Any new Twelve Steppers?

[vm]

From time to time I like to check to se if we have any new people to the boards who are also in a Twelve Step recovery program. I am in AA and got sober in May of 1990. I still go to meetings - tend to only hit about 1 a week.

So anyone else out there we maybe haven't heard from yet on these boards?

[Dianne]

I'm not new but Dianne, alcoholic, 19 years straight/sober. Also go to AlAnon. I go to two AA/week and sponsor a lot of women. I never could have survived IC without my programs.

[Raelynn]

HI! I'm a member of Alcoholics Anonymous and have been for quite a long time (since I was very young - came in at 15 (mandatorily, by the state of NY - I was a foster kid at the time)...sobered up at 18 remained sober for 13 years, had spiritual bottom from losing my son and attempted suicide with a bottle of pills and a bottle of brandy...brought myself to spiritual turning point and have been sober now since 1996. I still go to about three to four meetings a week - not just because I have to, but because I want to. God knows, I need all the help I can get especially since my health has gotten so bad over the last 5 years. A.A. has helped with that alot too. I am Grateful, Grateful, Grateful for A.A.'s support before I got sick and definitely since! Anyone who would like to talk - feel free! God Bless!

[vm]

Hi, Raelynn! The Twelve Steps helped me immensely when my IC started and I was in constant discomfort and felt it would never end. Funny how when we first get sober we think the only benefit will be that AA will help us stop drinking, only to find out for years to come that it helps with so very much more. I love it. :)

[Raelynn]

VM: We have definitely been blessed with having a program and all the support that goes along with it! I am still suffering quite a bti physically, because I had that device Interstim put in and it has caused all kinds of other problems. I have never been diagnosed with IC, actually - I found these boards because I had to have an Interstim device implanted and have had all kinds of problems from it, so I went in search on the computer here for support and hopefully answers. I didn't even know what IC was until I got onto this site. The Doctors do not know for sure what caused my total retention to this day except that I had 13 abdominal surgeries that may have caused nerve damage in the sacral area. I happened upon this site because I was browsing through the different "threads" and of course, A.A. caught my eye. I do gete almost all the symptoms of IC (except urgency of course!), but they have always told me it is from too many big cuts abdominally. Because of all my problems with the device - I will probably wind up having to have it removed eventually....but after 5 surgeries to get one in there that I could supposedly keep....I am afraid to death to go through the surgery to have it removed (every one of those surgeries was way worse than the one prior!). I will keep praying for strength from God and build up as much support as I can to do whatever is necessary (hopefully before the Interstim causes permanent damage neurologically). Please keep me in your prayers and I will keep you in mine! I don't know where you are from ...but the meetings out here are plentiful and very good - of course, I am partial, because it is where I got sober! I do love to travel when I am well enough and have visited meeting in almost every state on the Eastern seaboard. How about you? Ever gone to meetings elsewhere? I have to say - Virginia DEFINITELY gets the prize in my book for being the best, most welcoming meetings to ever go to...so if you ever get the chance, definitely stop in at one of their meetings - fantastic! Parts of Florida also had some really friendly, fantastic meetings too! I even attended a meeting in Puerto Rico - good meeting, but they all spoke Spanish, haha! Very nice people though - and it's an alkie's paradise down there so the meetings were packed wall-to-wall with people!

[Raelynn]

VM: By the way, I have found that A.A. is incredible everywhere...and we are all the same types of people - so only the faces change...the personalities, characters, etc. are unbelievably the same everywhere! I could look around the room, listen and parallel a person "just like them" at my groups at home, haha! Got a kick out of that!

[vm]

Yes, I have been to some meetings in NY, Ohio and in Florida. I live in WV and attended college for a year sober in another city here in WV. It was really a godsend to have AA there b/c it was during my second year of sobirety - I was 22 and had been to that school during my drinking. AA was a huge help to me in making it through that year emotionally. I met many good young people there.

Sounds like you've been through the wringer! :( My IC symptoms started after my second c-section, so I relate to the symptoms coming on after cuts to the abdomen for sure. I hope you are able to find some relief! :kissing:

[coco1234]

I am a member of AA, coming up on my 2 year birthday Dec. 26. This has been such a struggle for me, I was diagnosed with Ic a little over a month ago, and I am taking pain meds... I have a great sponser, and not once through all of this have I felt I have lost my sobriety, yet I do feel like crap for picking up a chip while on pain meds, my sponser keeps telling me "life on Lifes terms" and I really dont know what my life would be like if I wasnt able to somewhat control the intolerable pain im in...I thank God for AA, I have so much support from that program and now from this wonderful group of people, I truly am blessed. Thanks for letting me ramble!! :)

[vm]

Hi - welcome to the ICN! :) Congratulations tomorrow on 2 years!!!! I am sorry you have felt weird about taking the pain meds. As long as we take them as prescribed for pain we're fine. I understand your misgivings - I have had to take them 3 times in sobriety: after each c-section and after my cysto w/ hydro. It was uncomfortable, but would have been silly, even unwise, not to take them. I'm glad you are OK with it for you. :)

[coco1234]

Thank you!!!

[Dianne]

Happy Birthday!! I remember my 2 yrs. well. And I certainly understand the struggle. I have really severe pain with my IC and I got sober 19 yrs. ago when the old school said "never, never, no not ever may you take any pain meds." That went for anti-depressants too. I wonder now if I would have actively treated the pain if I wouldn't have neuropathic pain now. I went through 4 surgeries without pain meds. I once got fentanyl in my spinal that I hadn't consented to and was totally freaked. It was the first time I had narcs in recovery. I had a horrible reaction, very afraid and paranoid, thought I was getting fired, knew it was irrational but couldn't make the feelings line up. The second time I used narcs was: I thought I was going to make it through back surgery on toradol. I was screaming into the pillow in pain when the recovery room RN said "this is stupid, I'm giving you morphine". I was so relieved she took it out of my hands. I used 6 mg. total the first hour and then switched to motrin and was fine. I didn't get high. I didn't have a craving. It went to the source of the pain. I am making do with motrin/neurontin right now for a variety of reasons. I'm also in a lot of emotional pain as described on the prayer request board so haven't been able to sleep between the two "pains". So what I do before I titrate the neurontin up is to ask myself "what am I medicating?" If I'd have to honestly answer the emotional pain supercedes the physical pain, then I don't take more. At whatever point I can honestly say I'm medicating physical pain, then I increase by 100mg. Give it an hour and re-evaluate. The dr. doesn't care how much neurontin I take. It's left to me so when I'm the one in charge of how much I use, I had to set guidelines for how I do that since neurontin does kind of give the blotto feeling like narcs used to for me. The other weird thing though, I find now that I've experienced the blotto feeling in recovery, I hate it. I can't believe I used to live for that. But recovery has changed that too. Again, happy birthday to you.

[coco1234]

Dianne, thank you for your message! I was talking with my sponser this morning and telling her how grateful I was to get your message last night, I cant even tell you how amazed I am to find people with IC who are also in the program... It has been a true blessing for me! I am feeling okay today and am looking forward to my meeting tonight, and getting my chip! I can not thank you enough for your kind words, I hope all is going well with you and hope we can talk more! One Day at a Time!
Corie

[Dianne]

You bet. Any time. It's one of the few places I feel like I can still make a contribution with this disease. Wishing you a very happy birthday. I see you live in Utah. Cool, I'm your neighbor to the north :)

[coco1234]

Hey! I just got my 2 yr chip Yea!!! I am having a flare up right now, I dont know if is stress or all the goodies I ate yesterday! I have an appt . with my uro 2morrow, I think I might have an infection, the test strips say yes, and im just feeling icky, I am on a antibiotic for the next 3 months, on top of my IC, I keep getting kidney infections...Yuck! Well, I hope everyone is doing well and everyone had a happy holiday! :)

[Raelynn]

Thank you VM, Coco and Dianne for your postings!!! I haven't been on in a couple of weeks now (kidney pain from stones and Lord knows what) and travelled down to Florida for the holidays...can't believe I even made it, actually...but the weather here is fantastic and does enable me to get around better than extreme cold. I would have NO life at all without pain meds and have no more qualms about it program-wise, although for so many years I had that same rigid "no mind altering substances" no matter what thinking...until the quality of my life dwindled down to nothing...too much pain to shop, take care of myself, make it to a Dr. and when I couldn't make meetings - I KNEW I no longer had a choice, especially when the Doctor informed me that my heart was being seriously affected by pain (severe hypertension not being controlled by the heart meds). All AA's need to take into consideration that "we are NOT doctors" and stick to it. IF someone thinks their Dr. is overmedicating or prescribing wrong - we are always free to seek other opinions - FROM DOCTORS, right? I have been in pain management now for over 5 years with no dosage increases...thankfully! I really believe that what has helped me is: staying honest with myself and others and also, like one of you stated keeping myself in check as to whether the pain level justifies the dosage...if it does, it will not make you "hazy" feeling or "high" feeling...it only works on the pain. When I don't have pain severe enough to justify medication - I don't take it, which is why I think the same dose has always worked for me. If half the dose works, then that's all I take. I have been in AA since I was 15 yrs old..mandatorily and got sober at age 18. Had 13 years of beautiful sobriety, but when I lost my son at 2 yrs. old, I attempted suicide by overdose (didn't think I could work through the loss of him)...Thank God I came right back into the program and have been sober (with MUCH more of a relationship with GOD) since 1996. My health had gotten so bad within the last 3 yrs. and have been disabled totally since. Pain management had to become part of my life or other vital organs would have begun to fail. I now tell people in AA, when asked, that the directions are on the bottle...anything else is using/abusing. It's in black and white. I also let them know that "as needed" means less not more! haha! If anything I have typed helps one person - it was all worth it, right? CONGRATULATIONS on the two years - HURRAY for you....life is meant to be lived! God bless you all for posting...I am grateful!!!

[vm]

Sorry to hear about the death of your son. :( I have often wondered if I would stay sober if one of my boys died. That's such a big loss. I'm glad you made it back to the rooms of AA after that. :kissing:

[coco1234]

Thank you soooooo much!! I have been really struggling with all of this...I go to meetings everyday and lately I have felt so bad, feeling like I shouldnt be there. I talked with my sponser this morning and she is so great, she has 19 years of sobriety and reassures me like you, that I havent lost my sobriety, there is a differnce between medicine and drugs, if you take it as prescribed it is medicine if you take more its drugs... kinda simple but I still feel like crap sometimes. My sobriety is so important to me that this dx has kinda sent me for a loop, but I know things could be worse. This has been such a God thing finding you all who are also in the program, I have felt like giving up on going to meetings but I know that would probably be the worst thing I could do and i just need to hang on and I will get through this! I thank God for you guys, I dont know what I would do without you! One Day At A Time!!! :kissing: Raelynn I have so much respect for you, I cant even imagine losing a child... You are my hero!!! Thanks for everything!

[vm]

OH, yes - definitely keep going to meetings. :) It's like our medicine that we need for life - just like a diabetic. Sometimes when I don't want to go to a meeting is when I MOST need to go. LOL

[coco1234]

On my way to one right now!!! You guys are great!!!

[Dianne]

On the meetings, when I was in aftercare my counselor asked me to make a commitment as to how many meetings a week I would go to. I said "well how many should I go to?" She said she went to two/week. Of course I quickly let her know I had only seen her at one meeting EVER. What a brat I was then. So I said "two it is." My counselor quit going because "it's against my religion". I kept going. She got drunk. I stayed sober. So I never let it be optional. In 19 1/2 yrs. I've never missed two meetings/week. So I have a "2/week no matter what policy." The times I've been out of the country or somewhere without wheels, then I make them up before I go or after I get back. I made two in Ireland when I visited. I've made 7 cruises and made two/week on the boat. Once in San Francisco I paid $20 for a cab to take me so I didn't miss my 2nd one. Now that's going to any lengths! LOL That was painful! I've sponsored many women over the years and when they tell me they can't get to a meeting, I tell them "make like you're headed to the bar and WORK IT OUT" :) In our area if someone can't leave the house, then we take the meeting to them. Same goes for hospital. Or when someone is on house arrest. So I guess you know what I think about going to meetings???

As for going and feeling like you're a phoney because you're using pain meds., it's nobody's business but yours, God, your dr., and your sponsor. You do not have to tell anyone or explain it to anyone. What's the fear? That "they" won't like you or approve of you? That's my killer. Always has been. A lady in AA here says "every morning I get up and figure out what lie I'm living today." The lie would be that you have to do your recovery like anyone else or that they must love and approve of you for you to be ok. That's the lie. You don't. You're already ok. Exactly the way you are right now today. Nor do we have to hang ourselves out there in front of people that don't understand. I pick and choose what I share on a meeting to meeting basis. But I don't keep secrets from my sponsor.

I can't imagine losing a 2 yr. old. I am so very sorry. We have a lady in our AA community that killed her child in a drunk driving accident. Every time I look at her at a meeting and see her now with long term sobriety, I am awed. So bad you made it back quickly.

[coco1234]

Hi Dianne!
Just wanted to thank you for your last post, I have committed myself to keep on going to meetings no matter what I think people are thinking, a dear friend told me its none of my business what other people think, and im taking that to heart! I am coming to terms with this IC dx, its life on lifes terms and I will get through it! I am having a hydro on the 24th of Jan, and im praying that it will alleviate some of the pain and I wont have to take the pain meds, but im just staying in today and relying on my higher power to help me get through today! Hope you are doing well and hope to talk to you more soon! :)

[tigger_gal]

Hi all I wanted to wish you all a happy safe and sober new year. I am the wife of an Alcoholic. Hubby was sober 4 years before he had a fall back in Sept of 2004, He has stayed sober since, so we are working on a year, 3 months and 12 days. It is hard for him to go places family, friends, and such because everyone is drinking. I am very proud of him and of all of you.
I am having a hard time dealing with my brother who is an alcoholic, if you asked anyone they say hes just a big drinker.. yea right and I am the tooth fairy. I know and its hard for everyone to accept it.
Hopefuly tonight when I see him I can ask him to make that his new years resulation.. but I know I am not kidding anyone, he has to want to stop, and want to be sober to be able to quit.
Hope you all have a wonderful evening and stay safe at home.

[vm]

Thanks, tigger gal. I hope your husband has another sober year in 2006. :)