for, or take it further than that. He has no right to treat you like a piece of meat and he needs to be taught a lesson. Stand up for yourself and let him know that no job is THAT important, but if he fires you, you will most certainly sue him for sexual harassment......that might shut him up for a while.

Btw, just curious, how old are you? If this boss of yours is messing with a minor, he should go to jail.

Take care, Sandy

oh, and :welcome: to the board. Please visit often....lots of smart, loving people here to help you out.

[traceann]

Hey there! Yup, you should check out the Romance and Sex board for tips, Jen compiled a great list and you can check out some of the other questions people have asked. Don't worry about asking, it's just something we ICers have to deal with, unfortunately, ugh.

There are also other ways to be intimate, as we all have learned, I think! ;) When I was first diagnosed, sex was completely out of the question, told my boyfriend (now my hubby) sorry but no-can-do, lol. He understood, to an extent, :) For one thing I made sure he knew it was nothing to do with him at all. It wasn't that I wasn't attracted to him or didn't love him, etc. And brain wanted to have sex and be close and intimate, but body was not a willing participant. Communication was first and the most important thing! So it was frustrating for the both of us. On one level he enjoyed it, as it was like back when we were first dating, lots of making out but no "going all the way" LMAO!! So, I started treating him to "Just Him" nights. It made us feel close, intimate and loving, and yet caused me no pain - and he felt loved, etc. It was hard for him to just sit back and relax and "receive" at first, until I convinced him it was FINE, I was happy making him happy!! ;) It really really helped our relationship at a trying time.

Hope this helps a bit! And Sandy's right (she's good like that! ;) ), you do not have to put up with your boss treating you that way at all!!!

Hugs,
:)

[jax]

i'm 22...

as for my boss...i liked him in the beginning but he has really turned out to be a jerk. and i know that i should say something but i am so scared because...i don't know, everyone at my work talks about SEX all day long and for a while they used to make fun of me because i didn't and my face turned red all the time so eventually...to be accepted, i would joke to but they just took it to the next level. i don't know. i am supposed to be leaving for the peace corps in may...that is unless i get screwed over with this IC crap. so hopefully i won't have to put up with much more...i am so scared though that this, IC, is going to completely take over my life. i mean some of the people on here have been dealing with it for years and i've only had it (at least that's what they think) for the past 4 months...i don't know how i'll deal with it in the long run.

my mom says i should be feel lucky because i was born with a UTI that almost killed me and didn't have problems with it again until now but...i don't know. did you ever get scared that you would become sterile from all of this. i mean, i can't stop thinking about that because my mom's friend did because her UTI snowballed into all these different things and UGH...the specialist THINKS it's IC but he isn't sure and won't be until the 21st and if that's not it...i don't know what i'll do.

[med_head_09]

hello. i am 23, and i have been suffering for 8 years. mostly i have frequency and urgency, but lately it has been pain. though i am right there with you on the painful sex. i have never been able to have sex in terms of penetration. i was also concerned about being sterile, but my doctor said he didn't think i had anything to worry about. but i have also never had a regular period.

i would like to know how the peace corps go. i have always wanted to do that, but i have been dealing with the horrible frequency/urgency (30+ times a day) that i never thought it would be possible. i really want to do medical mission work overseas, but that just seems like a dream now.

take care and good luck with the doctors.

[bigred]

Don't ever give up on your dreams. Hold on to them and embrace them because this might be a place for you. Look into your dreams and be open to what come your way.

[traceann]

Oh yes, I agree with bigred, don't give up on your dream!! It's far away and you have time, don't count it out yet!! ;)

[karenmay]

Yes! Keep dreams alive!!! My dream is to go to nursing school next fall. I've been so upset about the fact that this disease may keep me from doing that.
But I hear success stories here too.
We must keep hope alive!!! :grouphug:
We will keep our dreams alive...OK?

:bunny:

karenmay

[creatingkarma]

Jax, it sounds like you took over my old job! I used to work at a place that was extremely "relaxed" to put it mildly. We would have temps come in & work for a day & never come back because the environment was "like being at a bar". I was sexually harrassed by my boss & tried to sue, but couldn't find a lawyer to take my case. I could never understand that especially since I had it documented with emails that I saved.

Anyways, I have terrible pain with sex. It hurts for days afterwards. It's been over a year since my husband & I have even attempted it. It puts a major strain on our relationship & just thinking about it sends me into a panic attack. I keep him happy, though with other ways to be intimate.

[jax]

thanks for all of your support, i really appreciate it.

i can't wait until wed, i've been dreaming about it as well as dreading it. i don't know, at this point all i have to say is that doctor better tell me something or i'm going to seriously crack. and it better be that day without any crap about having to make 2 or 3 more appointments.

my boyfriend keeps hoping that it's something else that can be quickly fixed because the thought of IC being chronic and life long upsets him, i wonder how he thinks i feel about it?????

as for the peace corps, girl i haven't told them ANYTHING about what's been going on with me these past 4 months! i would be crazy to do that, i would be giving up everything that i have worked so hard for, my hopes and dreams...my future. seriously, i don't care how bad i suffer i am still going because if i don't i'll seriously seriously have a nervous breakdown...i mean between being sick these past 4 months, dealing with work, and my family...i just couldn't handle it and two years sounds like it could just be long enough. however, i do think about it a lot because one of the things they ask you in the medical thingy is do you have bladder problems? well, when i filled it out in march i didn't have a history of it and continued to not have any problems with it until august which i think is a feak thing to occur anyways right...and hopefully by may i'll be feeling better...right? please!!!!! i don't know...we'll see what happens.

jax

[traceann]

Hey Jax think positive! I know it sounds simplistic but just keep it in your mind that you will be feeling better. It's just a temporary bump in the road, and if it's IC you will get it under some form of control by then, no worries!!! ;)

Your comment about your boyfriend wanting it to be something that can be cleared up quickly, lol, reminds me of my husband. He once made a comment to me (before we were married and he was working out of town and only home on weekends) that he had to live with the problem all weekend long blah blah blah...he's lucky there was nothing to throw at him at the time! I promptly told him "oh yeah? Try being me I get to deal with it on weekends, the weekdays -- all the time 24/7!" He didn't say any thing else...LOL.. ;)

[Babs RN]

Jax,
Ok here's some advice on a few things--as far as the sex thing--I have had painful sex since diagnosis 4 years ago and sometimes I bite the bullet and go for it and know it will result in a couple days of feeling like I went on a long horse ride.(That's how I walk anyway)There are plenty of ways to satisfy him without the actual act of penetration. There are somethings I have had to give up like pizza sauce, oranges, or anything acidic. I'm 35 and married but were I still single of course going out to the bars with the girls would be out. I think every med I am on says no alcohol. You'll survive, really. We all have bad days, but the most important part is that we have each other on these boards. Give yourself a chance to absorb this info and lifestyle change.

Hugs,
Barb :grouphug: