Intimacy question

[Kal-El002]

I am a partner of a woman whom has IC, they recently underwent treatment and is on a series of medication. My concern is that I won't seem sympathetic enough to their situation because I'll want to be intimate with them. On top of that they are hesitant to have intercourse because they feel that intercourse could cause a flare up. They want to wait 6 months to a year before trying intercourse again. Does long periods of time help with preventing pain during intercourse? Is there anything that can be done to prevent this, or is there always going to be a flare up whenever we try to have intercourse? If you could give advice on this and if there is anything we could do to eleviate having any pain at all whether it be trying different positions, using certain products, etc. it would be greatly appreciated!

[dancemomof2]

Who is "They" her Dr and her. Everyone is so different with flare ups. I know intercourse usually always causes a flare. I have learned to take pain meds before to help elevate some of the trouble. No position is really better for us just live and deal with it.

[Hollydoll85]

When I was diagnosed, they gave me a pamphlet on suggestions for IC and Sex. There is also some good information on this site. Though every person who has it is different, you may eventually be able to figure something out. If, however, her doctor says you shouldn't have intercourse, I would advise following his orders. I hope you find a solution soon. It's so refreshing to see a significant other who is concerned with their partner's health. Keep up the good work!

[ICNJess]

I guess my advice would be the following...

--Be gentle and patient. On days when she is feeling good, she should take advantage of it.

--Use lots of lubrication. This can help.

--Have her drink lots of water...diluting her urine can help with the pain.

--For me personally, the missionary position was not nearly as painful as any others.

--Have heating pad and pain medications on hand.

--Let her know that if it begins to hurt, you can always stop.

Just be patient and understanding. Often times with IC, the partner is affected as well, when intimacy can no longer be handled and emotions run wild from pain and despair of always feeling horrible.

And remember, there are other ways to be intimate, not just intercourse. You could always explore those alternatives.

Good luck, and remember, understanding and patience is the key...once she knows you are willing to be patient and you know that this will not always be something she is feeling up to, I am sure emotionally she will feel more comfortable.

Jess

[Briza]

I am impressed with your concern for your partner. The information you received about IC and the previous replies are accurate and express exactly how I feel as well. Just want to add that there is no certain length of time that will be the right time. The doctor can't tell when your partner feels well enough to have sex, ONLY your partner can. Symptoms can stick around for months, or come and go by the minute. I wish you the best of luck. IC has put a real damper on my relationship with my boyfriend of two years...began having symptoms 3 months after we began dating and I'm probably lucky he's still around after the surgeries, medications, anxiety, depression, and frustration that this condition causes.
A few more things that help with the pain caused by intercourse:
2 ibuprofen before sex (reduces inflammation)
Femglide lubricant during(less irritating than others, can be ordered through an online drugstore)
ice packs afterwards (numbs the pain). A sitz bath is also a good idea afterwards.
But most importantly: you must understand that if she doesn't want it, it doesn't mean that she doesn't want or care for you, she just can't

[SandyRN]

wcg--Ibuprofen is an IC patients worst nightmare in most cases. It does not help inflammation and causes irritation. This is well known by most urologists, and also by most IC patients. If you can take it you are the exception, not the rule. Any time anyone starts any medicaion, over the counter or RX, a doctor or medical professional/pharmacist should be consulted.

An idea about the sitz bath as well...after sex, you have secretions, and sitting in them are one of the worst things you can do. Washing off with running water is a better option, at least right after sex. Sitz baths can be a lifesaver at other times, but sitting in the very bacteria/semen can cause it to go straight up the urethra.

Everyone is different, but you might want to consult the patient handbook for some more tips. What a wonderful partner you are to consider her needs and to ask for help in how to deal with this topic. You are definately to be applauded!!! She's lucky to have you!

Sandy

[*Jelly*]

I'll try and make this as clean as i can, there are other ways of expressing love that wont cause pain. Just hugging, kissing, fondling, and oral play. You get to be together intimatly, both climax, and she doesn't have to deal with any pain from intercourse. I guess ic can make people find other ways of showing phsyical love. Just simple things like baths together, massages, you know? You both feel good and loved, but hopefully little to no pain. Been a big help for me thats for sure :)

Glad there's other guys out there as understanding as mine. Good on you, and all the best for you both!

[Melanie]

Things that have helped us....

To prevent infections: antibiotic after sex (Keflex), drinking alot of water, voiding right after sex, showering before & after sex for IC partner, showering (or atleast washing hands) for the other partner.
To deal with pain: experiment with positions, lots of lube, foreplay. Also if she experiences pelvic pain... consider physical therapy and myofascial release. Partners can also learn these techniques.
To deal with the emotions: a couples therapist and good communication!

My favorite product recommendation: The Liberator pillows. You can find them online, but beware their website has graphic content. They help to relax the muscles and take pressure off the urethra.

[Briza]

Sandy
Sorry if I gave bad advice! Thanks for the corrections. After I read your post I did remember that ibuprofen can be an IC trigger but doesn't seem to affect me badly. I forgot to mention that I also suffer from vulvodynia and during my 4-5 month bad flares of IC and VV I took ibuprofen before sex for the inflammation caused by my VV and although it was not a cure-all it did help reduce the increased inflammation caused by sex. And yes, rinsing off with fresh water after sex is mandatory. Like the ibuprofen, a sitz bath helped me more with my VV symptoms than for IC.

[SandyRN]

wcq, I hope I didn't come across too abrupt...when I re-read it I think I did....and I'm sorry for that. Sometimes things come out the wrong way online...I should have added a couple :) :) to it so you knew how I meant it.

Sandy

[Briza]

Sandy
Thanks for the reply. I see that you're a nurse and I do value your advice, especially because you also suffer from IC. Wish that I knew about the IC network back then when I was going from doctor to doctor with them telling me it was all in my head. Everything I did during my first flare to relieve symptoms was based on trial and error, not on any doctor's advice, and like many of us I diagnosed myself through many many hours of research. If only there were more nurses and doctors like you who are aware of IC and VV and could give advice for relief on the first visit!

[SandyRN]

I'm right there with ya...I'd love to find a RN and doctor for that matter, who really understood what I go through.

Thank you for your kind words, I appreciate it.

Hugs, Sandy