embarassing intimacy question

[megancolleen]

I'm a little embarassed to be asking this, but it's important to me. I have been thinking about how I could start to have sex with my boyfriend again - it's been five months. The problem for me is that anything that moves my bladder around -- like driving, exercising, etc. -- causes tremendous pain. So, I am guessing that his penis is bumping my bladder when we have sex. The last time we were intimate, it was a little, er...passionate, because it didn't hurt at the time so I didn't think about it. The next day, though, I was in the worst flare of my life. I am wondering if he only penetrated me a little bit, like only partway in, if that would help the problem. Haha, I'm blushing like crazy writing this, it's silly. :ignore: I am thinking this because I had a pelvic ultrasound done where the technician inserted a probe or something shallowly into my vagina and moved it around and such, and that did not cause a flare. I know it wouldn't exactly be amazing, but it would still be a connection and I miss that. I know my IC is too severe at this point to have "regular sex", so I'm trying to think of tricks/alternatives. Does anyone incorporate this more "shallow penetration" into their sex lives?

[vm]

If you are on top it would probably work really well b/c then YOU control the penetration. Honestly, you can do some pretty amazing things when you are on top and he doesn't enter alllll the way. ;)

[ICNDonna]

Kim is right --- you can experiment with different positions that don't involve really deep penetration. And be sure to use loads of lubricant.

Donna

[alana rose]

Perhaps if he entered you from behind (either laying or on all fours) Take a look at a kamasutra book for different positions-they have many creative and fun ones. Or even try to 'google' kamasutra.

I have been single sex-free for some time now. I haven't dated since my IC has been so severe (the dx of endo didn't help either!) so I am going to be leary when I find the someone special. I swear that I am a born-again virgin! lol!

[realitygirl]

megancolleen, oh how I can relate. In fact, my husband is now in counseling to deal with stress and his main gripe is sex. Arghhhhh! He also thinks that I could do a lot more if I wanted to. (Basically saying that I am lazy.) :headbang: I don't know whether to be ****** off and yell at him or just toss it up to his ignorancy to what IC really is. He refuses to read anything I give him. Even the counselor told him that he should learn more about the illness. OK. I feel better now. I went with him today and he sat there shaking his head. . . . :hmm:

Thanks for allowing me to vent. I feel better.

sandy

[Cheries]

Reality girl- I feel so much frustration when I read your post! Why are you going to counseling with someone who doesn't even want to read about a PHYSICAL illness you have??? It is not your fault that you have IC!! I realize that sexuality can be a complicated issue, but anyone who thinks you are being lazy because you don't want to satisfy them sexually should have a cathiter put up them and some acid put in just for a few minutes and then see how much they feel like having sex!:) I hope this post doesn't come off as too strong, I am not criticizing your hubby, just talking in general:) I have so often compromised myself just to make hubby happy. That is O.K. once in awhile but we deal with enough stress as it is. Don't take his stuff on.

In terms of having sex and the initial post, I think your thinking is good. Just to be free to experiment is important. Be careful about lubricant as some can irritate the urethra a lot. Also, position is important. You may want to try the side so that you can relax your back and pelvic muscles. Good luck!

[heybrej]

I find that having sex from behind feels "deepest" for me, and was uncomfortable even before my IC. Youch! I agree that woman on top is best for more shallow penetration- you cant leave it up to the guy, because even if he is trying not to go deep, they get excited and "into it" and accidently go deep. Trust me, my hubby has done it many of times! hehe