Why can't he get out of the past

[sleepyangel30]

My brother has a drinking problem. Every time he's drunk he bring up things that have happend in the past. He is talking about it right now with his girlfriend.. I know she's tired of hearing about it, God knows I'am. I wish he would go and get him some freakin help. He need to stop feeling sorry for hiself and think of the future he got kids to raise. He have a baby daughter that is almost 1 by his girlfriend and 2 teenage boys from a previous relationship. Sometimes my brother take it out on his girlfriend and sometimes the kids, I see why they don't come home right after school they don't want to hear it. Sometimes he argue with his gifriend around the baby thats not good at all. That make the baby nervous and she cries poor thing. I don't like being around negative people, I don't want to go down with them. I just go in the other room when he talk stupid. . Stuff happen to me when I was young, but I don't dwell on it. I always think of the positive not the negative. He hang out with his drinking buddies more than his family... To me it's like the kids is raising themselves he's never there for them... My husband and I are the only 2 that pays attention to them.. My mom raised us well, I think he should do the same with his kids.

[ICNDonna]

Hon, have you considered going to an alanon meeting? They can give you some help in dealing with a family member with a drinking problem.

Warm hugs,
Donna

[tigger_gal]

Dear Angela,
first off :grouphug: :grouphug: :grouphug: you need them big time.. I am a wife of an alcoholic.. He will never stop drinking untill he is ready to quit, and then there are the possibilities of him falling off the wagon.. My husband was sober 3 1/2 years.. then one night he went out got drunk and totaled my 4 month old truck.. as of this date he has been sober again for 1 year and 8 days.. It is a constant struggle with them, as it is with any other disease. The people harp at them to quit drinking the longer they contiue to drink, and the more they contiue to drink the more they can consume.. my husband started with a quart a night, then 2 then a 6 then 2, then a case.. then 2.... and the more they drink the more we resent them them for what they do when they are drunk.. most have blackout periods and don't have a clue as to what they have said or done. this was what my husband did..
seek help for you and ask your brothers g/f to join you.. the best thing I did was to leave mine and thats when he sobered up. I am not saying that your brother will, but, it worked for me..
I hope your brother will see how much you love him and know what he is doing to his body and liver.. mine has stage 2 liver disease and the liver levels keep going up, that is a really bad sign......
know we are here for you, and I hope he finds the the path to soberity.
hugs
Brat

[Katrina]

:grouphug: Angela we have spoken about this many times and think you got great advise today and from someone with some experience with this.

Sounds to me like he is self medicating with alchohol from feelings of depression. There needs to be something to replace that....so I believe you are right on saying he needs help. Gathering some support and doing intervention may be helpful.

:pray: 4 u and your family! :kiss:

[traceann]

I agree with the rest, Alanon would be a great thing for you two. I was engaged to an alcoholic (although, he didn't think he was since he didn't go to the bars, ugh.) and as much as I loved him, I -- me, personally could not change him. When he was drunk, reasoning with him was like reasoning with the beer bottle he had. It just didn't even get through. His brother was the same way, but since he went to the bars, my fiance labled him the alcholic, never mind his hands shook when he didn't have his beers. So, since his brother's girlfriend and I were very good friends, we checked out books from the library on the Alanon principals, etc. It was so helpful to us. It helped us realize all we could change was ourselves and our reactions to them, and that we weren't responsible for their behavior.

Also, I agree with Katrina, sounds like he's trying to "drown his sorrows" but since alcohol is a depressant, it's only going to make it worse. How about a possible intervention, by you and other family members? Before he hurts himself or someone else while binging?? I know it's tough, for as much as I hated the drinking, I loved the man underneath. It was very hard and very sad at the same time. When the physical violence showed up it was always when he was drinking and the apologies etc... Ugh. That's a place in my history I hate to revisit!!

Just want to let you know that I think you are a great person for being there for the kids, they are the really important ones in this equation, so good for you! Keep it up and I am sure they will always remember how wonderful you were and there for them, it will make a difference!

Hugs to you!!!

[tigger_gal]

I hate to say this but intervention could be costly... Especialy if he can be a happy go lucky drunk one minute and a out right verbly and physically harming one the next.. you never know when there moods are going to strike.... you can create an all out war with them even with them being sober...
you can stop drinking with them, stop going to places that don't serve drinks, stop going to party's where there is beer... stop buying it... sleep on the couch when there drunk... you leave and not be there to watch them.. those are hints to drop to one that lives there life around a bottle.. verbly telling them you need to go to AA, you need to stop drinking, you need to what ever.. only makes them angery and drink more. I found out the hard way.... what ever you do stop enabling them.. I was an enabler.. I went and bought beer to keep him from driving.. I would do what it took to not fight... when I stopped, and left my home to get away is when he realized it was time to stay sober....
I would never live like that again, and throw the person out on there rump..
brat