Going down the tubes

[Tracey5399]

Hi,

I don't have anyone to talk to so here it goes....

Tonight was the 1st night in nearly 2 years where my bf got off the couch gave me a little kiss and said goodnight. He has never ever done that w/out me tucking him in ( i know it sounds silly ) i usually go to sleep at the same time as he does, every now and again he is tired so i'll tuck him in and we will kiss & hug. Well not tonight he just said he was going to sleep. So after about 5 mins i went in and said honey you have never done this b4. He said "done what" so i explained it to him. He was like oh i am just tired, was falling asleep on the couch, why you want to go to sleep.
So i just walked out of the room and shut the door lightly, now i am in my computer room w/the door shut and i am crying. He knows exactly what i am talking about. I don't know why i am so sad about it, it's not like i didn't expect this. Ever know deep down inside that something is wrong? I am not sure if he is cheating or what. Something is not right and trying to get him to communicate is impossible.

I just don't know what to do anymore. I am 34 yrs old, this disease is kicking my butt. I am going to wind up living at my mom & dad's and being sued over my lease ( which of course is only in my name ). I want to work this disease is not letting me, i hurt everyday. Do i bust my butt and get a job anyway. I see how some of the women here work. I want to know HOW? when you can hardly walk to the bathroom and are on pain meds most of the time to not hurt.

I find myself lost, totaly and completely lost, no job, no insurance, no more money of my own, and a man who is so distant from me. I can't worry about all these things on my plate. I need to concentrate on getting better. Not what storage unit to put my stuff in ( geez i couldn't pay for storage right now to save my life ) This stress is making the IC really bad. Why is this happening to me? I am a good person, i just want to have a normal life. be able to work & stand on my own 2 feet so if he walks out i won't be so helpless. Isn't there a place where people w/IC can go and just get better. I NEED TO BE BETTER!!!!!! I just know he is going to walk out. How did i ever get into this mess??????? such a stupid girl i am. i don't even expect anybody to know what to say, i just needed to share

[tbokay]

:grouphug:

I know EXACTLY how you feel. I knew my ex-fiance wasn't ever going to change his drunk habit and we weren't getting married ... but I stuck it out for 4 1/2 yrs ... then the day after his 30th birthday I told the landlord I was leaving. That weekend, I packed ALL the furniture (except his kitchen chairs, dresser, 55gal fish tank and dishes/glasses) and moved back to my mom's for "just a few months" to get back on my feet. (Granted that "few months" was 48 months!) :biglaugh:

It's a hard decision but you can do it. Maybe you need time apart from each other to evaluate if the relationship should continue. What is that saying about if you let it go and it comes back it was meant to be? It's not always true - but maybe you can give it a try?

Try a "at home job" - not sure how to start those, but that is an option. How about working part-time somewhere or signing up with temp agency? Do you have any friends or relatives that could be a roommate?

Get all those tears out of your system, then tomorrow night turn off the tv, phone, computer, and maybe go out to dinner to have a heart-to-heart talk with your boyfriend and see if things can get resolved.

Hope this helps.
:grouphug:

[July]

I hope by the time you read this you are feeling a little better. Let those tears out. A good cry can be very cleansing. Big hugs are being sent to you! I have noticed that you are taking 600 mg of Elmiron daily. I use to take 400 mg, but think I actually feel better cutting down to 300 mg a day.

[Tracey5399]

Hi July,

Yes i am feeling better thank you. Yeah i thought 6 a day was alot also, my doctor feels it will help me get better faster. I haven't been feeling very well and taking all these meds is crazy. I think for awhile i am going to drop down to 3 a day and see if that makes me feel better.

Thanks for understanding Tbo i really apprecitate you sharing your story w/me. :)

Tracey :)

[traceann]

Hey there Tracey! I sure hope you have had a chance to hash things out with him. Sometimes the not knowing where you stand is worse than actually knowing... Please keep me posted, I was worrying about ya! ;) If he's game, what about counseling??

Hugs and happy thoughts coming your way...

[IcyAngel23]

Tracey-

I read your post and I got a little teary because I feel the same way. I'm 23 trying to finish college and wanting to be better. I've been with my boyfriend for over 5 years and I felt something was wrong too. I talked to him and he said it is hard to watch me in pain. He feels useless because he can't make it better. When we started dating I was very energetic, fun loving and IC free. Things change and he is there for me 100% but I think my IC is taking a toll on our relationship. I live at home with my parents, no money but I have insurance (so I'm blessed in that respect). I miss my friends and my life. I have very severe IC and no sign of letting up either. I'm allegeric to Elmiron and I looked like death when I took it.
So if venting helps then you vent all you want......... !!!!!!!!! You deserve to feel secure in this trying time in your life. I also think I have too much time on my hands because I over analyze everything. Maybe the IC is taking a toll on him too. Communication is the best skill to have in this situation so talk your fears and insecurities out with him. Ask him how he is handling your IC. Tackle your problem together.
If you need to go back to your mom's house then don't look at it as a bad thing. You will survive and you will be stronger because of it.
Ihope everything goes well.

Kris

[SADoss2]

:pray: :pray: Tracey,
This may seem like an odd question to ask, but are you a christian? Either way you need to know first and foremost that God loves you. The fact that your live-in boyfriend is becoming distant could be the Lord's conviction for living together. I'm not trying to judge, you seem like a very sweet person. Sometimes God allows us to hit rock bottom in our lives so we will depend on Him to take care of us. My prayers will be withyou. I hope you get some relief soon.

[ladygen]

Don't be so hard on yourself. My husband has ic and boy was it tough in the beginning. I sleep the b/r he sleeps in the lvrm.

Sometimes its hard for a "man" to understand a "woman's" feelings. Have you applied for medicare? My husband finally received ssi, we got a lawyer and within three weeks he received his check with back payment.

May this will help, i don't know. My husband almost committed sucide, I would see him crawl to bathroom in pain, that was really tough, he would actually cry.

There's so much more I would like to say, but I have to get back to work.

I'm the caregiver, the one who works, and takes care of the bills, medical and otherwise.

Have your husband read up on ic, it really helped me deal with my husband condition.

Hope this little bit helps. :angel: