35 & Infertile

[jen48446]

Unfortunately we decide to wait on a family until we were in a better school district & in a house not a mobile home. Well, I'm really regretting that decision now because as soon as we moved into our house we started trying. 2 years later I found a doc who asked if my husband had been tested, I"m like NO!! Guess what he's shooting blanks:((((((((((( I had Hydrothermal Ablation done in August & a week later early menopause hit me like a freight train:((((((((((( Given we're saving up to adopt now but it's difficult seeing babies & pregnant women now, I get angry because I'll never have that experience. How do you deal with that?????

I'm in the process of trying to get a local support group going but until then I thought I'd post this & see what kind of response I get.

Jen

[SandyRN]

I just want to tell you how sorry I am that you and your husband are going through that. I don't have personal experience with infertility, so I won't even try to give you advice. I do think it's wonderful that you're going to adopt.....I know that you'll make wonderful parents and give a child a very loving home.

I wish you luck in your journey.

Take care, Sandy

[Kara29]

Jen,

I have the same feelings you do. I avoid baby showers at all costs even losing friends. I can't see pregnant women b/c it hurts so much it makes me cry even in public. I am not ashamed of these feelings b/c I know they are natural and normal for women whom have been trying for years and have been told they can't have thier own babies. This is a very emotional thing not being able to have your own babies and not being able to carry them inside of you and bond with them before they are even born. It takes a toll on all aspects of your life. Sometimes I feel as If I am going to to crazy because the thoughts I have are so aweful. It's hard to sleep and it's hard to eat. Life becomes unenjoyable and the only thing you can think about at all times is having a baby. The good news for you is that you won't have to spend millions of dollars on fertility treatments that always fail, like me for the past 2 and 1/2 years. You can take that money and run to your nearest adoption agency. I cope by talking to other women whom are in my situation. I talk to them over the phone and over instant messenger. This seems to be my best coping strategy because you can tell them on a daily baisis how you are feeling and what next foot to put foward. Sometimes we laugh about our situations and sometimes we cry for hours. It's a give and take type of relationship we have. Because I have bladder trouble I am in bed all day so my Husband got me a laptop so I can chat all day long and I often do. What I did was I went to every single infertiltiy message board that I could find and I asked people if they would be willing to discuss their situations over email, instant message, or phone. I now talk to about 13 people whom are infertile and going through everything from the begining testing stages to the end at adoption. Maybe you and I could get those people all together and start and online support group. I find that talking to my family makes it all worse so I just stick with my fertility buddies. I have one friend in particular that I am so close with we talk daily and for hours on end. We each try to find one positive thing about the day to focus on and then we try to focus on that for awhile and then we talk about the things that have bothered us throuout the day. It has been the most theraputic thing I have done. She happened to answer one of my messages on one of those boards and now we are best friends. It's been 3 months but it feels like we've known eachother forever. She was even coming from Chicago to Central NY to see my Husband and I during the holidays so we didn't have to spend it with pregnant people and our families that have tons of babies and tons on the way. It fell through though b/c her and her Husband couldn't coordinate their work schedules for time off. So anyway, my best coping strategy is to talk to as many infetile women as possible and share stories and feelings.

Oh, and I see a therapist on a weekly basis.
I also listen to meditation CD's that have guided imagery for trying to get pregnant. I will try to think of some more coping strategies and I will write you back. Just know that you are not alone and I will be here for you.

As for you, maybe it would be a good coping strategy to start the adoption process. It's a lot of work but I'm sure all worth it in the end. Open up your local phone book and start making calls to local agencies.


BIG HUGS :grouphug: :welcome:


Kara

[ICNDonna]

I'm glad you are considering adoption. Somewhere there is a child who needs you as much as you need him or her.

Sending warm encouraging hugs,
Donna

[holles]

your feelings are completely normal. we started ttc almost a decade ago and finally gave up in 2004. but it still hurts. healing takes a very long time. good luck with adopting.

(((((hugs)))))