Kara29
12-07-2005, 02:52 AM
There are some things that people with good intentions say that are really insensitive because they have not gone through infertility themselves. The one comment that I hear constantly that drives me up a wall is:
"Don't worry you are so young, you have your whole life to get pregnant." NOOOOOOOOOO..................this is not true for those of us who are at the IVF stage. At this point we are just about done. What this means is that we have been fully tested both our spouses and ourselves gone through years of fertility drugs and other treatments and nothing is working. There are a few select miracles that happen now and then for people who abandon the IVF stage and give up, but for the majority of us....this is it. And NO, going to another doctor is not going to change anything. If you are already seeing a Repreoductive Endocrinologist, they are at the top of the food chain. Going to another one would mean testing all over again and it would yield the same results in the end......so why put ourselves through that again. It was hard enough the first 4 years.
Here is a list of other commom insenstive things that people often say to infertile couples:
"Why don't you just adopt?"
(This one drives me crazy...the couple needs to work through many issues before they will be ready to make an adoption decision. Before they can make the decision to love a "stranger's baby," they must first grieve the loss of that baby with Daddy's eyes and Mommy's nose.)
"You should adopt and then you'd get pregnant."
"This must be the will of God for your life."
"You're trying too hard, it should just happen."
"Stress is causing it"
"You just need to *relax* and you'll get pregnant."
(Infertility is not relaxing, between running to the doc every other day for bloodwork, ultrasounds, shooting yourself with fertility drugs everyday for 12 days, waiting for the doc to call with bloodwork, only to find that they are going to cancel your cycle because you have a cyst or your hormomes are not where they should be or you have to many eggs, or not enough eggs............DOES THIS SOUND RELAXING?)
“Go on vacation and you’ll get pregnant.”
"I'd give you mine if I could"
"You are so lucky not to have kids right now, because
you can just do whatever you want whenever you want"
"There Are Worse Things That Could Happen"
"If it's meant to be it'll happen."
"You don't want to end up with 7 babies like the couple in Iowa"
"Maybe you just need to gain some weight
and quit exercising so much"
"You should be glad you dont have kids look what we have to deal with."
The list could go on forever..........
You are absolutely entitled to your opinion, simply keep it your own. If we ask for your advice, then feel free to state your opinions, but do so in a kind and considerate manner.
Kara
"Don't worry you are so young, you have your whole life to get pregnant." NOOOOOOOOOO..................this is not true for those of us who are at the IVF stage. At this point we are just about done. What this means is that we have been fully tested both our spouses and ourselves gone through years of fertility drugs and other treatments and nothing is working. There are a few select miracles that happen now and then for people who abandon the IVF stage and give up, but for the majority of us....this is it. And NO, going to another doctor is not going to change anything. If you are already seeing a Repreoductive Endocrinologist, they are at the top of the food chain. Going to another one would mean testing all over again and it would yield the same results in the end......so why put ourselves through that again. It was hard enough the first 4 years.
Here is a list of other commom insenstive things that people often say to infertile couples:
"Why don't you just adopt?"
(This one drives me crazy...the couple needs to work through many issues before they will be ready to make an adoption decision. Before they can make the decision to love a "stranger's baby," they must first grieve the loss of that baby with Daddy's eyes and Mommy's nose.)
"You should adopt and then you'd get pregnant."
"This must be the will of God for your life."
"You're trying too hard, it should just happen."
"Stress is causing it"
"You just need to *relax* and you'll get pregnant."
(Infertility is not relaxing, between running to the doc every other day for bloodwork, ultrasounds, shooting yourself with fertility drugs everyday for 12 days, waiting for the doc to call with bloodwork, only to find that they are going to cancel your cycle because you have a cyst or your hormomes are not where they should be or you have to many eggs, or not enough eggs............DOES THIS SOUND RELAXING?)
“Go on vacation and you’ll get pregnant.”
"I'd give you mine if I could"
"You are so lucky not to have kids right now, because
you can just do whatever you want whenever you want"
"There Are Worse Things That Could Happen"
"If it's meant to be it'll happen."
"You don't want to end up with 7 babies like the couple in Iowa"
"Maybe you just need to gain some weight
and quit exercising so much"
"You should be glad you dont have kids look what we have to deal with."
The list could go on forever..........
You are absolutely entitled to your opinion, simply keep it your own. If we ask for your advice, then feel free to state your opinions, but do so in a kind and considerate manner.
Kara